What would you feel if your friend did not invite you on her wedding?
By mayrah
@mayrah (1144)
United States
October 29, 2008 6:31am CST
I have this friend of mine whom I met in college. We been together for many occasions. We also share secrets and I also give her some advices whenever she needed. Because we're living on the same town most of the time we accompanied each other when going to school and when going back home. We share a ride in a jeep or sometimes her dad pick us up and sent us home though we live about few kilometers apart. After passing the board exam I also attended her thanksgiving party. One day I have heard rumors that she was married already, so I sent her message teasing her about sudden marriage and I also told her why she didn't invite me, but she did not bother to say anything. few months later I have heard news that her wedding hadn't happened yet but she moved to her fiance's house because her parent disagree to give their blessing. Then it was only about 1 month ago when one of our friend told me that her (the girl I'm talking about earlier) wedding would be scheduled on coming December. She also invited another friend of ours whom was closest to her. But I never receive any message or invitation from her until now. Maybe she thought I would judge her for what happened but I am not that type of person. Of course I wouldn't be happy for her disappointments. If you were me, what would you feel if your friend did not invite you on her wedding? what should I do to regain our friendship.
4 people like this
18 responses
@PrincessThinker (234)
• Philippines
29 Oct 08
hi.
Maybe she is afraid to hear some words from which she thinks might hurt her. Though you said that you are not that type of person, you cannot remove from her the fear that she will be judged or criticized.
To regain her frienship once more, let her feel that you are trustworthy and that she is always welcome to come to you. To bring back the old days and share your thoughts and feelings.
You have to understand her because the fact that her parents did not give their blessings to her intended marriage hurt her. She needs true people right now who understands her. Not to be on her side against her parents but to give her advice on what is the right thing to do. Not to push her to the verge of anger or rebelion against her parents but to listen to her pain and be with her.
2 people like this
@sambhavana (226)
• India
30 Oct 08
I guess there was a lacking in her understanding of your friendship with her. If she hadnot invited anybody in the fiend circle then it would have been ok. But since she chose to avoid you only it has to be hurting. She should not have doubted your friendship. I would like to suggest you that you leave her alone and avoid her, just let her be for some time and donot show any interest in her thru anything. If she was ever your friend then she will come back to you to expalin everything.
@mayrah (1144)
• United States
31 Oct 08
I don't know if she invited all of them, Only one of us that I exactly know was invited. I didn't want to ask each of them co'z if I'll find out I'm the only one among our circle of friends not invited of course it would hurt me more. thanks for your advice. you have a point. Actually until now I haven't do anything to communicate with her.
1 person likes this
@tinker_bel (297)
• Philippines
29 Oct 08
hi!
thats quiet sad you know. if i am in your situation my initial reaction would be "hurt" of course. Then maybe as time pass by, i can accept and understand her decision.
Actually i have experienced this, but it was not a wedding..it was a christening for a friends baby, whom i have known since our our college life. and today he was planning for a christening for his baby. i was so excited and happy. but i was really hurt and i felt like i was slapped in the face when i heard his next words. he said that he was planning to ask my bestfriend as a guardian for his baby.
ouchhh!! honestly i was expecting that even if he wouldnt ask me as a guardian for her baby at least he would have the decency of asking me in this christening..since in the first place i am the person whom he contacts to tell our friends about this.
when i see that no invitations are forthcoming i gave up and just try to forget about it and not make a big deal out of it. maybe he have his own reasons why.
anywaqy i still wish them a happy life. so my friend with your experience, just let it be...she might have a deeper reason why she didnt ask you or something. even if this is what happen you should still be happy for her.
1 person likes this
@maroseqf (3657)
• Philippines
30 Oct 08
at first, i will feel a little disappointed especially if that friend of mine is really close to me. i'll probably try to ask her about the wedding and maybe she will tell me the reason for not inviting me.
well, i remember during the wedding of my bestfriend, she asked me if she will still invite one of our close friends. i told her that it is her decision. she said that it was a close family affair since it was just a simple affair (civil wedding) and i am her only friend who was invited. it felt so good. but when our close friend knew about the wedding, i didn't know what to tell her. i felt a little guilty. but i left the explaining to my bestfriend. anyway, i think she was quite saddenned about it but it didn't stay that way for long. 
@lavender88 (192)
• Malaysia
30 Oct 08
It's not a surprise that you are upset for not getting an invitation. I would too if it happens to me but look on the bright side - you save money on one gift. Hey, I guess she got her own reasons for not inviting you. Leave her alone now and when everything has cooled down - am sure she will be in touched with you. After all you been through together, she will not forget you that easily. When she does, just wished her every happiness - dont dig up the past.
1 person likes this
@061234217 (133)
• China
30 Oct 08
If I were you,I also would be hurt.It's a afirmation of our friendship that I am invited to someone's wedding.But she may have reasons that she didn't do it.As you said,her parents disagreed to give their blessing.May be she wants to hold a simple wedding and don't invite many friends include you.You should to make the matter clear.
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
29 Oct 08
i will feel really hurt especially if the person is a close friend of mine and i live in the same city with her... i also experience the same thing like you... my best friend from secondary school didn't even tell me at all that she is getting married last august... and all of a sudden, i see that she already married... but i don't really blame her as we live far apart... but i am still a bit dissapointed... even though i can't attend the wedding, the least she can do is to let me know about her wedding... it is such a big day and we are best friend... anyway, i just let it go... no point in dwelling over it for too long... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@Mitraa (3184)
• India
29 Oct 08
Really, I would feel quite upset! It would hurt me as if I was completely forgot by the friend! 
But controlling all my feelings of disappointment, I would send a good message of wishes to the friend. Thanks for this discussion!
@mssnow (9484)
• United States
30 Oct 08
why dont you just ask her?? maybe the invitation got lost in the mail. who knows why. But if you dont ask her you will never know. Tell her you are hurt because you didnt receive an invitaion to her wedding. She must have had a reason. find out why.
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
30 Oct 08
[i]Hi mayrah,
I will feel sad about it but since you tried to reach her but you didn't get any reply then for me, just let her do whatever she wants to do, maybe you are right that she is scared that you will judge her or maybe she is ashame to you for whatever reasons and hopefully, soon, she will realize and treasure your friendship![/i]
1 person likes this
@taripres (1499)
• United States
29 Oct 08
Maybe that's a female thing, but, well actually, I would care if my boy didn't invite me to his wedding! It'll be like a slap in the face to me. wondering after all of these years, y wouldn't he invite me to the wedding, and y am I not involved in it!
Taripre$
1 person likes this
@iamcdy (1119)
• Philippines
29 Oct 08
I think she has her reasons why she did not invite you in her wedding. I know how you feel and if I were you, I will also feel bad and neglected. I think you must tell her how you feel. If that happens to me, I will feel really bad. Just thinking of it now makes me really sad. Of course, I want to be there to share the happiest moment of their lives! So far, I have been invited to my friends' weddings. Just don't think too much, I think that the time will come when you will be able to talk about this and mend it once and for all. Cheers!
1 person likes this
@Rainegurl (2156)
• Philippines
30 Oct 08
hi, mayrah. i would be a little hurt but, at the same time, a little worried that maybe i have done something wrong to my friend because she did not invite me. but i will not wallow in that worry and i would stay positive. i am sure that, whatever it is, my friend has her reason for not inviting me. from what you wrote, it seems that your friend is a little "busy". with her parents not giving their blessing, i am sure she has a lot of worries right now. just stay positive, friend. have a nice day!
@ahmedafaque (161)
• India
29 Oct 08
Well ,if I would be in your place then I would forget everything that whether she has invited me or not and will just attend the wedding and will give my blessings.Afterall friendship is a relationship in which we dont have to give reasons to anything and just enjoy the friendship and to share the good and bad movements in life.And I dont think there is any need of invitation because in friendship the door is always open for friends and it is not closed unless you make it.So without any hesitation go and attend her marriage and make her feel how important she is for you and how much her happiness matters you and if there is any problem or misunderstanding between both of you can call her and clear the last mistake you did and can congratulate her for her new life.If she didnt invite you then one of the reason would be that she thinks your relationship is so strong that a formality(invitaion) is not required. so think positive and dont lose your friend just because of some misunderstandings and remember "friend is a special gift given by God " so take care of it.Hope you will take it in positive way
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
31 Oct 08
Talk to her. It could be that she could only invite a certain amount of people. It could be that because her parents did not approve that they had a very small private ceremony. There could be so very explanations to why you were not invited that I would not take it personal if I were you. If it were me, I would get the couple a gift and tell them that I heard the news and that I was very happy for them and wished them the best. I actually don't think I'd even bring up the fact that I wasn't invited. If it was a good friend, then I'd just assume that she had her reasons and not take it to heart.
@manunulat (604)
• Philippines
29 Oct 08
Personally, it's a non-issue if my friends would not invite me to their weddings. I have my own circle of friends and all of us have a mutual understanding that whatever happens in our lives, we'll just wish each other a happy life and pray for each other's safety... We don't have much time to get along these times as we are all too busy with careers and business. However, when one tries to reach out, we get to find time to meet face to face, we organize a little meet-up and that's it. Basing from your accounts, you have a fault there my dear because you based purely on assumptions without confirming her face to face. As you've termed, it's a "rumor". Even when there's truth of some part of it the first time you come to know, "you sent her a message teasing her..." in which case, she might be at her "lowest". You could have been more sensitive. I am not making judgment as to what kind of friend are you but I suggest that you should be more careful about the choice of words and messages that you send to people. On the other hand, try to talk to her and give her a peace offering. Apologize. If she rejects you, then so be it. What are friends for if you can't forgive? Next time, be more careful with your actions and forget the invitation.
@mayrah (1144)
• United States
31 Oct 08
Hello thanks for the advice. yes I admit it's my fault, maybe i didn't intend but I've hurt her. Co'z that time I thought she's very happy and besides she the first among us who get married. So I thought that time I have to congratulate her and tease her for being the first among us. That's the only thing I did and when finally I know what exactly happen to her, I feel guilty for adding insult to her injury..And actually other friends of ours asked me about what happen to her, I didn't anything co'z I know I'm not in the position to say anything since it's her life not mine. Actually I have so many circle of friends here and in other place. We were close as sisters and we keep in touch every now and then. The reason why I felt sorry for the particular friend I'm talking about earlier is because I don't want to lose any of them. I'm hoping one day I she could forgive me.
1 person likes this
@worldbestwriter2008 (1633)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
it is very strange attitude for a close friend who wouldn't invite you on her most special moment on her life. I would get hurt if i were in your place. I would get offended. but anyway, we do not what's the reason behind why didn't she invite you. You supposed to talk with your close freind. set aside your pride first.. The best suggestion i could give to you now..May you still stand as a true friend to her. Don't leave she might realize in the future how it is to be loved by a true friend. I think, just now, she's just encountering some sort of problem which she feel shy to confide it to you. Happy mylotting to all of us.
