Can you feel grief before someones death.

I can't really help you, other than to let you know that you aren't alone. We found out in September that my hubby also has terminal lung cancer that has spread to other areas of his upper body. I grieve everyday inside. I feel depressed much of the time. We don't know if the chemo is working, and it is making him sicker. I think it is normal to grieve in a sense when you know something tragic is going to happen. I do try to make everyday a good one for him, to the best of my ability. I hide my feelings from him and "fake" it. It is my gift to him. We do talk about it sometimes and it allows both of us a chance to get our feelings out. Plus, I see a counselor every other week, so I have an outlet. Is there a friend you can share your grief with so it isn't so overwhelming that it brings you down around your hubby? You will be in my prayers. If you don't mind my asking, what type of cancer does your hubby have?

I am so sorry to learn of this situation. How are you doing today, four months later?

Sorry to know about your husband, it is really hell to go through such stage. May god bless you to handle your grief.

hello, annmac. i live in manila, philippines right now. if you are anywhere near where i am, i can share with you everything that i did that made my son made it through his ordeal. his cancer concerns his bone marrow. i can still remember that when i was in grade school, it was termed bone cancer by a neighbor who had it. i had tried everything then. you know how parents feel about their children. i am just a common mom. willing to give even my life for the life of my son. i did research after research on my son's illness...on how to combat it and win my battle with life. yes, i am a winner annmac. it is more than ten years now from the time that our doctor pronounced my son to be good as breathing his last breath every second that comes. i used to do everything from therapy to health diet, etc.,etc. then, there came a time when i started to cling to food supplements. the ones which are sourced naturally. we started with the very expensive imported ones from noted countries. only to find in the end, that the best ones are produced in my very own country. if you are interested to know more about this, pm me and i will share everything to the best of my knowledge. cheer up, honey. God can still do something for your beloved husband.

We all grieve in different ways at different times, but the one thing that I think that is important is that if you are having these feeling, what do you think the person who is dying feels like, what they are going through? The one book that I can recommend to you to read is Randy Pausch's book, "The Last Lecture". In a nutshell, he had found out that he had an incurable type of cancer. The one thing that he knew was that he didn't just want to curl up and die and he didn't want his family, which consisted of very young children, to remember him that way. He wanted to be as open to it as he could make it for everyone concerned. He did everything that he ever wanted to do and never let any obstacles get in his way and that included talking about it with his wife. He allowed himself and his wife to speak about it as if it was a very normal thing, which it was. Once people got over the fear of hurting someone with talking about the inevitable it brought people closer and less afraid to discuss it. His video of his last lecture to his students, yes he was a professor, can be found on the internet if you don't want to read the book. The book was written pretty much word for word based on the video. Think about it and I hope it brings some comfort to you and your husband. DCMerkle

hi annmac, i am sorry to hear that. i know what you feel i have been in that situation 2 years ago. my mama was diagnosed of having cervical cancer stage 3 month of december 2006, the same day she celebrated her birthday december 7. its really painful to accept that a love one having cancer means that were only counting the days. up to now when i heard, read and know people of similar situation i cant help my self but to cry. i know how painful and heart breaking it was. the pain is unbearable because its hard to accept that on the coming days our love ones will go will leave. to share with you my story i have posted it at multiply, the title of my blog is The Real Parent. you can visit my multiply site www.roselynm1023.multiply.com this is what i am sure of annmac, the Lord is with you and your family. He is a loving God, He will not give you challenges beyond your capacity to endure. me too have been in this stage that i asked God why i will be alone, why will my Mama die, a lot of whys but you know what He told me I am not Alone He is with me. Just keep on believing that God loves you and there are reasons why things happen. the reason is for our own good sometimes we dont understand how but later on as we contemplate we will discern God's purpose for our life. i will pray for you and your husband. believe that your husband will be healed by God.

Must be intuition I guess. THe sad thing is that nobody can help you. We all have to deal with our grief on our own. It's sad I know but that's just the way it is. It will help that there are people around you to offer a little bit of support. You have experienced loss and you know that the pain doesn't really go away. You just get used to it and learn to live with a new "normal" in your life. I know you must be going through a very rough patch. I can only offer you my sympathies and my prayers. The best thing that you can do for your husband is to let him know everyday that you love him. You don't have to pretend to be alright because that is hard to do. But let him feel everyday that you will be there till the very end. I feel for you. And if it is any consolation, you have shown just how much you are willing to do for your husband because you are trying to deal with this the best way you know how. Hope springs eternal as I always say. I hope that silver lining sees you soon.