I have asked my friend to adopt her baby

Would you also say the same if it was her natural child? That's what you should be pointing out to her too. This could have happened to any child,or even worse problems and coming to terms with a disability takes time. Thousands of Mum's face this dilemma and what you need to concentrate on is telling her how to help her child, appeal to her logic and her emotions will hopefully change. Tell her or get her husband to, that interaction and talking or singing to the child will encourage the child more than any therapy sessions! She may not talk back at first but the more words she hears the more she'll want to try. I'm a care-worker for disabled people and so I can understand how she might be feeling, she herself is probably frightened that she can't give the child what it needs but she also needs to know that feeling 'tricked' is common to natural mothers too. When that perfect child isn't quite as perfect as you hoped it's natural to feel life has dealt you a low blow. Try and encourage her to find out everything that's around that may help her! There are support groups for people, you just have to make the effort to find them! Try to help her before you condemn her!

if both u and your wife think positive in adopting that girl and the father is ready to let go her its better you adopt her coz even after the baby starts to speak the present mother would have difficulties trying to see her as her daughter

Hi ronaldinu, I would do exactly what you said you would do and I hope that you mean what you said and are truly willing to take this poor child away from this horrible selfish woman as soon as possible so that this little girl has the chance to have a wonderful life with 2 loving parents. But you and your wife have to be really sure that this is what you both want and will both be committed to this little girl and know that it isn't going to be easy and that there will be no turning back once you have taken her. You will have to make her feel extra loved and cared for because she is already very traumatized by what this woman is doing to her. Please make sure that you and your wife know what you are getting into! I think it would be absolutely wonderful if this is what you really want to do. From what I know of you you are a kind and generous person that has plenty of love to give and would make a wonderful parent to this child. Please let us know what you decide and don't wait too long because this child is being treated really badly by this woman and she is doing a lot of damage. That is probably why the little girl doesn't want to speak!

i would adopt that child thats just ridiculous and i would love children like that. They just want to be loved like everyone else what is the matter with people now days that child hasnt done anything to deserve that kind of treatment. You should take the child for his own sake.

It is a difficult situation for the child, but I think your adopting teh child willnot solve thproblem. What if tomorrow, after you have adopted the child and the child starts doing really well, your friend's wife starts clamouringthat she want the child back? i know you will adopt the child legally, but thenit coudl lead to a lot of embarassment for you as well as the child.What if she starts poisoning the child against you? If you want to adopt a child, i feel it is better to adopt an unknown child, someone without any links to anyone you know. That way you willhave greater peace of mind.

that is just so sad. its good to know that you and your wife has a big heart. i believe that she will be better in your family. it's not her fault that she has a problem with her ear. she needs a lot of understanding and love

How could anyone not love their child, adopted or not. I feel bad for this child to go through this. Her live will be challenging enough with her speach delay, and her family should be a loving place to turn. Please help your friend to understand how much her daughter needs her love.

that child needs to be somewhere else. it takes a pretty sorry person to take a child's hands away when they are trying to hug them.

What a terrible thing for this special and precious child!! That mother makes me angry and I applaud you and your wife for having bigger hearts. What is she teaching her son, that only perfect people count? I have had many special-needs students in my life and they have been a great joy to me. In the same situation, depending on where I was in my life, I might do the same. I could not now, at my age, but I think it is a good idea, if the adoptive father goes along with it.

i would be doing the exact same thing!! get her to a home that will love her!! what a cruel person!! good luck!! i hope it works out for you

Hi ronaldinu, In theis country, the social wefare will take of that, I think its very sad, it is not the little girl fault and I thinl the adoptive mother sholukd not be allowed to adopt a child if she can pick and choose for the perfect child, it is cruel. Tamara

that is definately a sad situation to hear about. can be a tricky situation to be in especially deciding what would be the best thing to do. If i was able to i think i would do the same as you and offer to adopt the child myself, rather than see the child go through an unwanted type of attention. I would also question why the parent is doing such actions, and offer to help them find a way maybe through third party to have a better bond with the child, or try and get the father to work with the mother in becoming more understanding and building the bond that she is looking for

Wow, I would totally have done the same thing. It is so sad that this woman adopted this wonderful little girl, but is not showing her any love because she doesn't reach her means. I totally agree with you on adopting the little girl. Is the woman who has the girl willing to allow you to adopt her. I know I had almost gotten to this point as well as many other people that were in my family. My little cousin, my cousin's daughter was not getting alot of love and attention that she needed and at the time she was only two or three and she was abused alot and the reason for this was because the little girl looked like my cousins husband and it was his daughter and that family disliked the husband because of the things that he did to the mother and so they did not treat the little girl the way they should have. So family knew of this and so many of us was telling the mother if you do not want your daughter then we will gladly take her in and adopt her. The sad thing the family did not allow any one of us to adopt her and instead shipped her off to a psyche ward which she eventually ended up in a foster home. Some of the family felt so sad because nobody wants their family in that situation. When I heard of this I wanted to adopt her so bad myself and I informed my husband of this which he agreed. Yes the family did eventually get punished for the things that they did with the little girl. The mother had to take her out of that type of environment and eventually she got her daughter back. I really hope things have changed with them, but I truelly wish that if they did not want her that they should have let one of us adopt her.

How did you refrain from slapping the woman right across the face??!? Would have been my gut reaction. Guess you are a far better person than I. This person would also drop from "friend" to "acquaintance" if she could not see what kind of damage she is doing to her daughter. If this is truly a friend, you may need to have some heart-to-heart conversation and get her to some counseling. If you are close with the father, maybe you could talk with him too. I mean, really, he has to see what is going on and needs to step in. Good luck. You sound like a great friend.

It has been four months sorry just getting to this discussion so what has happened? Did she finally come to her senses or are you and your wife adopting her? I would try to talk to the husband see if he can talk some sense in to her. I mean nobody is perfect so why should she want perfectionism when she herself isn't perfect. She needs to snap out of herself and realize that she is that child's mother and that she should love her no matter what. Imagine the emotion scars that child is already getting because of this womans stupidity. Removing her kids hands off her like the child was diseased or something..just not right..

How sad this is for the entire family as more than the mother will be affected by this situation. The son will feel and see what is going on and surely, if not now then later on, he will wonder why his mother is one way with him and another with his sister. It does sound as though this woman simply cannot accept that she now has a child who is not perfect in any way so I am wondering how she would be with this poor little girl is she had been one of her “natural born” children. The one thing is that at least the father loves this little girl so she is not totally bereft of love in her life. However children do need love from both their mother and father if they are both present in the life of the child, as that is how they grow emotionally. I think that under the circumstances many people would have made the same offer that you did ronaldinu and your offer is a credit to both you and the wife. I am thinking that I would have wanted to grab hold of the woman and shake her till her teeth rattled so I am wondering how you restrained yourself to not do something similar. No I do not condone violence in any shape or form, but for this mother to remove her daughter’s hands when she goes to her for a hug makes my blood boil. Hopefully by now, several months after you started this discussion, the mother has seen some counsellor to help her deal with this problem. I am also hoping that someone somehow had talked some common sense into this woman before she totally destroys this poor young girl. If this woman cannot find it in her heart to love this poor little girl, then I hope that she is with a loving caring family who know what a child needs. My final hope is that this mother is never allowed to adopt another child.

It sounds as though this woman hasn't just not bonded with the little one but that she resents her immensely and I can understand that but then how come if she is that sort of person was she allowed to adopt in the first place...adoptive parents have to have big, warm, open, loving hearts. I'm sure many children in the world have a parent who resents them and they have grown up to be successful. My own mother was very cold towards me and while I feel unloveable and have problems with my self confidence and self worth I turned out ok. Hopefully this little one will grow up in the glow of her father's love for her

Although I never wanted kids, my hope is that Every child would be wanted and loved. I think there would be less trouble on so many levels if all children were loved. If your friend can't bond with the child, the child should go to a mother that can. If your wife is willing to adopt her,then you should do it. The Little girl doesn't deserve that type of treatment.She should feel love now and not get used to being rejected. Good Luck.

It's sad that this woman has done such to the child and since the child has learning problems the mother in this case should be more supportive. It's not easy for this child and if she had the same problems would she not want love and understanding. Now if I was around and saw the mother do that to her adoptive daughter or biological daughter I think I would spit nails and tell what I think of her as a mother and how I feel she should never be able to adopt or bear antoher child unless she can fully give this one love. grrrrr. The girl did not ask to be born with problems..i hate people like that .. I have 5 kids 2 of them have ADHD/ADD I love them as much as the others .. grrrrrrrr.

That would be a hard situation to witness. I think that when you adopt a baby you should be prepared to have to deal with any problems that arise. It is so nice to hear that you would be willing to take this girl into your house and care for her. I would like to think that I would do what you have done. But I have not been put in this situation. I hope that everything works out for this little girl. Good luck with this.