Should I be angry, hurt, frustrated?

Cheryl~ unfortunately, you raised your son without the responsibility of having to be an adult and pay his own way. When my son graduated from high school I told him either go to college or get a job and start paying rent. He got the job and started paying rent. When he wanted his girlfriend to move in, I said no. He then decided to get an apartment with her. Then he realized that it is expensive being on his own. He started working more hours and just bought a house. You have taught your son that life is a free ride~ at the age of 22, he should be on his own, not living off of you. I think that the gift to his girlfriend is awesome! I would love to see my son be able to take his girlfriend to Cuba...but he knows that the bills come first. I don't see how you can rectify this unless you tell him after his trip that you feel he needs to start contributing to the household bills. You need this help and he needs to realize how life really is.

If i were you' I'd tell your son, that he needs to start getting his own place, and that you're struggling to keep up with the bills, and - not in a rent way, but it would be nice for him to contribute to it, seeing as, if he wants to stay in the house- the house needs to be paid for. Otherwise you're all out on your own aren't you. My boyfriends mum makes him pay rent, i think she makes him pay a little too much to be honest though-

To answer your question, yes you should be really angry. I must say that my family's situation is very similar to yours. The living is very costly and my mom has paid all of my tuition fees for university so i wouldn't have a good conscience. Just eating a fastfood burger or buying candies makes me fell bad enough while she eats boring stuff at home. I also know that my boyfriend is still a student like me and I know his mom works alot. He also wants to go travel and do expensive stuff but i tell him to be more considerate to his mother. Parents would do anything for their children and that's something children have to understand and be tankful to their parents. In your situation, I think you should also be upset with your son's girlfriend. She should not accept this. Anyway, I believe you should talk to your son. Not yelling at him but just talking and make him know that you are very disappointed so in the future he won't repeat such thing. I know that he's a grown up and he wants to get stuff on his own and he wants to keep his monney. In this case, he should go live by himself into an appartment instead of leeching from you. It just puzzles me that your son is not being considerate to you and choose luxury while you would give your all. I've seen alot of people who went through this. My mom's friend has arthritis and she still used her physical strenght to get monney. I know she gave him 30 thousand as a gift to save up and buy a house but he ended up buying a motorcycle online..and he got scammed. After he got married, he didn't even look back at his mother. You should talk to him and make some sens in him. Goodluck.

The fact that you don't "charge" your son rent, should in no way mean that he should not help out with the family expenses. The fact of the matter is that he is a grown man. He is employed. Sounds like he is healthy. I would be offended that he basically knows your family's situation and is not mature enough to know that he needs to pay his way! Surprisingly he found a mate that was just as selfish as he was! I am sure as a parent when you made the promise 22 years ago, you did not know what your situation would be. You need to re-think your situation, because the truth of the matter is that he can't expect to live somewhere with his girlfriend for free. And it seems that he even has a job as a result of your husband. You have raised him. The bottom line is that he is a grown man, with a live in girlfriend. He needs to pay his own way! Trust me, they could not live anywhere on their own for less than it would be to contribute to his family.

It's understandable to feel hurt. In my opinion, that was pretty inconsiderate on his part. Plus, it's only a five month anniversary - it's not like a one year anniversary or anything very special. And even if it was, the celebration doesn't need to be so elaborate. The money should have been set aside to help out, I think. Actually, it's just common courtesy to help out when you can if you're living off somebody else - especially if they're in financial instability. Perhaps have a little talk with him and tell him how you feel so that he'll keep this instance in mind the next time he decides to splurge? It's going to be fine. I hope you feel better soon! =)

It is not unreasonable at all. I am a girlfriend of 4 years who lives with my boyfriend's parents. I am only living here because I honestly had nowhere else to go. I have been recieving food stamps and I pay for half of the groceries. My boyfriend id on my benefits as well. So we do eat half of the food....so why not help with half of the food bills. I was working and I would help with gas in our vehicles and things of that nature. I pay most of our bills. I am currently unemployed and so is my boyfriend so times are a little difficult, but we save as much. Like just tonight, we went out for a rare night out. We went to the movies, but instead of going to the 7 o clock $3 show. We went to the 4 o clock $2 show. It's not much but every little bit helps. We have our own checking account and we each have our savings accounts. I owe his parents money for helping fix my car and I fully intend to pay them as soon as I get all of my other bills under control. I just hope we can get out on our own soon. I hate living with parents. I would much rather be on my own, but it's just not possible at this point. I am going to be 26 on the 28th. My boyfriend will be 25 friday. We help out as much as we can.... also we each take on extra housework and such to help his parents out who both work. I think you should sit down and talk to you son and explain to him how difficult things are getting. Or maybe even talk to his girlfriend. If they see what a struggle it is, maybe they will willingly pitch in a little. Most of the time men just don't think about this type of thing. Maybe you all could sit down and divide up one bill or something and once they see how much they actually add to the bills, maybe they will want to pay for their part or at least a portion of it. My boyfriend didn't think about helping his parents, that was my idea, but now his parents are not having near as much problems. Good Luck.

[i]Hi cher, I understand how you feel, I will feel the same when I am in the same situation...Your son knows about it and even for a little assistance for the bills, I guess it will be nice to receive from him...I guess he needs to be more open about life and he will learn it when he has his won place with his gf and with that experience, he will realize how hard it is, it's hard when he knows all about this bill but never be in the situation![/i]

Its one thing not to charge them anything, but they should contribute something to the household account. After all, they do consume electricity, water, etc etc. The least they could do is pay some of the monthly bills. They could go somewhere else, somewhere less pricy and contribute some of that money towards the house. I understand how you feel, I'd feel hurt too. I think you need to have a talk with both of them and give them a wake-up call on what its like to live in the real world. Good luck!

I understand your reasoning for not charging family rent. But, don't you think there comes a time when adult offspring needs to take some responsibility? I've done all that I can to help my son, even letting him and his girlfriend live with us for awhile. But, they knew that there was a time when they either needed to be responsible enough to help out, or get their own place - which they did. I really think its time you and your husband had just such a talk with your son. Its a shame he hasn't shown the maturity on his own to realize he and his girlfriend are mooching off you two, but there isn't any reason it can't be pointed out to him. As an adult your son surely knows the limited income you are working with to try and support four adults. So I personally don't see any reason they can't pay rent, help with the bills or find their own place.

What your son did was inconsiderate.. you know, he should have thought of helping you first as you have let him and his gf live in your own house.. a simple gesture of giving some money to help with the electricity bills or giving you some groceries would mean a lot.. i am 23 years old and don't have a stable job but i still make sure to give something for my mom like small amount of money, groceries, food and home displays.. i also give clothes, make-up and slippers if i have spare money.. i know how you feel and i also feel bad for you.. i hope your son would realize your value and the things you did to give him a comfortable life..

I am so sorry. I feel for you. I am going through a similar situation with my middle son. He is 18 and up until 3 weeks ago he was in college. He decided he no longer wanted to go to school for that particular program. I tried my best to get him to at least stay in school until the semester ended then he could enroll in something different and not screw up his financial aid. Well needless to say, he quit and began working construction with my fiance. That is not going well either. He is lazy, does not want to speed up and is not interested in learning how to do anything. It is possible he may be fired within the next month. Right now he is on his 60 day training period. He got his first pay check and spent the weekend away from home with all of his friends. I have asked him if he had any money left (we agreed he would pay $30 a week from each paycheck to help out around the house). He get offensive and does not answer me. I had told him that with his first paycheck I would not expect anything because he needed new boots (with steel toes) and a drill. He did not go out and purchase either of these. You are not being selfish. I think in my case I spoiled my kids and they expect this to continue. I would have a talk with your son. He is old enough to know what is going on in the house. He needs to contribute as well. I am with you on the hurt aspect. It is very hurtful for a child that you worked so hard to raise and give them the life that you did not have to turn around and just slap you in the face. I hope everything works out for you all. My blessings!

I think that I would also feel hurt if it were my child. I think that you have gone far and beyond what you should as a mother. If my child were to live at home and was working then I would make sure that they had some responsibility to pay for certain items. Like if they want phone then they should pay for part of that bill. You are for sure not being selfish or unresonable. Take care and I hope things can work out for you.

Why don't you talk and discuss it with your son? Sometimes when we are keeping away the problems, they don't understand "what is the problem?" Maybe you should talk not to angry with him. He is adult and he will understand if you talk about it. The way you think it isn't important to celebrate the anniversary, please think about that again. Maybe for you it isn't that important but how about your son and her girlfriend? If you can make your son understand about the situation of financial of house bills, maybe he will consider to think about that.

I believe it is a normal reaction for a parent to feel hurt whenever their children puts themselves "first" before family. Family members should help each other, right? But, I also believe your son has every right to keep himself happy. And besides, he worked for his holiday, right? I believe he's been doing his share to keep your household running fairly. This is the only time that he'll be spending a special occasion with his girlfriend, give it to him. He's your son. Be more happy for him. I'm sure he's not forgetting his family.

You set him up for it. Your son is being given the go ahead to do what ever he wants with his money because you don't want to charge him for living there. He's going to keep living there for as long as you let him because he has NO expenses. Does he help pay for food? Utilities? From what you are saying, it doesn't seem so. Once a child becomes an adult, he should be required to behave as an adult, that includes the financial responsibilities of an adult like rent, food, utilities. You are not being selfish, but I don't think you are being the best parent you can be either.

No you are not being selfish, unreasonable or anything else. I think us Mums are too soft with our kids and they know it and take advantage of it. I have a 17 year old son, he left school and decided not to go to college so all the money that I received from the government for him stopped. He works but only twice a week so it is not much and I said to him that because he does not get much I would not ask him to give me anything but in return he could help me around the house. But what does he do instead, lazes in bed til 2.00pm no matter how much I shout him, he spends most of the night on the internet and some nights stays up all night using electric that I cannot afford and all he will do in return is the washing up if I have not already done it. He never offers to help me with shopping or taking the kids to school or even picking them up. It is not us who are selfish it is our children and at 22 your son should realise that you are struggling and offer a bit to help you out and to thank you both for letting him and his girlfriend stay with you all that time.

Am I being selfish? Am I being unreasonable? No you are being foolish. Sonny should have been paying nominal rent from the day he started earning income and contributing to the household. You have created this situation and now you are whining about it. I am not sure why you said "from the day my children were born I said I would never charge them rent". I think it is time to stop treating your 22 year old like a child and cut the apron strings. To those that are calling Sonny boy names, he is only doing what is expected of him. Momma has raised this boy to be exactly how he is. And what is up with the girlfriend? Momma is probably paying for their food too.

if your son earns enough to pay 1/4 of the rent and to go to cuba then whats wrong dont thing much just let your tension go do some exercise which would keep your mind free, but as you sad u r disabled then relaxe your mind by just taking some deep breaths nothing much hope you read this response!!!:)

I think you have every right to feel frustrated and hurt. You sound like someone who is willing to do most things for your child and I feel parents like yourself should at least get a little bit of concern from your children in return. I have two siblings a brother and a sister. When we got out of college, my sister and I decided to take care of the bills around the house to helo our parents out. My brother who is now a dentist never took the initiative to help us out with the bills. A few years after graduating from college he still asked for money to get to and from work, he let me and my sister (who was younger than he was)struggle with the bills. While he never offered to help with the bills, he bought a car, came home from work with expensive clothes and stuff so we knew he was making a lot of money. He then surprised us by saying that he was getting married and that he and his girlfriend already had enough saved for the wedding and everything else. They ended up paying more than 100K for their wedding and they still had more in the bank. I was so pissed off because he never even helped out our parents. He was a burden to them until the very end. I feel you should talk to your son. I feel people like him should be made aware of how much they hurt those who do everything for them and he couldnt even care less.