If you have a chance to go back in time, would you still choose your partner?
By pitsay
@pitsay (172)
Philippines
December 10, 2008 6:20am CST
Though i am happy with my husband, sometimes i cant help but think "what if i was never married to him?". I am not that regretful, but you know when to couples get to leave in one roof, the things they "thought" they knew with each other came out to be totally different. We been together for 5 years before we decided to get married, we are constantly dating and every day we see to it that we see each other. Those were really the sweet days. And they say that history repeats itself? In a relationship? Like dating? and the romantic get away, sometimes its not just true at all...mine did not repeat after all, well it did if i am the one who plans it and started it.
Now back to reality, if i were to ask myself if i have the chance to get back, would i still choose my husband?why?...
My answer would be, yes and no...yes because of the very simple but most important reason i could give, its because i love him, like before and forever i love him.
No, because of the most common reason that a married couple split up...he is irresponsible.
But, were still young and i do hope and pray that he would still change.
How about you? would you still choose your man? or thought and hope that you were with someone else?
7 people like this
47 responses
@kaka135 (14931)
• Malaysia
10 Dec 08
If I have a chance, I would still choose him to be my husband. We knew each other for about 15 years, and we have been together for 10 years. I can still feel the love between us, and I love him more and more, I do feel the same from him too. The love is not faded though we have been together for years. He is really the man I want, and sometimes I even think, if I didn't meet him, would I get married with someone else? It's hard to get someone like him among the friends I know.
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
10 Dec 08
That is a tough question to answer. We have 3 beautiful kids together and that I wouldn't want to undo. But the things we fought about when we were dating and the problems we had then, I thought with time would get better. 10 years later we are still having the same fights. So sometimes I think that if I had known he would never change and things wouldn't get better, I might have chose differently. But I do love him and I think that I probably would still choose to marry him. Although I would question if maybe that was just out of the fear that I couldn't find anyone better.
1 person likes this
@pitsay (172)
• Philippines
10 Dec 08
We are too having the same fight over and over again, and it is becoming over literally. But i guess our kids is the important reason why we stay, and like you i have the same fear that i couldn't find much more better than him, or even so, they would have some problems too.
@sharra1 (6340)
• Australia
12 Dec 08
If I could go back I would not change a thing other than try and contact him earlier and that might spoil everything. We meet at the right time for us and we are very happy. Had I met him earlier he might have been with someone else and not ready to meet me so I have no wish to change it.
I certainly do not regret choosing him and I would make the same choice every time. I am very happy with my partner and very much in love.
1 person likes this
@modstar (9605)
• Philippines
10 Dec 08
i don't have a partner yet not even a girlfriend but if i have to go back in time, i'd still choose one of my girlfriend who made the wrong choice of leaving. We were supposed to be sweet until someone stole her from me simply because i made the wrong move. I should have prevented her from leaving then maybe i'm her husband now. I've had a lot of exes who are kind to me, now if you will, let me go back in time again then let me treat them well because i know they deserved someone better. Now i'm more mature, what happened in the past will not be happening if i'll be using my matured thinking now and bring it to the past to make things right.
@pitsay (172)
• Philippines
10 Dec 08
Its a sad story, but you know what they say that your real soulmate is the person you will bring in the altar, but in my opinion it could be right and wrong, in the past years, in old days, where our grandpa's and grandma's rule, real love and strong foundation do exist. But now they are hundreds, could be even thousands of marriage annulled than those who stays in "love".
In your case, enjoy life, find time to look and search for the right girl. Anyway, if that someone you let go before is your true love whatever happens she will come back to you, just like in some true to life stories, true love always find its way back.
@modstar (9605)
• Philippines
10 Dec 08
I agree. I've known a lot of friends with troubled marriages. Some even tries hard to save the marriage just for the sake of the kids. There's no love at all. So i guess we can call it wrong. I hope it won't happen to you. I guess you should try to be more transparent to your husband.
@pitsay (172)
• Philippines
10 Dec 08
Thanks, i really hope too it wont happen to me, but if not for our kids maybe, well...i still love him, though there are some reason at the back of my mind that cant take the hold anymore, its like any moment i "might" let it go. I am just too good to stay in our relationship, and too bad to think this way.
@nimnim74 (250)
• Philippines
11 Dec 08
I would say that you are totally right sometimes being married for a long time there will be no inhibitions between you and your partner and the true colors really shows, same as you my answer is yes and no, first the yes, it is because he good person and I have a peaceful marriage ( he don't have vices or so many friends to go with), NO because he got this mood that I really don't like and which also ruins me as a person and which is the reason I fall out of love.
@nimnim74 (250)
• Philippines
12 Dec 08
Same here too the cause of our fight most of the time is his time with the computer, he is not on the on line games but until now I really don't know what he is up to in the computer while he can spend almost the entire day and night not realizing he don't have time for me. I can only sit down if I do my lot and that is only for a few minutes or one hour and if I sit here as if his life is so boring that he don't have nothing to do as if I ruin his day because I use the computer. what should we do about our husband friend.
@pitsay (172)
• Philippines
12 Dec 08
I think we both could relate to each other, my husband doesn't have vices like going out with friends and drinking, though he smokes but that's only it. Only that he is an online game addict, and because of this he is changing, and i think he doesn't even realizes it. He is good man too, very sweet at first =), but now that he was so into his games he seems to be very different form the man i fall in love with. His attitude sometimes is very irritating. He has mood swings almost everyday, especially if he cannot connect to his Online game. And like you maybe his attitude could and might be the reason i fall out of love. I just hope he changes, before its too late.
@pitsay (172)
• Philippines
13 Dec 08
I really thought i am alone in this world (with a kind of problem with my husband). What i did first was joined him, i tried the saying "if you cant beat them, then joined them, but in your case since you have only one computer, then maybe you could try saving some money that you earned here in mylot or any other site that you had joined in. Buy your self a laptop maybe so he would get jeoulous about it he he he (so mean), but kidding aside, you just need to strengthen your patience. And hopefully this man changes and grow, like me what i am doing right know is keep on understanding him, just hope we could still be "Princesses" in the end, which we would live happily ever after =), stay happy, were friends, we could solve this.
@dehong (151)
• China
10 Dec 08
if i had chance to go back in time,i still choose my partner.mayby she won't be staying all my life.but i still feel happy.because i think life is so fragile and very short.so i treasure all i have.i have a dream,i want to pursue,so nothing can prevent my act.if i lost something,i don't care .because i know life is cruel.life is so short,so want to do what i do.
@lovesummer (1162)
• Malaysia
11 Dec 08
I would say yes in your case because I still love him and first you said youre happy with him so there is no point to look back for what if. Well, that's what I think. :)
@pitsay (172)
• Philippines
12 Dec 08
Yah, maybe you are right, but those "what if's" where just about a few regrets, like "if i could have done this and that, then maybe things would be better"...But nevertheless, like everybody who responded in my post, i know realizing that i should stick to this, marriage life is not easy at all, but since i get into this, then there's no turning back, one thing i could do right now is to love him unconditionally right? =)...thanks, very simple comment but you are right.
@aisaellis22 (6445)
• United States
10 Dec 08
Hello pitsay! If I have a chance to go back in time, I would still choose to marry my husband. We just recently got married and for me he's the great husband in the world. He never fought to me or argued with me even if sometimes I triggered him to be. I don't know why. I made him cry sometimes especially if I'm not talking to him or when he knows I'm mad at him. You might think it's impossible but it's true. The truth is, he is a lot older than me, that's why. He knows how to handle my mood swings and spoiling me.
@aisaellis22 (6445)
• United States
10 Dec 08
You're right pitsay. What you said really made me think. I guess I'm too rude to him. Thank you so much. I admit that I am not yet an expert in terms of a relationship. You're such an intellectual woman. I do hope for your marriage. Be strong to all the trials. May God bless you and your family.
@pitsay (172)
• Philippines
10 Dec 08
Thank you, i needed hope, hope for my marriage to survive. But still managing to smile though =), "need to" and "must be" for my kids. You take care of your self, take care of your heart and your husbands heart too, like you said you are still young, younger people getting into marriage early is tend to be a disaster, younger people thinks abruptly and act childishly, i hope yours gets stronger and happy too. Just always be open minded =).
@pitsay (172)
• Philippines
10 Dec 08
Hi there, congrats to both of you, wish you the best and happy marriage life. Dont make him cry often, loving someone is doing the best to not make that someone cry, But they say you dont loved at all when you didnt cry. But crying could be the reason too why a couple chooses to let go, because its better to let go than to cry over someone you love but feels pain. Try to imagine if you were in his shoes, what would you feel? So easy on him, love him like the way he loves you. You are lucky to have a husband like him, dont take him for granted.
1 person likes this
@firemountain (60)
• United States
11 Dec 08
hi girl'
yes I would have married my husband or remarry
him in a flat secound.
we've never forgot what made us fall in love.
some people let thing fog the memory.
and dem the light of love. you can't let your relation go stagnet..
do little thing's spontainious.
like rent a move that makes you laugh befor bed time.
make a special dinner. it dont have to be elaborate.
just served with love.think of what you do have, and make the best of it.
don't look at what other's have, and compare what you don't have.
there's all ways going to be someone out there with lots more then you do.
(or is there.)you can look at someone and think they have it all.
you could be wrong.
they could be looking at you wishing they had what you have.there heart could be breaking because there"s no love in there relationship.
but a whole lot of material thing's (those don't last)neather will they bring long happness.
work on what you have. if than it don't work out.don't wast your youth on someone you have your doubt's about. good luck kid.FIREMOUNTAIN
@pitsay (172)
• Philippines
12 Dec 08
Thanks, i get your point, maybe that is something that made our relationship weak, we do not constantly communicate now, hes busy, i am busy, and at times when we get a chance to talk, we always ended up walking away, because we don't agree with each other. Maybe i should start it, besides its a girl thing, man wouldn't accept their faults sometimes. I still love him and maybe if i show him that i miss him then things could get back to what it is before, or at least it would save our marriage.( i lately was discouraged to do some acts that could make him feel i miss him). Thanks for the advice. =)
@jambi462 (4576)
• United States
10 Dec 08
If I could go back in time I would change my old partners to my partner that I have currently. My first girlfriends were nothing compared to the girlfriend I have now and I wish that I had had her first instead of the others that I just settled for. With my girlfriend now I feel like I have actually reached my full potential in the woman that I could get as mine. She is quite the woman indeed to.
@pitsay (172)
• Philippines
12 Dec 08
Good to hear that you think you had finally meet the right one for you, but i think you should not compare your old relationships with the one you have now, girls have different attitudes, maybe somewhere along the way before you have done something wrong too, you know "it takes two to tango". But still i am also happy that you are with the one you loved most now.
@lagirl1966 (709)
• United States
10 Dec 08
I am alone. But if I could go back in time and change it, I dont think I would, even though my ex is a jerk. Because I wouldn't have my son and he means the world to me. As for going back in time, I really wish I could because I would change several things. For one, I would have avoided the stress that got me sick. Then I would be able to work today. And I would love to go back in time to see my dad when he was young. He is gone now and I would change things with him if I could.
@Polly289 (269)
• New Zealand
11 Dec 08
An unusual question to be sure but I've often thought this same thing myself. The answer would be "yes", even though he wasn't the best husband we still had beautiful children and I mean, not in just looks but in their attitudes and their personalities. I couldn't imagine my life without them.
I did, once upon a time, love my husband very much otherwise I wouldn't have married him but everything went south as the years went on. Sad but true. Anyway, if you love your husband why question what is. Can't change it anyway. A lot of men are irresponsible but that does not mean they are incapable of growing. I wouldn't exactly say he should "change" but "grow".
Be happy you have someone you can share your life with. It can be a beautiful thing if done right. Good luck.
@pitsay (172)
• Philippines
12 Dec 08
Thank you for this simple advice and comment you made, but this message is like a "hammer" that hit my head and my heart, I was so selfish huh, my husband doesn't even now that i am broadcasting our problem over the net, but i was just so sad and disappointed with what is happening with our relationship now. Yah, you are right, my husband is not only the "irresponsible husband" in the whole wide world, i am not alone with this kind of problem. Marriage is very hard indeed, and maybe i was just looking at his faults and not even bothering to look at my side. Maybe i should be the one to "grow" first. Right? You made me feel very much ok now, i keep on searching for a response that would be on my side, but your message is what i need. Thank you so much =). Reality Check: "Sad but true...Can't change it anyway...All we need is "growing and not changing" , but, i should be happy i have someone to share my life with, and we have two beautiful kids too."
@pitsay (172)
• Philippines
12 Dec 08
Where is he now? If you feel this way then why dont you two together get back? I feel that you miss him and still love him so why not give your man a chance? Besides you have a daughter who needs a family. I just hope he is still out there, so your family could be whole. Good day nchap36 =).
@vicki2876 (5636)
• Canada
10 Dec 08
Yes I would choose to be with my partner again. We have been together over 12 years and I still get butterflies every time I see him. Though we have gone threw some very challenging times and changes, I wouldn't want to be with anyone else. I also find that I grow more and more in love as the years go on. So I am happy.
@pitsay (172)
• Philippines
10 Dec 08
I am happy for you, you sure look very in love in your avatar =)...i dont know, my marriage is not lucky as yours, and like everybody who responded in my post, i envy you all, it seem i am the only one who is unhappy. Dont have regrets though but, maybe we could get over this, no marriage is too perfect. And the next time i post a reply here, it would be a positive answer, no "but's". Thanks for sharing Vicki =). I would want to feel those butterflies too again...
@TessWhite (3146)
• United States
10 Dec 08
My answer would be mixed here. Yes, only because my marriage to my EX gave me my wonderful son. And no, because if I'd known how awful our marriage of over 20 years would be I'd never have married him. I'm grateful for my son, and now my grandchildren, but I still live with nightmares of the marriage I had to endure to get them.
@pitsay (172)
• Philippines
10 Dec 08
I do hope you could get over the whole "nightmare" thing. I know its not easy living with a bad past that hindering us to face a better future. Good things is you are over him, and i believe you are starting a different life now, just continue doing it and i wish you all the best and happiness.
@trisha_nava82 (1379)
• United States
10 Dec 08
This is the honest truth. Although of all the things that we have been through and the fights we have had. I would still be with him. I wish though that he would have found me sooner. To save me all the heart break.My husband he treats me alot better then any other man that I have met out there. And I totally believe if I went back in life and met him again, we would be together for sure.
@joerhonda (476)
• United States
10 Dec 08
Without a doubt I would have chose my man! The only difference is that I would have chose him 25 years ago!!!
