Favoritism in the household

I can see where it would cause problems as they get older. It is already starting to happen as the 3rd child is starting to get very resentful and she comes to me a lot asking what did she do so wrong, or why did she get a spanking. She now knows she is always the one singled out and in her frustration she's starting to yell and scream more which gets her into more trouble. She's the main one acting out at school. Her disposition is more cynical whereas before she was more carefree. Whenever I try to speak up for her I am accused of defending her. I am really worried about her. As far as my daughter it is a constant battle because my sister and her mom (my stepmom) resent the closeness of me and my daughter so they do and say things to"put her in her place". Fortunately she has me to help her deal with those "darts" but they still hurt.

There is nothing wrong with having a closeness with your children/child. And favoritism is something that unfortunately happens when there are more than one child involved. But, what I find sad is that with the one child, you allow them to be a lil irresponsible most of the times and allow them to tell you what they are and is not going to do! Sometimes talking to a child as an adult, is something that needs to be watched more carefully, for as they might, the child, in turn think that they are one! As for the mother who may be a lil hard on the "third" child, may not see that at times, that she is. But, what she do see is that the child may be so sneaky, conniving, and so stubborn, that she may get a lil frustrated easily with that child more, seeing that there are more than just the one. As I said before, unfortunately, favoritism is something that will happen in every household rather they want to believe it or not. We are human, not saying it is right, but, it do arise!

This is the step-grandmother talking now.....the sister is waiting on a medical card so that she can pur her kids back on the medicine and this sister knows that....also her daughter is no angel either....she is sneaky...lies and also starts trouble when her mother is not looking.....she talks back to her mother, tells her to be quiet and various other little things. She does whoop her child when she don't want to bother specially if she is on the computer and the child is asking her questions and she never mentioned that I do a lot for her and her child.....I am the one with the house that they live in....one that put food on the table for them to est....one to keep the gas and electric on so that she can use this computer to do whatever so called money she is making on it....she never mention that her husband is the one that got her to be a panhandler, hussler, beggar....while he do his thing in the streets and leave her and the baby homeless....and no I will not see her in the streets as long as I got breath and a home to share.....I got 10 grandchildren and I do show favorite to the oldest granddaughter....I have no job living on my disabled husband income from social security......and this is the thanks and graditude that she is chowing me and her father.....also the time that when her child was little I brought the bady a pind one piece snow suit and her daddy sold it and other items in the home for his purpose......now tell her what should she do about a three times (that he left her)to do about that? I don't ask her to do nothing but to keep the place clean and she don't do that cause she is looking at the other sister to do it because yes she has 4 kids to her one......they all should be keeping the house spotless....the other daughter do work and have a car....and she do some things with her kids.....now I know who the corparate is in this house they all need to get out and leave me and my husband alone to enjoy our last final days together...she needs to get a job and quite complaining about what she and her child don't have....if she can sit at the computer all day and write about all this she can get a sit down job and provide for she and hers......and I know this is going to cause a big flare up but she started this discussion....and not facing her reality of life...

Dear friends, I am very much on the topic -- "Favoritism in the household". I am telling it is very common, found almost everywhere. Thus, we should not care for it. Clear? Good lies in that attitude only. Otherwise, we will be frustrated.

What on earth are you talking about?

I want to reply to this but I am not sure what the message is.

well for me i knew there was hope somewhere but i dint know when i would get the result..... of my wait but i guess it finally paid off..i dont do anything.... absolutely nothin.... and my dad now hates that family he used to talk so high about cos now they have betrayed him in so many ways ..... we used to keep telling him that no matter what your family is always family..... but he never used to bother..... now he is bothered and that makes me happy :)

Gosh, you described to a tee the attitude here. I am so sorry to hear you had to go through that. It is painful to be black sheep and definitely not good for one;s self esteem. I am glad things have changed for the better for you. Maybe there is hope here but right now I cannot see it because people don't want to see the error of their ways.

We have dealt with this for almost 25 years so as adults we just dont have much to do with them even if they are his parents. He will still go over and help with things when they ask thou. Guess parents are always your parents. It does make you mad to see your children hurt. What these people dont seem to realize is that one day the children are able to show how they feel. With mine they dont really want anything to do with them and they dont take the grandbabies (which is then their great grandbabies over) to see them. There just isnt that family feeling with them. I feel it is their lost.

Gosh I am sad to hear your children go through that.It amazes me how cruel people can be. I already know this Christmas is going to be something to behold because step-grandma came into some big money and she's already mentioned things she will be getting for certain grandkids. when she talks about going shopping she tries to make sure I am not around. I know her capacity for favoritism in this area.... when they were all much younger she went out and bought all the kids some nice pj's and house shoes, that is all but my daughter. She brought the bag out and pulled out something for each child (at the this time the girl who is being treated badly now was one of the favored). My daughter was the youngest (about 2) but she understood she did not get anything. She asked grandma, "where's mine?" Grandma had the audacity to say they did not have any in her size. My feelings were hurt for my daughter but there was nothing I could do but be angry.

You bring up another aspect of this that also goes on in this family....the favoritism of the males over the females. I have two brothers (one step and half) and the sun rises and sets on them. The baby brother had a child (she's now 3) who comes over all the time and only because she is his she is automatically treated like a queen. She is the "other favorite". My sister has 3 girls and one boy, but her boy has severe ADHD and gets treated bad as well. Both the the boy and girl are better on meds, but if they are not on meds there are ways to interact with them to help them focus, ex. giving one task at a time, not too long doing one task, etc. I took the time to educate myself for them but when I try to share and explain things, I am being too soft. They believe wholeheartedly in spanking (beating?) these kids. They mainly treat him bad because they expect him to recall things like normal people. I am noticing that he's lashing out more and more because of how he's treated.

I have always heard people talk about this type of treatment in families but this is the first time I have seen it up close and personal. I am a firm believer in fairness and equal treatment, at least to the best of one's ability but it is sad to see this disparity in the home.