Is the women responsible for spousal Extramarital Affairs?
By zandi458
@zandi458 (28102)
Malaysia
November 11, 2008 11:48pm CST
People indulging in adultery destroy their marital relationship while deeply hurting the person who love them most. Unfaithful partners know that their acts are not only wrong but would wreck havoc with their personal life. Yet are prepared to take such a great risk.
Both genders are known to have extra marital affairs but the point is what drives the men into infidelity and women to turn unfaithful.
A few men when asked denies the affair or blames his spouse for driving him into committing such an act. So do you think the women are to be blamed if the men indulge in marital affairs? some people agree that men are driven into seeking love outside marital boundaries, when it is non existent in their marriage. The spouse can partly be blamed for the loveless marriage. Love and affection are the key ingredients not only for the survival of a relationship but making human existence happy. It is commonly believed that these lonely people stray outside marital confines seeking self-validation.
Denial of spousal love make people feel worthless and rejected and these feelings commonly turn them defenseless and they turn infidel. To say the least, human hearts is designed to love and adultery is an off-shoot of their characteristics.
If this doesn't pose a red flag to you, maybe you guys can share your experiences, after all your confession is anonymous and only told within the boundary of mylot. My friends do you think it is fair to blame us for driving the men to seek their paradise outside?
5 people like this
25 responses
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
nah...why?what a lame excuse...and more than often the men use this as an excuse and it just shows how weak they are...even while cheating they stay hidden under their wife for an excuse for their wrong doings.
Just to share something about this topic...my father is having an affair and havd had many extramarital relationships besides my mother for many years now...but now this time is what hurt us most because its very close to home and he is not even sorry about it anymore...my mother cries inside the room not letting us now how hurt she is...but still my father continues with the affair. What we the children can do is just support my mother and be always ready to listen to her and encouraging her to get a life of her own.
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
well they are still both young...only in their late 40's approaching 50's...men are really like that?because i am keeping eye of the old men in my area and they do act the same way...its weird when their wives gets all the KONSOMISYON.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
12 Nov 08
Tell your mom to free herself from torturing herself My mom was exactly like that as my father left her late in life to be free from the bond of marriage until he passed away. I think the reason my mom have heart problem now is due to years of sadness and dry tears. Men when they reach advance years goes crazy and are trying to regain their youth. They cannot accept the fact that they are 'pension horse' 
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
12 Nov 08
I feel that is the men going out and doing things that drive the woman out side the marriage too.
But if its a loveless marriage could be the womens fault if she is fridged.
Alot of things contribute to being un faithful
BUt MArriage shouldnt be entered in to if there is no love there . Not to give a kid a name or something like that there has to be love from both sides to stay together for ever.
2 people like this
@ebought (56)
•
13 Nov 08
If a man blames a woman he is in a relationship with for driving him to having an affair I think he is wrong.
It's too convenient for him to put all of the blame onto the woman, when quite frankly he is the one who chose to have an affair. Everyone is responsible for their own actions.
A man who blames a woman for an affair needs to take some responsibility himself.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
17 Nov 08
This is a touchy subject because both husband and wife have their flaws.
It's tragic for small things to cause a man to have extra marital affairs but it happens all the time. There's no reason to let it happen to anyone. We must remember that husband and wife love each other and should do whatever that can keep the fires burning.
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
16 Nov 08
I think that it goes both ways. If EITHER spouse stops caring and putting in effort, and the other is doing all of the work, it cannot work.
The reverse of what you describe, in men, is just as bad. We have seen them, too.
So, it can be one or both who are guilty. If you love someone, make them important and make them feel loved and important.
:D
1 person likes this
@nadooa247 (1096)
• United States
12 Nov 08
Well if the excuse is to seek something else where why not simply tell your spouse instead of becoming unfaithful. I say this all the time, if my husband feels there is a problem in ANY aspect of our marriage i prefer he tells me. If he thinks that it can not be mended or taken care of and i feel the same then why hurt each other by turning else where? Each go their separate way rather than making the other feel like they are coming up short.
Yes break up/divorce in a marriage is hard and can be hurtful, but it is less hurtful than thinking all is well and find out your spouse decided to go else where claiming he was not getting or she was not getting what they needed at home.
2 people like this
@emorales008 (28)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
Having said what I have written down a few seconds ago, I know many women will be furious, but then sometimes it is true that men do get tired of those things. And I think the "blaming" part should not be "all or nothing". In a marriage or a couple, both have a hand in how the relationship will go and so it is not justifiable to blame the men solely for an affair.
It is more important to forgive and settle mistakes and problems, than to dicuss whose fault was it.
2 people like this
@emorales008 (28)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
I know how it feels like to be cheated on, and so i do empathize with a lot of women out there.
But then, i can say there is this teeny tiny part of me that can justify that in some way, it is partly the fault of the woman.
Who want to come home to someone who nags over the littlest things (shower curtains, flushing the toilet, keeping the bed tidy)?
Who wants to cuddle someone who would rather sleep than to make love to her spouse?
Who wants to come home to someone who over and over again, looks over your cell phone text messages and browses your calls without asking for permission first (in any relationship, privacy is a right, not a privilege)?
Who wants to come home to someone who is freakishly jealousy of everything that walks around wearing a skirt?
Who wants to come home to someone who barely express concern for you when you had a rough day at work?
Who wants to come home to someone who would rather talk-slash-nag nonstop(just because you were home 30 minutes later than expected) than ask you "how was your day?"
I know I don't.
2 people like this
those words should have come from a man's mouth but you deserve to be given an honor for speaking up for men. Take note of this, it is clear and loud we women are part and partial the reasons behind a behavioral indecency in men!
@bonbon664 (3466)
• Canada
13 Nov 08
I really don't understand affairs at all. If my husband had an affair on me, I certainly wouldn't be the one to blame. I think if he's not happy, he or me for that matter would have the balls and the decency to get out of the marriage first. I think affairs are a cowardly act, whether it's the man or woman having them.
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18441)
• India
13 Nov 08
I think it has become the practice or at least very easy to blame the women, I am not saying all the times women are not responsible. But many time sit the men who cheats and love to blame the women for this. i never believe its all for women.
@alindahaw (1219)
• Philippines
13 Nov 08
I think that whoever betrayed the trust of the other is to blame. If it's the man who had an affair with another woman, then it's his fault. On the other hand, if its the women who turned to another man, it's her fault. I strongly believe that love is not just an emotion, romance or good times. It is also about making sacrifices, making decisions and loyalty. When you marry someone, love becomes a decision that you consciously make. It is now up to you to stick to that decision and make the marriage work.
1 person likes this
@tlb0822 (1410)
• United States
13 Nov 08
I think the man is to blame. Whomever is cheating should be the one to blame. It should never be the other persons fault. They're not there telling the other person that they should cheat on them. All it is, is an excuse trying to put the blame on the other person because they feel bad for their actions. It's the oldest, and dumbest trick in the book. Oh i cheated because you made me... haha what a joke. I think that whomever did the cheating is the one to blame.
1 person likes this
@scorpio19 (1363)
•
17 Nov 08
Hi zandi,
The simple answer is no! I know alot of women have and do blame it on the fact the man was born male so he can't help his playing away, I think that's a cop out we all have free will regardless of gender, put a nice piece of steak infront of a man he can decide whether he would like to eat it or not so what's the difference in a woman. The same goes if a woman has an affair, we all have choice some choose it some don't. also if people are unhappy in their relationships there are better ways of dealing with it, than having an affair but that is not always looked at which is a shame.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
17 Nov 08
I guess you're right. They will pounce on it immediately. Men are men, they can do anything without being detected, nothing is lost and they will come back home as if nothing happen. BUT if a woman has affairs, if she is not careful, few minutes of pleasure will be nine months of pain and shame.
@sunshine724 (76)
• United States
13 Nov 08
It depends on the situation. I believe that which ever party is not happy it is up to them to bring it up in conversation rather than step out on the relationship. Once the conversation is brought up the other person should try their best to change the situation. Playing the blame game is not the answer to the problem, each person should take responsibility for their actions.
@baileyq (67)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
It takes two to tango. Anyone in a relationship who doesn't give it his/her all might be partly to blame for pushing the man/woman to stray, but it's still an individual's choice what direction to take. We are responsible for our own actions and have to face the consequences without putting blame on the other person. If one wants to start on a new relationship, then by all means, go ahead. But wouldn't it be better if you let the other person go instead of holding on to them in case your "little" affair doesn't pan out?
1 person likes this
@omar0913 (942)
• Legaspi, Philippines
12 Nov 08
I have never think of blaming my wife if I have commited such an affair, nor other persons that led me to make that act. If I have done that, then it's my fault and not hers or them. Those are just alibis for men who does'nt want to be comfronted for their wrong doings, and to make themeselves free from people criticisms. For me it's an act of cowardness, not accepting their own fault and make such an alibi. That's all thanks....
1 person likes this
@chaska (170)
• United States
12 Nov 08
I would say that if a person were in a loveless, unaffectionate, unhappy marriage that could lead the spouse to look for it outside of the marriage. I do agree that some people can be driven to do so. However, I feel that if someone is unhappy with their marriage or with their partner they should consider leaving. I do not condone adultery. I am married and before I would ever think of disrespecting myself or my husband with an extramarital affair I would ask for a divorce. I love my husband and try to do everything I can to keep our lives happy. If there are problems we communicate and try to compromise to make things better. Love and affection are a great portion of married life and should not be denied to either participant. Honesty, respect, and companionship are also another important component to a successful marriage and should be highly valued. Unfortunately, many women do blame themself for their husband's infedility. If the situation is reversed rarely does a man blame themself for the indescretions of his wife. She becomes the center of ridicule, shame, and betrayal.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
13 Nov 08
An affair can be like a small heart attack. When a person has a small heart attack, they go for professional help. They usually then begin to pay attention, take care of themselves, and use the tools give by the professional. They then become stronger and healthier avoiding a massage and fatal heart attack. An affair can be looked on in the same way. If both partners want the relationship to continue they can actually make it stronger and better. It takes communication, commitment, time, effort, energy, and attention.
@workinggurl (399)
• Philippines
13 Nov 08
Women always to be blame for spouse philandering activities is so double standard.
Everyone is responsible to her/his actions.
1 person likes this
@pamfloyd51 (136)
• United States
12 Nov 08
The Bible says "Thoou shalt not commit adultery". It is wrong & has severe consequences. Talk to your spouse about what is bothering you & see if both of you can come to some kind of middle ground to make the relationship better. Also, I would suggest going to a Christian counsler. If they do committ adultery, according to the Bible you have grounds for a divorce. You cannot blame the other person if you have an affair. When you die & stand before God, you will give an account for everthing you have said & done in this life. God will forgive you if you ask him & genuinely repent. Some spouses forgive adultery & move on. Some cannot move on. If you are a Christian, get counseling from your pastor. I belevie adultery happens when communication between the husband & wife has broken down. Always keep an honest line of communication open in a marriage. Marriage is something you work on every day. Always treat your husband like you are on a date. Build them up & encourage them. Be their best friend.
@efarmer (184)
•
12 Nov 08
what happens is that the person who is unfaithful does not need a reason to be unfaithful. he or she simply isnt committed to the person they love. they say that they love that person but it is actually only themselves that they love. because love is much deeper to be affected by any outwardly things. it is a decision always. and so to blame only the woman or the man would be unfair. the unfaithful one is the one to blame be it woman or man
1 person likes this
@sofmat (27)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
anybody who does extra is guilty. the excuses are there to cover the weakness. there are no excuses for going extra. plain and simple. an individual has to be firm and stand with conviction. one must over power temptation. that's what marriage is all about. there are no excuses for those actions. but forgiveness yeah but it all depends. that a good tread to start. and lastly TRUST and RESPECT of oneself and your partner.
1 person likes this
