A Hard Decision...

ummm That sure is tough. I wish there was an easy solution. I know it is really tough for you to take a decision to upstake and move out leaving everything behind. I wonder if it will be wise too. In India we have a totally different culture. when a boy and a girl get married, the girl leaves her home and moves to the boys home. It is taken for granted that the girl will move. a man is always the bread earner and the wife is always the home maker. a woman may work, but she is still the home maker and it is her husband's home which becomes her home after marriage. Period. It is only in very rare cases that a man moves out and stays with his wife's family and it is never viewed with respect. i wonder what your girlfriend's attitude is. If at the start either of you take a decision against your wishes, it is going to be a wrong start to a beautiul relationship. You should re-think such an alliance.

I have been in a similar situation. My ex-boyfriend lived in the other end of the country and we wanted to be together, so one of us had to move. He didn't consider moving, so I decided to move to his town so that we could be together. It was a big change but I definately don't regret it. Should he have offered to move? I agree with you, it would have been fair if we had both been willing to "sacrifice" something for the relationship, but I didn't think much about it. I loved him very much, and that was the most important thing.

I guess this is the difficult part in all relationships, two people both with their own ideas someone has to give up their own idea...in most cases both can't have what they want so I think unless you want to meet in the middle someone has to give up something, the main thing is that it isn't always the one person doing all the giving, which unfortunately is the case sometimes...sometimes it is the weakest one that always gives up...i know because i was that one for a long time.. it is a hard one for you I just hope you can work it out, for the sake of your love... good luck.

I think sometimes we just presume that our significant others aren't thinking or feeling the same way that we are about a situation when in fact they are and its really difficult not to get carried away with your own thoughts especially if you're a sensitive person. It's obvious that you love this girl and therefore any wrong doings or negative things are always made to look bigger than they actually are. The only reason i say all this is because i had a similar thing with my boyfriend about where he was to spend christmas which ultimately resulted in a lot of bad feeling inside me and eventually we split up. It wasn't until a few days later when i was forced to sit down and discuss how i was feeling openly that i realised that although he doesnt show things the same way i do that he has the same fears as me etc. We were both on the smae wave length without even realising it and now because we are able to discuss how we think and feel about situations that affect us both we are stronger and actually feel like we are working together. What i am tryinmg to say is, your girl probably isn't saying that she won't move for you just that she feels like she doesn't have to because you already offered and even if she can't move because of circumstance it doesn't mean she loves you any less. I think that everything needs to be worked at and if you talk about it properly you will be able to come to some agreement where neither of you feels left out or hard done by. Good luck x