Who is being unreasonable?
By sweetdesign
@sweetdesign (5142)
United States
September 27, 2008 7:22pm CST
Ok this is going to be long just a warning. Here is the background information you will need to make your decision. We moved back to Florida 3 years ago. When we were allowed to move back into our house (our renters had caught the garage on fire and we had to wait till it was reconstructed) we discovered a huge tom cat had been abandoned in the neighborhood. Everyone was feeding him but nobody would call him thier own. He was pretty beat up from fighting all the time so he was a mess. Finally when he came back one day looking horrible we decided we could no longer stand by and watch him do this. We took him to the vet and had him neutered and tried to make a house cat of him.......not good he still sprayed everythng so we had to put him back outside. he no longer fought and he no longer fathered babies and everyone in the neighborhood still continued to love him and feed him and call him the neighborhood cat (even though no one wanted to take financial ownership of him). He now weighs 17 pounds and everyone knows his name is Andre and where he "officially" "lives".
Well in March our house was broken into. the thief came in through the garage door that we left cracked for Andre and Ghost (our other rescued boy cat) to come in out of the weather. We decided we could no longer leave the garage door cracked for the boys anymore cause we were lucky to be alive since we were all home and asleep when the thief came in. So one neighbor up the street who dearly loved Andre said that he had been coming in her garage and she didn't mind cause she loved him and that for us not to worry about him that he was taken care of (everyone knew we had been broken into and how). She kept her garage door cracked and andre made himself at home for 7 months. She and her husband both took care of him. Our dear neighbor passed away on Saturday and her husband is overwhelmed with grief. I can understand that and sympathize with him and our hearts go out to him during this grieving period.
He has asked us to keep Andre up for a couple of days till he could deal with the arrangements and everything with family coming in and everything. We did. We kept him locked in the garage with Ghost too so he would have company. We had to let him out after 2 days though cause that is not fair to him to be locked up when he is used to running the neihborhood and visiting his families. Well tonight the neighbor brought him back (we hadn't had a chance to call him in for the night cause I had been in class all day)and made what I feel is an unreasonable request. He wants us to keep Andre locked up permanantly or find him a new home! This is the same man who lets his cat Daisy run the neighborhood day and night also.
I think his request is unreasonable. I can't stop Andre from doing what he has done for 3 or more years. What he was doing before we even moved back into the house. It is not our fault that they invited him into thier garage and now he feels that he is welcome there anytime. I understand that he is grieving his wife....we miss her too....but this is unreasonable to me.
What do you think?
5 people like this
14 responses
@equilady (43)
• United States
28 Sep 08
I think that maybe Andre is reminding him of his wife and how much he misses her right now. I have seen many people give up a pet for this reason having worked in a boarding kennel for 2o years. They usually come around if they wait a little while before giving the pet up and then they are glad to have the animal to love and to love them back. It is a very hard time for him and he may very well come up with even more unreasonable requests before he works through this. Good luck. Hopefully for Andre's sake he will come around. Since Andre isn't "really" yours unless you think he would do something serious about it I would probably try to just let it pass. It's not like you can reson with the cat and ask him not to go over there!
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
28 Sep 08
But the man has Daisy his cat (his wives cat also) who he lets run around free all the time. He wants us to lock andre up 24/7 which isn't right. I am willing to keep him in at night but not during the day. Granted I should have gone looking for him after class today but I wasn't feeling well.
1 person likes this
@equilady (43)
• United States
29 Sep 08
I'm not saying you are doing anything wrong. I think locking him up at night is more than reasonable on your part. Who knows what goes through the minds of old men who suddenly find them selves alone!? Good luck with him. Hopefully he will get over it and nothing will have to be done about the cat at all! I would be afraid that he may try to call animal control and have him taken away if he is really convinced that you shouldn't let him out. Very silly since he lets his own cat roam free too! Good Luck!
1 person likes this
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
28 Sep 08
Well, since Andre didn't "officially" have a home, I am not sure if he's your responsibility or the neighbour's since he wasn't officially adopted. If you can't take care of him, someone will have to find him a new home. Unfortunately we are only in control of our own actions. Is there an animal rescue in the area that you can call?
3 people like this
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
28 Sep 08
We do take care of him. We pay for his vet visits, we feed him (as does everybody). We are willing to keep him in the garage at night but not 24 hours a day 7 days a week. He doesn't keep his cat locked up yet expects us to lock up Andre.
1 person likes this
@jonesy123 (3948)
• United States
28 Sep 08
My guess is it was the wife who loved the arrangement and the husband who simply tolerated it but doesn't want the cat. You will have to find other arrangements for him because I doubt anybody else will. Although it's not officially your cat, you apparently did take care of him more than the rest of them in recent years. Personally, I don't like it when the neighbors let their cats (and dogs for that matter) roam free. They are constantly in the garbage cans because the neighbors don't feed the cats. They seem to think the cats will catch mice or something and take care of itself. I don't want to feed the cat because I don't want the cat to be my responsibility, which is what it will come down to, if I start that up.
Anyhow, I'm digressing. You have to make a decision but don't expect the neighbor to take on the care. He won't.
2 people like this
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
28 Sep 08
I don't expect him to take care of Andre I never did in the first place. Andre was fine sleeping in his bed on our covered front porch till they started inviting him into thier garage. We always feed both the boys and they don't bother with people's trash (the neighborhood ducks rip into the trash however) why should they they get fed all the time and Andre weights 17 pounds and is too lazy for that kind of work lol.
I just don't like him telling me to lock andre up 24/7 or get rid of him when his own cat runs the neighborhood also.
1 person likes this
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
28 Sep 08
He says that Andre runs Daisy out of the garage....he has always done this since they "took him in" in March. Like I said Andre was fine sleeping in his bed on our completely covered porch till they started inviting him into their garage. I am willing to keep him in the garage at night we keep ghost up at night anyway.
We love andre or we wouldn't have taken care of him so long. We never stopped taking care of him they just kind of took over the care of him no matter how e felt about it. I mean we had just spent $200 getting him well and neutered when they took over.
1 person likes this
@jonesy123 (3948)
• United States
28 Sep 08
Well, looks like Andre is really yours. At least this guy seems to think that. I would suggest that the next time you point out that Andre is not your cat but that you just made provisions for the cat to be safe at night. Point out that everybody in the neighborhood has been feeding him and that he was there before you even moved in. Let him know that if he doesn't want the cat in his garage that it would be fine but that it would not be your responsibility to hunt down and house the cat 24/7. You will have to point out that his very own cat is roaming the neighborhood as freely as Andre. Then inquire what his specific problem is with this particular cat. Maybe he doesn't know that Andre is neutered and fears that he may have to deal with a litter soon. Maybe he just doesn't like cats. In fact, watch out for Daisy, she might soon show signs of neglect. Maybe Andre makes a ruckus in front of his garage in order to be let in... You will have to find out what the problem is. But it is unreasonable of him to assume that you would lock Andre up in the house or garage all day long.
2 people like this
@Vladilyich1 (1454)
• Canada
28 Sep 08
It's definitely unreasonable. The majority of the cats that I've had are "feral". They make the best pets, because they are totally idenpendant and very appreciative of being fed regularly.
2 people like this
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
28 Sep 08
Andre is a big love which is why everyone loves him. He is 17 pounds of love.
1 person likes this
@JLMack (68)
• United States
28 Sep 08
I understand that your neighbor is greiving and I think his wife is the one who wanted Andre around. So he is acting irrational at this point, not thinking and doesn't realize that he can't make you do what he is asking. When he comes back which he will just tell him politely that Andre has every right to be free just like his cat.
I hope that every thing works out Ok. And I am sorry for your loss.
God Bless
2 people like this
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
28 Sep 08
I realize that he is greiving which is why I am not blowing up about this at this time and why I am trying to keep Andre in line and at home which if anyone has ever owned a cat knows that is not an easy task. Andre is only doing what he has been allowed to do. He doesn't understand why things have changed. I will keep him up for a few more days but after that I will bring him in only at night.
I would have brought him in tonight before the incident happened but I have been feeling awful (slight fever and achy) since getting home from an all day class and just didn't have the energy to go hunt the wayward boy down.
1 person likes this
@carmela0210 (1591)
• Philippines
28 Sep 08
fisrt i enjoyed reading your post, inspite of its very very long,lol...let go to your post i think that was mean, why not let the cat do whatever she/he likes to do as long as it would not harm anybody!why decide with the cat he doesnt even own when he cant even manage to take good care of his cat daisy...
2 people like this
@butterpecan (688)
• United States
28 Sep 08
I feel it is not right and not your problem at all. Since the guy was officially keeping the cat then he should be the one to continue to take care of him. It is one thing to help someone out in there time of need but there is another thing to be hold in charge of something that you have no ties to, so my advise to you is to continue to let Andre do what he been doing for years.
1 person likes this
@earthsong (589)
• United States
28 Sep 08
Maybe it was his wife who wanted Andre to have a place to hang around and he just went along with it to make her happy. And now he assumes that since you were the most likely place for the cat to call home that he belongs to you.
I think it is a bit unreasonable, technically the cat doesn't belong to you. But maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to see if there is a cat rescue around that could find him a permanent home.
Its kind of a messy situation any way you look at it. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
28 Sep 08
I don't feel it is right to remove Andre from the "home" he has lived hapily in for over 3 years. We will keep him up for a few days then only at night and if he doesn't like it then he can dang well keep Daisy (his cat that runs free day and night just like Andre) locked up in his garage and keep his garage door shut like we do and then Andre won't go in there. I have no problem keeping Andre in at night cause we keep Ghost our other rescued boy cat up at night. But I refuse to keep him locked up during the day and refuse to keep him locked up forever.
@earthsong (589)
• United States
28 Sep 08
I do agree that if he complains you might want to say something about his own cat, but my concern is for Andre. Is putting in a cat door into the garage a possibility? Something that is only large enough for a cat to get through? Cold weather will be here before too long...
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
28 Sep 08
In the light of positiveness, I can only say that people change with time and circumstances. You may deem it as unreasonable on his part but I hate to say that it may be otherwise. In the past, he had a companion to care for the house and cat but now he is alone. He could be feeling short handed and unable to cope.
Looking further ahead, he might have certain health and /or mortality issues where caring for cat would not seem practical and ideal. Should he pass on then looking for another caretaker for Andre will still be back to your end. I think not knowing the full extent of his decision is actually bothering you and if you can try and see if you could understand more. If not, I suppose you will just have to make do with what you can gather and move on. I think that is what good neighboring is all about here.
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
28 Sep 08
We never gave Andre to him to care for in the first place they just took over and insisted on inviting him into thier garage. We are the ones who pay for his vet visits, shots, he still comes "home" to eat. He just wants us to keep him locked up forever never letting him out while his own cat Daisy gets to continue to run around free as the breeze while andre has to be locked up that is not reasonable to me at all.
1 person likes this
@cortjo73 (6498)
• United States
28 Sep 08
I don't think you are being unreasonable. It seems to me that the cat is a little bit of everyone's responsibility. But, if he is becoming a liability, perhaps you can find a shelter to take him to that does not euthenize (pretty sure I spelled that wrong) the animals that are brought to them.
As for him, I understand his grief and the overwhelming feeling that he must have right now of too much to deal with but, he certainly doesn't have a right to tell you to take responsibility for an animal that pretty much everyone in the neighborhood as been responsible for thus far in one way or another.
I am sorry I couldn't be more help. I wish I had more to offer. I hope you get it straightened out. Good luck and I am sorry for the loss of your friend and neighbor.
1 person likes this
@kenzie45230 (3560)
• United States
28 Sep 08
That's a hard one. It's hard to keep a cat inside all the time after he/she has been allowed to roam. I love cats and have two of my own, but I do get annoyed at all the cats that roam the neighborhood. Our township has just made a rule that cats cannot be left outside on their own to roam. They have to be inside cats or put on a leash. That's not a problem for us, since one of our cats will not go outside and the other has been trained with a leash. But I'm not sure what the other neighbors will do with those cats who have been roaming free for years.
Wouldn't Andre stay away from his garage if he kept it closed at night?
1 person likes this
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
28 Sep 08
he won't keep his garage closed cause he lets his cat Daisy come and go as she pleases. I will keep Andre up at night but I won't during the day after a few days I will be letting him out at daytime again.
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
28 Sep 08
Wow sweet, this is another really tough situation. I feel
bad for the man losing his wife. But how does he think
he can keep the poor cat out now that he thinks he can
go into the garage anytime he wants to. He's going to
be awfully confused. If you can't keep your garage open,
and I understand why not then the cat will have to just
stay out all night if nobody want to take him in as their
cat permanently. I don't see that there is any other choice.
If nobody wants him then he has to just remain a feral.
That's really sad and I feel bad about it but what else
can you do.
2 people like this
@sandra966 (269)
• Spain
28 Sep 08
What an awful situation.
I do think that your neighbour is grieving and for whatever other reason doesn't want Andre now.
I feel that your decision to keep him in for a few days and then only at night, is a good one.
If your neighbour does come back and say something, perhaps he will be a little more calm, and you will be able to tell him that although he isn't your cat, you don't want to see him re-homed.
It really is a tough situation - good luck.
1 person likes this
@psspurgeon1 (1109)
• United States
28 Sep 08
Technically speaking, there is noone who is responsible for him. Maybe you could put him up for adoption in the newspaper or something although I'm not sure it would help alot. What a tough decision to make...
1 person likes this
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
28 Sep 08
I have spent a lot of money getting Andre well and having him nuetered so I am not going to get rid of him just because someone refuses to close thier garage door.
