Bad Spending Habits
By katsmeow1213
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
United States
December 1, 2008 7:11pm CST
I've really about had it with my in laws. They are in a horrible financial situation right now, or at least they seem to think they are, and it's because of their own needless spending.
Well hubby and I sat down to try to figure out their budget. We know what their bills are, and we know how much money they have coming in. The way we figure, they have an extra $600 a month, perhaps a bit more. Now that's not counting my MIL's money. She gets her own SSI check, which she pays her own portion of the bills with, and she teaches piano lessons on the side and makes money with that as well. So, doesn't seem like they're really too bad off on paper.
Well, we do pay them rent, and we pay it weekly, it's easiest for all of us. Now since we've moved in here FIL has been adament about having his rent money on Friday, which is our payday. If we don't pay it on Friday, he's banging on our door Saturday morning. He's constantly giving us this story about how they desperatly need the money and they can't even afford to feed themselves and all this.
So hubby and I have been wracking our brains trying to figure out why they're always so broke. But we finally figured it out on Thanksgiving. MIL basically invited herself over here for Thanksgiving. Upon doing so she mentions they have no stove or oven to cook on. So I ask, well how do you eat? Microwave meals? She says no, they eat out every day of the week. Well no wonder you're so darn broke!
So hubby offers to give them a stove he can get from work. Whatever he has to pay for it he'll take out of the rent we give them. They say no! We tell them cooking will be cheaper, so paying for the stove will make up for itself. But they don't want to part with their rent money.
Upon further investigation we discover that they're also going on shopping sprees on a weekly basis. MIL will go to Thrift stores and buy clothes and blankets and things, and apparently just toss them in a pile in the closet, never wear them, but insist they're taken to the laundromat each week to be washed. FIL will also go on a shopping spree at Walmart, and MIL says she doesn't even know what he ends up bringing home, it's never anything useful according to her.
So here they're basically blowing all their money on nonsense, yet constantly complaining how broke they are.
Do you know someone like this? Does someone you know blow all their money on nonsense, then complain about being so broke?
2 people like this
14 responses
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
2 Dec 08
How frustrating! It sounds like several issues going on here, starting with the unwillingness to prepare their own foods. Eating out every day is expensive, even if you take advantage of earlybird specials, or other promotions. How is your relationship with them? If you can figure out how much they are spending per meal (average), perhaps you can offer your 'restaurant' services for the same price. Then use that money in turn (after paying yourself back for the added expense of feeding them) to buy them some simple cooking equipment. Start with a microwave, since there is a huge variety of meal options in the grocery stores. Another suggestion would be a crockpot. Doesn't get easier than that. Is it possible that you MIL has never learned to cook? Maybe she's embarassed to ask questions to learn.
As far as the shopahaulic tendencies, my grandmother was like that. She would shop for, and buy 'bargains' whether is was something she needed or not. Somehow she thought she was saving money by buying things on sale, even if she had no use for it whatsoever.
You don't say how old you inlaws are, but have you tried calling your local senior center? Perhaps they have social programs that your in-laws would enjoy. Whether eating out or shopping, it sounds like there is a lot of boredom going on. Maybe if that time could be filled with interesting activities. Most centers have great programs now, not just old people getting together to talk about the 'good old days'.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
2 Dec 08
You have great ideas. Unfortunatly I really can't use them.
I do not have a good relationship with them at all, never really have. They're very critical of me and anything I do. Although I consider myself a decent cook, they do critique my cooking... considering they don't cook, that seems extremely rude if you ask me.
MIL has never cooked, never! She raised her kids on hot dogs and macaroni and cheese. She refused to let FIL get a job because he wouldn't be home to cook for her. When he does cook, it's not much. They have a microwave, but apparently MIL doesn't know how to use it, we been down that road. I've shown them my crockpot, used it once when they were babysitting to make a potroast that they were to serve my kids for dinner. Nope, they aren't interested.
So far as the shopping, well it probably is boredom. The only thing they do with themselves is go out for MIL's piano lessons. They are seniors, they're over 70, but there are no local senior centers or anything like that. Even if there were, I doubt my in laws would go, they're stubborn. Extremely stubborn.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
2 Dec 08
Hubby deals with it more than I do, he comes home and tells me about it mostly. It still gets me angry even if I don't have to hear it.
1 person likes this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
2 Dec 08
You are an angel to be treated badly and still try to lend a sympathetic ear. I'm surprised that you have any hair, I think I would have pulled all mine out by now. I guess all you can do when you inlaws complain is to pretend to listen while you think about other things. Where is your husband in all this? I know he tried to work out a budget for them with you...but what does he tell them? All you both can really say is, "I'm sorry. If you aren't willing to make any changes, we can't help you".
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
2 Dec 08
My husbands parents are sort of the same way. They are always talking about being broke but then they are always buying stuff. In the 10 years I've known them I honestly can't count how many different vehicles they have gone through. It seems like every few months they are buying a new junker and selling off an old one. They owed like 4 different houses and the building their business is in. they keep talking about selling them off and moving south but they don't. they also have a brand knew $200,000 motorhome. That is also the fourth of those they have owned. they traided up campers twice then this is their second motorhome. It drives me crazy. It sounds like your inlaws have a serious problem. I can't believe they don't cook
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
2 Dec 08
Your in laws don't sound the least bit broke to me. If they can afford all that stuff. I try not to cry poverty too often, but I certainly can't afford that sort of stuff. Heck I can't even afford a $400 repair on my van without taking the money out of our 401K. Geez! I wish I was their kind of broke, lol.
1 person likes this
@GreenMoo (11833)
•
7 Dec 08
I guess your in laws aren't the only ones to live above their means! I've heard so many stories of people claiming to be in debt etc but refusing to cut back on what they consider essential spending that I've come to realise that what constitutes essential to one person is wasteful to another.
Whilst your in laws spending habits do sounds rather peculiar, what they do with their money really is their own business I suppose. I mean, they might consider some of your expenditure unnecessary too even though I'm sure it's not to you.
I'd just ignore them and grit your teeth when they hassle for the rent money. And if they use being broke as an excuse to you again, you can be quietly smug knowing that you can manage your money a hell of allot better than they can!!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
8 Dec 08
I'll be the first to admit we waste our money on things we don't need, but I'm also the first to admit that's why we're always broke. I don't go crying to others about how broke I am, and I never ask another sole for money, it's just not in my nature.
His parents bought us this house and coaxed us to move into it, hoping it would give them more money, now they're blaming us for the reason why they're so broke, because they aren't earning as much as they wanted off the house. Well that's a whole other story!
@katemeow (847)
• Singapore
2 Dec 08
this is horrible and sad at the same time but i think there are a lot of people who are like this. the bad thing is that since the economy is not so good now, people should be more aware of their expenses. money is always a touchy subject and i know that relationships can be affected when dealing with this issue. btw, this also happens in my family :( i hope that things will be better soon for you though :)
Off topic, i noticed that we have very similar nickname on mylot :)
@ladynetz (968)
• Canada
2 Dec 08
First, it was a mistake that you moved in with them.
A young couple should have it's own place.Even smaller if you can not afford, but yours!
My opinion is that as long as they do not ask you for a loan, only the rightful amount for the rent, how much they are spending and on what, should not be your wory.You have enough on your plate, without trying to check others life.
Any place you'll rent you'll have to pay the money on time, or else they'll kick you out.
So, again, as long as they ask for the rent only, as agreed, I see no problem.
You should pay, they should receive and that's it.
Good luck!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
2 Dec 08
We don't live with them, and we're not a young couple. We have 5 kids. They own this house but don't live in it. They bought it when our previous situation deteriorated through no fault of our own, long story, but we needed somewhere to live, and we will soon be holding the deed to this house ourselves anyways.
They are family, and I do have to listen to them gripe about how little money they have, so yes, it is my concern about how much they spend.
And as far as rent goes, no where I go would be banging down the door 12 hours after the rent is due. As a matter of fact we never set a specific day we'd pay rent, just once a week. It used to be on Sundays because that's the only day we have free, but they apparently can't wait that long.
@lopium (33)
• Portugal
2 Dec 08
Unfortunately I do have one or two friends (all girls, don't ask me why :P) like that. The solution is plain simple: cut the budget. No arguing no nothing. Cut it "just because". With less money they will learn why their lifestyle is ridiculous :)
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
2 Dec 08
I have no control over their budget, so there's nothing I can do but continue to listen to it.
1 person likes this
@mgmagana (3618)
• United States
2 Dec 08
yes, i know someone who's hubby makes outstanding money, money i could only dream of, but b/c she shops it away every week, they can't pay their bills, almost lost their house n car, n she complains how they're always broke, it's ridiculous that they don't see the damage they r doing by shopping. i only shop when we need something.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
2 Dec 08
Yep, that shopping will do it. I enjoy shopping on occasion, and once in a great while I'll go a little overboard, but it isn't often and we usually recover from it.
1 person likes this
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
2 Dec 08
Sounds like one of my brothers. He just got fired from his job, so it is going to be even worse for him. He made more than enough money to pay all of his bill, house payment, truck payment, everything, but he is always broke. Heck, he borrows money from me. He owes me about a grand right now that I could really use, but he does not have it. He buys crap he does not need and goes out to eat all of the time instead of cooking. You should see his cabinets. Bare!
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
2 Dec 08
Know plenty of people like this. We have a whole country of people in trouble because of the buy now pay later attitude.
In your case though the only thing you can do is ignore their problem. Sounds easier than it is I am sure since their poor behavior has a direct impact on you.
@kerriannc (4279)
• Jamaica
2 Dec 08
Hi kats, some persons are like that. They insists having living a life of lies instead of really acknowledge that they don't have it. I would encourage you only to paid the rent and don't give them anything else. Remember that you have your family and you old age to think about. Here is a website that you can encourage them to look at. It talks about free spending and not saving. www.financiallysmartonline.com and you can also read the blogs blog.financiallysmartonline.com.
I hope that it is helpful.
@baileycows (3665)
• United States
2 Dec 08
Yeah unfortunately I know a few people like this. I don't really have to pay them money though so it don't bother me. That is the bad part for yall because yall have to pay them rent. I would just pay them the rent and let them go on. They are parents they know what it takes to make it. Sorry you have to hear it though. Good Luck!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
2 Dec 08
Since we've moved into this house our relationship with his parents has deteriorated. They're trying to blame us for their financial problems, when it's not true at all. FIL has threatened a few times to kick us out because the rent was a day or 2 late, only because we were busy or hubby was sick or something. Then last Christmas we tried to pay them half rent each week so we could afford gifts for our 5 kids and FIL threw a fit and said our problems aren't his problem. I got so angry and stopped letting them see the kids for the longest time.
1 person likes this
@camomom (7535)
• United States
3 Dec 08
I know someone like that. She's my great aunt. She's also a hoarder. You know, someone that just buys and buys and has no use for the things they buy but it's a good deal so they have to buy it. Or they have the money so they buy it even if it's not on sale. Or they might use it eventually. Or they might give it to this person or that person for a gift at some point. It sounds like they are hoarders also. Sounds like they might need help to get out of it.
@scarletwitch12 (562)
• Philippines
2 Dec 08
I do know a handful of people who make a lot of money but always end up broke before the next payday because of overspending.
I think it's really bad planning. You never know what your needs would be tomorrow so it is always wise to have a little amount set aside for emergencies.
@crazymike123 (8)
• United States
2 Dec 08
well lol only bad spending habbit that i myself have is renting new $5,000 trailers for my ford truck every 4 or 5 days least its worth the pay for what i do
