He walked in on them "having relations"!
By ORichBoi
@ORichBoi (66)
United States
September 18, 2008 12:35pm CST
My best friend and his wife appeared to be the perfect couple. Every time I saw them they were together and always seemed happy. I never saw them argue about anything and she appeared to be very submissive. Well, last night he came over a little after eleven and I could tell he's been drinking which wasn't like him. He just broke down on my doorstep and said he walked in on his wife having relations with his cousin! The worst part was, he said they were doing some kinky things (dominatrix type stuff) which was a side of her he never saw before. He said when they looked up and saw him standing there she started yelling at the man she was having relations with and telling him to get out her house. Before she could even say anything to him, he walked out. I told him it was good he didn't get physical but what do you say to someone in that situation? He slept over and we talked a little this morning but I tried to get his mind on other things because I don't know how to deal with that. He left about an hour ago to go pack his clothes and he'll be staying with us (me and wifey) for a while but this is a wild situation that you usually only see on television. How should I handle this?
2 people like this
13 responses
@annjilena (5618)
• United States
19 Sep 08
oh my goodness i no he is so upset there nothing really you can do he probably had some thoughts she was doing something any way because how come she did not know he was coming home early.but for her to be having relation with his cousin she has no respect at all for their house and thats her husband bed. to bring another man to their bed is a shameful act it better he found out now then later.there probably more going on then you knew.i hope he be ok stick by your friend, let him pull it together so he can be the man he know he is may god bless you and your friend.
@belk89 (1103)
• Philippines
19 Sep 08
Just be there for your friend. You cant do much about his situation. It is so hard to caught someone you love cheating. So at this moment he is very sensitive over that topic. Just try to find time hanging out with him to places he like. Or if he asked for advised then thats the time you share your thoughts about it and let him make a decision base on what he think is best for him. At this point he is still in the processed of forgetting that sad part of his life and eventually move on. I bet it will takes time before he will recover.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
19 Sep 08
hi orichboi well I think you'r just beingthere for him
will be the big thing right now. He is really hurting
and just let him talk and lean on your shoulder. a
'friend is sometimes just enought to sit and let him
vent until he is through. my what a callous thing for his wife
to do in their own home, thats doubley insulting.
@mikeysmom (2088)
• United States
19 Sep 08
wow. wish i had some great words of wisdom for you but this is a tough situation. i guess you just have to be supportive and not say too much. it is never a good idea to get in the middle of two people especially if they are married. he must feel so betrayed. i feel badly for him. he will do what is best for him in the long run so just be his friend and perhaps stay away from this subject if you can.
@maryann82 (133)
• Philippines
19 Sep 08
be the shoulder to cry on that he needs bt don't stay too long on being someone he could cry on but be his motivator as well to move on with his life and he better talk with his wife to help him get over it though it may andd would really take time to recover from the trauma, depression, anger and disappointment he feels. help him air out all his disappointments to keep him from being depressed that may make him think of hurting himself or anyone. keep him on his psches as they say
@gracie04 (4549)
• Philippines
19 Sep 08
OMG, that's awful.. you know, the best thing you can do is to be a friend.. lend him your ears and be supportive as you can... don't take sides, just let him talk and talk and talk... then give him inspiring words... time will heal all wounds, i hope he can still work out his relationship with his wife..
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
18 Sep 08
All you can do is listen. Try really hard not to take sides or say anything that will bite you in the butt later. I know that it is hard situation, but if the roles were reverse what would you want to hear? What would you want done?
Try to look at the big picture not just the initial act and how upset your friend is, try and look past it and be friend.
That is all that you can really do right now.
@ORichBoi (66)
• United States
19 Sep 08
Right now it's not about sides, I'm just trying to keep him as sane as I can but in the end she was wrong. Regardless of what caused her to do that she was being fake with him. I would never bad mouth her to him because at the end of the day it's still his wife and he does love her. Thanks for the post.
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
18 Sep 08
It sounds like you are very supportive friend. Really all you can do is to be there for him and try to get him to talk to you about his feelings. He may want to forgive his wife, he may want to end his marriage. You need to be there as a support system for him. You are doing what you can and that is what good friends are for.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
19 Sep 08
That is just rotten! It's one thing that you heard gossips about your partner's infidelity, it's another thing to really witness it with your very eyes and to make matters worse, the other party is a cousin! Shucks! I really feel bad for him. I just hope he's somewhat fine now, though I know it'll be difficult to get over this.
I don't think if I can be of much help as well but just make sure that you are always there for him. He'll be ranting most of the times and he'll be transforming from one emotion to another: anger, despair, self-pity and more. I actually admire him for not resorting to something violent, he's a good man, I'm pretty sure of that and he doesn't deserve this crap.
I'm not sure when will be the exact time that the wounds will be healed (though a scar will be left) but I sure do hope you, his friends, will be with him all the time to show that he's not alone in this... Oh boy!
God bless you...
@nicholejade (2430)
• Canada
19 Sep 08
Sorry to say it just doesn't happen on TV. I have seen a few couples already go through this. All you really can do at this point is be a friend to him. There will even be times when he will want to talk about it and you are just blue in the face that you don't want to hear it but be there for him as much as you can. If he wants to talk you talk with him. If he doesn't want to talk don't talk about it. Just try and be supportive as much as you can on this one. Good luck to you and hope time will heal his pain.
@ORichBoi (66)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Thanks a lot got the post. I've been trying to be a good friend and a listening ear to him. Since he walked in on them he's been staying with me and he appears to be doing pretty good. He talks about it from time to time but not to the point of depression. Thanks for posting.
@MrsRich723 (602)
• United States
19 Sep 08
Wow, that is an awful situation to say the least. If I were you, the people who commented before me gave some good advice. Just be there for him and don't take sides. See if you can get him to talk about other things besides that all day long because the more he thinks about it the sadder he will become. It's an unfortunate situation that he had to walk in on that. I wonder why she wouldn't let her "wild" side out on her husband. That's who you're supposed to be able to do whatever you want to with. Regardless of why she thought she had to portray this image, it's better he found out now versus years down the line. I'm sure that wasn't her first time messing around on him and if he didn't walk in it probably wouldn't have been the last. Just keep his mind off it and when he does really want to talk about it just have a listening ear versus so much advice. He may just need to vent.
@mercuryman3a (2477)
• India
18 Sep 08
All you can do at this point of time is let him cry on your shoulder. Let him cry his heart out. It is only time which will heal the wound. Nothing will be the same for him ever again. The marriage is beyond repair. It may not be the first time that she has cheated him and it may not be the last. he has to get out of the situation himself after giving an inward thought and contemplation. All you can do is just support him and ensure that he does not succumb to the urge to immerse himself in drinks.
@anurag440044 (414)
• India
18 Sep 08
well that's a very hurting story. i know how it feels how to see your love doing something like this. well as for that lady, her act has made clear of her character. what a low down person she is. its the most worst thing she has done. well as for your friend, i would suggest you be most of the time with your friend. its a good thing that your friend didn't wait there for a longer time. give him most of your time friend if he thinks about the same subject over and over again, hes gonna suffer from a nervous breakdown and will definitely go in a depression. please refrain him from thinking bout the same thing. its a good thing your are helping your friend in this issue. in any case, do not leave him alone even for a minute, make sure there are people around him. { you know why I am saying this }
