Mom's reaction to my sis serious bf
@sweetbarbie22 (304)
Philippines
December 17, 2008 2:36am CST
Time flies so fast. Who would thought mom's little girl grown up so fast now, finished a course, landed a good and well compensated job and able to live a life independently. Whoa...And now, finding just what they called "the right" man for her. I could not forget how my mom reacted knowing my younger sis and her used to be a little girl, though I know mom still treated that way to her until now. Should I say she's just being paranoid? Or just get jealous? Honestly it seems that knowing my sis got a serious bf, Mom really kinda hysterical. She worries a lot, especially seeing my sister so engrossed with her bf and anybody could see that things getting seriously between her bf. My mom has been very vocal about her feelings that she's don't like what she's seeing. They are serious. Its really obvious mom is afraid that my sis would get married. Mom reasoned out that it is not yet the right time to take things seriously and that she said my sister should fully enjoyed her life to the fullest! Funny but does my mom's reaction was normal? To all the moms out there, do you really feel this way? And to my fellows, is this how your mom reacted when you got a bf? A serious one? What do you think? By the way my sister is 22...
7 people like this
16 responses
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
17 Dec 08
Being a mom's favorite daughter I guess I would understand her feelings about her daughter who she considered her baby. I also think that she's 22 and just graduated from college I think there's a lot for her to improve especially in her career. Many women do tend to lag behind their careers when they get too serious with their intimate relationship more so when they do enter in marriage. As to getting into serious relationship, how serious it is right now? Are they living in or are they planning to settle down this early? If the answer to both is yes I would also get worried about it since I feel they are still young and had just started to a good career and they would need to establish their independence first to many things like finance and emotional maturity.
3 people like this
@sweetbarbie22 (304)
• Philippines
17 Dec 08
Yeah, I agreed with you,,,no wonder my mom is acting that way..And I can see it too how my sis is really getting things seriously..I'm just a little bit afraid too, or worried but me and my sis have constant communication, I just give her an advice too...hopefully, she would listen and try to balance and weigh things properly
2 people like this
@shonali (1286)
• India
17 Dec 08
well my first bf (serious-i still love him after all these years) was when i was 14 and now i am 24........
i dont think that 22 is a bad age to get a serious bf.... ithink ts an ideal age to get into a serious relationship and to see where it leads...maybe marriage.... after a couple more years....
around 25 should be a good age where your sister can weigh out the possibilities and see if she would like to settle down.....
im still 24 but in no hurry to marry though i have a serious bf since more than a year now..... but it is ok for mom's to act the way your mom has been acting...all mom's are the same dont you worry.....
they will finally get used to it.....
they act paranoid for a bit or they wouldnt be called mom's would they ?
2 people like this
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
17 Dec 08
it’s a normal reaction. Your mom is just feeling a lot insecure and left out…the fact that her li’l child has somebody else to fun to other than mom, is getting on to your mother. It’s a normal reaction and I think it will pass away as she sees how serious your sis is and how nice her bf is to her.
1 person likes this
@maroseqf (3657)
• Philippines
17 Dec 08
I have been in the situation that my parents, not just my mother, had negative views about me having a boyfriend. Well, I may say that I am a late bloomer because I had my first boyfriend when I was turning 20. I had three other boyfriends after my first and I just got married last January. I was already 27.
I think parents are really like that. They seem to be over protective but based on my experience, I think they are just really concerned about me. Your sister, only 22, is quite young to enter married life. Your mother is right for saying that your sister should enjoy her single life first. Let's face it! A lot of women get pregnant at a young age. Your mother is probably scared. Maybe you should try talking to your sister about the situation.
1 person likes this
@sweetbarbie22 (304)
• Philippines
18 Dec 08
yeah, that was i've been suggesting..thanks for sharing
@tammytwo (4298)
• United States
17 Dec 08
Being the mother of three, one girl and two boys I can totally understand how a mother would feel. I have been with my husband since I was only 15 and we now have a son that will graduate next May. He has his first serious girlfriend and I like her very much, but I can't say it has always been that way. In the beginning I listened to what others had told me about her and I was a little hesitant but after I personally have gotten to know her I believe she can make my son happy, if they choose to stay together.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
17 Dec 08
I think your mom is the best judge of that, she knows your sister,
her age might be okay, but what about her hopes, her dreams how will marriage affect that? Will it stop her from having some of the things she really wants in life?
How long has she known this guy, how much does she really know him,
you never really know someone until you marry them, you need to know them as much as you can before you get married,
are there likes and dislikes the same?
do they want the same things in life?
what if one wants to be rich and the other wants to be just average or even poor?
all these things are important.
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
18 Dec 08
Well, to let your mum feel assured that she is making the right choice, it is very important that your sister's boyfriend spend more time with her mum.
This is important especially in the beginning when your sister's boyfriend first met with your mum.
How he carries himself, how he behaves and how he conducts himself in front of your mum is very important.
Once your mum is familiar with him and his character, she will then make a judgement. From the looks of it, your mum still do not trust this fellow.
So your sister's boyfriend still has a long way to go to gain her trust to get into her good books.
Once your sister's boyfriend can get into your mum's good books, things would be easier from there on.
The key word here is patience.
Mothers are always more worried about their daughters getting into a relationship then their sons. Cos it is a fact that girls got more to lose than boys. So, she is naturally worried.
Just get your sister to reassure her about her boyfriend through conversations, outings (these could include meals, marketing, helping out around the house like cooking and cleaning up after meals... etc) to let your mum see the better side of him. To let your mum know that the boy is able to take care of your sister so that she will not have to worry that your sister is being taken advantage of.
@teapotmommommerced (10359)
• United States
18 Dec 08
Here in the USA us girls tend to get bf at a younger age and our mom's tend not to like that we have bfs. I think mom's do not want their little girls to get hurt, or to marry the wrong man and then on the other hand some men just do not like seeing their daughter's any anyone.
I think at the age of 22 your mom would like your sister to date and live on her own first before getting a serious bf.
I also think some mom's do not know how to act when their children grow up. Mom has been there and had to make the decisions on what the child is to do and when the child is to do it all the child's life and whoa the baby sister grew up and mom now is not got "the mothering" to do. It is a transition for mom also.
@munhozmib (3836)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
17 Dec 08
Hello there!
I'm not a daugher, neither a mother. However, I believe that your mother have her reasons to be acting like this. Did your little sister had any serious boyfriends before this one? If not, then of course your mother would be afraid of them getting married. I'm sure she doesn't want your sister to get married to the first man she finds. Of course this probably is not going to be the right man for her if she is still new in the love life. It takes time to learn how to deal with a boyfriend/girlfriend, and in the beginning we get hurt a lot. Specially you women. Perhaps this is what your mother is fearing. In my opinion, a completely normal reaction, seeing as, even though your sister is 22, your mother does not stop loving her.
Respectfully,
Munhozmib.
@bellebads (740)
• Philippines
18 Dec 08
it's a normal reaction to moms when their children already engage in romantic relationships. because they love their children so much they don't want them to get hurt if ever. but with your sister who's already 22 years old, i think its okay for her to be serious with her relationship whether your mom like it or not time will come that your sister will finally settle down. so your mom should be ready about this. your sister should also assure your mom that she will always be there even if she's already married.
@zhouliannie (78)
• China
18 Dec 08
i think 22 is ok to get bf.when i got my bf at 18,my mother was also very angry ,she thought i ws too young ,should have more opportunity to get a better one .but after year ,she changed her mind .she let myself to decide it ,co it;s my life.so just tell your sister ,dont be rush and dont quarel with your mom .time will change everything
@amazingheart (781)
• Philippines
18 Dec 08
Whewww!! sweetbarbie, had BF when I was 25...and look at me now, I am still single at the age of 33, had known, I would have accept my suitor's offer,(but I turned him down) and would get married at the age of 22..LOL
@ladynetz (968)
• Canada
17 Dec 08
Every mother tries to make the best for her kids.
Maybe she's afraid that the bf would not give your sister what she deserves.
My mother was ok with me and my bf, my father was getting histerical.
But at the end, no matter what parents say, we are all doing what we want.
And if we are really in love, we'll marry who ever we want...and no reasoning will be heard at this moment.
@ian_mine25 (2)
• Philippines
17 Dec 08
it's normal for a mom to get jealous when she saw her little girl happy and engrossed with her bf...that's the saddest part of being a mother!..though i'm not and will never be but that experienced of yours was a living experience of mine, too..i used to have a sister and that's how she was treated by my mom especially when she decided to get married with my bro-in-law now, considering the fact that my sister is already stable and have put up her own at the age of 28...the worst thing is,this jealousy issue reaches to the point that my mom went abroad decided not to attend my sis weeding..though my sis got her blessing and consent but she can't pretend to stare with her beloved daughter(only one) walking on the aisle and get ready to bind with her bf. i feel pity to my sis during her wedding day..she accepted the sacrament of matrimony without our mom's presence..but that's life bestowed to her..i can say my mom's pride is the hardest thing to bend on earth!. however, as time passed, she started to accept the fact that all of us will reach that point of getting married but it doesn't mean that we have to leave and forget our parents..now my mom and my sis is in good terms especially when my sis gave birth to Khristofer Lynus--her first grandchild..
to mothers-- it is natural that a certain mom will feel this way considering the fact that she's the one who conceived us for 9 long months and taking care of us as we grow old...but mothers should accept the fact that not all things are constant..we are also subject to some changes..a mom should be thankful and be great seeing her little daughter walking on the aisle happy and contented because it reflects on how you brought your kid properly...they should be thankful knowing that their daughters were strong enough to accept a new responsibility in life. if you're not a good mom, your daughter will be hesitant to get married or even to have a boyfriend due to reason that she witnessed your your hardships or even failures in a relationship.