Have you ever gone to visit someone and felt so unwelcomed?
By sudalunts
@sudalunts (5523)
United States
November 23, 2008 10:31am CST
Several years ago, before I was married to my husband, we decided to visit his father in Colorado. When my husband called to say we were coming, his step mother answered the phone, and instead of being happy that we were coming, she told my husband that they do not allow visitors to stay at their house. We live in New Jersey, so it was going to be a long journey to get to them. My husband spoke to his father and told him what his wife had said, and his father basically said this is my house and for to come on.
I was very nervous and uncomfortable about the trip after know that this lady did not want us there.
When we arrived, she was in bed, did not even get up to welcome us, or to see if we wanted something to eat. We had left home that day at twelve noon EST and arrived there at ten at night CST.
We spent as little time in the house as we could, we would get up early and leave and not return until it was time to go to bed. She did not do anything with us the whole time we were there. My husband's father did take us to dinner and to the Denver Zoo, the mother in law did not go with us.
There were other incidences that happened, but I will not go into it.
My question is have you ever traveled a distance to see someone and your time spent there was uncomfortable and not inviting?
4 people like this
17 responses
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
24 Nov 08
i have never realy gone to visit someone whom i know will not welcome me. besides i am not the kind that would really be going out of my way to go visit someone not really close with me. if i would be doing that, that is for someone close to me... and given that, im sure i will be welcome in that person's home.
2 people like this
@sudalunts (5523)
• United States
24 Nov 08
We were going to visit my husband's father. This lady did not want my husband to come either, she is married to my husband's father. It turns out she doesn not like anyone to stay there, even her own children, and they are not strangers to her.
1 person likes this
@suzzy3 (8341)
•
23 Nov 08
No I have not had anything like that thank goodness,Your poor husband my heart goes out to him,it must have been awful.everyone wants their relatives to like their partner and welcome them into the family.Your father in law sounds a nice man what a shame for him.She was certainly a strange one and very rude you certainly did not deserve to be treated like that.
2 people like this
@sudalunts (5523)
• United States
24 Nov 08
Yes, she is very strange, about two weeks after we got home, I received a book in the mail from her. The book basically was about the type of men you should stay away from and not marry. I asked her why did she send it to me, and she said she thought I would be interested in the book, I threw it in the garbage.
2 people like this
@luvstochat (6907)
• United States
23 Nov 08
Yes my husbands friend had got a new girlfriend and I guess the best way to put it is she was a little on the strange side. We traveled the 300 miles to see their new baby when we got there the baby wasn't there she took it to her moms house to stay the night then she said she didn't feel good although she seemed fine and went to bed we had to sleep on the couch and chair no blankets or pillows didn't bothter to ask us if we wanted any we ended up leaving the next morning and eating breakfast out and come home we never went back again.
2 people like this
@sudalunts (5523)
• United States
23 Nov 08
I see you had a rude host/hostess too. I just don't understand some people
2 people like this
@Vintervarg (697)
• Estonia
23 Nov 08
I had this strong feeling after I finished my school. I remember that I thoght I had lots of friends from school, so I continued visiting them for some time after we graduated and went our own ways, but very soon I recognized that no one had time to meet me or call me, unless I did it myself, and most people always had thousands excuses to avoid meeting me. It was very strange. It was long ago, I have changed my circle of friends since then and now I am not in touch with my ex-classmates at all. Weird, I do not understand how people change sometimes...
2 people like this
@thebeaddoodler (4262)
• Lubbock, Texas
24 Nov 08
I have not ever had this happen to me and I'm so sorry that it happened to you or any one else. There is just no excuse for such behavior. I can't imagine marrying somebody and not even trying to be civil to their children. Maybe your father in law needed a book about what kind of women not to marry.
1 person likes this
@sudalunts (5523)
• United States
24 Nov 08
Yes, she was not a person you would like to around. My husband actually got up one morning and told me to pack because he wanted to leave. His father talked to him, and took us to the zoo that day, and he must have spoken to his wife, because that was the night she insisted that we have dinner with them. We were there six days and only ate there that one time. Haven't been back since.
1 person likes this
@Barbietre (1438)
• United States
24 Nov 08
Oh yes, I sure did. My son had invited my mother, (his grandmother) and her then fiance and 2 of their ( my Mom's) friends. Mind you my son and his wife had never even met the second couple. My Mom insisted I come along. I did not want to go, I told her my DIL ( my son's second wife) was very fussy and would not be happy I came.
My mother just pressured me so much I just agreed and went. When we arrived my son looked very happy to see me ( My Mom is a bit hard to take without a buffer, so he saw me as an aid) and my Grandson jumped all over me, he was glad to see his gram. BUT my daughter in laws' jaw dropped when she saw me. I could tell she was very unhappy, in fact I am not sure she even wanted any of the others there either. It came back to me thru others since they both worked she saw weekends as their alone time and did not want anyone else around, ever. But she went long to" make her husband happy".
Well she was so aloof to me it was very uncomfortable.
Unfortunately it was just the tip of the iceberg, things slowly got worse and now I have not seen any of them for a long time.It had nothing to o with hat day, but her overall plan to keep my son isolated. Some women do not like their husbands to pay any attention to his family if you know what I mean.
Unfortunately it was just the tip of the iceberg, things slowly got worse and now I have not seen any of them for a long time.It had nothing to o with hat day, but her overall plan to keep my son isolated. Some women do not like their husbands to pay any attention to his family if you know what I mean.1 person likes this
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
24 Nov 08
In answer to your question, yes I have and try this on for size, it was my own mother. I had travelled accross provinces and she told me she didn't have room for me to stay. There was just my daughter and I at that time. I only had ten more miles to go my girlfriend wanted me to stay at their house and I did. Good for you that you went anyway. The ol boot must have been ripped up when you and hubby got married. Did she attend your wedding?
@sudalunts (5523)
• United States
24 Nov 08
No, neither one of them attended our wedding, nor did they send a gift.
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
25 Nov 08
Well I'm sorry but that's pretty poor. They need to be ashamed of themselves really.
@lalu_202001 (123)
• India
24 Nov 08
ya couple of times.
they didnt even want me to get inside...
they try to avoid me..
i can sense it and i tries to escape!!!
@Autumnrose2008 (1478)
• United States
24 Nov 08
Ok yes this thing has happened to me. I was meeting my soon to be inlaws for the very first time. They knew their son and I were set to be married. When we arrived to meet them at my sister in laws house I was very nervous as I have never met them before and wanted to make a good impression. After my soon to be husband introduced me to his father the man turned to his son with out even acknowledging me and asked him if it would be ok for him to leave me at my sister in law's so that he could take his kids out for dinner. The whole time my husbands step mom was giving me dirty looks. Needless to say my husband was flabergasted and didn't quite know what to say in response to his father. That is just one of many incidents that my husbands dad and step mom have treated me as less than a person. My husbands Mother on the other hand has taken me in and made me feel apart of her family. I guess to each his own, but I for one teach my children that every one is important and deserves a chance. I will not be a part of closed mindedness and truly that is what that is.
@sudalunts (5523)
• United States
24 Nov 08
It certainly is amazing how insensitive some people can be.
@up9nine (38)
• China
24 Nov 08
i have never fell this,,,may be you should find some reason with yourself or your husband?why do they donnot welcome yours?if yours make trouble to them?or do something they donnot like?if you do,,,correct it,,if not ,,donnot mind it ,,it's not your fault!
@yash8876 (62)
• India
24 Nov 08
till date i not get this type of experience, but i think its very very uncomfortable, we go there to see some one, if that person is happy then it good but that person is also unhappy then its shameful, If u husband father is happy then u will be happy.
@arikiya (41)
• United States
24 Nov 08
My ex husband's mother was a lot like this when we first got together, but she eventually warmed up and we're actually pretty close now, even though her son and I have been split up for some time. I guess some people are just like that, and sometimes you get lucky and they get over it, and sometimes they don't.
In your situation, it sounds to me that at least your hubby's dad was happy to have you guys there, so at least it wasn't a total loss! : )
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
24 Nov 08
Hi there sudalunts!
Yes, this happened to me and my boyfriend in the past. We have this friend whom we have not seen for quite a while. We were then so happy when we received a message from her. She was inviting us to visit her in her place and she wanted us to stay there for at least two days. Because we really missed her, we went to her place which was some hours away from our place. When we arrived, we were surprised to see that there were other people in her place. They are her new friends. We were introduced to these people and they seem not to be very welcoming. Well, out of politeness, we just stayed in one corner and let them have fun. They were even making plans for the next day which obviously did not include us. Our friend did not spend that much time with us until late in the evening. Before we went to bed, my boyfriend and I agreed that we will be leaving early the next day. After having breakfast the next day, we told our friend that we were leaving. Without asking why we just decided to leave earlier than expected, she just said, "Okay. If you decide to visit me again, you know where to find me." Well, we did, a couple of times but the same thing happened. 
My boyfriend and I decided to never visit her again.
My boyfriend and I decided to never visit her again. 
@manunulat (604)
• Philippines
24 Nov 08
When we went with my team for a house to house health care visit, we felt so un-welcomed simply because it was a "working hour" for most of the people in that community. We devised ways to keep the conversation short so as to avoid wasting their time without jeopardizing also our objective for that day. On a personal experience, my father's second wife was not expecting me last new year but I went to our family house not mainly for Dad but for my aunt who traveled miles away with her husband from United Kingdom. I felt that it will be her last trip to the country with her husband because the latter is old to travel again... I have stressed my objective that day and well, she can't object to my presence because I am a legal child and I should enforce my rights in that house (family thing though). Yet I look at the positive thing with that visit, my father asked some forgiveness for longtime issues unresolved and that was a relief. It was also some first time that I talked with my brother and sister for a change.
