Ever try to help someone who asked for help but didn't really want it?

Yes, that's very true, thoroughrob. What I don't understand is why do they ask for help or advice to begin with when they never use it? There must be something going on inside them that makes them ask even though they don't listen when they get answers. That's what puzzles me the most.

no doubt. i noticed everything was always about them too. everything you said HAD to mean something.there were days i just stood there with my mouth open,trying to understand how they came to a particular conclusion from what i said.

They are miserable people and want to drag everyone else down so they feel better. Maybe it gives them a warped sense of power. I don't know. They might just be so screwed up in the head that they don't see reality for what it is. They're angry, sad little people with very shallow lives. The worst part about it, in my opinion, is that they don't even see that everyone else sees them as being insane. I've heard that, if you THINK you're crazy, you aren't. I've noticed that this type of person never says they think they're going crazy! Hmmm... connection there, you think?

That is SO TRUE!!! You can tell them, "The sky is blue" and they'll come back with "Why are you saying it's all my fault? What makes you so superior?" Excuse me, but... HUH???? You just have to scratch your head as you walk away.

Hello! Thank you for the Best Response. People like that does not need any help at all. They just like to play the victims. They don't want their lives to be fixed, trust me. They like to have something to complain about. They need attention, and the attention they end up getting is pity. Which shouldn't be like that.

Yep, that's my attitude exactly! I'm neutral to this type. As a matter of fact, if these people are only looking for attention and not actual advice, I ignore them. If they ask me why I'm ignoring them, I tell them I have my own problems to deal with. Oh! Just thought of something... I have a (so-called) friend who is constantly whining about something. Every time my phone rings and it's her, I know there's some kind of disaster going on in her life. I turned the tables on her once by telling her of my own problems which really were much worse than her own at the time. She suddenly had to go I didn't hear from her for a very long time after that! LOL

That will teach her. She doesn't know who is messing with.

Sorry, she doesn't know who she is messing with. I was looking at the news talking about the economic stimulus checks.

I believe you're right about them ignoring any advice and moving on until they find someone who agrees with what they're thinking. It would be so much easier if they would just say what they're thinking of doing in the first place! I'm not worried or concerned about these people. Once I notice that they're not taking any advice that they've asked for, nor are they even acknowledging that you've given advice, I'll walk the other way. They can blame me for every problem they've ever had, all the way back to their great-great-great grandparents, I don't care. It won't change my world. There are people in this world who truly CARE about what you have to say and are appreciative, even if they don't agree with your advice. THESE are the kinds of people I chose as friends. Don't worry... I'm not upset by this. I was just wondering what goes through the minds of people like this. I believe they are attention-seekers. I've never been like this type of person. Normally, when I have a problem I'll keep it to myself. But, if I need helpful advice, I ask for it. I always think about the advice I receive and decide whether it will work for me or not. I also always explain my reasoning for accepting or not accepting their advice and that I appreciate them for giving me their advice. Don't worry... I'm smiling! It's hard to make me stop smiling!

yes mentalward, it is good to know that those people are just few in this planet. I still believe that we still outnumbered those kind of people.(lol). nice post dear.

Well put, ronald! That phrase fits them exactly! It's a shame they can't see themselves as a tick. I'd HATE to be compared to a blood-sucking (emotionally draining) insect! They're just a waste of my time. Once I see the pattern in them, I'll turn around and walk in the opposite direction... fast!

It sounds like you are their safety net, the place to run to in order to escape any immediate danger. She needs to realize that it won't end until she puts an end to it or until he kills her! I've helped a friend out like that myself. In my situation, though, my friend jumped between her husband and her daughter because her husband was about to punch their 5-year-old daughter in the face!!! So, instead of the daughter getting punched, my friend did and her jaw was broken. She came to me for help. I told her I'd do everything I could for her but she had to do what I said because, if she went back to her husband, I wouldn't help again. (I was in a situation like that so I know from experience what was needed.) I took her to the hospital, then to the police station to file a report, then took her the next day to the courthouse where she filed an ex-parte order to keep him away from her. Then, she and her two daughters stayed with me until she could get herself together. At least SHE was appreciative! That's the way you SHOULD be when people are trying to help you. Luckily, she didn't go back with her husband. She had him tossed out. He went to live with his brother who ended up shooting and killing him! Poetic justice, huh? What a family!

Well, in a case like that, I can understand it. Fear is an incredible motivator, in either direction. You fear staying and you fear leaving! It's the women who are in an abusive relationship that don't leave because they say, "But he loves me!" or "But I love him!" that I don't understand when they ask for help. They'll give you all kinds of excuses as to why they won't leave. (I was in an abusive relationship once, so I understand completely where they're coming from. Only, I was one of those who got away from him A.S.A.P.!) Sometimes those shelters can be a lifesaver! I'd much rather be in one of them than take a chance on being murdered by my own husband! I would think that you'd be even safer in a shelter than at a relative's house. He won't know where the shelter is but, chances are, he knows where your family lives! I'm just glad to hear it worked out for her. It's a shame she had to go through more abuse, though, by not taking your advice.

I believe you've hit the nail on the head, moon! Your explanation makes more sense to me than anything I've been able to come up with! Yeah, I think I've learned my lesson about dealing with people like this... try it once, twice maybe. If there's a pattern going on with them, it's simply best to leave it alone. Don't offer advice of any kind. They're not going to take it anyway so why waste your time or energy? Thanks for the great response!

yeah i give up quicker or either stay away from giving advice lol.. some times if im bored i will humor her but ugh i dont have enough energy for it all the time.. i wonder if it is a type of psychic vampirism since it feels like they are sucking energy out of ya with the frustration lol

"There is a certain side of an individual which seeks for affirmation or sympathy. And when this one isn't achieved, it is possible that it is one of the reasons why they don't really follow the advice since their mind is already set for something else." Truer words could not be spoken! I figured this out just a little while ago myself. They don't want help or advice. They already KNOW how they're going to handle the situation and nothing anyone can tell them will change anything. They simply want the attention. People like this are to be pitied because their lives must be SO empty! Oh, by the way, you explained it VERY WELL!

I'm glad I did. I'm always happy to share my thoughts with you. Great discussion.

Actually, I have a son like that! I just recently put my foot down and told him I wouldn't be helping him anymore. I'd give him advice and love, but nothing more. It changed his whole attitude! All of a sudden, he's working harder to improve his life than I've ever seen him! He told me he understands and said he's sorry for all he's put me through. I have two sons and they were total opposites as well, until after I stopped helping my wayward son. Your friend should do the same thing. Just stop helping him! It's hard! I won't say it isn't because you instinctively want to help your children. But, when they take advantage of that help, you have to stop all help. Anyway, I'm taking YOUR advice and staying away from these kinds of people from now on! You're so right about them. They want attention, not help.

Yep, they're the kind I'm talking about. They don't want to learn how to save money, or even how to make more money. That would be too much work for that type! It's easier for them just to borrow more money. I have a friend like that, too. I finally stopped helping her out. It was just a little here and a little there, but it added up! I TRIED to show her how to save (she's always buying new clothes that she doesn't need!), but she didn't want to stop spending her money on frivilous things. I finally had to say "The bank is closed!" Now, she's borrowing from other people... shame she didn't learn a lesson!

That sounds exactly like my wayward son! LOL I recently told him that he'd get no more help from me and he's turning himself around! I hope it sticks!

I like the way you deal with this kind of thing, grandma! I think my problem is that I get too caught up in my desire to help and don't see that they're only looking for attention and not help at all until it bites me in the behind. I'm going to keep my eyes and ears open much wider from now on. No amount of advice will help them because their minds are already made up so, if I see them coming, I'll head on out in the opposite direction!

"I just think it all comes down for people to feel sorry for them and no amount of advice from anyone will be taken' no matter what." Yep, I believe you're exactly right! They don't want advice or help, they want attention and sympathy. I feel sorry for people who feel a need to use their misery as a way to get attention. They must feel as though they have nothing else to offer to people in general. I believe it boils down to a feeling of inferiority and inadequacy. In spite of their reasons for acting this way, I will ignore this type from now on. I don't believe in self-pity and don't like those who use it to their advantage. If they have something that's actually worth sharing, I'll listen to them. If not, they can wallow in their self-pity all they want and I won't try to help.

I've done exactly that, phoenix! I said no more help or advice was coming in the friendliest way I could think of. It still ended up with a ton of sarcastic remarks from the other person, but I just shrugged it off. No sense in pointing out the truth to someone who refuses to see it!

I agree with you, monimo. They only listen to you if you're saying what they want to hear. Then, to them, YOU are the horrible one and say "you don't understand!" I had a husband (now ex) who got a job from my step-father. My step-father was a consultant engineer and recommended my husband for a job with one of his clients. A few months later, my husband was fired for the very reason that he was out of work in the first place! Needless to say, my step-father was not a happy camper! He never recommended my husband for another job. Nope, from now on, if I feel the need to offer advice when asked, I'll tell them to go get counseling (psychiatric, job, whatever).