HOW do I tell my daughter that she...

I'd march her right into the bathroom whenever I noticed it and make her clean herself up! She's only 9 years old so you have every right to do that as her mother. Personally, I'd stay in the bathroom with her until she cleaned herself up. I'd tell her that I'll do that every time she smells bad until she starts using better hygiene. She would be so mortified (yeah, I know how 9-year-old girls can be) that she'll start taking better care of her hygiene issues. Good luck to you!

I'm gonna go for the obvious here. Tell her. "I love you, but you stink!" This is a phase that ALL kids go through believe it or not. Sugar coating it is NOT going to help. My little girl went two months refusing to brush her teeth. It finally got so bad, that to give her a kiss would make me sick to my stomach. I finally told her out right "Your breath stinks, and I will not give you hugs, kisses and nose rubs until you brush your teeth!" Guess what? She brushed her teeth. She went through a phase of not brushing her hair. "Your hair looks bad. go brush it." That simple. Then, when they've complied, give them a huge hug and a kiss to let them know that you love them, your love is always unconditional, but that they NEED to take good care of themselves. Build up their self esteem. "My! Your hair is so very pretty now. Feel how touchably soft it is!" "Oh, you smell so nice and pretty! I love cuddling my baby girl when she smells this nice!" Positive reinforcement is the key here. I have NO issues telling my kids if they stink or appear dirty. I don't say it in a mean way, but I dn't sugarcoat it either. Don't tiptoe around your kid. If being nice isn't cutting it, well.. time to be HONEST instead. Oh, and buy her some wet wipes. The flushable kind. I don't know why, but kids like how nice and cool they feel against the skin. It may just be something as simple as toilet paper irritating her bottom. Another thing you're going to need to do, to make sure there isn't a REASON she's not wiping correctly, is have her thoroughly checked out by the doc. Yes, even down there. Does the toilet paper irritate her? if so, there will be signs of irritation there. Is she having itches in that area? Does it feel bad to wipe. And I hate to say this one.... A major cause of issues like this.... "is something happening to my little girl that I don't know about, or has something happened in the past that I don't know about?" Kids who have been molested go into two directions. One, they play constantly with their parts. Or two, they leave them completely alone and will not touch them for any reason. I'm not saying this IS the case with your girl. I am saying, make sure there are NO hidden reasons, medical or otherwise, for this negative behavior. if there aren't, then yeah. Honesty and positive reinforcement.

I'm not sure what she is smelling like but if its b/c of her not wiping her butt right then maybe you should buy her some of those flushable wipes and tell her its for her. If its coming from her front then maybe she has an infection and you should bring her to the dr so she can get treated. Sometimes it could be the type of soap she is using. Some soaps don't work well with some and makes them stink more then smell good. Its weird but you will have to check into all these things.

I'm surprised she isn't itching and burning. Have you tried getting her to use wipes? They tend to clean better than toilet paper even with a half-a** job (pun not intended).

When it all comes down to it, you are her mother and there is no wrong way of going about this. Forget all that yelling is bad stuff! This is an important issue regarding her hygiene and physical and mental health. I am sure you didn't start off yelling and you have gotten frustrated with this situation. And quite frankly if it is offensive to you, who knows what others are thinking? Then on another note, it also is a reflection on you as a parent. My solution. Well start over. Take her in the bathroom and wash her behind if she wont. If she wants to behave like a two year old, treat her as such. I am assuming she in in full control of her mental faculties. Show her the proper way to clean herself. If you do nothing, she will have a very rude awakening when she gets labeled at school. Maybe this is exactly what she needs too. Or a combination of all these. You are her parent and have every right to make her do exactly what you want. It is your responsibility to discipline her accordingly! She will not hate you for disciplining her for what is right.

I think that sitting down with her and having an honest discussion would be the best approach. Finding out what she does and doesn't do to take care of herself may help pinpoint the problem. Just explain that you care about her, and want to help, and that hygene is a very important part of growing up. There are several books out there (one in particular, I think its called "The Care and Feeding of Me" or something to that effect... written just for girls, check out Amazon.com) that teach hygene in the context of growing up and other things that will happen along the way (body changes, etc.).

Teach her good hygiene likebringing a cosmetic kit in handy with cologne,powder,and soap so that she could get the hang of aking good care of her self this early.And mind I tell you this,in our country,it is rare that we use toilet paper after we poo.We really wash our butts with soap and water and in any restroom here,a dipper comes in handy.

I would MAKE her take a full bath after each trip to the bathroom... after a while she will get tired of that and do things the right way! hopefully she will see that being clean is pretty darn important before the water bill needs to be delivered by a forklift! :)

Hm...this is one of the weirdest problems I am seeing here.I think that by yelling you are making the things worse.Watch her behaviour and than HELP her get rid of the problem.Thats my advice.You know your kid best!

Hello Fran! Why don't u try washing her yourself. She's not a baby anymore. If she gets embarrassed, maybe she will get tired of it and she'll do it on her own...=)

Beeing her mother you have an obligation to teach her the proper hygiene.You should not be embarrased to say what is wrong with her smell.You should know where the bad odor comes from.If it is just from her body for beeing lazy to take a bath,there are so many deodorant soaps that can remedy your problem without embarassing both of you.Or better yet consult a doctor if the odor comes from her ears, nose, or the genital area.Or better yet consult your dentist.For who else can your daughter learn the right hygiene,of course from you.Don't be the first to ignore her,help her the best you can.

I have read almost all of the responses to this discussion because I have a step son and a step daughter tht are the same way...I can't believe how many times you had to tell people it wasn't BO!! :) You stated that clearly in your initial discussion question. Anyways, I would suggest wipes. I think that has sounded like the most logical answer so far. I would just worry about them throwing them in the toilet. My kids are just as lazy and would throw it on the floor or toilet! Garbage is right next to my toilet and they will throw an empty toilet paper roll on the floor! I haven't figured it out yet or how you get a child not to be so lazy. My step son is almost eight and will not wipe his butt after he poops!! I will not touch his clothes when I wash them! Its just the whole thought of it and it grosses me out!!! I take the whole hamper and dump it in the washer. He has been showed over and over the proper way (so for those that give you that advice, it didn't work for me) he just won't do it. IT"S GROSS! He stinks bad!! I tell him too, what else can you say. Step daughter, she is only six, but she knows how to wipe, half the time she just don't or if she does she only uses 1 square of tp. What is that going to do? I told her the kids at school are not going to want to sit by her if she stinks, but she don't care. I hate to be so negative with the kids, but what else do you do? You think that would want them to be more clean if they know other people can smell them. Sorry Im rambling, but I wanted to let you know Your not the only one. Hang in there. Im going to try the wipes I will let you know how it works.

You definately sit down with her and go over the basics of properly wiping after bathroom usage. If dad is around or older siblings, try to get them to have a talk with her and demonstrate some things. Sometimes kids get too lazy to do what they kno they're supposed to do. Try taking away a few small privileges until the situation improves, then give the privileges back or reward her in some other way.

ok, first of all being the age of 9 it's almost easy to relate to how kids relate to hygiene or lack there of. most times kids tend to shrud the issue off and sweep it under the carpet as being no biggie until the teen years finally hit and then they become self conscious. As a parent you have to be both firm but at the same time be reasonable with your daughter. Do not be too mean to her that it eventually makes her have a poor self esteem especially if/ when other kids may make fun and then she feel that she is an outcast and even her parent hates her. Sit down and effectively reason with her the importance of good hygiene and find out how she plans to do. Find out how and what she is currently doing to keep herself clean and if she is going wrong somewhere point this out in a meaningful way and correct her. Also there are books you can buy that help pre teens on this issue if you find it hard to explain certain things. Also, talk to a gynocologist if the problem seem difficult to correct

i have always found that patience and compassion work best with children. yelling turns them right off and it makes things worse. let's face she is only 9 and she will start caring more as she gets older so i think you just have to stay on her and impress upon her that she really make a good effort to clean herself better and that perhaps you may need to go over the wiping issue with her again just to be sure she is aware of the best way to do it. perhaps you can get her some of the wet wipes they have now for kids. good luck and bear with her as this too shall pass.

Maybe kids are really not so "into" hygiene at that point of age. I'm not sure but I can't remember what I was like when I was nine all I remember was I was in grade five when I start to feel conscious on how I look or how I smell... Maybe when she start liking boys then she will be self conscious about that... =)

First of all, Fran, have you considered taking your little girl to a doctor? I know it seems she's being lazy with wiping after using the lav, but there's a possibility she may have a bowel blockage. I have heard of this happening, and the blockage enables leakage which is uncontrollable by the person concerned. Often a doctor can help with dietary suggestions and something to help the condition. The child would not be aware there was a problem, so it's worth a trip to the doc. Even if it turns out there's nothing physically wrong, the doc (maybe a lady doc) would be in a good position to talk to your little girl about personal hygiene and how to clean herself properly. Getting cross will only upset both of you, and it's not worth putting a strain on your relationship. I really hope you find a solution to this sad problem.

Wow, am I glad that I have sons and not daughters.. I feel for you;this has to be a difficult thing to deal with. Here are my suggestions; First, she is 9 and does understand what she is supposed to be doing after a restroom visit, so sit her down and explain it all to her in a very calm and detailed manner. Tell her that she can get UTI's and other infections from not cleaning herself properly, and explain to her that she will be made fun of by her peers for smelling badly. I know you hav already done these first two things, but it is important to be consistent-reiterate your previous statements, but in a more positive way. Then show her how to clean herself properly and explain exactly what your expectations of cleanliness for her are. Set up a rewards and consequences system that gives her a reason to do it right or suffer the consequences. Be firm and be consistent with whatever you decide to do. I am not going to suggest that her consequences be a spanking or that her reward be a cupcake-those decisions are yours to make, she is your child and you know what will work best. If she persists in this kind of behavior it may benefit you to take her to the pediatrician. Having to face the doctor with this problem just might be embarrassing enough to make her think about it and change her ways. I have a son who is very lackadasical about grooming and hygeine. His pediatrician is a very pretty woman who is also the mother of a girl in his class. That trip to the doctor straightened him right up-believe me! Good luck with it! I hope this helps!

That is a tough situation. actually, my mom went through that as well with my little sister when she started her period when she was at 5th grade. my mom really got irritated whenever she smelled my sister's "B.O." . We don't know why she smelled like that so what my mom did is she ordered a deodorant (I forgot the name) from AVON and commanded my sister to put it on every after shower and then after like I think 4 months, the smell went away. SO, I suggest have your daughter try to put some deo on, if she doesn't care.. hmmm ... she will eventually care someday... that's for sure.

I know how difficult this must be for you. I am always hugging my daughter. So when she started developing thos unpleasant odors that come with growing up I had to start telling her ths she smelled and needed to take a bath. It was light the first few times. I would ask her if she would want to hug mommy if I smelled and that I love hugging and being close to her but she was hurting my nose :o)...... After the first gentle conversations I started to notice that she just had a lazy streak, so each time I got close to her and found her odor offensive I made her go wash up. She eventually got tired of me making her bathe at odd times, so she learned to bathe in the morning, wash thoroughly and use the right products. I dread when she starts her period........