adoption
baby makers
child
foster parents
legal adoption
legal grounds on adopting a child
love for adoption
parents of the adoptive child
Prayers badly needed....
By rangics
@rangics (1334)
Philippines
October 3, 2008 5:42pm CST
My sister have been married for almost 9years now..Sad to say they weren't blessed with a child of their own and it was just until recently that she and her hubby decided to go for adoption. One thing about this matter of adopting a child is that it is really very crucial on the part of the adopted parents and the mother of the child..I mean, we can never foresee the possibilities that might happen after the child is being born right?..
Anyway, the adoption thing is not really that clear to me for now. My sister and I really have not talked about it yet because we still haven't been given the chance to sit and talk seriously for this matter. It was just 4 days ago when she've texted me that the mother of the child they plan to adopt finally gave birth and it the baby was on their hands just last wednesday...they have agreements with the bridge..(they did not allow themselves to be introduced by the mother for privacy reasons)..
Here's the thing...all was well not until yesterday when the so called bridge texted them that the mother of their adopted child wanted the baby back. She wanted the baby back not because she really needed the baby ( though we know she felt guilty about letting her baby go) but because her mother told her so..The girl is only 21 years old I guess?. She's indeed still young to decide on her own and she may have experienced guilt and doubts about things on what should be the best thing to do about the child. On her part, according to my sisters 'bridge', she cares for her baby's future that's why she go for adoption. For sure, the baby that my sister have right now, his ( yeah and it's a boy
) future will surely be secure..( I can say my sister is a responsible adopted parent and so with his hubby)
It's just so hard for them right now..(my sister) because they can't move on to the next level of the registration of the baby when they can't even be sure if the baby will be theirs finally and legally. They really have no right at all. ( As i've mentioned I really don't have any idea about the process of adopting the child so I really cannot specify or explain our grounds here..
)
I need help..no, WE need help and advices..
What should we do about this? If you have any idea please feel free to share..It'll be of great help.. Thank you so much my fellow mylotters..I hope to hear from you soon...
) future will surely be secure..( I can say my sister is a responsible adopted parent and so with his hubby)
It's just so hard for them right now..(my sister) because they can't move on to the next level of the registration of the baby when they can't even be sure if the baby will be theirs finally and legally. They really have no right at all. ( As i've mentioned I really don't have any idea about the process of adopting the child so I really cannot specify or explain our grounds here..)
I need help..no, WE need help and advices..
What should we do about this? If you have any idea please feel free to share..It'll be of great help.. Thank you so much my fellow mylotters..I hope to hear from you soon...1 person likes this
7 responses
@jonesy123 (3948)
• United States
3 Oct 08
They have to give the baby back. That's the heartbreak about adoptions. There is a time frame in which the mother can change her mind without any repercussions. It's to make sure she really wants to give the baby up for adoption. Didn't you sister use an attorney for legal advice and an adoption agency to deal with? They should have explained all of this in advance.
It really doesn't matter if your sister is mother of the year material and can give the child everything it could dream of and the mother is dirt poor and a criminal. The child will go back to the mother. Only once the adoption is final can the adoptive parents call the child truly theirs.
The only option is to engage in a legal process through which you sister could claim that the mother of the child is unfit to raise the child. This has nothing to do with money or the niceness of the home but more with stability, morale, mental fitness. If they have not done so, they need to contact an attorney specializing in adoptions who can better explain what their options are. They also should have him handle the legal side in any future adoptions.
If they paid for any medical care for the child or even the mother, they have to sue the mother to get the money back. A lot really depends on the agreements they signed and entered into.
For you there is really not much to do other than to offer moral support and a shoulder to lean on. If your sister has to hand the child back, she'll likely fall into a very depressed stage and she'll need a lot of cheering up, support and distraction. She'll also need somebody to build up her backbone in order for her to pursue another adoption where she'll hopefully be able to keep the child.
It's a very sad but not uncommon situation. I'll keep your sister and her family in my prayers.
1 person likes this
@rangics (1334)
• Philippines
4 Oct 08
hello jonesy123..
I was able to mention that to mys sister about getting an attorney for legal advices.. That's really true, it'll be a heartbreak for them if the child will be given back to his mom but as I've said and you've mentioned it too, WE REALLY HAVE NO RIGHT yet..
THANK YOU for your prayers and for your advices too...we hope we can surpass this trial in our life.. Godbless pal and more power..
THANK YOU for your prayers and for your advices too...we hope we can surpass this trial in our life.. Godbless pal and more power..@jonesy123 (3948)
• United States
6 Oct 08
xcammiex, I fully understand your own personal situation and I'm sure you are currently going through exactly that kind of evaluation trying to get your child back. I gave legal advice. Like it or not, this is the reality and you should know it because you are going through it albeit from the other side. Cursing people out because you don't like their advice, if it helps you deal with your own situation... well, good luck!
1 person likes this
@darlenelove (80)
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
its natural for a mom who changed their mind. your sister should have process legalities first like...having the birth certificate as their priority list. its expected to have a changed of heart. your sister doesnt have a control of the situation. if they can negotiate again but they have to be ready of the consequences. its an emotional investment. prayers really make big miracles. its the couple itself must have a sincere intention to God. Ask God's intervention, guidance and signs. God is already giving you signs. its your sister can tell what really God is trying to make her realized on that situation. we never can tell God will grant their prayers. Let the nature takes its course. Like for me I prayed several times but after 3 years when i prayed the same prayer yet i felf something different when im praying after 15 days...God gave me a gift. that why my daughters name is Asha means gift. never lose hope.
@rangics (1334)
• Philippines
6 Oct 08
Thanks pal. Godbless us all. We know that whatever happens here, for sure a good karma will come for my sister..We know we can't win in this fight. We're willing to return the baby though..It's just that, we will be missing the child for sure.. Again, thanks for the advice.
@roniroxas (10560)
• Philippines
4 Oct 08
is the bridge you are talking about is a lawyer? nothing of this will be legalize if there is no lawyer around to make sure everything is legalize. the mother of the child is 21, that is no longer young. she can decide for her own. that starts at 18 years old. kaya nga pwede ng bumuto ang 18 dava! i think this will end well if your sister and her hubby got a lawyer from the start. i think they can still legalize everything. at this moment ang nakakaawa is your sister. she is ( i know for sure) very excited and is going to be a good and the best mom ever. yes i will pray for your sister and her hubby and keep my fingers cross that this will all end well.
i think this will end well if your sister and her hubby got a lawyer from the start. i think they can still legalize everything. at this moment ang nakakaawa is your sister. she is ( i know for sure) very excited and is going to be a good and the best mom ever. yes i will pray for your sister and her hubby and keep my fingers cross that this will all end well. 
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
4 Oct 08
Your sister should have done it legally in the first place with proper legal documentation. The mother of the child might have a deep regret for giving up her son and thereby prompt her to reverse her dicision and dragging her mother in the picture as an excuse to get her baby back. Though it might be painful to return the newborn baby it is only proper that he be handed back to his mother as it might create more complications in future. The next time your sister would want to adopt she should adopt a baby from someone who is not staying around the area. I have adopted two baby girls from different races and has taken the babies from a middlemen. I never knew the parents of my daughters and so far I have not encountered any problem with this adoption.
@rangics (1334)
• Philippines
4 Oct 08
That's really true pal. My mom have mentioned that one too about the location of the mother of the baby..It's really hard...and sad to say we really have no right at all. .Whatever outcome of this, I pray it'll be not hard for my sisters part and hubby..thanks for the advice friend. More power and Godbless..
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
4 Oct 08
All I can say is that regardless if there are lawyers or authorities around during the inception of the idea of adoption between the mother and the adoptive parents, it will always be the mother's decision. Yes, she is quite young, and maybe for now afraid of their future, but the final say will always be with her.
Yes, it's quite sad for your sister's part, but they shouldn't lose hope since there are far more children with less responsible parents as this baby right there has. They should try other chances and maybe if this baby isn't for them then maybe the mother is the best person to take care of it anyways.
Tell your sister and her husband not to lose hope. There are a lot of kids out there, for now, they could go to charities and donate or support a kid or two for school or for meals. There are many organizations which would be happy to accept their help and love offering.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
4 Oct 08
There are three types of adoption in the Philippines:
1. Agency adoptions are those in which a licensed adoption agency finds and develops adoptive families for children who are voluntarily or involuntarily committed. The adoptive families go through the process from application to finalization of the child's adoption under the auspices of the Department of Social Welfare and Development or a licensed child-placing agency like the Kaisahang Buhay Foundation. Through this type of adoption, the legal rights of the child, the parents who gave birth to the child and the parents who will adopt the child, are all equally protected.
2. Family or relative adoptions are those where the biological parents make a direct placement of the child to a relative or a member of their extended family with whom they relinquish their child.
3. Private or independent adoptions could either be a direct placement to a family known by the child's biological parents or through the use of an intermediary or a go-between. In an intermediary placement, an individual knows of parents who want to have their child adopted and arranges such placement to a family or someone who wants to adopt. These intermediaries are generally well-meaning and have good intentions. However, one must be wary of "black market" placements which involve an intermediary who brings together a person who has a child and individuals who want to adopt, for the sole purpose of making a profit. This practice does not consider the best interests of the child nor the legal rights of biological parents and adoptive parents.
[b](I think the case of your sister falls under category number.
Go to this link http://www.gov.ph/faqs/adoption.asp if you for more detailed information that could help your sister. Hope this will help you!
@xcammiex (272)
• United States
5 Oct 08
I'm sorry, but as a first mother, I can not support the seperation of a mother and baby. 21 is not too young to know what you want. I am 21 and I knew that I wanted to keep my baby as soon as he was born, but I was pressured and lied to until I signed consents. I'm still in court fighting for my son.
If they care about the child, they'll give him back to his mother without a fight. If they don't, then I'm sorry to say they are selfish people. That child is NOT theirs yet. That baby deserves his mother. He deserves to know where he got his genes and personality from.
It may be hard, but the right thing to do is to give that baby back to his mother without fanfare.
