I don't know what to do....

Do you have a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter near you? If so, how about volunteering some time at one. It may open their eyes faster than you think. I would also take the things that mean so much away and not give it back until they earn it. They would fix what they destroy and show some respect. Good luck, you have a big obstacle on your hands.

I think it is time for you and the ex to have a sit down. You are working at cross purposes and as long as the two of you are not working together to raise your children you will continue to have this problem. You say that you are grateful he is participating in child rearing and responsibilities. But is he really? Buying presents is not child rearing. It is not taking part in raising children. What buying presents does is undermines your ability to discipline and assuges his guilt. Neither of which is healthy for the children. The real question is, does he pay child support and does he pay it to you on a regular basis? If so great. One problem down. But from the sounds of it what you are getting from him isn't enough to manage the household. So first step, make up some rules of engagement. This means how the two adults involved will mutually address the issues of child rearing and responsible parenting. 1. Gifts are for well behaved children 2. Gifts are to be given at predetermined times (Birthdays, Christmas) 3. Expensive gifts will not be given unless they are provided for both households 4. All children do chores and the same chores at both households 5. Rules are the same in both households and enforced in both 6. Gift giving limits are agreed to by parents before hand 7. Punishment for bad behavior is discussed and enforced by both parents. This is an important one because if a punishment extends in to dad's visitation it must still be enforced during visitation, no exceptions or timeout. There are probably a few others but you get the ghist of it. You, the parents must sit down and agree to a set of rules and standards. You have to get it right between you. Just because you aren't married to each other doesn't mean that you aren't still responsible for jointly raising your children together. This is where so many divorced parents get it wrong. If you liked each other enough to create five children together than figure out how to get along well enough to raise them. You will wind up doing yourselves (both of you) a huge favor but working together. Your children will end up much better off for by the adults acting like adults. Right now what they see is you taking away the gifts their father gives them. They don't see this as punishing them for their bad behavior believe me. They see this as you being petty and mean because of their father. I really have been down this road. I really did do what I suggested above and it really did work. It was hard at first but it eventually fixed the problem. By the way, I was the evil step-mother and I was married to the Dad. I worked the issue with the Mother and I brokered the "deal" between the mom and dad cause I couldn't take the miserable brat children that came to my house every weekend. Eventually I ended up with full custody of both children in my divorce from their father with their mothers full support of the arrangement, but that is a different story.

I think it is not wrong of the children but their parenting. You did not mention their age. Yes, it is parents duty to teach them right morals and here as you wrote it is their dad who is spoiling them with expensive gifts.I think he is trying to compensate his absence with his gifts. First of all it is important for you to explain your ex-husband that buying expensive gifts is not a right way to compensate his absence. Tell him to teach children right values. You wrote that they are not appreciating the things they have.So make them realise the value of the,m.Take them to an orphange and make them give small gifts to them and see how they feel.It is now your duty to teach them good values otherwise they will become good for nothing. Take the first step and believe in god he will guide you throught all your steps.

Time to get mean, mom! Call a family meeting. Lay down the law. Tell them how lucky they are to have ANYTHING let alone the things they are being given. Then tell them that having these things and being able to play with them is a privilege, not a right. And if they don't start behaving, respecting their things and their mom then all of these things will be put away until they do. That as they prove they really appreciate the things they have, that they will get them back one by one until they have earned your trust. But you would have to commit to it and do really do it, mom. It won't be easy. They obviously are used to doing whatever they want. It will be hard and there will be harsh words spoken. It will not get better in a week or even a month, but it will. And tell their dad what the new rules are. That until they learn to respect and appreciate what they have, they can't have anything new. Good luck to you from a mean mom whose child doesn't hate her (anymore)!!! :-)

Really? they sure are lucky ones... most kids here in our country barely afford to buy slippers! and in fact they do to in school in just a pair of slippers...they sure are lucky and ought to be taught a lesson..of course they deserve those stuff but they have to learn to appreciate all of it. Why not talk to their dad about it? explain it to him what is happening...or can't you talk to you kids about it one on one? or think of something that will open their minds or bring them here and they will see reality hehehe i often tell my kids how lucky they are even though they are still small to understand but i am trying to start teaching them values. they are lucky to have toys and foods and clothings almost every month and there are kids who barely eat..even once a day! tsk tsk... how lucky your kids are...goodluck and i hope you would be able to do something about it..

I know this sounds extreme but maybe you should let a couple of the worst behaved ones actually stay with dad a week or two. It's a whole lot easier to buy them something than actually have to take care of them. They'll see that even at his house there are rules and limits.As far as tearing the house up...I would call the police.lol...I know that it is extreme...but scare the crap out of them and demand respect.You have to take control of your home or it's only gonna get worse! I have three kids and am a single mom. My son is grown and no where near who I would want him to be but in my house..he shows respect.Things have gotten a bit extreme with him too.Good luck.

Sounds to me like you need to quit worrying about what he is buying them and take control of your home. Post some rules, if they dont obey them then dad comes to pick them up explain that they got there toy taken away and he needs to take it to his house instead of yours. Time out for bad behavior, taking away toys, tv, etc. Make your time with them count do the goofy stuff that dont cost money. Ever had a picnic with your kids, or how about a recipe night, or a family slumber party everyone piles in the Living Room and watches a mindless movie. How about daily walks or silly plays the kids can do for you or there other siblings. It will teach them there are more things to life than money and toys. They will appriciate you more in the long run. Good Luck and God Bless

Hon, I hate to say this, but you got your work cut out for you. I don't have an answer for you. I hope somebody's advice on here helps you out. I do know that being "mean" just comes with the territory of being a mom sometimes. It's a mom's job to set boundaries and sometimes that means that we will be accused of being mean and maybe much worse. My kids have "hated" me at times. Guess what? They usually get over it. Next time the have a skinned knee and need a hug or they have a fight with their best friend. They will forget how "mean" you are for a little while. From one mom to another, I just say, do your best and go with your instincts. Unforunately we cannot control everything in their lives. They have fathers too, and grandparents and plenty of people to spoil them and make mom's job of teaching the children some gratitude QUITE A CHALLENGE. You probably know exactly what you should be doing. Sometimes things just don't work out for lack of support and thoughtless interference. Good Luck. God Bless and take care.

Whenever mine got of control, we used to go for a ride around the downtown area of town, where there was a homeless shelter. Many of the people were out on the street, sleeping on park benches, or on sidewalks. They were quiet as they digested what they saw. I also volunteered to do some community work and deliver food to the needy and took them with me. They got quite an education from visiting other homes and watching how excited the kids would get over a loaf of bread. You don't mention their ages, but if they are old enough of volunteer somewhere, it would be a great benefit to them as well as to your sanity. Good Luck!

I think you're a bit too concerned with being mean. Parents aren't supposed to be friends. Parents are supposed to be mean sometimes. That's how it goes, it's called tough love, and now and then kids need it. I'm rather tough on my kids, and I'm usually considered the mean mom, especially amongst my own friends. But you know what? My kids are the exact opposite of what you've described here. I get my kids used items quite often, and they are truly greatful. My oldest is 11 and didn't have his first video game system until last Christmas, and it was a very old game boy purchased off e-bay. He loved it, he was shaking with excitement. You've got to stop worrying about what your kids or other people think of you, and start putting your foot down, starting with their father. Stop taking his BS, stop allowing him to create spoiled brats. Start taking away all their junk when they don't behave, and give them further punishments when they act out because of it. Stick to the punishments. Eventually they'll learn you mean business and they'll begin to appreciate it.

I would suggest maybe making an appointment for some family couseling and helping to establish some behavior charts to help them turn it around. Although you cannot control what Dad gives them, you can cetrainly take conrol back over your own home. I was a single mom with 4 kids and theraypy helped a lot. I learned how to set limits and deal with the rage of the kids in a non viloent way. (It wasnt easy, but it was well worth it.) IT is hard for kids to learn how to apprciate things when they are handed everything without earning any of it. I wouldnt worry about kids calling you mean, after all you are their mother NOT thier friend. The need guidance and love and boundries from you, not friendship. in the long run you will be doing them a favor by helping them learn this now, rather than later. When my kdis were younger and I woulkd give consequences for misbahavior, they would some thimes scream I Hate you... I used to say, Then, I must be doing something right. I have freind who get so upside down whne a kid says I hate you, and I am quick to remind parents not to feed that, it is just thier way of trying to get you to give in, and if they see it bothers you, they will puch that button everytime. If you show them you mean business and the tears, begging, raging and ulgy words dont phase you, they give up. Then when they are calm you can have a talk about a more approriate way for them to express their feelings. Most of all, YOU MUST remain calm, as soon as you get upset, they win. save your venting and frustration for mylot, friends, family, concelors, but never lose it with the kids, it only fuels their already poor coping skills. This problem you have is not all that uncommon with kids, but particularly kids with devorsed parents who are not on the same page in child raring. Be Well,

My friend is sort of in the same situation as you. She spilt with her husband and when her children go to stay with him they come back with expensive gifts and she has found when they play up he just hands then whatever to keep them quiet. I really think you need to talk with your x about this as the children are getting spoilt and maybe because you cannot give to them like their father they play you up. I would just tell them how lucky they are, or buy them one small gift for Christmas. One of my daughters went through "I did not get anything for Christmas" with me last year and I threatened to throw all her presents in the bin. I had a long chat and told her that what she got was a lot and that she is very lucky as some children do not get anything. She calmed down a little after this. I would just make them aware that they have got all these great things and keep telling them that. If they misbehave take away those gifts for a week of two and maybe they will appreciate them better. I really feel for you now. It is hard also with five of them I have four daughters but I think they now no with me being out of work now that it is hard to get nice things as much, so they do appreciate what we give them. Take care

You can give them a new year plan of saving and tell them if they do some housework, they can earn some money for their favorite stuff. This kind of stimulus would be very effective to kids who never has a chance to manage their money. It will help them to be organized.

I'm not a parent so don't pay much attention. But I would honeslty take all their Xboxs and stuff and give them to poor kids or I would sell it on ebay and maybe keep the money for when they behave buy it again..that's just me

dear,it is just a phase.they will outgrow their meaness and will really appreciate your sacrifice.as for your ex-husband,he is feeling guity for abandoning them.,hence the expensive toys.cheer up. happy mylotting

I only have one child and I still have the same problem also. She is disrespectful to me and other adults alot of times and she has no respect for anything she owns. I have tried to teach her how to be respectful and take care of things but she just does not get it yet.

Your children are spoiled and you need to sit down and speak with your husband. If they continue on this path when they becomes an adult they will think that the spouse/world owe them. Maybe you need to bring them into a deprive community and show them that they are fortunate. Having a heart to heart talk with your husband will also allow him to see what you are going through. Having divorced does not means that the caring and sharing that used to be there is also gone. Attend church with them and read some of the scriptures that talk about the poor and the rich. There is the story of Lazarus and the rich man. There is also the story about the rich man that God made to eat grass. You see situation are there that you can used to teach them. The bible says Honor Your Mother and Father so that your days on earth shall be long. Up to my age of 32 I still obey it. Always remember that Children lives what they learn and their upbringing will always be a reflection on you the parents.