why are men so pig headed?
By Thumper11
@Thumper11 (662)
United States
December 4, 2008 11:55pm CST
I ask this question because my boyfriend(who I love very much) is being a jerk tonight. He has a broken ankle, so I understand that he's probably in pain even with the pain medicine that he's been taking, but still. He has been hateful and difficult to deal with since the day that he broke his ankle and it's only been targeted at me and his mom, his 2 main caregivers. I love him too death and do not want him to be in pain and I try to do everything that he asks.One of us is having to wait on him hand and foot basically and we are even having to empty a potty chair for him, since the toilet is too low to the ground for him to get up from on one leg. If I did not love him, I would not be here doing all of this. But.... a few minutes ago I got off of my computer, which I had been on for a couple of hours and I walked into his room to cuddle with him... or more... and he was playing World of Warcraft. I don't mind that game... it is much better than watcing him play Halo or something like that, but he'd been on there every bit as long as I had been on the computer, actually he was on there a little longer. So I walk in there and get ready to move his laptop for a few minutes to cuddle and he gets mad at me and tells me that he's in the middle of something. Well, I'm gonna be working the next 2 days for my mom.... couldn't he finish whatever he was in the middle of then? I just wanted to cuddle with him for a few minutes before I went to bed. Is that too much to ask? I had left him alone to play his game for 2 hours or longer, so why couldn't he cuddle with me for a few minutes. I hate the fact that I am doing all of this bull s**t for him, but the computer game or his d**n p*rn is more important to him than me. I love him so much, but it hurts when it doesn't feel like the feelings are returned. I have been busting my a** to do all that he needs from me, so why am I being treated like s**t?
2 people like this
14 responses
@celticeagle (166911)
• Boise, Idaho
5 Dec 08
Men have a tendency to be alittle prideful and can be jerks because they hold things in. Maybe he is pain and he doesn't want to say how much. He may be feeling bored and frustrated. No one is ever going to see things exactly as we do. Unless you communicate this to him he will never know you feel this way. And, men think differently than women. If you have been spoiling him or doing for him maybe he needs that time you will be away from him to see just how much you do for him. Back off alittle and see if he doesn't act alittle differently. Don't be so quick to do for him. Talk to him too. Communication is very important in any relationship.
2 people like this
@Thumper11 (662)
• United States
5 Dec 08
If I could be gone a little more, then I would, but I really can't. His weight is his enemy. He has came close to twisting his other ankle trying to get around. So either me or his mom have to be with him 24/7. He has a tendency to try to do stuff him self and for the most part we will let him try, but in the end one of us almost always has to help him. I love him and I hate seeing him like this. I know he's in pain. I have been the one doing a lot of the caregiving. I am getting so worn out. I just wish there was an easier way for all of us. But hopefully he will heal soon and all of this will be over.
@Pitgull (1522)
• United States
5 Dec 08
Maybe it would have helped if you gave him warning of moving his game, after spending two hours or so playing...he could have been in deep....just an observation...
From personal experience, men are babies when they are sick. Sometimes (not sure with everyone but worked for me) you need to say "Hey Jerk, I love you and I've been taking care of you but I'm not going to listen to w/e" Maybe he'll realize how he's treating you...
Now the p*rn...maybe you guys should be talking about other things, less computer, less world of warcraft, and more you and him, especially if you are working so much...maybe he wants you to want him, and not just when you are ready or done with the computer...even if he's broken...he might be "busy"....
Just a perspective.....
Good luck, hang in there :)
Be honest with him
2 people like this
@Thumper11 (662)
• United States
5 Dec 08
I did give him a warning. I was still on my computer and asked him if he could get to a stopping point for a few minutes. I have talked to him about the p**n. I have told him how it makes me feel less attractive and so on.... It's like it goes in one ear and out the other. I'm here wit him 24/7. I have actually worked maybe 6 hours away from him since he hurt himself. I have been laid off from work and he was working for my mom, but now... I have to go do his job until he can walk. I'm just trying to keep the bills paid. Thanks for the reply.
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
5 Dec 08
Men are selfish children and even moreso when they are sick.
I have told my man when he is sick that he can dam*ed well take care of himself if he keeps treating me that way and that usually straightens him out.
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
5 Dec 08
Well, I have done it the other way, too. And playfully said, "If you give me a kiss, I will bring you your soup". Maybe you could try that then.
It depends on how ornery he is being, I guess, how I would approach it.
Or you could tease him saying that if he is mean to you, how does he know what you are putting in his food.
Or just tell him, "You attract more bees with honey than with vinegar, you know".
1 person likes this
@Thumper11 (662)
• United States
5 Dec 08
I can't be that extreme with him because he really can't do a lot for himself, but I can demand that I be treated better. I love him and I don't want to make him do things on his own that are really out of his control at this point, but I just wish I would receive the appreciation that I deserve.
1 person likes this
@mercuryman3a (2477)
• India
6 Dec 08
ummm you have a big problem. How do you handle it? Bash him up. Give him a blue eye or a black eye or what ever. No? that won't do? Ok just give him a warning to finish what ever he is doing tell him that you want his time in teh next 10 minutes. if he is in teh middle fo something how do you expect him to just stop even if yo want to cuddle up for 5 min? If you were doing a big calculation and suddenly when yo were reaching the end of the calculation sommeone came an didsturbed you wouldn't you get bugged? It is soem thing like that. Well all men are not pig heads. I will give up anything for my girl.
1 person likes this
@Thumper11 (662)
• United States
6 Dec 08
Actually... if I give him a 10 minute warning, usually he's more than ready when those 10 minutes are up. He knows that I usually want to cuddle for a while before I got to sleep. That's how I wind down and get ready to fall asleep. We usually sleep in the same bed, but his bed is too low to the ground for him to get up off of and move around with his broke ankle, so he's stuck in a twin bed brought up from the basement..... And I'm on a couch... still in the same room, just not the same bed. Usually it's not that big of a deal. Thanks for the response.
@XeroFrozenFs (85)
• Canada
6 Dec 08
Wait you would rather let your boyfriend play wow rather then halo?Controlling much and Wow is far more addictive then Halo (I would know from my friend's experience)I'd probably be like that too.He's also acting like a real jerk though like you said he should really get some fresh air.
1 person likes this
@Thumper11 (662)
• United States
6 Dec 08
I live here too, which means... whatever crappy game he's playing, I have to suffer through as well. I like wow better than any of the horrible halo games. And for him... halo is much more addictive than wow. I just don't usually have to deal with this. I wish he could get some fresh air right now, but of course... he's stuck in the bed.... Thanks for the response.
@corey151302 (105)
• United States
5 Dec 08
Men want almost always more. We are rarely ever satisfied with what we have or get. We also like things to go our way and occasionally to just be left alone. That could be your situation here. When men are sick we feel weak so we get upset and angry. I know I do. This could also be your problem. Don't take his behavior that way. He is probably just in a bad mood because he is sick. I don't know the hole situation though, so I can't be sure. Anyway, hope this helps you out.
1 person likes this
@Thumper11 (662)
• United States
6 Dec 08
I have offered to go in the other room so that he can have some time alone.. He says that he don't want that, he wants me right there with him. I know that men are never really satisfied.... I have seen that. Thanks for the response.
@corey151302 (105)
• United States
6 Dec 08
Thanks. Sorry if I wasn't much help. I wish that I could help more. I hope everything works out.
1 person likes this
@CinderInMySoul (4717)
• United States
5 Dec 08
Pitgull had an excellent suggestion. flat out tell him "if i didnt love you i wouldnt be here taking care of you, but that doesnt change the fact that you are treating me like sh*t and im done putting up with it"
men are all the worse "patients" when they get sick..i dont know why lol!
though there is one thing that i would have been upset about too. if i had been playing WOW for that long (and was obviously into it) and someone just walked up and started taking the computer away, i would have been PISSED. sure its a game but you do get involved..and to have someone attempt to just throw away all the effort you put into it, is maddening.
after you give him the "talk" tell him your going out for a while, you need some air or you are going to start doing your own damage..tell him when you will be back..make it at least a few hours! then see what his attitude is when you get back.
1 person likes this
@Thumper11 (662)
• United States
5 Dec 08
Yes... men are the worst patients. My dad is the same way too. I don't see how my mom dealt with it when he was sick. I asked him a little while before hand if he would get to a stopping point on his game. I didn't just walk up and take it away. I gave him about 10 minutes to get to a point to where he could stop playing for a few minutes. I can't just leave when I take the notion. He's not a baby sure, but one of us needs to be there incase he needs something. His weight is the cause for the break in the first place. He has almost hurt his other ankle trying to do things on his own. So one of us has to be there in case he needs us.
@unuzzz (1273)
• Indonesia
5 Dec 08
hi Thumper11
well, first i'm sorry to hear what happened to you
i'm a man by the way, so i'm a little scared to respond here
hahaa.. yeah that game WarCraft is very poisonous
when you play it, it's like you'll get hypnotized and forgot everything
hmm, about your boyfriend's behavior, well i got nothing much to say
men actually is not that selfish
they just got distracted for a while
surely there are more things that is more valuable than that stupid game
and i'm sure that your boyfriend got it
well if not, sadly he's not the one for you
cheer up Thumper11 !!
:D
1 person likes this
@Thumper11 (662)
• United States
5 Dec 08
I gave him 10 minutes a few minutes to get to a stopping point. I mean I didn't just go over and demand that he instantly stop playing or anything. I just feel like he takes me for granted. I do a lot for him and that's the thanks that I get. Thanks for the response.
@murali603 (114)
• India
5 Dec 08
mans are some what quarrel but it might have some uses at some times so we can support it but at the same time it is difficukt to those people to get the control of themsellves..at the time of angry they dont know wt they are doing and they wont mind people behind them and infront of them and they wont think about the people who are depend on the people.etrc but the angryness is very bad habit
1 person likes this
@Thumper11 (662)
• United States
5 Dec 08
I agree thanks for the response. He is kind of dependent on us now and he's not use to it. I think he's kind of confused and don't really know how to act. I am not his mom who does everything for him, but I do what he can't. I will let him try something, before I just step in and do it. His mom just does it, cause she don't want to see him struggle. I feel that that is the only way he's gonna learn. He's got to find ways to be self sufficient. I am helping him as much as I can. Babies don't learn to walk by being carried everywhere, so how is he going to lear to help himself if someone is doing everything for him.
@DKQANS143 (48)
• United States
5 Dec 08
I agree with a lot of the respones to this, You really should stand your ground when you dont feel like you are being treated how you should. My husband and I have been together since we were 14 years old...so I guess you could say I trained him to know how I work before he could ever gain experience with his own thinking of how a relationship should be. which I agree many men are plain jerks and most know it too, but it really comes down to how much of their bull crap you decide to take before they realize they've gone too far. If you are helping him in his time of need, he should be more than grateful and show his appreciation to you by his actions. I would say, talk to him first about how you feel, because men are simple-minded creatures, they need things written out to clearly see LOL... But let him know that you deserve to be respected and that helping him sit on a toilet to poop isn't the highlight of your day either! LOL good Luck!
1 person likes this
@Thumper11 (662)
• United States
5 Dec 08
He and I have been together since I was 22. I am now 26. He knows how I am. He has known me well since high school. I usually get nothing but respect and understanding out of him, but when he's sick, I get treated like s**t. I guess it is true that we hurt the people who care for us the most. No the toilet certainly isn't the highlight of my day. I was having to wipe his butt for him too until his dad fixed the potty chair the he built for him and made it bigger. Now he can do that himself. It is really kind of sad because he is really dependent on me and his mom and he's not used to that. He's 6'4" so most of the furniture is not easy for him to get up off of, because it simply isn't high enough. And he's overweight so he can't support his weight well on one foot. If he were thinner, it would be easier, He could at least move around some on his own.
@michael_nonan (384)
• Philippines
6 Dec 08
hmm. i guess you haven't experienced the PINOY LOVING. hehehe life is simple, life is fun. don't attach yourself to someone that will make you a lesser person. in the long run, you can't blame that person why you didn't lived your life, ryt? and even if you will blame him, it won't change a thing, you still waisted your life.
1 person likes this
@Thumper11 (662)
• United States
6 Dec 08
He is a really good person normally and he don't usually treat me like this. It's just so out of character... That's why it upset me. Thanks for the response.
@kedves (728)
•
5 Dec 08
In response to your question of "why are you being treated like s**t" basically it is simple... because you let him treat you that way .. if you don't like it then tell him he's on his own unless he change his attitude .. having said that .. maybe you should also ask him why? maybe you are smothering him ? sometimes people trying to help are over helpful .. either way don't just sit back and let it happen as it is not good for either of you.. tell him or ask him its your choice just make sure you do one or the other ..
1 person likes this
@Thumper11 (662)
• United States
5 Dec 08
I don't let him treat me that way. I usually stand my ground. I guess I'm going easier on him now because he's hurt. I let him do all that he can on his own. His mom is the one who won't even let him do simple things on his own. She even opens his pop for him. I may bring it to him, but his hands aren't broke, he can open it. I am trying to find a balance in there somehwere that will work for all of us, where he can still be as independent as possible, but we can step in and help when needed. I usually wait for him to tell me to get him something instead of asking him every few minutes if he needs something. I try to make him tell me what exactly he wants. His mom will just bring him what she thinks he wants.... I make him tell me what he wants. I feel like by doing it my way, he will still have a say in it. even if he can't get it on his own, he can at least tell me what he wants.
@greenflash (34)
• United States
5 Dec 08
not ALL men are pig headed, just the a**holes... but give him a break a little (no pun intended), he is severely injured, prob. feels bad he can't "hunt and gather" like the other cavemen friends he knows.
I would give him a little space to heal, but if this is his usual mode of behaving, life's too short to put up with anyones b.s., you know??
you sound like a really caring, really kind person - find someone who can match that
if he really thinks a video game or p**n is more important than YOU - his priorities are really screwed up
1 person likes this
@Thumper11 (662)
• United States
5 Dec 08
LOL! The closest that he has came to "hunting and gathering" is on video games. I am the one who usually works. I am the one who does the chores that his mother don't do. I have told him before that he needs to get his priorities straight. I do love him, but I feel like I don't mean that much to him sometimes. Other times He's really good and even cooks dinner for me when I have to work late and I won't make it home until 10pm. I guess he does just feel bad and don't know how to react.
@sudarsan7532 (206)
• India
5 Dec 08
we men dont realize how precious the things and people we have at present are........men realize the preciousness of women when u go away........argh!!!!!!!!!
1 person likes this
@Thumper11 (662)
• United States
5 Dec 08
I agree with that. We ha broke up for a few months before and he realized that I was the best thing that had ever happened to him. I can't just leave him alone, so leaving is not an option, but as soon as I can get away for a couple of hours I will. Give him some time to realize just how much I mean to him. I'll let his mom take care of him for a couple hours.
