Banning gift giving... and receiving.
By aconner
@aconner (218)
United States
October 21, 2008 8:13pm CST
Ok, so I had a bad experience with gift giving a couple of years ago to an ungrateful relative on her birthday. She was diabetic and I gave her a small sugar free cake the baker (per her request), beautiful flowers, balloons and heart felt card with a long personal note about how great she was. Well in the end, her gifts were more expensive and she didn't feel appreciated by the dinky gift I got her.
So, this year for Christmas and probably from now on for other special occasions I will be giving handmade items (crafted items and baked goods) and offering services. And, I will request that I not receive material gifts. There is much more that a person can offer than purchased items to show someone they are thinking about them and so on.
How do you feel about this? Have you band gift giving and receiving?
Don't get me wrong, I love gift giving... probably more than receiving... but if it comes with a worry of "Is this going to be good enough?" I don't want to deal with it.
3 people like this
10 responses
@LilPixelle (828)
• United States
22 Oct 08
Good policy, "Is this going to be good enough" Should not even be on the mind, I like your approach home baked goods and crafts etc. I think thats the direction I want to go, except maybe for nat, He has a tendency for video games, but he also likes snacks...mostly drinks...hmmm that will have to be something I experiment with when I get older XD lol but Yeah I like your way of doing it, I dont get how she could have been ungrateful at that, one of the best presents I ever got was a giant piece of posterboard that my friend had done up like a card, I still have it and it was from five years ago. lol I think she needs to get slightly more realistic with her expectations :P maybe if she is a close enough relative you can get her involved with makeing gifts this year :D
2 people like this
@Shawchert (1094)
• United States
22 Oct 08
as i'm a single mom it is hard to think about trying to get gifts for others. i give them cards and such but I can't do much so I try my best. I don't ask for anything at all. I don't need anything really, I love seeing my families faces when they get their presens
2 people like this
@aconner (218)
• United States
22 Oct 08
Yes, I'm the same way, but sadly most of my family has kinda drifted apart. Funny how family can do that... I was always taught that friends can drift apart but family is forever. I still try my best to bring them together during the holidays hoping they'll see the importance of it.
Oh and I solute you for being a single mom. I was raised by a single mom and have so much respect for those out there that are single that get by on their own. *claps hands*
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
22 Oct 08
i can't believe it that people can actually compare the gifts based on the materialistic value... that is so sad... for me, it is always the thought that counts... so whatever gifts i receive from anybody no matter what it is, i always appreciate it... it is very hurtful when people don't appreciate your gift after your effort to buy it for her... hopefully you won't have to experience it again and this christmas will be better for you... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
22 Oct 08
I absolutely agree with this. It is something that my youngest sister and her husband do all the time. They are both talented crafters, so the make their Christmas cards, they make things for family and friends, which thrills any and all who are fortunate enough to receive them. When they got married, they registered at some of the usual places, but also stated that handmade gifts would be most appreciated. My mom always makes Christmas ornaments for her grandkids and great grandkids, and whether they ever say anything to her about it or not, they are thrilled to get that little package around the middle of December.
I feel that gifts that are made by hand for some one in particular are the ones that mean the most in our family.
1 person likes this
@aconner (218)
• United States
22 Oct 08
Yes, I totally agree. I think that's something that I will do for my kids (when i have them) is make something each year either for birthday or christmas that will be a keepsake that they can show their children. I love shadow boxes and have thought about doing shadow boxes that have items and stories of a particular event each year or like you said, the christmas ornaments. That would be awesome and could potentially last a life time.
2 people like this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
22 Oct 08
One day, when you do have kids, make the gift making a family thing. The kids love helping and getting to make things for people. My kids made ornaments for all the grandparents one year. They had a blast.
1 person likes this
@dhisaw (304)
• United States
22 Oct 08
For me I have not band gift giving. ANy gift I give to someone they should realize that I was thinking of them and that it came from the heart. As for receiving gifts from others I would rather not. I usually do not buy for myself anyways so that would work for me. If they do not like the gift that I give them then they can feel free to give it to someone they believe will like it. It does not bother me for any gift I give to someone to be given to someone. For the simple fact that maybe they needed it.
1 person likes this
@lavender88 (192)
• Malaysia
22 Oct 08
Yes, when you give someone a gift, the feeling's is always there. Is it good enough? Well, we cant pleased everyone but to me it's the thought that counts the most. I don't think gift giving should be banned. When we give, we give with sincerity and token of our love/friendship.
At the end of the day, what they do with the gifts - I don't want to know.
1 person likes this
@aconner (218)
• United States
22 Oct 08
Yes, you are right. I guess my name title for this thread was a bit uninformative. What I meant by it was banning the "traditional" idea of gift giving. The ones that everyone feels pressured to spend money on, the ones that people don't put much heart into. I'd rather a letter about how I helped change a persons life or even a letter asking for my help rather than an item that will sit on a shelf and collect dust for years to come until it is lost in a house fire or some other natural or accidental disaster. I don't wish those things on anyone but I will always have the words that were in that letter in my heart but would have lost that item that was a dust collector forever.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
23 Oct 08
I can tell you some stories about my ex-in-laws! They really didn't appreciate anything I ever bought or made for them. Ingrates! I finally told my husband that I was no longer going to buy them anything. Each gift I had given these people never was good enough. We were visiting his sister and her husband in their new home. They took us on a tour of the house and he garage. In the garage they had tables set up for a tag sale and I spotted every item I had given them for the past 2 years. I was ripped. Told my husband that if he wanted to waste his money on them he could go ahead and do it.
@aconner (218)
• United States
23 Oct 08
Yes, I know what you mean. I have been guilty of regifting before. But it's not because I was ungrateful. I said before that I don't really enjoy getting gifts that are bought (I love getting food, hand crafted items, services, etc) but material things just hardly ever last very long for me. I'm the first to admit that my tastes change constantly... I still haven't decorated my house because I am constantly changing my interest in different styles. So when I get gifts and people probably put a lot of thought into them because of the most recent interests that I may have expressed to them, those interests will change very quickly. So, instead of letting an item collect dust I will regift it to someone that I think will appreciate it and use it. Some think this is a cheap way of giving gifts, but I think not. Just my opinion... but I don't think I would be able to sale an item... just would feel bad about that.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
23 Oct 08
i like to give as well but i hate it when people look at you and say (or show it in their body language) that 'is that all you can afford'? whatever happend to just being grateful for the gift? i find it hard to shop for relatives as they are all richer than we.
@makingpots (11915)
• United States
22 Oct 08
You shouldn't have to worry if it is going to be good enough. That is for sure. I think you have a firm grasp on the whole idea of gift giving and receiving. Good for you. 
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
22 Oct 08
hi aconner well I think that diabetic woman friend was most ungrateful if you ask me. To me a fellow diabetic woman
if Ihad been given those as a gift I would have been really
delighted as I would know it came from the heart and was so
thoughtful of the giver. a sugar free cake,plus flowers and
ballons and a nice sweet card would be a plethora of gifts
in my eyes. so many of us love cakes and cookies and cannot '
eat them.. Handmadegifts are always so good to receive and
baked goods seldom go unappreciated.maybe thats what I will
do this Christmas as I am short on cash.
