I Repel People Deliberately

I have been clean and sober for over 17 years. I wqent through treatment to treat these addictions and with luck I might add I made it. In treatment I learned about low self esteem which mine was off the scale at the bottom. I also learned what empathy was. I never cared nor knew othjers feelings etc prior to treatment. So now I have learnede to love myself as if I don't how can anyone love me. I have also learned to be aware of others feelings. So I do not repel, I attract now. Even with rotten teeth and a mouth with just a few broken teeth left and an ugly smile, I love myself and therefore others love me. I do not like hurting others at all anymore. Hope this explains my situation some in this are. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~

Hi wolfie, We all have to love ourselves before we can love others, that's why self-esteem is so important. The things that we like or dislike about others are often aspects of our own character that we refuse to acknowledge. There are books that you can get which will help you develop self-esteem and you should try something because you don't seem very happy with yourself. The fact is that everyone of us has light and dark sides to our character and really there is nothing wrong with that, a perfect person would be impossible to live with. I've had people reject me as I'm sure everyone has and it doesn't feel very good, but that doesn't mean everyone will reject us. It's no fun being hostile to anyone and hurts ourselves so I try not to act that way. Blessings.

I do sometimes deliberately repel people. I just feel that I know more people than I can cope with. I am usually quite a loner and have trouble when trying to spend time with people because I just don't seem to be able to fit friends into my schedule. There have been a couple of times in my life when it seemed I had a few friends and I would be quite sociable but, it seems, I was within that group because someone else was rather than on my own merits. Now I just don't have time to be sociable. I have one "friend" who I occasionally go shopping with but I hate shopping. In fact I only made friends with that person because at the time I was looking for a sort of temporary best friend while my proper best friend was "poorly". I think I might come across as being hostile to certain people accidentally. There are certain people who I just know are not worth my time. It might come across as me being a bad person but there is a saying, which I actually think I first got from you which is "no company is preferable to bad company" or something like that and I honestly couldn't care less if a bad person thinks poorly of me. There have been times when I have been (or at least seemed) popular and that was quite nice but now I don't want to be. It is far too much effort to be that way. If people want a sociable, chatty friend who makes plans and has fun then that is not me. I'd rather just have a few people who know me very well and I do deliberately make it difficult for most people to get to know me because I just don't want them to.

I think its just the defense, we automaticly have because of our past experiences and pain.I dont think its beacuse others would reject you or think that you are weird or any of that. Its just your auto defenses kicking in to self defend you from pain.Sometimes, they are on so long to protect you that its like a bad habit that it is hard to break.Its like trying to learn to live again and to give yourself a fair chance to do so!If you had not had bad experiences then it wouldnt be that the auto defender would kick in.Its just a part of the brain that is a part of our defense system. That is just some of what seems to make sense to me , what do you think?

I can totally understand what you are talking about because I used to do the same thing. Now I just isolate because I'm sooooooo tired of people. I don't have patience for them anymore. I, too, was bullied, mocked, teased, ridiculed and humiliated most of my life and now I'm on Disability because I honestly can't work anymore. There are a few people in my life that I trust and that feels good. Old habits die hard, but, in time you will be able to trust (at least to degree). Because of our backgrounds we may never be able to fully trust people, but, have faith that with time you will get to a point where you will be able to let down some of your defenses and will be able to discern who to trust and who not to trust. Are you seeing a therapist at all? I have finally found an excellent one who understands me so well and doesn't make assumptions about me. Talking to a therapist on a weekly basis is so helpful. It helps to air out some of the junk in your mind and even letting some of it go so you can go further psychologically. I'm not saying it's easy because I still struggle on a day to day basis myself, but, just to let you know there is hope. I hope I've helped you in some way. Purrs, Catwoman=^..^= & Mija

I am very sorry Wolfie that others hurt you to the point that it has changed your personality to a bitterness. It also sounds like there may be some anger issues you still feel. I hope the therapy helps you, as you may be missing out on a happier life if you just let some in. I have had bad experiences too, but each of us really NEED other people in our lives, but true friends. They are rare and hard to find. It is hard to trust again once you have been hurt so deeply, but I think if you continue in your hostility and rejection towards others, you will be a very lonely sad man, particularly in your elderly years!

Wolfie It feels sad to read through this. Essentially it's a reflection of most of us. I have been there but now I know what it takes. LOVE yourself and try to look at the brighter side of life. I have been repeatedly hurt but now I do not frown over the crooked nose I have. I rather appreciate the beautiful eyes. And trust me, that makes me feel so much better. I expect little from others and that gives me a sense of completeness when I love someone and do something. Previously, I used to escape now I face it. I get rejected but never mind. If that was what supposed to be let it be. There are so many avenues! If the people in the gym do not talk to you, let go but if they smile at you why NOT smile back. That makes living so much beautiful! And remember, even the executioner be the happiest person on the world. It's just the way you look at it. Smiles....

A long time ago, I went through the same thing - repelling people deliberately - it was because I was hurting badly from a broken 13 year relationship. He wasn't nasty with me, it was just that he'd wandered and been unfaithful with someone a lot younger than me. I felt betrayed, rejected, and was absolutely devastated. It took me a long time to get over it; I kept people at arm's length for the same reason as you are wolfie - I didn't want to let them get near me in case I got hurt again, so I put up a brick wall to protect myself. However, I eventually realized that this attitude was preventing me from enjoying life to the full - I was miserable, unhappy, low self-esteem, thought no-one could love me for me - you know. I started making a conscious effort to be nice with people again, to speak and join in, and convincing myself that I was a worth-while person, and that I had as much right to happiness as the next person. Life is a risk whatever we do-you know the old saying "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". It's a fact wolf. Slacken your resistance bit by bit and take a chance on people - they are not all bad. Move on from ones who treat you bad, there are plenty of nice people out there, believe me. Once I did this and got used to it, my life started to open up again wolfie, and I was happy to be part of living again. Give of yourself and it'll come back to you. Think good of yourself, and it will bounce off people you meet. Think positive thoughts. You are not the person you think you are - I've seen your qualities come out here at MyLot - you are a warm, kind, caring and intelligent person with a lot to offer. Go for it wolfie - you can do it! I know it. Luv ya. xx

You don't have to do that you know. I guess it is a pity! Maybe the attractive one likes you so much and she feels a same way. Also, she may be very shy or something. As a guy, you should take the initative. Never wait a woman to go for you first. I used to think British guys are very gentle. You should know "lady first!" At this point, it means you should be kind of tolerant of their indifference sometimes. Also, why are you so shy? You are knowledgable and good at sports since you go to to the gym everday. Meanwhile, you look good though you are not more handsome than David Beckham so far as I am concerned. lol Next time, when you happen to see an attractive woman, just talk to them anyway. You don't mean she must become your girlfriend or something. It is just a talk, which may let you know you are actually brilliant. You should appreciate yourslef more. Just have a little faith. Once you lose the way, as you know, you lose yourself! I gotta go out to face the nacissistics again now! haha Have a nice day!

I have been as well rejected sometimes, but I just think of them as not the one for me. Now I am married to a woman whom I never courted, the truth was she's my best friend. But I loved her so much, more than I loved my self, she's really was the one that was meant for me. In your case, the only thing that I can say is, there's always a blessing for everyone that we all can say it's ours. you need more patience and self-control, treat all the people around you like how you treat your self psitively. For sure,the one for you is yet to come...Thanks and take care...greatest blessings my friend.

You know wolfie sometimes when I listen to you I think I am listening to myself talking. It is so hard to believe how similar we think and how so many of the things that you do that I do to. I will hurt me first before I will let you hurt me! Sound familiar? I have done that so many times. I will also snub someone first before they snub me for the same reason that they will never like me! What a defeatest attitude! And yes it comes from so many years of being hurt by so many! I just don't want to be hurt anymore! So I will reject before before I am rejected! I have actually gotten stronger in the last year due to some therapy and the fact that I will not take crap from anyone any longer. But I am still healing from so may old wounds and it does take time to heal. I still don't have all the answers so I am still searching and I still wearing a shield to protect my feelings in the meantime.

I was very much like Kashigurl, shy, withdrawn, and did not believe in myself. Somehow, you have to allow that wall to come down, even if it is one brick at a time. The thing is, you have to stop rejecting yourself, wolfie, because when you reject others, that is exactly what you are doing. I really think the book Kashi mentioned will help. On line, you can hide, and be the person you would like to be. Push through and let that person come out in your daily life, offline. Remember, let the wall come down, just one brick at a time, and before you know it, you will be smiling at that attractive person waiting at the bus stop. It's just a smile, right?*S*

Well i have been through this several times. truly speaking i go through this almost every month!!! You wont beleive me but deliberately do repel people who do just the dame thing as that happens wuth you.!! Well, just the same i too feel hostile to a few of them!!! Well my father says thats a part of HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY !!!!!

Well I dont repel people deliberately. but people just cant accept me I guess. It is not that I am so unacceptable but I guess it is the way it goes. some people attract others while others repel. I cant help it. but I think you need to get out of the dumps and think about the people you repel how they must feel. so one request is please dont do it deliberately, if it happens undeliberately then welcome to the club. just think about how you feel when someone does that to you

Unfortunately I am an open book. My face shows what is going on in my mind. If I don't like a person I immediately transmit what is going on inside me by my gestures. So I do end up repel them after all.© ronaldinu 2008

I'm not hostile but I generally don't let people get close. They make overtures and I don't accept or don't reciprocate and eventually they go away.