Husband on his want to move to a seniors home again

Since you are the one who seems to be taking care of everything, I cautiously say to do what you think is best. I say cautiously because since I'm not there with you experiencing what you are, I don't want to rush to any judgment. But you are the one who is having to deal with so much, and if you feel staying in your home will continue to help you, by all means, it should be mostly up to you. A house that is paid for is such an advantage, and if you sold it now you might not get the full price of what is is worth. I don't know how Canada's economy is, but in the U.S. right now it is definitely a buyer's market, which isn't good for people looking to sell.

suspenseful for Gods sakes make him understand that nursing homes are pure hell unless you are very wealthy. no stay in your home home where you will have self respect, privacy, good food, friends, good care of each other, and no stench of urine and feces. I spent a month of pure misery in a so c alled care house because I needed physical therapy for my shoulder joint replacement,it was just plain awful, the food was lousy, the service haphazard and noncaring, the treatment if you were over forty five you were treated as an imbecile.no stay in your home, its paid for as for diabetes its easily treatable and you dont need a nursing home for that I am 82 and have had diabetes since I was 55, I live with myson, I am mentally capable, physically capable and wou ld never go to a nursing home.You can stay in your own home and use a walker, you can get a visiting nurse to come by ocassionally if needed, dont cope out to a nursing home, they are just dreadful, believe me.

i'm so sorry to hear about what is happening with you and your hubby... seems like both of you are having a hard time and need to care each other... all i can say is please try to have a nice talk with your hubby again to reach a compromise... if you and your hubby think that both of you still can managed by your own without help from anybody, then i will say staying at home is better... you got more room and privacy... but again it is entirely up to the two of you... i will pray for both of you and hopefully God will give you the strength to go through this hard time... take care and have a nice day...

it depends. are their agencies in your area where you can get financial help for fixing up your house in the style that can accomodate you? there are here in canada and we have a friend who is our age but has had a stroke and the agency has come in and put all sorts of special devices for him to use.

WOW!! After reading all these posts you have a lot on your plate. I think that maybe his main problem might be depression. I watched my father-in-law, who was once a very strong and independent individual, slowly deteriorate because of bone cancer. It got to where he couldn't get around without a walker and most of the time could not get out of bed by himself. My mother-in-law, who is a very petite individual, had to do everything for him. Little by little the depression took over. He didn't see himself as a man anymore because he couldn't take care of his wife or do the things he used to do. Loosing your independence, even if it is mobility, can wreak havoc on how you feel and view life. You start thinking about things that you never really paid much attention to. I also have a neighbor lady, who is well into her 60's, and she is not doing so good. Recently, her first boyfriend and her have started spending a lot of time together. She has had a ramp installed so that he can come in when she goes and picks him up. He has proposed to her and she loves him very much but refuses to marry him because they are both terminally ill. She is extremely independent and he is extremely well off. He offers to help her and she refuses to let him. They both refuse to go to a nursing home or anything like that. My point is that you 2 have to what is best for both of you. When it comes down to it, it doesn't matter what all of us say because we are not living your life and we are not in your shoes. To me though, it sounds like he has already made up his mind about loosing his independence. There are too many options out there for him to give up so easily.

Hello Suspenseful, I think I have to agree with your husband. It will be better if you go to the home and get a whole day care. Some times I know person prefer to be at home and have a home carer but sometimes these home care personal does not take care of the patients the way he/she will do at the home. Seeing that you will be have an operation you will be needing the best care and I would advise that you consider and make the right choice. Regarding church I should believe that the members of your congregation will be willing to take turns in assisting you to attend church. So try and look inside the situation and please to make the right choice. I will be asking my pastor friend to say a word of prayer for you. Take care of yourself and your husband. God be with you. Kerry

A whop;e lot cheaper to stay in own home . its paid for you dont put out all your money to be cared for!. They take all my moms SS every month for the room she says in. and they dont furnish any thing else we have to pay for someone to be there for her to shower have to pay for the depends I just dont know why it cost her over $1500 a month and all I see they do is feed her. She dont eat all that much!

I think he is thinking too much about his difficulties. when people become sick, they think so. boost his morale and make him understand to stay with you. hope this helps.

Well your home is paid for so nothing can be cheaper than that can it? Free? I just don't understand WHY your husband is so obcessed with this going into a home thing..Unless you are just almost totally disabled i see no reason to go into a home..Thats the last thing i would want to do..I think since this is not something you want to do,then maybe you could consider waiting until you need assisstance before going into one,,..as far as your husband it seems like he just wants to give up..As long as you can live independitly i don;t know why your husband is so insistant...I really don't know what to tell you..I am not sure what ages you and your husband are..i know my Mom lived by herself and she was 88 when she passed away & she was still doing everything herself..

The government has discovered it is cheaper to have people at home, even paying to have helpers come in and doctors to come in than to have them in nursing homes. Nursing homes are not safer, you have less stuff, things get stolen and most are not as nice as my mom's - and even then she sometimes calls one of us kids up and tells us she's in prison.

Senior homes are VERY expensive! At least here in the States, they are. You'd do better to stay in your own home until you absolutely have to move. Why is he so keen on moving, anyway? Most people fight to stay away from senior homes, he's begging to get into one! Besides, if you sell your house now you'll not get enough to live on for very long, it's a horrible time to sell. And staying at a senior home will cost hundreds per month for each of you, maybe a couple of thousand!

I do not understand your husband. What is his main worry? Is he tired of maintaning the home? the garden? fixing things around the home? Paying someone to do these things will be cheaper than to go to a home. You aren ot selfish, he is. Does he know how living in senior's home will be like? It is not what they show on the movies btw. You and and Dr need to talk to him. Someone who he can see will not take sides and givd real information. Good luck!

There are always pros and cons with every situation. In your case, moving into a seniors' home could prove to be beneficial too you know, especially since both you and your husband got your respective health problems now. You may still be mobile and may still be able to do simple chores around your house, but your husband obviously can't anymore and he probably doesn't want to put the extra burden of looking after him on you as well. You don't want to leave the comfort of your own home as you feel comfortable there, being in a familiar surrounding. But living in a seniors place, living with people in the same generation like yours, wouldn't that be as comforting too? I'm sure you'd be able find new set of friends whom you can do things together with, like excursions, shopping, physical activities, etc. Unless you've got families who pays you a visit on a regular basis and/or who are willing to look after you both 24/7, in my opinion you would be better off in a facility where both your health and wellbeing will be given due consideration and priority. I know you love your home and have probably lived there almost your entire married life, but if you will have it renovated now and restored into its full glory again, you'll only be spending your hard-earned savings on the house that you might not live in for long anyway. If, knock on wood, one of you suddenly "got called", how would the surviving one will live? If you're the surviving one, how would you plan to get on with your life then? For as long as you and your husband are together, living in retirement either in a 55+ place, a seniors' place, a retirement village or a nursing home, I believe can and will still be a happy place to be. It only becomes dreadful if you're just by yourself and nobody from your family even bothers to pay you a visit at least.

This one is a doozie! I will speak from my point of view. I'm not a big fan of nursing homes. BUT there are very nice ones out there. More like Senior citizen homes. I know you said that your home is paid for and that is a great thing because that allows you to be more comfortable and less stressed about how you are going to pay a mortgage.But do you think that you are capable of handling your husband considering the fact that he cant walk? That is a huge responsibilty and your body may not allow you to handle that well. Now even if you don't want to move that is fine, you can alwas hire a nurse who can help with all the extra work around the house, including your husband. I personally wouldn't want to go into a senior citizen home unless I had to. And considering the fact that you stated you have a basement means to me that you have stairs. This alone isn't going to be easy expecially since your husband is in a wheelchair. You must weigh the pros and the cons when dealing with this situation. he might be coming off a bit selfish but you might be coming off a bit selfish as well. Something you might have to ponder on a little bit longer. Try to step outside the box for a minute to get a glimpse of the bigger picture.

Maybe he is seeing the house as too much to keep up. I know my grandma just got to the point that it was too overwhelming. Her house was very handicap accessible, but just too much to worry about. Keep an open mind and check into things. Sit down and do the pros and cons together. There may be more to his thinking than you realize.

I think he might just be afraid of being too much of a burden on you which many newly disabled people feel like they are. However, you seem to have got it together pretty well. You're modifying the house and everything. I wish my parents would do that. I've been disabled everyday of my 32 years and they're still not up to par on that standard. If it would help your husband to talk to someone who's been through all this I could talk to him or I could recommend other people (maybe he would prefer a man) to do so.

Nursing Homes are not all expensive. If a person is handicapped a nursing home is a good option. If your husband can't get around, he will need nursing care in your own home. This can be very expensive!I can understand him not wanting to spend a large amount on the house. This money may be needed later for health concerns. You are not exactly healthy either, and if you get sick who will cook and be there for your husband? I think your man has the right answer! Nursing Homes are becoming increasingly popular with health conscious seniors. My Parents signed themselves in to the local nursing home and they lived happily there until their passing four years later.

Hi Suspenseful, I like you thought he had knocked this idea on the head. I know how much you want to stay in your own home and it is sad that he doesn't, I know I would want to stay in my own home too and really can't understand why he is so insistent and a senior's home yet again. Maybe he is genuinely worried over both your health and feel with an onsite warden to hand his worry factor will be eliminated. It must be hard when you have been so active to face disability in some way but your house with the adaptions should be fine. I think this is one you will both argue over for some time yet to come. I know your church means a lot to you also so that would be something else you would have to give up as well as your home. I hope you can both reach an amicable agreement on this one. Financially paying for help would probably be more enconomical too. Huggles. Ellie :D

This must be really tough for you, especially with everything else you have on your mind at the moment. I think people often find it difficult to admit that they are struggling to cope, although it doesn't sound as though you are struggling too much, once you have made the changes to your home then hopefully your husband will find it easier. I don't know about the cost of living in a seniors home because they vary from place to place, although if your house is paid for then i certainly don't think it is going to be cheaper. Maybe your husband thinks he is helping you out by making this suggestion because he doesn't want to put too much strain on you while he isn't able to do as much around the home as he used to? xxx