Will you raise your children in the same way as you parents raise you?

Definitely. I am what I am and my parents are a big part of what I have become now. There are some of my parents' style which of course I resented when I was younger; but now I realize that everything they did was for my own benefit. Whatever differences there are between me and my parents, it boils down to one point: They only want the best for me.

I've already raised mine, but no, I didn't raise them the same way. I didn't want them to think that if they got something wrong or couldn't do something that they were stupid. I wanted them to feel free to tell me what they thought (within reason, of course) without fear. I even allowed them to be angry with me without punishment (again, within reason) because I remember being angry and remembering that 10 minutes later I didn't feel the same way. I'd tell my mother, "I hate you!" even though I knew I didn't mean it. Maybe it was disrespectful, but I didn't take it to heart and didn't want them to think they had one over on me with what they said. My daughter is an open book. She talks to me about everything. My mother used to marvel that my kids would hold conversations with me. She couldn't understand why I never did with her. She still doesn't realize how constant criticism makes you NOT want to talk. Why should you if everything you say is put down in some way? If YOU are put down for having said it? My kids know that even if I disagree with them, I don't put them down. I made an effort to recognize my kids' accomplishments along than their mistakes. I made sure they knew that making a mistake wasn't the end of the world, that everyone makes mistakes. I wasn't always successful with my son - he was behaviorally difficult and ended up living with his father by choice. But, neither of them feels that I've judged them negatively and not been able to see their good qualities. I can't say the same for myself.

no i won't... i would like to give more independence to my children when i raise them so that they will be more matured and won't be too dependent on me... i think my parents pampered me too much and do things for me which i should had done them myself... hence, i grow up to become a dependent person and know nothing... i also don't dare to take risk and always prefer to stay in my comfort zone... my development is being obstruct because of my characteristics... so i would like to change this when i raise my own children in the future... take care and have a nice day...

Hi hongqistreet, My parents were very loving and caring and I had a good childhood. I have myself raised three boys but there were differences. My late wife and I realized that you have to change with changing times. There was still the love and caring of course but other things had changed. If I had small children today, there would be more changes. I think that love will always be the main ingredient, but other things change. Blessings.

nope! I plan to have a different approach...but then again, I say that now...who knows what will happen when the time comes. But I have been a nanny for a VERY long time, and I plan to NEVER have to put up with the unexplained crying from my kid AT ALL! I aim to instill, rather strongly, for my kids to use words when they're upset, so that I can try to help them, and help them understand, not just try to "Shut them up, give them food!" like a few parents I have known to do, not mine, thank goodness!

I don't think it's possible to raise children now, like our parents raised us. Many things are the same: The desire to teach our children honesty, faith in themselves, to be successful, to love learning, etc. Many things are different: Because we are becoming more of a global society (especially thru wonderful sites like this) differences in race, nationality, age, religion become less important in our dealings with each other. And, with so many children being harmed by family members, teachers and members of the religious communities it's becoming more important to evaluate each person our children deal with, even if they live next door. We have to listen to our children more, we need to teach that trust and respect are earned, not automatic, in the people they deal with. We have to work harder to keep our children safe.

It sounds like your parents held on to you for too long. Sometimes parents don't see their child as grown up and able to handle life. Parents and kids both need to recognize the time of separation. My parents held onto me and influenced my choice of Universities. Neither parents showed overt attention, said they loved me, or hugged me. Underneath the family dynamics, ran a river of abuse, undetected. My kids and all grown and married. I love them as my friends. Rather than carry on the legacy of abuse, I broke the chain, which is not always easy to accomplish. I hope that answered your questions! As to privacy, I let my kids live their own lives. I guided them, but I did not force them to follow my lead. They took responsibility for their actions, and learned from their mistakes. Sorry to go on and on. travel lightly, anawar

I have to smile when reading this. Don't we all say I will NEVER treat my children they way my parents treated me??!! I am raising my child quite differently than I was raised. I encourage him to speak his mind, tell him I love him several times a day, and am not so worried about the chores being done that he misses a game or fun thing he wants to do. But, I do - as my parents did with me - insist on manners, respect, and being well-behaved to others as well as myself. I am VERY strict in that sense. So there is a little of what I was raised with and a little of what I feel works for me as a parent. Hopefully we all find that "something" that works for us when we start our family!

You, obviously, don't know my dad.

I think I would raise my children the same way my parents raised me, I think I turned out pretty good... They taught me so many things, actually I was raised by my grandparents, they were the best, we didn't have a whole lot, but we never needed a thing, we always had food on the table, and clothes to wear, we might not of liked them sometimes, but we did have something to wear. I learned how to live with what I had, and to be careful with money and how I spent it, and I think that carried over to how I am today, I'm real careful with my money and I don't spend it on useless things, and these days we all are looking for ways to stretch our dollars. I think I turned out pretty good, if I must say so myself, and thats how I would want my children to be, to respect their elders and to respect others, and treat them they way you want to be treated.

First of all it is not exactly easy to raise one's kids the same way our parents raise us because of a couple of reasons: the place and circustances changes. As a mother I can tell you, there are times when one must be a parent and there are times when one must be a friend, you will also find out that most of the times your kids want you to be a parent and not a friend, it is hard to believe but it is truth, And most of the times we must decide what is best for the kid, asking his/her opinion is nice at times but it is not as important as the fact that lack of experience will make the kid choose wrong, and the one responsible for that choice will be the parent not the kid. There is of course a balance, but balance is so hard to find out. I believe too parenting is something one must learn foro oneself, day by day and it changes from kid to kid, I only have one daughter, and i have seen a lot of my cousins and aunts whom had a few kids and it can be quite challenging, because even tho they are your kids, they do not have the same needs. Good luck.

I am raising my children based on a lot of valuable principles, my mother taught me. I do allow my children to express themselves in their own opinion as well as give them choices (like places they'd want to go, or eat for lunch). They are still very young, but they soak up everything like a sponge. They know I love them, but also will not tolerate non-sense and inappropriate behavior. I earn their respect by giving them respect. As much as I would love to be their friend, I have to be their parent. There are certain situations that we can act as friends, but overall they know that I am their father first, before anything else; and that I only want the best for them, even if they don't see it that way.

I promised myself not to raise my children like I was raised. My Dad was very strict and we received hidings like clockwork. He never played with us or talked to us or hugged us. He, however, played with other children. It's only when I was married that I discovered why he acted that way. I hug my children, play with them, talk with them and explain to them when they are doing something wrong. I praise and thank them whenever it is needed. Enjoy your children and tell them you love them.

Hi hongqistreet To be honestly,i'm not very satisfied with the way they having raising me because i didn't get from them what i'm really interest in.It doesn't mean i didn't like it,because they also gave me what i really need.So if there is a chance to raise children,i will imitate their way but not at whole. If i have a child, i will ask him/her to learn piano and play at least one ball game when he/she is young,i think in modern times,this is absolutely necessarily for every child.When he/she is a little growing up,i will let him/her choose his/her own way, i mean he/she doesn't need to study so hard just for dreaming of becoming a scientist, he/she can choose music school or physical school or technical school as long as he/she want.I don't want him/her to be a bookworm like most chinese students,i hope their life are full with sunshine.This is a little thought about my child.

I have no complaints about the way my parents raised me. Their intentions were good and they did the best they could based on their experiences and resources. But having said that, I wouldn't raise my kids the same way they raised me...because our financial conditions, experiences, etc are very different from when I was growing up. And my husband also has a right to raise them the way he wants to...so somewhere we come to a compromise. And I think that's good too.

I do not think that I am going to raise my children in the same way my parents raised me. It is not because I am not happy with the way I was raised but it is because of the fact that the circcumstances have changed for me. My parents did not have enough money to allow me to join different activities. They were living in a small town which did not even have an English Medium School. So they had many limitations. I have less number of limitations and so I can afford to raise my children in different way. One more thing is that the time has also changed, I was not matured person even at the age of 14 years and now the children are matured at 10 years... so naturally the way of treating them should change.

Hi Hongqistreet, definitely I did not raise my own as I was raised, maybe that is why I have a great relationship with both my daughters. Like Enola1692 above, I too was raised without ever hearing the words, I love you...these words are so important to a childs self-esteem and emotional well-being. I have been saying "I love you" to my girls everyday since they were born, even today at ages 33 and 18 they will sit on my lap or lay next to me and cuddle with me for a while...I love it...I feel so loved...my girls are amazing!! (Can you tell how proud I am of them?) May both my parents rest in peace, I loved them then and I love them still...but their ways left a lot to be desired :-( In my case I was adopted and my parents were older...when I was about 11-12 my Mother was in her late sixties and my Dad was a bit younger...my Dad never hit me...my Mom was a different story all together...I got beat breakfast, lunch, and dinner!! Still, I loved her then and I love her still...on the other hand, if I would have listened to them, especially my Mom, I would have graduated on time, I would be a professional today with a degree...Of course I am a professional with a degree today but only after many trials and tribulations:-( But no, I would never raise a child the way I was raised. Thanks for the post. ~G~

I love my daughter the way my parents love me or maybe even more than that.But i have my own way of raising her.Theres just some ways that i didn't liek the way they raises me and i want to correct that.Of course , i can feel their love and the support they did for me to become successful.And i want to do that too for my daughter but more than they did.Theres just some things that they should do that they didn't and i feel so sorry for that.I may not a perfect daughter but deep in my heart i love them and miss them very much.

I will not raise my childs as my parents raise me. There will be generation gap between me and my parents.I don't want my child to think like that.

i think i won't raise my children totally in the same way as my parents did,as the social environment changes greatly from my generation to my children's generation. but in some ways i will.for example,my parents teach me to be independent when i was a kid,wo wherever i am,i can take good care of myself.