Would you smack your child?
By scorpio19
@scorpio19 (1363)
December 12, 2008 3:12am CST
“Smacking” is a commonly accepted term for the (light) hitting of children in the name of discipline. Many parents smack their children with the belief that it will deter them from bad behaviour and that they themselves were smacked as children and are no worse for wear. Other parents view smacking as child abuse and refuse to engage in the practice. Today smacking remains a legal (in some cases) but highly controversial method of discipline.
Parents who smack children usually do so by swatting a child on the bottom, causing many to argue that smacking a child wearing a nappy does not harm a child’s body. These parents believe that they are conditioning children to associate negative behaviours with negative consequences. This may be true, but opponents of smacking argue that this does not teach children anything – the key difference between simply punishing children and disciplining children in an instructive manner. These parents often recommend discipline techniques that require thought and reflection on inappropriate behaviour instead of smacking. Some of these techniques include:
Time Out – removing a child from a situation instigating inappropriate behaviour for a set number of minutes. Often an explanation and/or apology are required before a Time Out can end.
The Naughty Step – requiring a child to sit on a particular step (or rug, or mat, etc.) while they reflect on their inappropriate behaviour. Again, an explanation and/or apology are often required before the child is allowed off of the Naughty Step.
Grounding – prohibiting a child from attending particular social events or from engaging in particular activities. This technique may also incorporate particular tasks or chores which must be carried out instead and are designed to teach children appropriate behaviour.
Taking Away Privileges – prohibiting a child from taking advantage of certain privileges (usually those that they have earlier abused with inappropriate behaviour). Privileges are usually restored when a child can prove, through his/her behaviour, that (s)he understands and appreciates them.
So theres the info, what are your thoughts and points of views on smacking?
15 responses
@lefa25 (11)
• Finland
12 Dec 08
Nobody wants to smack a child. If someone does that, they should think what the child feels about the smacking.Novadays young parents are meybe "spoiled" beause they have watched some much violence from TV. I think that child smackers should be in prison. They should smack their own size people.And if child smackers think that smacking their children teaches something to their kids, that is a wrong thought.Children who have been smacked become more agressive when thei grow up.
Child Smackers beaware, your children will have their revenge.
When children are old enought thei will fight back and smack their parents.
Smacked childrens are usually alone and they have a lot of fears.
@scorpio19 (1363)
•
14 Dec 08
Hi lefa25,
I agree with others it is a strong satatement to make that parents who smack should be in prision, "smacking" should be defined it doesn't clearly state what is meant by it, one persons smack is a hard slap I'm not talking about that sort of repeated smacking, slapping of a child but a smack or tap, which if you are not a parent you would not understand and automatically assume all parents are wrong, be a parent and I feel sure most people would agree with a tapping of a child, bringing a child up is a hard job and they do not come with a manual and smacking does work.
@jenrl17 (420)
• United States
13 Dec 08
Forgive me for my bluntness, but are you kidding me?! Child smackers should be in prison? Give me a break. Good thing youre not in charge cause the prisons would be overbooked with the wrong type of people. That statement is a joke, and how they should smack ppl their own size; what are you, 12? If you had stated that about child molesters, then Id applaude you, but to state people that spankers need to be in prison is just ludicris. Another obsurd suggestion is to think of how the child feels. The child has no say. I dont know how you were raised but I dont know anyone who would consider how the child feels about things first. They did something wrong, theyre to be punished, but the punishment has to fit what they did.
@firemountain (60)
• United States
13 Dec 08
"HIthere"
I had five children. it didn't hurt them in the least.
one day my doughter came home from school and told me a story
about a little girl that had ask her to go down town with her
after school. my doughter told her she would have to ask her mom.
she said my mom don't care what I do.
she told me about this when she got home. she said,
mom her mom must not love her.
(and this came from a young girl of fourteen.)
I ask her why she thinks that. you don't understand that sometimes kids like to be sais no to,it let's then know you do care. some times they know they have to be punished. so the law won't have to later.if a child can see that at her age.
why can't the law see it with there education? the law was called on a friend of ours one time for spanking his son. after the law check out the child the
officer came back in and shook the fathers hand and said,
if there were more father's like you our prisons wouldn't be so full.a little smack never hurt anyone. (not in the face)let them know you love them.Firemountain
1 person likes this
@scorpio19 (1363)
•
14 Dec 08
Hi firemountain,
You make a really good point and it is true kids do need to know boundaries and it does make them feel sercure, another good point is knowing the difference I mean were not talking beating a child but a smack which I agree with. thank you for your response.
@maidangela7349 (1191)
•
13 Dec 08
We brought up 4 children and I can't recall ever hitting any of them but it may have happened. I am of the opinion that it you have to use any sort of violence on a child (and that includes slapping them despite some peoples instance that it does not) it is a failure on your part. Of course none of us are perfect so we all fail from time to time but the need to use violence is your fault not the childs
1 person likes this
@scorpio19 (1363)
•
14 Dec 08
Hi maidangela7349,
I wouldn't say so much failure, people have differing opinions on this also I think smack should be defined and alot depends on the age of a child, I tapped mine when they were toddlers and has they got older I felt the need to tap less and now they are teenager I wouldn't think to smack them.
@Annmac (949)
•
13 Dec 08
I brought up two children, boy and girl and yes I smacked them on occasion.
Usually if they started 'playing up' whilst we were out. I hate seeing parents threatening young children with a punishment when they get home. By the time they are home they've forgotten the behaviour.
Older children can be punished that way and although I never used these silly time out or naughty step ideas I did use grounding for my daughter and withdrawal of privileges for my son. Different punishments for their different characters.
Did the smacking hurt them? They say they can't even remember being smacked! They are in their 30's now and my daughter still sees me nearly every day! She says I'm her best friend! lol. My son still lives with us and he's the gentlest person I know, he's never spoken to me with the disrespect that most of todays children talk to their parents or even any adult!
As for 'hitting' me back....... I'm 4ft 9in and at 12 he could have easily hurt me, but he's never raised his hand to me or anyone else as far as I'm aware!
Ever watched a dog or cat with their young? They use several different forms of punishment and one of them is physical, (a quick bite shows them they've crossed the line) they know instinctively how to raise their young and I've yet to see a cat or dog grow into a viscious animal because it's Mum or siblings punished it!
1 person likes this
@scorpio19 (1363)
•
14 Dec 08
Hi Annmac
You make some really good points and the fact your kids are in their 30's and can't even remember says it sll, it'snt a bad thing to smack a child and like you have said animals do it. Thank you.
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
12 Dec 08
Hi Scorpio,
how you're doing? my mother used to smak us when we were young, she brought six of us up and her smacks wasn't that hard, and we turned out alright, but we weren't unruley kids because we were all well behaved. I don't have any kids so I can't coment on that but I have seen other parents just let their kids run riot and don't do anything about it and the kids rule their parents and do what they want and demand for whatever they want, I would just give them a clip round the backside. Love and hugs.
Tamara
1 person likes this
@scorpio19 (1363)
•
14 Dec 08
Hi tamarafireheart,
I'm doing ok, ta for asking, I agree with you hun were not talking beating or abuse here but a smack and it honestly is more efeective than the naughty step etc..hugs xx
@dralon (88)
• Zimbabwe
12 Dec 08
I believe smacking a child as a form of discipline is good, even the bible seems to agree.. Remember "spare the rod and spoil the child. It has to be taken in moderation thouh, the child has to fully understand why they are being smacked, it is important to let them know its a form of punishment but does not diminsh your love for them. I have two boys 8 and 19 and in both cases i believe this form of punishment has been used effectively...
1 person likes this
@scorpio19 (1363)
•
12 Dec 08
Hi dralon,
I don't think a child should always be smacked has the main form of discipline but do agree that if it's used in a controlled manner then yes it can be effective.
@jenrl17 (420)
• United States
13 Dec 08
Im old school and would definitely smack my kids. I believe in spanking to punish for bad behavior. I however am strongly against going beyond the typical spanking into what would be considered abuse. If my child did something wrong, I would punish appropriately. If that means spanking, thats what they would get. I truely feel the punishment has to fit the crime, so if they did something that doesnt call for spanking, I wouldnt spank. However I dont believe in time out tho. That to me is a total waste of time. My sister does that and that never did anything. Her kids learned nothing from that. I was spanked as a kid if I got in trouble and the punishment called for it. Although just because it was done to me, if I didnt see it appropriate punishment, I wouldnt do it. Theres another topic that my parents tried to raise me in to believing, but I didnt adapt to that belief, so it all depends. When I was younger, I was a witness to a neighbors hitting their dog and called them out on it; was told to mind my own business of course, but the guy hit his dog too harshly and I just couldnt stand by and let it happen; guess thats just the kind heart in me.
@MysticTomatoes (1053)
• United States
12 Dec 08
I was spanked as a child. My husband was spanked as a child. When our DD and any future children we may have are old enough, they too will be spanked when the need arises.
I know when I was young, time outs were a waste of time. even though I was told to sit and think about what I had done, thinking about that was the last thing I was doing. Same thing with the naughty step. Like a 3 year old is really going to sit there and ponder what he did wrong. Grounding worked sometimes for me, but I wasn't a very socially active child for the most part, especially when I was younger, so there wasn't a whole lot my parents could do to ground me to prevent me from going somewhere or prevent me from doing something. Same thing with privileges. I didn't have that many to begin wtih. I was the only girl with 2 brothers and my parents, esp my mom, was more strict with me than they were with my brothers, so I didn't get to do half the stuff they did. Spanking was really the only thing that worked for me as a kid.
If it works for you, then do it. My DH and I both feel that spanking is not abuse and it teaches a child to respect and fear their parents when they screw up to prevent them from screwing up. Respecting and being fearful of parents to prevent screwups are not bad traits.
@Polly289 (269)
• New Zealand
13 Dec 08
A last resort, to be sure, but sometimes necessary. I have seen many children who have never been smacked and they have turned out to be the rottenest little "Cling-ons" on the face of this earth. I don't smack my children unless I feel they truly deserve it. At the end of the day, you don't need to beat a child into oblivion. A simple paddy-whack on the backside can't hurt them, only their sensibilities. If a good talking to can work, all well and good but sometimes even that doesn't do the trick.
I have a tendancy to use what I call my "BOOMING" voice. Not a screech or a yell but a boom. It does get their attention. Then I give them the "GLARE". Not the nicest look, I have to say. It works a treat and my children don't walk all over me. They know how far they can go (not very) then they start to look a little sheepish. Eyes rolling everywhere and looking for a corner to hide in. Who really needs to smack a child after that, I ask ya.
@TrayBlaylock (630)
• United States
13 Dec 08
Turning to physical violence towards your child is horrible. I was never touched when I was a kid. Not even a smack on the finger. I am a productive person in society with no mental problems. No anger problems, no resentment towards my parents.
@ifallondeafears (4)
• Philippines
13 Dec 08
If smacking means to swat, or lightly slap across, the buttocks, hand or thigh,
then I agree.I align myself with a form of parenting called "wait and see" by this I mean you can't submit to a form of discipline until you know your child.
One child's time out is another's severe beating. No child should ever, be beat.
But often times a light smack is the only way to get through to a child. Marks should
never be left on a child's skin, ever.
A swat or smack should be just hard to enough to draw the childs attention.
@scorpio19 (1363)
•
14 Dec 08
Hi ifallondeafears,
I agree with your points it's not about beating a child it a slight tap which is a lot different than beating a child which we all know as parents is wrong and most parents couldn't beat their own child anyways, I know I couldn't although I have smacked them but not constantly when I've felt it was the only option left for me.
@LCHBheart (167)
• Singapore
13 Dec 08
I was caned as a kid, so I kind of hate it. It made me feel like I was living in fear. A bit of smacking is ok. But not too much, else it will lose its effects and the kid will just hate you.
@tlaquan (177)
• United States
12 Dec 08
yes i would smack my child on the bottom when they are doing something that is really bad i dont believe in that punching and hitting them in the face though
i tired that time out thing and it did not work
2 weeks punishment did not work
go to bed with out supper did not work the ate when i went to sleep
i think boys are alot harder to raise then girls though
