Dissapointed on love
By jonastabuena
@jonastabuena (2307)
Philippines
September 18, 2008 1:59am CST
Need help on this, need your opinion.
I have a sweetheart, and we've been together for 9 months, but just last Saturday we broke up for some reasons, reasons that always been the reason of our misunderstanding,here's the story, she is always busy with her work, she is a college teacher, she lives in other place, we only see each other twice a month, and i have a work too, but the problem is we only see twice a month but it seems that see don't exerting some efforts to see me, sometimes we plan to see in a particular place, but when i get there to that place, she's not there, lots of alibis why shes not there, lately i just noticed that i'm always making plan to see her, i'm the one who go to her place to see her and visit, sometimes she don't call for 3 to 4 days, many times i told her that i don't ask her to love me, all i need is some respect and a little consideration, but she can't, last Saturday is the worst, she visited me in my work, coz were planning for a date,she stayed there and chat for awhile. she knows that my off time in my work was 12midnight, but i decided to be off on 7pm, but suddenly she backed out and leave me without any reason, in a couple of minutes she called me and she felt sorry for what she did, she said she tired from work and feel sleepy that's her reason. So i decided to end our relationship, i'm tired for the word "sorry" that she always say, she always say sorry for the the same mistake she made. We broke already 2 times, but i returned to her at the end, for the word "sorry" and word "chance", but this time is too much.
And now again, she is calling and texting me asking for forgiveness, she told me that she love and cant live without me, funny. but i feel i want to come back to her. is this right or wrong for me.?
4 people like this
24 responses
@cecelgay (563)
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
Hmm... it seems that you still love her even she's a little i should say impatient or have lots of tantrums... It is for you to be right or wrong, if you still love her and till want her it is right to accept her again but it is wrong when your mind keeps on telling you that she don't deserve you, that she's too impatient and inconsiderate... If your gf really wanted to work out your relationship she should do something about her attitude, in order to survive any relationship there should be a give and take relationship... it will not work if you just giving and giving and she's just taking, your relationship will not last. She need to be mature, she need to understand that you need an attention and care.. Saying sorry is ok but sis she really mean that her sorry? though you need to understand that maybe it's her nature but still she need to adjust the way you adjusting to accept her personality, you need to meet halfway if both of you want to save your relationship.
Also, one more thing on how to keep a relationship strong is communication, constant communication will bridge your distance, as you've said she can take not to call you for 3-4 days? i think that is not a good attitude being in a relationship.
Also, if you think that you need to end your relationship you are the one who can tell, but don't came up to the point that by keep on understanding and loving her you already forget to love and respect yourself, remember for you to be love and respect you need to love and respect yourself first.. have a good day..
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
Well if love does exist in your heart you would return back to her. I think what you should do is talk with each other and try to find a compromise in your issues with her and if she has some issues with you. I do believe that she still loves you since she still asks for your forgiveness and understanding. It is your happiness that is at stake at this moment. would you just let it end like this or would you want to resolve the problem amicably. I think what you need is time for each other were you could thresh out your issues with her. Going back to her is not wrong if you still love her and she still loves you.
@jonastabuena (2307)
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
i did back to her twice, because this is our 3rd time to broke up, same reason, same mistake, why its hard for her to understand? when i always tell her that we need this and that, that we need time for each other, that we need understanding and blah blah blah.. am tired i admit that i love her but i'm tired and afraid to come back to her and hurt her this time... should i give her a 3rd chance?
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
We'll I cannot decide on your behalf it is still your call if you really wanted her or not. I think you should make up your mind, feeling tired is just a sign that there is indeed stress on your part. I really think of you happiness are you happy doing that or saving the relationship?
@jonastabuena (2307)
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
i can't say that i'm happy, and can't say that i can save our relationship. some good things never last.
1 person likes this
@rogue13xmen13 (14402)
• United States
18 Sep 08
I do not know what to say, it seems to me like you do not stand a chance of staying together. You are trying to make time for her, but she does not seem to want to make any time for you. You two have to make time for each other or else the relationship is going to go downhill.
@jonastabuena (2307)
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
yeah you're right she don't have time for me, maybe she don't love me. and now we broke up, how sad, for all my efforts still our relationship don't work.
1 person likes this
@rogue13xmen13 (14402)
• United States
18 Sep 08
Maybe, she was not the right woman for you. Maybe, you will find someone else. Sometimes, you think that the person that you first fell in love with is the right person for you. They are the one and only person for you, but then you soon come to realize that that person is not the person you thought that you knew, or they are not the person that you first met when you first met them. People can change, situations can change, sometimes we have to go through so many so-called "losers" before we find the right one. This woman was not the woman for you, but who knows? There could be someone out there who is better than she is.
@sharra1 (6340)
• Australia
19 Sep 08
It seems to me that she is just trying to keep you around without putting any effort into the relationship. Some people are like this. She may not really want you but she wants someone and maybe she is keeping you hanging around while she looks for someone else.
Relationships over a distance can always be hard as it takes a great deal of effort to keep it going. You say you see her only 2 times a month but do you know what she is doing when she is not seeing you? Could she be looking for someone else?
I knew a man like this. He would break it off with me and then come back. He would go off and date someone else and when that did not work he would come back and want to start it again. It is not good to be in a relationship like this as it stops you from finding someone who really cares about you. I did end this and finally found someone who cares about me. I am much happier now.
@jonastabuena (2307)
• Philippines
20 Sep 08
Sad to say, 5 days gone by after our break up, now she don't call, no e-mails, after 2 days of our break up, she calls and asking forgiveness, but now nothing. She easily give up.
@mypesodollar (54)
• Philippines
19 Sep 08
If I were you dude, I will let her suffer for she's just a gurl for fun.. Anyway, I don't care about love its just a stupid feelings that will let you down. Move on and make some fun with other girls, she's no worthy for your love, share it to someone who deserves it. For me, she's just nothing for you... Wala naman cyang kwenta eh, kantotin mo tapos ewan mo sya..
@jonastabuena (2307)
• Philippines
19 Sep 08
I think of her last night, i want to call her but i didn't, i miss her, ang sakit naman sa ulo nito.
@mypesodollar (54)
• Philippines
19 Sep 08
Don't waste your time to her, focused on what you want... But if you really want her, ask her y she did that to you always, di naman tayo manhid mga lalaki tol. We have to make the first move, papakipot lang yan.... Gusto lang yan ng malamig na lugar... Bring her to a very romantic place na kayo lang dalawa para di ka nya makalimutan sa buong buhay nya...
@ahm_raq (165)
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
don't say goodbye to love if u still want to try. if u think u can still handle more pains, then it is only u can tell. For d meantime, ask yourself if u deserve this kind of treatment u r receiving from ur gf, does she trully loves u, or she just needs u to love her? Is she being faithful to u still? Are u sure u are the only bf she has?? Im not playing the villain role here, but i just know a girl who is like that to her bf, only to find out that she has someone else and that explains her treatment to the other poor guy. And also, let me tell you that if ur gf wants u back doesn't mean she is head over heels in love with u, that she cant live without u. She wants u back maybe because u are the only fool who can accept her? think think think!
@jonastabuena (2307)
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
yeah i guess maybe there's some issues, 1 day i texted her, asking where she is, she reply she is at home doing computing the grades of her student, online to find out she in the bar with her friends having fun, funny, but i don't get angry with her that time. you know sometimes people were judge by the way they act, i'm not a judgemental person that's we come to third broke up, its just i'm confuse of myself, i want to give her a 3rd chance but at the same time afraid, to go back to the same cycle again.. i have a head ache on this..what i should i do to her.
@wrdsofwisdm (1069)
• United States
18 Sep 08
She seems keep repeating the same pattern. So every time you go back to her, you would have to deal with the same issues. Hopefully you will meet a more mature woman that lives closer to you. That way you could see each other more often and your new relationship can grow stronger.
@jonastabuena (2307)
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
yeah same pattern always, and i'm always giving her forgiveness asual, until such that i can't bear it anymore, but i do really miss her and want to call her.
@tlb0822 (1410)
• United States
18 Sep 08
I think that if a person really loves you and cares for you they would make the time to be with you. Of course things come up unexpectedly in life, and sometimes can be excused. But if she keeps on coming up with excuses, and doesn't make an effort to spend time with then why should you make time for her. Love needs to be equal in a relationship, and each person should make an effort to spend time with the other. I think that this relationship isn't going to work out, but I could be wrong. If she is really able to change her ways, and make an effort to spend time with you then it might have a chance. Good luck.
@jonastabuena (2307)
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
thanks alot for the insight guys, this will really help, i just need time to think, and study the situation, maybe i have faults too, or maybe for her my love is not enough...thanks again guys..
@adthacker (196)
• India
18 Sep 08
strange bez in so many cases i seen boy dnt care for love and all but in ur case girl didnt care for u i feel she is so much professional may be i m wrong but just clear each and every thng and talk with her y she do like this thn take decision
@eiram25 (1076)
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
all i can say is that she is taking you for granted. i think it's good on your part that you finally broke up with her so she will realize how important and loving you are to her. now,she's asking for forgiveness and wants another chance. i think you can give her that but try to observe if you see any efforts coming from her. she needs to give put her effort in order for the relationship to work this time. goodluck to the both of you. happy mylotting!
@shwanks (145)
• United States
18 Sep 08
i think you did the right thing. she was totally taking you for granted. you could find a much better woman. one that is crazy about you and wants to see you and talk to you all the time. this lady needs to either figure herself out, or maybe (worst case senario) is two timing.
@johnsujan (27)
• India
18 Sep 08
Try to stop thinking of her.This might be really hard at first, but when he pops into your mind, change your thoughts and chose to think ofsomething else. Make plans to be with your friends and avoid talking about her. Focus on your schoolwork and other activities that make up your life.
This will get easier.
@jonastabuena (2307)
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
right .. now i'm focusing playing online games.. just to forget her.. :(
@dani8937 (10)
• United States
18 Sep 08
Well, if this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened then that would only lead me to believe that if you two got back together the cycle would once again start back up. Maybe try and go a little deeper and figure out what exactly made you fall in love with her to begin with? Was it true? And are those feelings still the same? Because if they are then the problem might not lie with you, ...or the bigger of the problems. Love is very complicated at times but my true belief is,"If it was meant to be, it was meant to be", and in saying that, that love is the one thing in our world that shouldn't be complicated. The best advice I can give is, follow your heart, because only you know what's best for you in these types of situations. ttyl.
@jonastabuena (2307)
• Philippines
19 Sep 08
She was so nice at the beginning, she always calls and text me, but later on she did not. I'm being nice to her and to her family, i always give her present when i visited her, i give present too, to her younger brothers. Maybe she's not really for me.
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
18 Sep 08
well, i think it is really hard to maintain a relationship if it is only one sided... i feel that she is always taking from you and you always give in to her... that is not healthy at all... it is really up to you now whether you still want to be with her or not... if you think that you can tolerate her attitude, then it is OK to go back to her... otherwise, i feel that you should just give it up and find other woman who is more suitable for you... don't keep on tormenting yourself to be with a person who doesn't really love you... good luck... take care and have a nice day...
@cbreeze (1205)
• United States
18 Sep 08
If that is what you truly desire then do it. But before you do, think about all the excuses and disappointments and ask yourself if you want to continue to go thru that. I think when you have forgiven and forgiven for the same problem but the problem keeps happening, that that person feels they can continue with the behavior and all they have to do is say "sorry". Maybe if you just give yourself time and space to get over her, you will find someone who will treat you how you want to be treated and will appreciate the effort you put into a relationship.
@koharukusumi (1539)
• Malaysia
19 Sep 08
Hmmmm.... I think in your case, you should really go back with her because at least she is sorry and care. people get complacent in a relationship. It is inevitable. So I guess my advice is to get back to her because she's sorry about it instead of not caring at all. What you can do is trying to picture her moving on with another guy and got over you. Can you stand that? If you can, then perhaps you should not go back to her.
@mookhor (304)
• India
18 Sep 08
I should say that you must meet her. You must meet her and before that you must trust her. You have chances to ask her in details what happens with her for which she fails to turn up in time. If your deliberations are to be taken as right I am sure she has love for you. I have observed almost an equal case and that too with one of my friends. Understand between the two has to be built up and it may take time to get matured. If you are tired of and now only how you will tie together and live a whole life like a pair of leaves joined to the stem ? Hence please give rationality a chance and love her pasionately and she will find it impossible to disrespect you. I shall wait to hear the obvious good news next time.
@belk89 (1103)
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
I think you just made the right decision of breaking up with her. She acted like a child most of the time and is not fair at you at all. Dont waste your time coming back to a person who have hurt you several times already. If your expecting she will change if you comes back.That wont happen at all. It already becomes her habit and she will be the same person who treated you badly. So instead of going back to her, find someone who deserved your love and time. It is so obvious your ex gf is not dedicated to the relatioship at all. Being tired is not a valid reason to ditched you several times. I believe that if a person loves you no matter how busy or tired he/she is, he/she will find the time to see you.
@hari_dls143 (64)
• India
18 Sep 08
hello i saw u discussion u said that we broke 2 times but u never said sorry her in that only it will be understanding your both problem actually she want to stay with you in the place where she is working and you are working in another place if you both work in at same place you problem will solve she has love with you but she cannot control her feelings and angry it will shown her angry on you, so next he says sorry and knows her what she was doing it was your both problem so come to an understand and make you family happy once again talk her and express your feelings, and u have to meet weekly once per month then see your result u have to move with her in cool manner don't show angry on her say her cool u have to use the opportunity when she give you ok once again you both sit each other and discuss you problem with her
