Suggestions on how to get my daughter to stop stealing

I am so sorry to hear this, scorpio19. I know that you are upset and sad to see your daughter like this. I want to ask you whether you have ever asked some professional to examine her problems? Because I had a friend that also have some problems with stealing, but somehow he doesn't realize that he is stealing something. Common words for it kleptomaniac, and I don't know how to say it, but it can be cured under the supervision of an expert. I believe your daughter is not a bad girl, but this behavior might happened under her unconscious mind, and that is why she always blame the other because she didn't realize that she took it from you. I hope that you can solve this problem real soon, because I am feeling bad to hear something like that. Good luck scorpio19

I totally agree no privileges if she is going to steal. Then her lying about it, well that kind of goes along with stealing. I had a cousin that did that. My aunt just put a lock on her room and then the stealing quit. He stopped doing it after he stole at a store and my aunt found out, she made him go in and tell the manager, also the manager called the cops. He never stole again and was very embarrassed. I hope everything works out, without cops.

Well I hope taking away her privileges will help and if it doesn't i would take her to a counselor even one at her school could probably help. Does she get a allowance? if not it could be why she is stealing money from you. ( not saying you should reward her by giving her one tho lol) I would suggest talking to her about getting an allowance if she can prove that she will not steal from you anymore. The only thing that taught me was getting caught at the age of 13 and having the police take me home and being banned from the mall for a year. I really hope you can get this solved sweety.

Yes you are right about that stealing is bad whether it is small or more so when its big. But, starting from small things may lead to bigger things if left unattended or not being disciplined at all. I think you should consult a guidance counselor who you think can help you with disciplining your child. Maybe the counselor maybe able to assess her why is she doing this compulsively or otherwise. There must be some triggering behavior that prompts her to do these things maybe some insecurities in herself and she might just be compensating the stealing for her insecurity. I guess a professional psychologist might be able to help you on this.

Holy Cow are girls ever trouble!!! This is part of the issues I am having with my daughter to and I too have tried everything to no avail!!! I am getting her in with councelling now. If you haven't already maybe when you take all the kids out by something for all the other kids, and not her, make a point of telling her that she isn't getting anything because she always takes money. I dunno maybe also giving her a chance to do work to a) repay you and b) to earn money? I am unsure as this hasn't worked with my daughter either, and from talking to quite a few mom's this is a huge problem with their daughters also...I am at a loss, if you find something that works let me know I would love to hear it, and if I find out something I shall do the same! Bless You many times over, because I truely know how difficult this is!!!

I think your daughter has been misguided by somebody. First you must find what she does with the money she gets. Then find out the ones she associates. May be she is in accompany with bad friends. Prohibitting her after school practices is not the solution. If you stop them she will become more stuborn. You have to deprive her previlages tactically. You must let her understand stealing is wrong from a way which she feels so badly. You have to find it out.

Okay, this is a tough one, but take comfort in the fact that you are not the only one facing this problem. A couple of my friends faced the same problem with their daughters. I think they will outgrow this habit with you love and advice. Don't show anger (even though it is difficult to control). It will only get worse. Take her out for a walk and talk to her about it. Ask her why she needs the money. Sometimes it could be more than meets the eye. Before you do anything, pray to Jesus to help you solve this problem. I'm sure He will help you. Log on to a site www.jesuscalls.org and send a pray request. I've been helped so many times. I will pray that your daughters kicks this habit far away.

Her stealing even small amounts is wrong and I understand you being upset because as a parent we try our best to teach our children right from wrong and when they do something wrong we wonder where we went wrong . This is just a thought and I do not know if you would be interested in taking it this far but chances are she would never steal again if she got the scare of a lifetime . Try speaking to a police officer about this , explain the situation and let him or her know that you only want to scare her into believing she can be arrested for this as you are not going to press charges . Because the truth is if she steals at home and gets away with it , before long she will be stealing from friends and then move on to stealing from stores until it escalates to the point where she really could be arrested for shop lifing . Normally if you speak to an officer about something like this they are willing to take the time to help out as they do not want to have to pick up any child years later if a scare could have stopped them when they were younger . You could do it so that she did not blame you for this as well by saying that you if it was not her then you were afraid someone was coming into your home and you had to call for this reason . Have the officer question her and tell her he believes she is the one who is stealing from her parents and that she could be in big trouble for this if she does not fess up but that if she does she would be let go this one time as it would be her warning . Best of Luck in whatever you decide to do :)

Scorpio, i guess we are in the same boat, my daughter did the same and her mom always scold her, at the age of seven her teacher called us that our daughter was giving 100$ each to her classmates, however we were able to retrieve the money, so many times she steal money of her brothers and her little sister, from her moms wallet but I wondered why never in my wallet or any of my things. At first we dont know what to do, all i can hear are shouting and scolding from her mom. I asked my self why not to me? So maybe she needs attention from her mom I thought. She reached her teen age and still no change. My wife and I had a heart to heart talk one day and told her to change her ways of treating her daughter, to show her the good side of life and not only scolding that she gets every day. I said, she needs your attention as a loving mother, the more she nags the more I can my daughter is getting stubborn. My wife at first was mad at me but maybe she realized that I might be right. So she change attitude, my daughter steals, she ignore it and ask her if she needs money, any thing she needs and they will buy for it, she hugs her most oftenly and they do the housework chores and share stories and laughing together. My dauther did changed. She is now 22 and never heard of anything missing in the house again. Maybe your daughter need some attention of love and caring too. just my suggestion. Have a good day and may God Bless You.

scorpio first of all you need to find out why she is stealing. does she have an allowance? does she feel left out when other kids seem to have so much more? I know stealing is wrong, that is a give, but it seems to me that the bigger fuss you make, 'the worse her stealing becomes, she is trying to tellyou something? does she get money for the things all teens want like cosemetics and perfume? why is she using yours? perhaps without meaning to do it you have become a very stern harsh mother whom she is unable to talk to.taking her personal belongings out of her room would seem to make it worse. I see a little girl locked in a battle with an adult, neither one giving an inch. youu need to take her to a child psychologist to get some help as you may be just as much to blame as she is.yes stealing is wrong, but not letting her have the things other kids have is also wrong, and not showing any warmth at all to a kid who is in trouble is just plain awful I am an older woman whose children are grown but I have seen these problems and they are never one sided, she is not a horrible little thief she is your mixed up, crying for help child. I have a hunch if you gave her an allowance and paid her for doing certain tasks around the house, and eveen found some little jobs a kid her age could get paid for, her stealing just might stop, also if you could just forget the sermons long enough to show some warmth to her maybe she might become more what you want in a daughter. I dont think she is all to blame, I see you must have some part in this too. why must you take away everything she enjoys? how is this going to help I feel she is horribly angry with herself and you and allthis is just making her worse, you may be a strict person with no faults of your own, but you are not reading her call for help. get a professinonal an also take some of the blame yourself. you sound very moralistic, not forgiving of any sins at all in anyone, maybe you need some help too.money seems to be a huge thing to her so you need to find out why.

I suggest that you take some time to talk with your daughter in private,and in your gentlest manner and ask her why is she doing it? There might be some reasons which she cannot tell you straight out because she is afraid of the reaction she might get from you. Talk to her without yelling, she might just be needing some extra attention from you.

Maybe steal something from her, so she knows how it feels ? It may be a bit drastic :D Have a good day..

You need to take action on her behavior before it's get worst. I remember my sister used to steal my mother's money when she is young. But everytime she done stealing my mother punished her,put her hands on the table and hit it many times until she promise not to do it again. When you not decipline your daughter early it might be her habbit to steal even to someone else. Take her to the psychologist, that helps her!

I feel very sad to hear about this habit of your daughter. Every parents would be feel the same. I think you should give some money to your daughter before she steals from your purse of pocket. I think she needs some money to buy something. So if she gets money from you, she will give up stealing. Take this habit of your daughter seriously. Otherwise her habit may become dangerous some day.

I am assuming that she gets an allowance, so I wonder what she needs the money for. It sounds likely, since you say that she 'borrows' your makeup and then denies it, even in the face of the evidence, that she is not fully aware of what she is doing and is not stealing because she needs the money. Her behaviour suggests that there is a deeper emotional problem - possibly jealousy of her brothers or some other family situation that she feels hurt about or that has undermined her self esteem. This is by no means an uncommon problem with kids of her age. It is quite possible that she wouldn't dream of stealing anything from anyone else, so you should watch but not jump to conclusions. In such cases, punishment is not the answer. You need to find out what is troubling or hurting her and that may be difficult because she may be hiding it from herself, even (it is quite easy and common to lie to oneself!) You definitely need to start by trying to relate to each other positively (I'm not saying you don't already try, of course! I'm sure from what you say that you love her and want the best for her.) She has put up a barrier which may be hard to get through and I think that a good therapist/counsellor will be necessary to help you and her find out what is really the matter. May I suggest that you try and find a therapist who knows and uses EFT. There is a list of practitioners here: http://www.emofree.com/a/?3252/Practitioners/referralMain.aspx Emotional Freedom Technique is a technique which uses tapping on certain acupuncture points (no needles!) and focussing on the problem and aspects of it in order to defuse it. Many people describe it as 'straightening out the flow of energy in the energy meridians'. However it works (and I am not entirely convinced of the usual explanations given myself), the point is that there is a lot of evidence that it does work. It is such a useful and simple technique that anyone can quickly learn and apply to themselves that I am surprised that it is not better known. If you would like to know more about it and download the free manual (which gives a complete description on how to learn and use the technique), the home page is here: http://www.emofree.com/a/?3252 I would suggest that, in the case of your daughter, you do need to seek help from a therapist. It is often impossible to talk about the underlying problems without the help of a third, disinterested party. Most of the therapists in the list I gave use many techniques with Emotional Freedom Technique as just one very powerful tool. They are often Reiki masters as well and will also be qualified conventional therapists. Many of them can do phone consultations and always encourage you to discuss the problem over the phone first. Of course, what is more important than the method they use is the ability to relate to the child and to make the initial diagnosis and locate the underlying problem. I hope that you will be able to quickly sort out this worrying problem which is obviously causing a lot of stress in your family. I have every confidence in you that you can and that, in a month or so, you'll both be able to look back on it as just a little hiccup. -------------------------------- Unfortunately, it is impossible to remove a photo from a discussion yourself. The MyLot team might be able to help but, if not, I'm sure that everyone here understands that it was a complete mistake!

First off, I want to say "RIGHT ON!"! Take her privileges away to make her learn that you refuse to pay for her things if she continues to steal. Ask her if she realizes that "fun stuff" costs money, and that she should learn the value of a dollar. Did you ask her why she lied to you when you found the make up and stuff in her room? I used to steal as a teen as well, got caught by the cops as well. It took them catching me twice though to get me to stop though. Hopefully it doesn't get to that, but ever think of possibly calling the cops and asking for suggestions? Like maybe even ask them if they want to come over to "investigate" the missing money? Make her get scared a bit too might help smarten her up.

This is a really hard problem for you. When my daughter was a young teenager things of mine and hers in the house were being distroyed. She blamed her brother and we could not understand why he should do it. It did not seem right. He was only 10 and seemed such a happy boy and we suspected that she was lying and he was covering up for her. Things got so bad one bank holiday weekend that we called out the NSPCA as there was no one else we could think to help. A councelor came out and took the two children out for a walk and about 15minutes later they came back. It was our daughter who had been doing all the damage and her brother had taken the blame because he wanted to protect his sister. We felt terrible because we had punished him. Any way to cut a long story short it turned ou to be her hormones playing up because of her age and she got a lot better and stopped lying as well. I do not feel we will ever make it up to our son although he says he understands. Our daughter was the same age as yours so may be a visit to the doctors would be a good idea. Apparently girls can do strange things when their hormones first come into play. Hope you get things sorted as I know how hard it can be.

Hi...I can understand your feelings. But please be relaxed as things will change and your daughter will stop doing this kind of things soon. Please try to understand, she steals those things, which she feels, she lacks. The only way to stop this is by giving her whatever she needs and more than that. Try giving her a big amount of money every month for an year. Just see, how she changes. Also buy some beauty products specially for her and allow her to have it in her room. See to it you buy her whatever she wants before she asks you. After buying, do ask her whether she wants something else too. Don't refuse to buy, if she asks for something else too. This will give her enormous mental satisfaction and give her the confidence that mummy will not let her down and will give her the financial and materialistic security which she feels, she misses. Take her along with you for shopping and ask her to select the products which she wants. You can also ask her to select a few thing for your use. After shopping, give her the money or your credit/debit cards and ask her to do the paying while you stand behind her. You can also allow her to have her handbag and have the money in it. Tell her, darling please give me 10 bucks, which I would return tommorrow. Allow her to fell privileged. This would be an excellent psychological treatment for her and I bet she would never steal again. It will also make her responsible, if you allow her to handle the finances in a small amount. You can make her write down the lists of things she has bought with her money and their prices. Discuss every household bills with her and ask her for her opinion. This way, she will understand and start loving her mummy better. This will gain a lot of respect for you from her and subsequently, she will start obeying you. Try implementing these things one by one without her knowledge, as she shouldn't get any doubt. Please, don't complain about her to anyone as it will become a blackmark for her in your circles and will affect her psychologically. Nobody else except you can be more concerned about her, so try it yourself to correct her. Please don't say, she can't get privileges if she steals. She is only 13 years old and a confused teen and after all your loving daughter. All the Best!

i felt bad after hearing all this. I think this will not be easy. If you were strict for these types of thing from her childhood, there were less chances for her to steal stuff and money. Like you should never allow your child to take anything from outside, for example if she found money on the road it should never be taken and spent on ourself. It should be taken and given to some poor person. you should never allow her to take anything from someone, if she goes to some relatives place and she insist on taking there kids toys, these kind of small things should never be allowed. And you should have been very strict about it. Now she is at a very critical age. You have to be a bit strict and sometimes even try to make her understand politely not to do this. You can tell her that if you want anything you can ask for it, as all your needs are fulfilled. I think if you treat her like this. she will be fine within a year or two.

this is a big problem. my opinion is try to decipline her,but this is a private matter for parent to dicipline our children. but any method employed should teach the child that stealing is wrong. for example, having the child return the stolen item and apologise for his or her theft will remind him or her that not only did she/he take something,but that she/he hurt some one else as well. discuss with these topic with your child, and also institute a chore or task, that she must complete and truly make amends for the theft.unfortunately apologise can be insincere, so adding another dimension to the decipline is a good idea. if stealing persists or become consistent, consider getting a mental health expert involve to determine how best to help your child to stop this behavior. thank you