Demanding A Future...

My grandparents didnt pay for my mom to go to college, and for a long time my mom said she couldnt and wouldnt pay for me, recently she has told me she would help me how she could but I know she can't, she can't afford it :) I'm hopeing for a scholership and I'm willing to work for it. I think a lot of parents try to hand stuff to their kids and get screwed by that later, if a child CANT have because its just not affordable the kid has to look for alternative means to get it, Like I had to. Its good for kids not to get much more than they need...

My daughter has a little bank of her own in her room that she tucks money in. To be honest, since I've given birth to her I've not really thought of her getting married, going to college, or even the grandchildren she may or may not have! I've not even saved up money in an actual account just for her. We live day by day learning from each other and enjoying the time we share then reflect on our day before bedtime. But if I did save up for her in an account just for her, I'd give it to her even if she just wants to spend it unwisely. It was hers that I saved for her and she wouldn't have to demand it from me. I could never deny my daughter of something I made for her in forethought.

I feel that if they don't follow what their parents wanted for them then no they don't deserve the money that had been saved for their future for schooling. Kids like that seem to be spoiled and always looking for the easy buck and a easy way out. I feel that the parents worked hard for that money therefore it is there's to do as they wish when their plans for their children fall through.

Nothing is owed to the child. Anything demanded of a parent is just that, a demand. Now if a parent wants to give the money over by choice and leave all choices up to the child regarding how that money is spent, so be it. I believe if money is given with strings attached, it ought to be spent that way; otherwise, it ought to be left up to the child. That child will have to account for the money. If a parent isn't willing to accept the choices made by a child, then hang onto the pocketbook. If my child came to me demanding her college money for something other than college, because it was invested for her for that, I would probably hold back. But if she were not attending college and had a good job and wanted a downpayment for a modest home, that would be worth considering. If she were about to be married and needed more help than I was able to give out of family income, that would be worth considering. If she became very ill and needed help with medical bills, that would be worth considering. But if she saw a really cool-looking car that she wanted, that might not pass the approval. Demanding her money or threatiening no future relationship without it, is not something I would want to have happen. If that were the case, I expect I would give over the money and let nature takes it course. When college decision time shows up and she has no money, she would need to take out loans because of her previous choices. In addition, it would say tons about her maturity, tons about her self-focus, and tons about her respect for me as a parent. That could ultimately change lots of things, including my will and how she might receive from that. Would it change my unconditional love. No. But all actions have consequences.

No. If I put my money away for some purpose it is mine to use as I see fit. If I change my mind about how I want to use it, that is my choice until it is out of my hands. The money doesn't belong to the kids until I give it away and parents don't owe their kids anything after they are grown. Once they are adults they can/must be responsible for themselves. Parents don't even OWE their children an inheritance. The choice of who gets someone's someone's money is always the owners. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with giving adult children financial assistance, unless it enables them to stay dependent.

As a mother i always wanted my daughter to have a good future and i've been preparing for it.For me, it would be best to have her finish college and earn a degree so she could get a better and stable job for her future.This is my dream for her but i will never control her.I just hope and pray that she think the same as i do for her.If ever(hope not)she made mistakes in her life, i will always there to support her and pull her up when she feel down.I love her and i want the best for her.But everything is within her.

From the time my children were born, I saved money towards their education and whatever else they might need. They never demanded money and I always had a little to spare. When each of them got married, I gave them whatever I could spare so that they could buy their own home. I never felt that I owed them money and they didn't feel that way either. Now that they have all settled down in their own homes, they do whatever they can for me to show their appreciation. I guess, I was very lucky with my children.

I would Love to be able to save for my (future) kids' educations/futures, etc. Being unmarried and struggling to survive as it is, with the economy and global events as they are, I don't see myself ever having a family, let alone children, and I don't see how anyone can/could/would do it. DR...

If I put the money away for the kid in hopes to do a particular thing, like school. I would have to really consider what to do with the money if they wanted it just to spend. I would tell them that if they are spending it on something practical - like maybe a car to help them get a job but not just to friviously spend it. Heck, if ANYone is going to friviously spend it its going to be ME! It is MY money after all!

Twoey, As difficult as it may be.. They need to be reminded the money that was put away for the children is still the parents money and should be used however they see fit.The parents of course need to be the judge with regard to the maturity of the person for which it was intended.A Wedding,College,Homeownership,Investing or other major life events seem to be appropriate.Blowing the savings on a car or vacation serves no value.

I find this attitude very strange. I had a girlfriend who was so angry with her father for remarrying because she felt that he was spending her inheritance on this woman. I cannot understand that. It is his money not hers. Parents bring their children up and they do the best for them but they do not owe the all the money they ever made. If you put money away for college fund then it is a savings account for you not your children. You invest it so that if they choose a certain path you can help them but I do not think you oh that money to them. It is yours not their unless you choose to give it them. I find this attitude by modern day youth to be so callous and greedy. Once they are earning their own money they are no longer your responsibility but you still care about them. You are not responsible for them until you die. That is wrong.

I've raised my children to not expect anyone to do anything for them, that they are not entitled to anything that they don't earn. So I don't have that problem. I'm working to make sure they get some kind of inheritance when I die, though. I mentioned to my eldest that the two of them are my beneficiaries and he said "oh boy, I'll have five whole dollars!" Then when we stopped laughing, he told me he'd rather have me than any amount of money.

I'm feeling right now that I would tell them I don't "owe" them anything. If they want to talk about owing someone, I would detail a bill for the last 18 years of the things they didn't need but wanted and tell them if they want to use the word "owe", then they owe me. To take their selfishness out of here or they will get nothing from us from now on.

While I agree that anyone "demanding" anything is wrong, if the money is set aside for the child, it is theirs. Also, The title of this thread is "Demanding A Future." A lot of parents DEMAND their children go to college or become something they DEMAND them to be. It's not right or just on either side of the coin. That being said I go back to my initial response and reiterate if I set money aside for my child, it would be up to him or her what he or she decided to do with it for their future. Would I be happy if my child goes to college? Absolutely. Would I DEMAND my child go to college or choose a certain profession merely because I set aside money for them to have such an ability? Never.

I recently bought a share of stock for my son. I am willing to do something like that but I wouldnt give him a large sum of money just to spend. I think that would be a bad idea that would lead to consquences neither of us would want. I guess that helping them out with something concrete is ok, but not just to spend.

Hello twoey. I would not give my child the money that was meant for school to them. The only way I would give it to them is if they had a business or something. College isn't for everyone but those who choose not to go to college do go to a trade school. If one of my son's decided not to do anything positive with their life, why should I support that? Why should I take the money that I am working for and just give it to them to do as they will? That wouldn't be right. I didn't tell them to become a nothing in life and if they were to demand I would really deny it. If I were a bum guess what, I wouldn't have anything to give them right but I'm not and will not support my children wanting to be bums either. Take care twoey and God Bless!

My children would NEVER be dumb enough to actually say any money i worked for and put away was OWED to them! Even if it was put up for them it is still money I worked for and until i put it in their hand it is mine to do with as i wish. My children have been taught that THEY are responsible for earning money for whatever they want to buy and although i may give them money if they need it they know that i am not giving it to them because it is OWED to them!

Our kids had insurance policies that came out when they were eighteen,and that was always promised to them,and it helped them to buy their first cars,as well as buying the car there is also the insurance and the road tax,which is a heck of an expense when you are young.I think that it would be very wrong of any child to assume that you have money to help them out,for the most part the parents are as strapped for cash as the kids.Why should any child think it is their right to have any money from thier parents,if the parent has money to spare and is willing to help out then so be it,but it should not be an expectation.A parent spends his/her life looking after and bringing up the children and when they have some spare money then surely it is time to start enjoying the benefits of it.

Hi twoey68, If I had kid and I have saved for them since the day they were born I would tell them, so they can't demand, and if the kids say I OWE it to them I slp them on the face and tell them I don't owe anything to them. They were born and loved always but don' make demands because thats will hurt any parents, no I won't tell them and wait till they are mature enoughh and execpt the money gratfully when the times comes and not before. Tamara

If I had small children and decided to do that, it would be money for them to use as they see fit later on in life. I wouldn't tell my child what to be or how they "need" to do things. Allow me to elaborate. By saying that I don't mean I would not be a parent and give guidance. I would be saving for my child to have the ABILITY to go to College and yes, I would LIKE it if my child would go to college, but I would never say to them "NO! You can't have this because I made it set aside for ____" It would be set aside FOR the child's future. Whatever that may be.