My son needs a friend......

For a balanced mental development, there is no substitute to a good friend. A thinking and living humanbeing and not a computer which just responds to your commands. By having a friend one learns to share, argue, debate things out, importance of group activity etc. he must join some club where they teach some arts and craft which he cna attend along with other kids. he ahs to be drawn out of his shell. he must join a local sports club and play basket ball or foot ball or base ball. he must rough it out with other children. Send him on a excursion with other kids of the school or on a hiking trip where mom an ddad are not with him and just kids his age. Don't make him a recluse. Tell him that if you want to make friends, you have to go out of your way. No one is going to come to you. If yo are friendly then ony others will respond. I used to tell my daughter that and slowly she changed. All the best

I'm sure he'll grow out of the fantasy state soon. If you want him to make friends take him to the part or enroll him into an organized team sport. This way he would have to interact with the kids in the area. I advocate getting him toys other than video game for Christmas this year. Video games are ok up to a certain age, but if you keep playing them later on, they have a potential of causing social anxiety. (biased of no research, just what I have seen)

hello peedielyn, I have my son who is now in third year high school. He is a shy type and so what we did is that we let him choose what he likes to do out door before enrolling him. Now he was able to adjust and overcome his shyness. Maybe you can do to your son too. Let him join the sports so he can gain friends and enjoy his childhood.

my daughter was like this.. we tried to get her invole in something like brownies. she did it for a year then didn't want too. i would try to get him invlove in more activies what he might like to do. like an art club..

Are there any after school activities he can join? Maybe start taking him to kid friendly places to meet others. My stepson is 7 and has no friends except the 8 year old girl next door and that's only because her mom and I forced it. At his moms he doesn't have anyone but his 3 year old sister and grownups. He also is attached to his video games at her house and never goes outside. We do not allow video games for him except once in a blue moon, then we limit it to 1 hour. He's the type that thinks if another kid talks to him that they are automatically best friends but he actually has none. We tried putting him in baseball but the other kids and him just didn't seem interested in one another. I don't lnow what else to suggest. Good luck.

My daughter is now 12 and she was (I say was) just like that. She would watch tv for hours, stay on pc to long or just refuse to go out, 'even when girls in my area called for her'. I was just like you, I was worried something was wrong. Was she being bullied at school? No. She has this year moved house, and has found one friend she relates to in every way. They can only have each other and get jealous and upset, when another child is around. They play the same childest stupid games, that I would have grown out of by now when I was her age. She has her own style of dress, that I do not agree with and seems to stick to the same clothes, 'Favourite old ones'. She does not like change. Every thing has to be the same. I suppose shes a dreamer, has a great imagination, is indeed different from my other 3 daughters. She has improved and goes out alot more. She still likes to stay in somedays but shes not half as bad. Try one big change with him that he might like, (joining a club). Maybe if he invited someone 'he likes' at school around, thats not a friend they might become his friend. He may lack confidence. My daughter would not speak in class for two years. They put her in a smaller group of 6 in a special needs group (just to help her confidence) she came out of her shell a little and didnt need to go back after 4 weeks. I myself have always been a loner,I like to be by myself a lot. I have done OK. Make sure your son is not being bullied at school (he is probably not). I probably have not been of much help really, but he will be Ok.

The advice I was given, with a son like that, is that the world needs people like that, people who are dreamers. The only difference is he did not have video games at that age, he had books, and you cannot really take those away. Do you put your son in sports of any kind? He might be open to something like tennis or cross country and track, where he is on his own, but with others. Or maybe something like tae kwon do.

Being a parent has humbled me. Especially lately. I certainly don't have all the answers, but I can try to make a few suggestions that might help. I also have a question. Doesn't he have any friends from school? You mentioned living in the country, so for a second I thought he might be homeschooled... You could try signing him up for a school club, or after school activity or some kind of sport...Those are my suggestions. I don't know if they will help. I am going through some problems of my own now with my 12 year old boy. He used to play sports and that helped him to make friends for a while. Unfortunately, he is not playing sports now, because he was having trouble in school especially with getting his homework done when he was having to go to practices and games. Lately he has not signed back up by choice. Good luck finding the answers you seek!

I must say, I was a kid like that. I had a hard time making friends and most of my life have only had one or two good friends (if I had any). It's okay, some of us are just like that. Make sure he is sticking with his school work and let him dream. If he likes drawing then see if he can get into a drawing class after school, or some other extra curricular. But be careful, being pushy will make him feel like there is something wrong with him and in reality there are a lot of loners out there.

Hi peedielyn, I know just what you are going through. I was a loner in school and even to this day at 46 spend alot of time alone. My youngest daughter was and is also a loner. But let me tell you, there is nothing wrong with that, it just tends to make then a much deeper thinker, and a person the has values. A kid that spends alot of time alone, learns to watch what is going on around them and tend to avoid problems. Most turn out to be pretty good Adults and become extremly close to there family. Find a day that works for both of you and use that day to be a friend to your kid (not a parent for a day) get out and do something together. My daughter tells the people she knows that I am her best friend. Because I have learned to be a Mother and a Friend to them. Living out in a rual area, does make it hard for kids growing up. But, it also tends to keep them safe. If your son loves to draw...Then focus on that. There are great computer programs that allow you to create some great designs. If you want him away for the computer games alittle, Then get him a camera, and a program like Photoshop or coraldraw and let him find the creative side of himself. It will build confedence, and pride in what they do. Not only that, you will be investing into his future. A Graphic Design or web design make good money in the right area. And giving him the tools to learn will only brouden his future. As far as school work slipping. My rule in the house was....when they got home from school, they were to get all there homework done before anything else. They tend to do better, when everything is still fresh in there minds. There were no phone, friends, tv or games until it was done..This helps to keep the school grades up. Once they had it don't then I let them do other thing. But as I said my daughter is still a loner. When she got her licence I thought she would run all the time. NOP she was home more then gone, and when she did go somewhere, she was home within hours of leaving. She thought it was stupid to spend gas and time on just driving around town. So see what I mean, by being a much deeper thinker...Don't worry. He'll be fine. And when he does find a good friend. It will be a friend for life..And that's the kind of friends people need.

Does he like drawing? In my opinion, you should encourage him, praise him for the pictures he drew, and tell him there are more material for drawing in the surrounding, like the nature and the people around him. I've see a TV cartoon by Hayao Miyazaki who is a Japanese director of TV animation. There was a little girl of 9 years old or so who quite liked writing. But her maths was bad that made her parents angry. And you know, the home education is so rigid in Japan that the children must obey what the father said. Her friends gave her great support that she became a writer when she grew up. I hope this can help you. God bless you.

I don't know how to fix it but I do sympathize with you. My daughter is a tvaholic and seems to be having trouble paying attention in school and making friends. She sometimes comes home and says she didn't play with anyone that day and you know, it just breaks my heart. I'm not sure but maybe some counseling sessions would help. Maybe not necessarily him but if the psychologist could get to know him a bit he may be able to advise you in some things you could do for him. I know I'm about to make my much needed trip there. I like to to go get the renewed vigoration for good parenting from them. Anyway, I know it's hard to see your child appear to suffer, it makes me feel like a failure, and I feel for ya. Maybe our kids should play together... Good luck!!! :-)

My oldest son, also 11, had trouble making friends for a long time. He was just a loner. He pulled out of his shell a bit this year...finally, when he decided he wated to try playing football. It helped him a lot to be part of a team. Now, he has made some friends with people he played with, and even though the season is over for him, he is still freinds with those tht are in the same grade as he is. I think the best decision i made for him was to get him into extra-curricular activities. It doesn't have to be sports, just anything that gets the kids around other kids with common interests. I feel that it gives them a sense of belonging that they may not otherwise get. I suggest that you find something that your son is really interested in and find a team or group for him to join.

i have also have a 9-yr old son, he's just like your boy, very shy. i guess what they needed is more activities even though it would take so much time for them to get out of their shell, coz until now, my kid's still like that. i even joined him to be a candidate in their school pageant for 2 consecutive years, he was able to perform in a stage but still he can't even ask a cashier in a fast food. he still needs me to speak out for him. and he also likes to draw cartoon/anime characters. there are times, i would tell him that im getting mad when he doesnt want to ask. and since he doesnt want me to get angry, he tells the cashier in a fastfood his order. my son's afraid to do it, but then again he needs to overcome his fears. in our cases, since we are so concern with our sons, we just have to do it again and again, we should never give up. coz i know how you feel, im feeling it to.

One of my 3 sons finds it harder to make friends than his brothers. I used to let it bother me a lot, but then realized that not all kids need a lot of friends. I've done what I can to help him make friends, including putting him in the same class as his twin brother, in the hopes of him being able to feed off of his brother's friends. Another thing I do, is arrange playdates with other parents I know at the boys' school. This gets the adults some chat time, and the kids the chance to play with a smaller group. It's less intimidating for them, and gives them the opportunity to play in a safe environment for longer periods of time. If I had more disposable income at this time, I would put my boys in some extra curricular activities where they could be exposed to some new kids than what they get at school or here at home.

hi peedielyn he sounds like me at thatage, and I daydreamed, and climbed trees,yes I was a little girl, and made up stories in my head, and plays. If he loves to read, maybe he would loveto write, too. see if he would like to write his own stories, sometimes daydreamers become bestselling authors when they'grow up so who knows. or perhaps film directors or whatever,he sounds like he has a lot of imagination. they tried to get me ou t of my tree but didnt really solve anything.If he is artistic give him some art lessons,gethim into clubs with kids who have his same interests,and also think about cub scouts and boyscouts, my years in brownies and girl scouts were so good for me as I was shy but there I was not. think about it.he needs to be with kids who share something with him,

i think you can be your child's best friend. you have to give him more love.

When I was growing up, I was probably a bit like him. Well, we played different games at that time. No video games yet and if there were I couldn't afford one. I never aced myself in games as well, I always came out last from kids my age. I have the least collection of marbles than my cousins. I often wonder why too during that time. I realized now that I'm good in something else which is more beneficial in daily life application. Most of the time, I read. I find myself entertained by the characters of the books and stories that I read. I was a dreamer. I have a son now but he is different, he is very outgoing and find friends easily. a bit of an A.D.H.D kid but very sweet. I also find myself climbing trees when I was young and start dreaming there so you could imagine that I'm on top of the tree for hours. LOL. Every kid is different, with different interest. Have you considered the fact that your kid has a very interesting thought life which will be realized later on in life. I turned out just the way I want to be. Street smart, I love books, I love learning and I can get the job that I want. One thing I'm not is mediocre. Let him be. He is discovering who he is. If yu found something his good at then support him. Don't force him or squeeze yourself as to why is he not the same with other kids. I am very choosy with friends, I want those that will help me develope into a better person and I'm good at keeping them because I choose quality. I hope this is accepted. sheena

He needs socialization. Why not bring him to children parties more often so that he will gain more friends. You can even go to the mall and let him play with other kids. There are alot of kiddie areas where your son can spend some time with other kids of his age. It would be better if you try not to buy games that can only be played at home and worst alone. He can play at home with other kids. Invite his classmates to have snacks with you. That would be fun for him. He seems to be a very shy guy. Let him go out of his shell by involving him to different activities. Send him to swimming, basketball or whatever is his interest. :-)

I personally understand how you feel as a mother. It is depressing to see ur own son behaving like this. Perhaps you could bring him to have some couselling by professionals as i think it would certainly help him in his developement. I would suggest you to seek help from professionals as soon as possible because you have to tackle this problem since he is still young now as it will be more difficult to solve this problem as he gets older.