Why are men such jerks?
By Oneironaut
@_sketch_ (5742)
United States
October 24, 2008 5:40pm CST
I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 years now and lately I don't know what is up with him. It seems like this entire year he has just ben doing things to spite me. I had been planning to go to this concert for months now and the whole time he has said that he wanted to go, so finally when I got paid I went out and bought us each a ticket. And now the day has come and I am sitting here alone with 2 tickets in my hand wondering where he is and crying all the while. It is now 4:26 and the concert starts at 6:30, so I should already be there. Apparently he called me in the morning when I was asleep, and my mom never tells me when anyone calls for me and he left me 2 messages saying to call him. He doesnt have a phone anymore so I called him back at the number from which he called me (his crackheaded friends house). She said that he had gone to work. WTF?!!!! He has been working with this guy only occasionally. It's not really even like an official thing. I mean he doesnt have a work schedule or anything and yet he is going to work on the day he is supposed to go to a concert with me?!!!! Even if my loser boyfriend had a real job, he had months to plan for this day. Anyway, knowing that this chick is a total b*tch and a liar, I walked like 2 miles uphill to my boyfriends house and of course he wasnt there! So I walked all the way back feeling like total sh*t and now here I am. I dont know what the hell to do. I dont even have a car, I have never been to this concert hall before, and even if I do ride the bus all the way there I will be late and alone! What the f*ck should I do? I am sick of my boyfriend pulling stuff like this. He never used to do these kinds of things. Why is he doing it now? I am so depressed right now. It seems that whenever I plan anything everything always falls through. I feel like I am cursed and the whole world is against me.
3 people like this
17 responses
@jinglebee (61)
• United States
25 Oct 08
what were you doing in myLot while time was running out on you? hoping for somebody to think straight for you? its ridiculous! of course you have decided not to go otherwise you would not be in the computer asking people what to do. I would have told you to call a friend and go to the concert with him or her, but what's the use now? what is wrong with you? i would have probably just gone to work myself or pretend that i did than to go to a concert with you. it's pretty lame.
1 person likes this
@phoenix25 (1541)
• United States
25 Oct 08
It looks like you have learned a couple of things from this relationship. First of all, communication is so important if any relationship is going to be long-term. Without that, it's pointless. You HAVE to talk to your boyfriend about things that bother you and get it sorted out before it becomes a bigger problem. This is why most couples fight...they don't communicate. I know it's hard now because you have limited means of communication, and I'm assuming that's because you're still pretty young but I can't be sure. Honestly, I would dump this guy. He doesn't sound like he's doing you a whole lot of good and, honey, there are a whole lot of fish in that sea and you can't know if they're better unless you try them. Life is too short to waste time on a relationship like this one.
@phoenix25 (1541)
• United States
26 Oct 08
Then it sounds like you need to find yourself a real man. I noticed that you said in one response that he dumped you, wants to get back together, and you're trying to figure out what's going on. You shouldn't have to be playing these kinds of mind games in the first place. I've had boyfriends like this in the past and that is exactly why they are EX boyfriends. What he is doing is totally adolescent and if he is not talking to you, you can bet your bottom he's not going to want to talk to a therapist or counselor.
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
26 Oct 08
I know communication is important, but it doesnt do any good at all when I am the only one talking. It's like he just refuses to talk to me about anything real.
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
25 Oct 08
i am so sorry to hear that your bf treat you so badly like that... i will be very angry and disappointed as well if my hubby treats me like that... especially if it had been planned months before and he just ruined it like that... yes, i agree with you that he is acting really like a jerk... i will definitely have a chat with him and confront him if i were in your position... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
26 Oct 08
Oh I tried to confront him about it the other night. He called me that night like right before the concert started and he just was trying to say that somehow it was my fault. I was totally flabbergasted by that. Seriously I couldnt even believe my ears. It was the most absurd thing I have ever heard in my entire life. Anyways, he just started a fight with me when I tried to talk to him and then he said we were broken up,but now he is saying he didnt mean it and all that,so I dont know what the hell to think or do.
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
26 Oct 08
That is what everyone is saying and that is what I was starting to believe, but the other night he broke up with me and now he is calling me and saying that he didnt mean it and that he still wants to be with me. So I am sooooo confused. I still dont know what his problem is. If I get back with him I think we will go to some kind of counseling or something. Or is that only for married couples? I dont know.
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
26 Oct 08
I think you have a point there. It is genetic. Maybe I should just be a lesbian. just kidding, but geeze that's how I feel sometimes. Boys have cuties anyways.
@taripres (1499)
• United States
25 Oct 08
Shorty, I hear the same story all the time! Not sure what to tell u other than what everyone has offered here! In my opinion, he's doing something idiotic, as usual, and more than likely he's going to say something silly, u'll accept it and you'll be telling us this story again later! It's a cycle I constantly see and hear about, that's how I know! I'm a man and I went through it with my ex wife, constantly. Women can be jerks also, maybe worse:)
But, what u need to do, is get some self respect and stop letting this jobless, disrespectful, no regarding, street walking, lame excuse giving, bumb take advantage of u! The best thing you can do is threaten to leave, then leave if it continues! Dignity is more important than feelings!!!!!
Taripre$
1 person likes this
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
26 Oct 08
You may be right, but I hope I dont fall into a cycle. Anyway, thanks for responding.
Taripre$
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
15 Nov 08
I am sorry to hear of your misfortune. But if my husband pulled a stunt like this on me I would have definitely made him pay me back for the money I spent. I would have also called a friend and said lets rock this concert..I wouldn't have went alone but I would have gotten someone to go with and tried to have the best fun I could just to spite the men. Some men need to grow up and start acting responsibly.
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
15 Nov 08
Yeah it sucked, but it's ok. It kind of steered things in the right direction.
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
25 Oct 08
I have tried to sit down and talk to him, but he just says that he doesnt know why he does those things. And I've been telling him that my patience is running out, but still i see no effort.
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
27 Oct 08
Well, I'd say your probably not going to the concert...at least not with your b/f. In the future I'd say not to count on him...I certainly wouldn't waste money on buying a ticket for him. It's good that he's working but he could have given you some notice that he wasn't going with you.
[b]~~IN SEARCH OF PEACE WITHIN~~
**AGAINST THE STORMS, I WILL STAND STRONG** [/b]
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
28 Oct 08
Yeah. I am not going to spend my money on him anymore. And no I didnt end up going at all.
@justpjteb (183)
• United States
25 Oct 08
I am sorry to hear that about your boyfriend but just so you know not all guys are jerks so you should have used something like why is my boyfriend such a jerk. Some guys become jerks because they person they are with likes it or lets them do it and get away with it. There are good guys out there that go out of the way to make someone happy day after day. But just wanted to say sorry.. It was a very nice of you to go out and get the tickets though. It sounds like you might need to give him the boot!!!
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
26 Oct 08
Well he would never want to do anything. i always had to come up with the activity or else we wouldnt do anything. I dont even know if we are together right now anyway. Last night he said we were broke up, but now he keeps calling me and stuff.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Oct 08
sketch if he has been doing this stuff the whole year,why
on earth do you put up with it? What do you owe him that
you let yourself suffer his idiotic things. Speak to him
and clear the air. then if he still does spiteful things,
it is time to kick him to the curb. Tell him theres the
door, dont let it hit you in the butt, nice knowing you
but goodbye.If you are just 18, then you have been with him since you were 13, isnt it time you went out with a few other
men who might not treat you like a kid brother but
like you deserve to be treated. It sounds to me like he
is treating you like a friend but not a girl friend.I would
to the concert or anything else you have paid for, to heck
with him, you need to find a man who will look at you
as a real girl, not another pal!!!!
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
26 Oct 08
I did put up with it cuz the first 4 years he was great. But anyways he "broke up" with me the other day and now he is calling me and stuff. He's acting like a little kid.You're right though when you said he is treating me like a friend you said. I think it is because I have always been the tomboy. Most of my friends are guys and they do all just treat me like one of the guys. Maybe he just cant get it in his head that I am still a girl. And actually I started going out with him when I was 14. I havent had my b-day this year yet. But anyways thanks for responding.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
25 Oct 08
It sounds like you both have broken communication or NO communication. What I have learned about men - even good men - is that you have to remind them. It can be as simple as mentioning an event or activity at the beginning of the week. Make sure they hear you, make sure they have agreed to go or be involved. During the week you mention the time and day more than once. Get them involved in some of the planning, even if it is just deciding a place to eat or maybe someone you're going to meet there. Send a text message or email or something the day before or the morning of. Men are very good at compartmentalizing things and they WILL forget about something if it isn't forefront in their mind. The only way to keep something 'up there' is to mention it.
I also need to ask how old you guys are. If you're still living with parents and neither of you has a steady job, it wouldn't appear you're in the 'old and stable couple' category - which of course means greater the chance of him being a flake. Historically speaking, younger guys do not have the maturity to understand the result of their actions on other people. I am not saying this as a generalization - not ALL younger guys are like this, but a disproportionate number of younger guys tend towards being this way as opposed to older guys. I think it's because they just do not know any better. You learn from experience.
In my opinion, if I were in your shoes, I do not think he would be my boyfriend much longer. I would feel I was worth much more than that and I wouldn't be willing to have someone treat me that way. I would also have already found a way to attend the concert by myself, maybe even extended the extra ticket to a friend with a car, solving both the problem of going alone and the problem of transportation.
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
26 Oct 08
I am 18 and still living with my parents, but I will be moving out next year for college. I stayed home for 1 more year cuz I didnt have enough money to go right after I graduated. He and lives with some friends and is older than me, so he has no excuse to be immature. I have a steady job. I have been working at the place I am now since feb and I am getting a lot of overtime. He doesnt have a steady job. He just started going to work with his loser friend lately cleaning pools. He used to have a steady job. He was doing siding on houses, but he got laid off and ever since hasnt really found another job. He was getting unemployment, but I guess not now.
@divinegwapa (914)
• Philippines
25 Oct 08
What a real jerk indeed! They don't know how we look forward to concerts like that. Anyways, I think you really should talk to him about the concert incident and your relationship. I mean if he's been spiting you for like a year already then something must be really up. You got to sit down and have a serious talk with him. What's the real score between you two.
I hope everything will turn out right for you friend. If he keeps doing that to you, I think he's just not worth it.
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
26 Oct 08
I know that something is up with him and I have tried to sit down and talk with him, but he just wont have it. He is being obscenely stubborn about it. I did try to confront him about the concert thing when he called me later that night, but then he just started a fight saying that it was somehow my fault. It is ridiculous. Anyway, he said that we were broke up and now he is saying he didnt mean it. I am thinking I should just stay away for a bit and let him sort out his sh*t. I dont know really what the heck to do though. He is the most insane person I swear. Well thanks for the response and all the support.
@swarovski87 (328)
• Singapore
25 Oct 08
Hi friend, I feel sad for you that your boyfriend is treating you this way. Personally i think your boyfriend may be tired of the relationship judging from the the way he treats you and the things he do to spite you. i would suggest you to have a talk with him telling him about how you feel. If worst comes to worst, u might end this relationship. I know its 5 years of relationship and its hard to end but i would suggest you to stop putting time and effort into something that wont turn out to be good. Not all men are jerks and good luck to you in ur relationship. take care
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
26 Oct 08
I think that you are right. I think that he probably is tired of the relationship, but I just dont understand that. I have told him how i feel, but he is just like a wall. He wont really say anything. hard to tell if he is really even listening. It's like he hears the words I am saying, but he just cant process the meaning of them or something. Thanks for wishing me good luck. I'm gonna need it. I guess the reason I put up withthis crap is because of the fact that we've been together so long, ya know. Anyway, I dont even really know our situation right now cuz he said we were broke up the other day, but now he is saying he didnt mean it and all that crap. I dont know wtf, but i hope I will make the right decisions.
@marty3888 (2355)
• Acme, Michigan
25 Oct 08
Well, the first thing yoj should do, if you haven't already is tell your family when you get a call, please tell you. Do you give messages if someone alls them? How would they like it if you didn't? But that dosen't mean what he did was right. Maybe you either need to have a talk with him, (I'm sure he's going to catch hell for this. He should) cancel on him on something that he planned to show him how it feels or find a new boyfriend. Believe it not, not all men are like that.
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
25 Oct 08
My family doesnt care. They dont like any of my friends. Noone is even really allowed at my house. I know that it is not all their fault for what happened, but they never help the situation. And believe me, he will catch hell for this, but the problem is that I dont think he really cares. He is like the child who the parents keep grounding and yet the kid still acts out. I know not all men are like that and every day I feel like finding one who isnt, but I am still attached.
@ganda8831 (816)
• Philippines
25 Oct 08
I think that your boyfriend is trying to spite you because he doesnt want to be with you anymore. He probably wants to break up with you but doesnt know how to tell you, so he does things to make you angry and in turn, you will be the one breaking up with him. That way he wouldnt feel guilty. Im sorry but that's my opinion. I've experienced this before so i know exactly how you feel. There are really alot of guys out there who are cowards and cant tell it straight in your face that they no longer want to be with you. If you feel depressed and you're no longer happy with the relationship then just break up with him. You deserve someone better than that.
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
25 Oct 08
Well I talked to him a little earlier and I guess we are taking a break. I dont know. I think you are right though. I think that it is because I am going to college next year and he is afraid that I would find someone who is more intellectual or something. He has kinda told me things that would indicate that. Well thanks for responding. I think things will eventually work out, even if it's not how I pictured it.
@_sketch_ (5742)
• United States
25 Oct 08
Well it's not really what he did. It's the fact that he does these kinds of things all the time and it seems like it is intentional. Anyway I have tried to talk to him, but i guess we are taking a break anyways.
