What age would you tell your child they're adopted?

Australia
September 30, 2008 8:45am CST
Hi all, Was washing the dishes tonight when I caught something from a programme on the tv in the other room. I think it was a soapie, and I just caught the sentence ".....you're adopted", and it made me think. At what age do you think it appropriate to tell a child that they're adopted. My own opinion is probably fairly early on, but would depend on them a bit too. My reasoning is that as young children I feel that they'd be more accepting of it, and possible not react as an older child or adult might. Don't get me wrong, it would still rock their world, but hopefully they'd still allow you to be their and help them through it, and they'd always know the truth right from the start. I imagine I would tell them young, that they're mother loved them very much but knew she couldn't look after them so she wanted them to have a chance to be loved and provided for in the way they deserved and needed. I would then continue to affirm them and tell them that they are wanted, and special, and that I fell in love with them the minute I saw them and wanted to love them. Well, that's what I imagine I'd say, but of coarse I have never been in that situation so I don't know for sure. What about you
1 person likes this
3 responses
xcammiex
@xcammiex (272)
• United States
30 Sep 08
As young as possible. Even infants aren't a blank slate. They know the person that is now raising them isn't the mum they were inside of. The later you tell them, the more likely it is they will be upset - with you. I also don't think it's a good idea to say, "she wanted you to have a chance to be loved". The child was already loved. It's all very confusing to a child because if someone tells them, "Your mum loved you so much", they will equate love with giving up someone. But then, you tell them you love them very much. So now they are supposed to equate love with them being kept. It's confusing to write so imagine how confusing that would be for a young child. The best solution is not to adopt children unless absolutely necessary (i.e. abuse or neglect), and if you do happen to have an "unnecessary adoption", the mother should be a part of the child's life. That way, you won't need to say anything. The child's other mum can explain it and it's much more believable coming from her.
1 person likes this
fasttalker
@fasttalker (2796)
• United States
30 Sep 08
I am adopting one of my sisters twins and if all goes well I will have full custody in two days. He is 15 months old right now and my other sister is adopting the little girl. (Long story ) We plan to keep them informed of it all along. We have decided that they will call us aunt____ instead of mom. At thier age this allows them to distinguish as much as they can that we are not their mother. I think it would be terrile for a child to just get "shocked" with the news at an older age. We plan to be totally honest with them so that they don't have to go through a shock treatment when they are older. I say tell them as young as possible. Happy mylotting!
steph123
@steph123 (1)
• United States
2 Oct 08
I was just wondering have you guys thought at all about keeping the two children together. Would either you, your sister or another family member be able to take both. The reason is they are twins, twins have a special bond, due to the fact they are already going to have to be without their mother and father they would probably adjust and have a better life if they could be togther. If not i still give you credit you and you sister are both helping them have a better future.
mona269
@mona269 (133)
• Philippines
1 Oct 08
For me it is always best to be honest to your child. The earlier you tell them they're adopted, the better. I have an adopted sister. She came into our lives when she was around 3 months old and she grew up knowing the truth. She was even using her real last name till the 5th grade when her adoption was finalized in court. She's well adjusted to the fact that she's adopted because she grew up knowing that my parents never treated her any differently from the rest of us.