What do you do when your REALLY don't like the girl your son is living with?

how old is he? if he's under 18...he has to be where you say he has to be or you could report him....In Indiana its against the law for a minor to run away and quit school...and if they do, they go to jail...... But honestly I have been through this with my parents recently with my now X boyfriend.....He was a real f-er, he hit me a lot, and was very into himself..... But if I was you, honest its going to be hard for you....But cut him off completely...its gonna piss him off and cause a lot of anger towards you, but if he's wanting to act bigger than his britches then let him...He's not to come to the house without knocking, and don't give him money, dont baby him..... My x bf eventually left because he found someone else to mooch off of...he took me for 40,000 dollars and my parents seen it coming, but he told me that he loved me and when he looked into my eyes...he was sooo believable...and I did love him back and for some odd fn reason miss him, even though it was all a fn shame..,. I bought us a family car which was 23,000 dollars, he maxed out my credit card 4,000, before the new car I bought him a 91 bonneville 1,400...he tore the lugs off of my pontiac vibe which was 300...and then sppent my ssi back pay 12,000.....so yeah can i sue him...lol My parents dont like any of my bfs or my sister bfs, but I guess as a parent you wanna make sure that your child has the best and will be truely loved and cared for...and you never wanna see them hurting... I would like to think that now I am lucky to have met my new bf the same day that my ahole x bf left me....funny story....I bought my x a 2008 chevy hhr for 23,000 dollars-brand spanking new only 15 miles on it....anyways he thought that when he left me he was going to keep it and drive his new pregnant girlfriend that was pregnant with his best friends baby around in my fn car....hahaha fn ahole was WRONG! I took it and wrote on the back windshield : Repo From Joshua Todd Ogden June 2 2008 and drove it around town so that everyone would know he had officially lost everything and had gained nothing from me.......so he had to go to the dealership with me and sign off on the title and he was bad mouthing me and one of the car salesman told him off and asked me out infront of him and told him what a piece of crap he was and he would take me and give me everything....Josh left crying his eyes out yelling that I made the biggest mistake of my life of letting him go....?....what? He was just pissed cause now he has nothing....and I got a new car 2007 Mazda 6...and that date went very well and we are still together and he's in the process of building me a log cabin house on 100 acres...we just bought the property two weeks ago and we are designing the house together...sooooo i hope everything goes great with this one....and hopefully my FATHER will grow to like him lol....

I would try to catch your son sometime/place that you know she wont be around. If possible maybe show up at his work and offer to take him out for lunch if you could swing that. Or if there's a time you know he will be home and she will be at work or away. However you could wrangle a situation where it would be just the two of you. Don't be judgmental, condescending or rude. Tell him you love him and that you will always be there for him but explain to him why you think she's a damaging influence. Don't harp and give him lots of opportunity to speak. Also, if you are willing, let him that if he needs help or a place to stay then you will do whatever you can. Good luck with it!

Why don't you call him one day when you know she isn't around. Maybe if he feels like he is welcome in your home then he will come back? I know kids can be stubborn, I was one of them. Had I not been as stubborn as I was at the time (late teens, early twenties) my life would have been so much better than it is now.

i don't have a child yet... so it is very hard for me to answer this question... for me, it is very simple... i just stay away from the girl and don't want nothing to do with her... just talk with your son and ignore her... i don't know what make you dislike her so much... you might want to voice it out to her honestly... may be things will work out after that... take care and have a nice day...

I don't really know what to tell you. We kinda have the same thing going on in my family except she won't come to our family things. I'm not the mom but I am the sister. I liked the girl my brother was living with but then I started working with her. When she said bad things about my brother it made me mad. I can talk bad about him if I want to but nobody else is supposed to. LOL But then she started talking to me really hateful and trying to tell me how to do my job when I was doing it well. I'm not working there anymore and she is one of the reasons why because I couldn't take it anymore and I couldn't take the drama. She won't come around any of our family things unless my brother makes her. My mom had a birthday dinner for me the other week and my brother came but his girlfriend didn't. I asked him where she was and he said oh she went out to eat with her family. That kinda made me mad because she never comes to anything and she knew the dinner was for my birthday and she still went out with her mom and dad to dinner and she is over at her mom and dad's house almost every single day but can't ever go to my mom's. I think if my brother is going to be with someone that she should come around our family and do things with us instead of us never seeing her. She has said some hateful things about my mom and to my mom and I think she is embarrassed but still she could just apologize. All we can do is pray that things will get better. I just wish he wasn't with her anymore and I know that sounds so bad but it's the truth. My mom just doesn't say anything about it to my brother because she wants to see him and she just tries to deal with it to make my brother happy. But I speak up about how I feel and he always tries to make excuses for her. She can't come to anything but she can text him the whole time he is with us. I just don't get it. I hope things get better for you and maybe they will for us too.

When child becomes matured we have to leave them as they go. Because they can think about what is good for him/her. When he likes somebody then let him be happy. His life. If you don't like her don't stay with them. Whenever you want to see your son just visit and comeback.

As others have said, all you can do is tolerate her. If it doesn't work out with her and your son (how old is he, btw?). That's good, but for now, you need to be the bugger, better woman. Your son will respect you more for that.

i understand why you don,t like her i know you wanted your son to finish school and look like she would be encouraging him to go back to school this is so important for his future of having a good life.have you talked with him about going back to school are get his ged you wouldn,t be over stepping your bounds by doing this you want the best for him.iam sure it,s his choice to do this it,s not all her fault.keep setting the good example for him he may soon awaken and see he need to finish school.

That's a tough one! I can understand your feelings but your son needs to take some responsibility for his actions too. All you can do is be supportive and not alienate them as that won't get you anywhere. I've always heard the saying "keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Not that she's your enemy, but you know what I'm getting at. By staying close to them you can better moniter what is going on with them and they might confide in you if they feel they can trust you. The top priority is to get him to finish school. Take it one day at a time and in time things will work out. Patience mom, is a virtue which we all need a bit more of. I wish you all the best!

I have read all the posts and agree that one day he will come home however, with some people, the more you point out how much you dislike something, the more likely they are to keep doing it. If you haven't already talked to him about how you feel, then do it. If you have, then leave it alone. The more you talk about it, the farther away you may end up pushing him. Sometimes you bring them back by not pointing out what your not happy about or what your problems are with her. Bottom line is that he is an adult. Whether you like his girlfriend or not, he chooses to stay with her for whatever reason. If he is miserable, and not just saying that to passify the family, then eventually he will leave.

I wouldn't really get involved. I'd give him my reasons for feeling the way I do about her and hopefully in time he will see. People tend to learn alot better from thier experiences. If it continues then i'd let him be happy with her and try to handle them being together the best I could. If she's that bad of a person then she'll show her true colors in due time.

That's a problem, just make yourself comfortable when she's around. Just treat her right. I know the feeling but you need to accept that she is your son partner and just get to used of it. Try to make friends to her and who knows you were get closer. Happy posting.

my brother-in-law married his first cousin. everyone in the family got mad at them and they are like being an outcast every time there is a family gathering. but as time passed by, they all realized that it's best to just let go of it and forgive them. now they're starting to accept their marriage. if she is a nice person and your son really loves her maybe its time that you try to accept her as well

Being a Mum can be very very "where did I go wrong!", when our kids decide they no longer need us...Can I suggest you try to bide your time, where this girl is concerned?..If you choose not to heed the warning, then please be prepared to lose your child for good!...Try to keep your opinions of your dislike for your sons girlfriend, for your husband, sisters or friends...Being outspoken in front of your son just gives your sons girlfriend the "uper hand!"...And believe me...She knows it!!!...If you feel the girl is not genuine of her feelings for your son, or just not worthy, then it is his job to find that out...I hope this helps you...Please heed the warning...One day he will wake up & return to you...But until that day happens, try to keep him around, by doing what you do, with invitations to family gatherings etc...

My dear be patient. In 5 years your son will not even remember her name anymore. In the meantime if both of them come over to your house acknowledge her, do not ignore her, make small talk and never talk negatively about her to your son. Soon they will break up and since your son is only 20 or 21 right now chances are he will move back home. If he does do not put her down but encourage your son to finish high school and enroll in a college, learn a trade, be an apprentice somewhere, anything that will get him more education otherwise he will be stuck with minimum wage jobs which he will hate since they will not allow him to support a family even for a short time. Take heart, things will change, you will see.

I am afraid, about the only thing you can do, is to tolerate her. If you start doing with only inviting him, and not her, you will be the one left out. If he loves her, you will not be able to sway him. She is his choice and you have to honor that.

With 4 kids, I have certainly had to accept my kids from time to time being with someone that I feel strongly is not the "right" person for them. We love our kids and only want the best for them. I have learned that it is best to just let them figure these sort of things out for themselves. It's how we learn. Looking back, I made some pretty sketchy choices in men and my mother very openly despised them. It put tension in my relationship with my mother and nothing more. Of course, later on, I could see that she was right....they were not for me. Still...no regrets...I learned from the experience. I think you should be kind to this girl for not just your son's sake but also the sake of your relationship with him. You really can't blame the girl entirely. Your son had choices. He CHOSE to drop out of school & he CHOSE to move in with her. His choices say as much about him as they do her.

It sounds like you have good reason to dislike this girl. I'm not sure how old your son is, but it sounds like there isn't much you can do to stop him. I'm sure this girl is bad news, but unfortunately not all of life's lessons are learned easily. When he's hit bottom in the future, I'm sure he'll realize his mistake. The question is, do you want to be there when that happens. The only choices you really have right now is to either sit by and wait for it to end and continue to speak with him or you can tell him that you can't support his relationship and cut off ties with him. It depends on what you want to do. Either decision will be hard for you.

I don't have a son so I really don't know. In aany case live in relationships are very rare in India. It is mostly marriage. But even after marriage if I were to find tht I can't stand the girl my son was married to, i would just avoid them and maintian my distance and hope that they are happy together.

My mother-in-law is exactly like you. I put up with her attitude for several years, but got to the point where i felt that enough was enough. My husband made it clear to his mother that if she didn't accept his choice of wife, and make me welcome, then he felt that he was no longer welcome. She now has little contact with him, me or our daughter. I no longer care how she feels - all i know is that our lives are much happier without her in them.