WHAT DO YOU THINK OF A BOYFRIEND THAT STEALINGS FROM THE HANDs THAT FEED HIM?

whoa!!!i think they very first time that the guy didn't give good things towards her and do all those bad stuffs, she should have leave that guy, 12 years is really long, shes such a martyr girl, too bad she has to stay with that kind of guy, and good thing she was not battered!!their are lots of guys out their and more good than that, maybe it was not the right guy for her, and it will not make her grow when she stays with that guy!!i remember before my ex boyfriend, he has nothing plans for himself he is just contented of being unemployed and asking money from his parents what i do is i leave him and i told him we can get back if he knows how to be responsible, not that i wanted so much money, im just thinking for himself also!!!happy lotting...

There's simply no reason for a guy to be like that, it's not justifiable. But if that's what she wants, she will have to deal with it until she realizes she deserves much better than that!

She has to put her foot doen and not buy him things there is help and then there is help or taking care. I dont think the mom would want her to put up with all this junk! She does need to get out of it and get another place. and make him get a job! that would do more of taking care of him that just giving him a hand out . He needs to grgow up. and really dont think she would be harmed by mom if she made him get a job that would be heling him self.

How long she puts up with it is her choice. She really needs to come to terms that all he is doing is using her and he needs to grow up. For all the complaining she might do she is enabeling him to be like this. I also think calling him a man is way off, a man works and helps to make things better. It is actually in her hands to decide enough is enough. She might think it has been 12 years and it would be wasted time if she leaves. On the other hand, how many more years is she wasting with this bum, and feeling depressed and awful? If she stays the wasted years will get into the decades, NOW that would be a waste. I would never say promises are meant to be broken BUT there is a time when they need to be broken and I would say it is beyond that time!

For one I think she deserves what shes getting for staying with him. Theres so long you can feel bad for someone until it just starts to get rediculous, and she passed that point a LONG time ago. Why even stay with a guy with no job and ambitions? Thats so unnatractive. A guy who doesnt have anyhting oging on with his life and doesnt have any plans of anyhting going on with his life. The second my boyfriend would steal from me Id dump his @$$ and move on with my life. I know its hard to get out of a 12 year relationship because its a long period of time that would feel like such a waste, but come on. Its ruining their life. She needs to get out, shes only making herself look pathetic.

That is really sad. She doesn't have enough belief in herself to get away from this guy. I hate to see people in toxic relationships. My son is in one and it hurts me deeply.

i do believe that it is for her own sanity that she would leave this man immediatedly. She has tried to save him from his habit a couple of times but he is not doing his best. So why persist? © ronaldinu 2008

His actions are unjustifiable. He has no right to sell her stuff. It's like telling her that he doesn't care. He's just a loser, and she could find better. It's not right. He has no right to do this to her, after she feeds him, pays the rent, etc. But if this is what she wants, then there's nothing more to say really.

Hi, annjilena. What can I say? I can't say it well. You know, it's much easier to say than to do. It's all up to you. You have to decide whether you still can bear him and live with him, whether he deserves your love or not, whether he should go or not. Couples in my country, females bear more than males, cheating, betraying, even beating. But some just don't separate or divorce easily even they don't love each other. It's really too sad. Maybe some traditional thoughts or conservative ideas have an influence on them. Good luck and take care.

Well I am sorry how do you stay with someone for 12 years that has done nothing for themselves. I was dating my husband for 3mths when he stopped going to work for 4. We were not even living together then but that scared me that I was fixing to get a moocher. Now there was something going on his life but it took me 3 years before I married him because I wanted to be sure he was going to help in providing for our family. This guy sounds like a big loser and she needs to move on you cant change everyone they have to want to do it for themselves and if she lets him he will do it.

It's past time for her to let this man go. The only people who need to be "taken care of" are those who cannot do for themselves. If this man is able bodied, he doesn't need her help. He's just lazy. I have a hard time feeling sorry for her, though. It's obvious this guy is a jerk, she has to know that and she should have, at the very least, thrown him out. If she has evidence against him, she should have him arrested.

this man is no good and give all mens a bad name dump him in the city dump

First of all please assure me this is not you . I would hate to think you are going through this. Second he can only walk all over her if she lets him which she seems to be willing to do. You say it was his dying mother that made her a promise. I think it is a case of the mother saw a sucker and took advantage. Like mother like son. Third, this woman would be better off by herself than with mr. Loser. Unfortunately some of these women finally get rid of one mr. Loser and go right back into a relationship with mr. Loser #2 they do not shed the emotional baggage that keeps them in these destructive relationships. She must be pretty desperate for a man to settle for mr. Loser. What kind of mother would have someone promise to spend their life in hell looking after her loser son. She is disrespecting her own parents by not abiding by her own parents wishes. Fourth, I am looking for a nice woman, but they seem to be so busy looking after losers, I do not know why kind women hook up with rotten men. If it is not rotten men then it is married men. What can you do about this? I am not sure. Maybe someone who does councelling at a woman's shelter can help you. You sound like a good friend so do not give up on her.

if she really loves him to her heart try to create an open conversation between themselves,so that tey can lead abetter non frustrating life.

i wouldn't even think twice of leaving him... and it will be long long time ago... i can't believe that she actually can stand living with him for 12 years after all that he had done to her... that is incredible... for me, if my hubby is going to do the things that he does, i will make sure that he is gone from the house at that very moment... it is either me or him who leave the house... take care and have a nice day...

what she is doing is not helping him, helping him is getting him into a rehab program and having him kick that habit. She does not need to live like that and ruin her life because of a promise she made to his mother who probably would never have helped her over her son

annjilena, It's probably a karmic relationship as she finds difficulties in severing the twisted emotional bonds of her love. This man understands her vulnerability and seeks to exploit it relentlessly. In her situation, the first thing she ought to or rather MUST learn is to QUIT being (or acting) as a nice gal. If this is the man whom she wants to be with, cease acting noble and let love govern her actions instead. What's with the being so nice, tending to his whims and woes and giving him money for his habits? Is she being naive here, spoiling him and thinking that it will move him and let senses return back to him and celebrate her utter failure which she has inevitable led herself into? And goodness! I read through your entire post and she NOT only allow herself be walloped by him (which she should have demonstrated strength and firmness instead), she literally accepted whatever plot this man had devised and ended up being a pawn in this game of emotional blackmail for 12 years! My, my I am just shaking my head in total amazement. If she wants to make things work, she has got to learn to live her REAL self. Drop soft, diplomatic, politically-correct approaches and all the whats not that society or serial dramas has somehow taught her. You should have envisage my reaction when I read all that you have written. Especially all those treatments she has been subjecting herself into all these years without even considering totally walking out on the first few years because that's totally inconceivable in my opinion. Completely wrong - probably taken out from a typical movie or serial script and she don't even know or bothered to do the rightful. Let me ask you a question objectively: if this happens to you, would you even convince yourself to return back to such a guy? In other words, back to hell? Chances are, you wouldn't. So why the exception for this friend of yours whom you care so much? I hate to be in both your friend's and your position. One being not knowing if she will really come to her senses to heed your advice and walk out of her misery. The other being you, as in whether you are able to convince her round it or just have to keep that safety air bag inflated below, watching her continue hurting herself with this man and hoping to catch her when she eventually falls off from this treacherous cliff. I think the answer and path is very clear here, however, no amount of words and efforts will be justified if she does not want to disengage her promise to a deceased and continues to carry on with him. 12 years is a relatively long time and I think she should ask herself just how many more 12 years does she have. I've got only 3 words for her: "She deserves better!" Cheers.

guy like that, my advise, just leave him. nothing positive from him. whatever and whoever, when it comes to stealing, it's a bad attitude. if love that make you stay with him, then try to change him to be a good man. if no change, leave him. because if he loves you back, he'll change.

smart Guy shes the dumb one for sticking around for 12 yrs id kick him to the curb real fast there are believe it or not good guys out there and one can live better alone than with this creep around!

what?is this a grown man or a child?if he is a grown man he needs to seek help. and the first thing he needs to do is get a job .i agree you are allowing this man to walk on you and you are hurting him more by allowing this.life is to short!