I'm gonna TRAP Santa! Yep. Plans are in the makin'..... Any ideas?
By James72
@James72 (26790)
Australia
December 22, 2008 1:08am CST
Although Christmas is not celebrated in the same way, if at all here in Egypt, I do figure that Santa is gonna have to fly over this region to get to Europe on Christmas Eve. So I think that if I'm gonna have ANY chance of generating even the slightest feelings of Christmas here, I'm gonna have to trap Santa.
The question though, is HOW..... The main challenge here is what to use for bait. I could use children, naked pictures of Mrs Claus, milk and cookies; or maybe I could kidnap Rudolph, ask for ransom money that HAS to be delivered by Santa himself; and then nab him when he delivers it!
Any suggestions here? It will not be any easy task and God knows what I will do with him once I've got him; but I gotta do what I gotta do! All ideas are welcome because trappin' time is almost upon me.....
11 people like this
24 responses
@cyberfluf (4996)
• Netherlands
22 Dec 08
LOL, reading this before going to work makes my day James !
Let's see.. I'd say a giant mousefriendly mousetrap might do the trick? You put the cookies in, Santa walks in unsuspectingly... CLANG! You have him!
And while you figure out what to do with him he can at least have a bite to eat and a drink, otherwise he will go berzerk in the mean time. Be sure to figure it out by the time the cookies or gone though.. you never know what might happen .
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
22 Dec 08
Hmmmm. So a "Santa-friendly" trap that is based on a humane mousetrap? Yes, this does sound like a promising idea because the last thing I want to do is kill the dude! Bait is again the challenge though, just to get him inside..... Cookies is definitely on the cards, but I need to be mindful of how many he may have already had before he arrives over this way. He would have been running around the Southern Hemisphere for some time by then, so might be full to the brim with cookies and really not up for any more. Regardless of the bait used, I need to also work out how the heck to make the trap CLANG when it shuts too.
So many things to work out cyberfluf..... SO many things..... Thanks for the ideas though and have a great day at work. Hopefully by the time your day is done, I will have blueprints drawn up and a clear cut plan of action. Oh, you WILL be mine Santa..... You WILL be mine! Mwahahahahaha.
3 people like this
@cyberfluf (4996)
• Netherlands
22 Dec 08
LOL... I had a good day thanks! How are those blue prints coming?
Perhaps food is not the way to go, Santa can't resist good children too as he flies around the world to get to them and give them presents. However, studying to become a pedagogue I couldn't possibly advise you to use a child for bait, for crying out loud .
1 person likes this
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
23 Dec 08
The children are a last resprt option cyberfluf, so don't stress! The blueprints are still at the very basic stage while I am trying to absorb all of these ideas everyone has given me. I hope I can get it all together in time though. All I do know is that he moves quickly, so I will have to also. If I miss my chance, at least I will have the whole of 2009 to prepare for a new approach!
1 person likes this
@Wizzywig (7847)
•
22 Dec 08
OK, how about sending him an email posing as one of the elves who, whilst at the annual Grotto Workers Christmas Bash, partook of a little too much of Mrs Claus's somewhat potent 'mulled reindeer dropping punch'. You can claim to have staggered to Egypt in an inebriated stupor and threaten to sue Mrs Claus for failing to put a warning on said punch unless Santa comes to rescue you... obviously he must also bring generous gifts for the elf's new found friend (aka your good self) who has been taking care of him and offering kind hospitality. When Santa arrives, take him to the cellar where the missing elf has been living & then just lock him in. Then of course, you charge all the locals to come and visit Santa thereby making yourself a small fortune. Take photos, sell them to 'Hello!' & 'OK' and post them on myLot/youtube etc. Above all, when you are a filthy rich millionaire, dont forget who devised this cunning plan for you!!!... unless the St Nick police bureau turn up, in which case, you never heard of me!
3 people like this
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
22 Dec 08
Ooooh, NOW you're talkin' Wizzywig! Now where the heck have YOU been then as I could have used your advice here when I started drawing up the assault plans..... I had heard about this mulled reindeer dropping punch (apparently it tastes like chicken) and if I bribe the right elf, I am sure I can get hold of some and drink it for inspiration and dutch courage before sending that email!
The other twist I could add is that Jolie and Pitt wish to adopt him? Hmmm. Maybe too much. Anyways, I will surely split the proceeds if I have any luck with this approach and as for the St Nick Police, if they do turn up there will be plenty of punch for them too if I get hold of it; the paparazzi can be bribed to take photo's of them in compromising positions; and I'll blackmail my way out of that one! Thanks for the ideas and you have my word that your name shall be kept completely hush-hush. (Unless they torture me by cutting my ears to resemble elf ears or something or break my toes so I can fit into elf shoes)
1 person likes this
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
23 Dec 08
Blackmail is certainly conjures up some very negative pictures in my mind Wizzywig, but sometimes you gotta do what ypu gotta do right? I have taken your advice about elf prosthetics under advisement and am very likely to put these ideas into action. The last thing I wish to do is give up my sources if captured and tortured, so this should help minimise the risk. Merry Christmas to you and if Santa ends up not appearing over your way this Christmas Eve, you will know I have succeeded!
@Wizzywig (7847)
•
22 Dec 08
Hmm, Jolie & Pitt? Nice touch!
Compromising pictures of the police?? Blackmail is an ugly word James but, hey, if it gets us off the hook....
Perhaps you should invest in a pair of latex elf ears - bound to be available at this time of year. (I myself have acquired a set of antlers with bells on and an item which calls itself 'Russian style Santa hat'.) Oh, and steel capped boots to protect your toes. (Sigh) there are so many extras to think of to cover all eventualities with these kidnap attempts.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
22 Dec 08
Not any of my kids!
Whack! Whack! You bad man!
That's not bait for Santa!! Santa will probably send some reindeers over for a stampede!
That's more like bait for angry me to get to Egypt (unless you plan to kidnap kids from another kindergarten) and that's not something you would want around Christmas!
3 people like this
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
22 Dec 08
I don't think that the "be good" angle is going to work for me Sandhya. I am WAY past the point of no return on the bad front to be honest! Mentioning kindegartens though has provided me with some fresh options! Maybe I could steal a few kids from one and use THEM as bait. There would have to be a couple of good ones among a whole bunch of 'em! I shall add this idea to the list then..... Thanks for the new tips.
2 people like this
@hiddenwing (3719)
• China
22 Dec 08
I've no good idea. But everytime I find your discussion amazing! haha. Well, this reminds me of the panda thing. Wish you have a nice christmas eve
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
22 Dec 08
If you do end up coming up with some ideas hiddenwing, then you know where to find me. I still haven't worked out how to incorporate the panda into all of this, but I'm working on it. Dressing the panda up as a good child may just do the trick and get Santa into the trap, but the damn panda won't keep the overalls and baseball cap on any longer than a few minutes at a time. Oh well. My plans are a work in progress! Thanks for the response and I wish you a wonderful Christmas Eve yourself.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (168126)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Dec 08
Cookies and milk is good. Food for the reindeer. Maybe a sleigh advisory. Go to the North Pole and follow them till you can catch up and jump the sleigh. Get a elf to help you. Take his suit and then he couldn't go out. Why do you want to TRAP him anyway. He is a busy dude!
2 people like this
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
23 Dec 08
There's a sleigh advisory celtic eagle?? I considered going to the source and setting up surveillance at the North Pole, but I don't like the cold! Elf recruitment is definitely a good option though as an insider is always of benefit. I do realize he's busy and won't keep him for long. I just think he is getting a bit fat and lazy these days and a good scare is just what he needs to get him back to his old self! Thanks for the tips.
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
22 Dec 08
You could use a life sized cardboard cut out of Mrs. Claus. When you figure out how to make the trap, you set up a nice, cozy, romantic dinner, with Mrs. Claus in her sexiest nightie. He will look down, see her sitting there waiting for him. He will think he is going to get a quickie before continuing on his way, then you have him.
No ideas on the trap itself, though. THAT is your department.
2 people like this
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
22 Dec 08
Any new ideas that don't involve me having to buy any dinner Bo? Costs look like they're gonna skyrocket as it is! The Mrs Claus angle definitely has merit though, (even though I am sure she probably doesn't look too crash hot in a nightie) so I will work on tactics that involve her AND children I think. I am waiting on a callback from a flypaper company too; and let's see if they can do a giant sheet for me. Good luck to Santa trying to get himself unstuck from a giant sheet of sticky flypaper! How I am gonna get him off there myself if I go this way is yet to be determined..... Thanks for the tips anyways and I will catch you later. I now have to brave Cairo traffic jams once again to get home!
2 people like this
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
22 Dec 08
I don't think Santa gets much Mrs Claus action at all to be honest. It's not possible really and especially when you consider the size of his sack as further evidence! Cardboard cut-outs could be just the thing. I shall add this idea to the growing list. Ooooh he's gonna get it Bo.
1 person likes this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
22 Dec 08
The dinner is cardboard cut outs, too. It is all just a set up anyway. It doesn't have to be real.
And, as for Mrs. Claus in her nightie, did ya ever stop to think that maybe Santa finds her very sexy?
2 people like this
@alokn99 (5717)
• India
25 Dec 08
Well did you manage to trap Santa or not James ? Why not try the simple old way of sending him a post card ? Wait near the chimney with a net, and some sleeping gas. Wait, why not use your Panda . . If that does not work keep the boomerang ready.
Just keep the Christmas spirit up my friend and i'ms sure he will drop by.
1 person likes this
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
26 Dec 08
I waited and waired alok, but he must have taken a completely different flight path this year. Sneaky red suited bugger. He may have fooled me this time around, but now I have an entire year to plan things better than ever before! I never considered a boomerang! Good call there and I will put that on the list for next year I think. I will start sending postcards soon too as many different people to set the wheels in motion already for next Christmas. Thanks for the extra tips!
1 person likes this
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
21 Oct 09
Well Christmas is fast approaching again..SO do you have plans of trapping Santa again this year? I bet you would get him there faster if you kidnapped his elves instead of Mrs. Claus..heck he might even pay you to take her off his hands..lol But his elves he can't do without..whoever would make all the toys in time for all the kiddies..? So the elves it must be..then when he comes..nab him..then hypnotize him to make him believe he is somewhere else till your finished with him.
1 person likes this
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
27 Oct 09
Well, I haven't a clue as what to feed them unless it is cookies and hot chocolate..Well don't work to hard you only have one life and can't let it pass you by to much. putting your nose to the grind stone to much will make out one day look up and realize your 50-60 years old and let life pass you bye without enjoying life as much as you could have and end up with regrets. But I guess in preparing for the future there is many who do that. Takecare..
1 person likes this
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
27 Oct 09
I appreciate the advice Becca and I'll certainly try to get free time as often as I can. I had a window of freedom there for a while, but it's now time for me to get stuck back in to bring about the balance. Such is life! Per5sonally I'd probably try and feed an elf shortbread!
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
26 Oct 09
Heya Becca! My apologies for the late reply here, but I've been traveling lately and really busy work-wise..... Jeez, Christmas sure did arrive again quickly! I've only just gotten over the shock of failing with my plans last year too. I'm still undecided as to whether I should resume my sinister plot or not, but I'll most certainly consider hypnosis if I go down this path again. I've always wanted to see Santa do the Macarena and hypnosis would be the perfect tool to make that happen! Thanks for the suggestion! As for kidnapping elves, this is fraught with danger in my opinion. What do I feed 'em for starters??? I'm not concerned about the toys being made though 'cos I can import all of them from China.....
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
22 Dec 08
But I have an ace up my sleeve riya. If you refuse to help me on this one, then all I have to do is release an Australiana number 8 discussion with an animal attached and your kids will go crazy on ya! But that's fine and I will save this ploy for a more serious occasion. Thanks for the response and if you do seen Santa, please do put in a word for me as I have to make him trust me if I'm gonna catch him! Merry Christmas!
@vanities (11395)
• Davao, Philippines
22 Dec 08
try having kids believe in him ..maybe they will write letters .who knows..like Europe they have a have a post office that cater only letters from children and address to Santa..by writing letters then for sure Santa will visit each letter senders..
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
23 Dec 08
But I think I have to have been a good boy for Santa to take my letters seriously vanities? Maybe I can intercept the mail to the North Pole and sign my name and address at the bottom of every letter? Surely one of them will be mistaken for the real deal and Santa will come running to me! Good idea, thanks for sharing it!
1 person likes this
@DonnaLawson (4032)
• United States
23 Dec 08
You had better leave Santa alone, I mean it!! You will have millions of disgruntled, but Good girls and boys of all ages after you.. Also it is so hard to have been good all year, and I have, and then have Santa bring you squat, I believe you could cause a revolution.. I can't believe you would even be thinking of such a thing.. Trap Santa, Bah Humbug....
You better leave him alone at least until I get the goods..
Anyway, the only thing that you could use for ransom is Rudolph.. Santa has eaten Billions of cookies and drank gallons and gallons of milk.. He has also had to look at Mrs.Claus naked for the last 364 days, so he is sick of that one, and I know he is probably sick and tired of these kids that lie to him and say they have been good all year, when we all know they haven't really been that good, so looks like you have Rudolph and Rudolph only..
I don't believe you can do it..
1 person likes this
@DonnaLawson (4032)
• United States
24 Dec 08
Don't worry about letting him deliver my gifts first, I haven't really been that good this year and don't look to get much more than the usual lump of coal, so that said, take the sucker down.. I still think that Rudolph is your best bet, he is Santa's pet, after all you have never heard of a song called Dasher, Santa's fave reindeer, or Blitzen Baby it's cold outside, or Prancer the Dancing Reindeer, it is all about Rudolph.. So get Rudolph and Santa will pay any price to get him back.. [b]AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT[/B]
[B] MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU AND YOURS, HOPE IT IS GREAT[/B]
1 person likes this
@DonnaLawson (4032)
• United States
24 Dec 08
James, we have all been thinking way too small, milk and cookies, milk and cookies, milk and cookies, that is all that Santa sees on Christmas Eve.. He is totally sick of them, so if you are going to act on this devious plan that you have going, I just thought of the perfect plan, Put out a Rib-eye and a Huge over stuffed baked potato and he will be yours.. I swear, I don't know why we didin't think of this before, Santa's sugar will be so high from all of the cookies, he can't help but be foiled by a steak.. Santa will be eating out of your hand tonight, it is a sure fire plan and will be as legal as a bailout, so you will not get into trouble for committing this felony..
This is what you get when I wake up too early and try to Mylot before I get my coffee and get my eyes open..
@bombshell (11256)
• Germany
22 Dec 08
hi James,santa was here in my house yesterday and he said he will try on diet next year
1 person likes this
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
23 Dec 08
Heya bombshell. He says he's going on a diet EVERY year for God's sake! Then he turns up once again, fatter than ever and sets a bad example. Apparently Weight Watcher's wanted to use him instead of Kirstie Alley or Fergie as their spokesperson, but he was just too unreliable! Thanks for the response and Merry Chrotmas to you. I promise I will take a "catch and release" approach if I get 'im and all gofts will be delivered as per usual. They may be a tad later than usual, but they will get there eventually!
@bombshell (11256)
• Germany
23 Dec 08
MERRY CHRISTMAS to you too James yeah you better let him go!
1 person likes this
@bombshell (11256)
• Germany
22 Dec 08
opppss well you better let him go so that he can distribute the gifts
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@Margarit (3676)
• Philippines
22 Dec 08
trapping santa is not so easy to do james, i think you should do disguise and make yourself like a reindeer so when santa sees you he may thought you are one of his lost reindeer. He might stop and get you instead you get him. And if Santa does get you just give him your panda spank and trap him.
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@James72 (26790)
• Australia
22 Dec 08
Definitely not easy Margarit..... But not impossible either. As long as there is even the slightest chance then I'm gonna keep on planning! I considered dre4ssing lie a reindeer, but what if Rudolph took a fancy to me and I couldn't get the suit off quick enough?? I will work it out I hope and if I do succeed, there is no question that I'm gonna panda spank him! (Just a little is all) Thanks for the ideas and I shall add these to the list of possibilities also.
1 person likes this
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
24 Dec 08
An excited reinderr can do pretty much anything from what I hear Maragarit so I would prefer NOT to get too confident about the sleigh harnesses slowing Rudolph down. I think it's best to just leave any ideas that involve me dressing like a reinderr off to the side for now..... Merry Christmas!
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
23 Dec 08
Turn on that Batman signal and he'll come.
Oh, for Santa you mean? Not Batman?
Turn on that Batman signal and temporarily blind him with it. And then wish that you are a heavy, heavy weightlifter and a perfect catcher so you'll be down there as they smoothly descend into your arms.
If that doesn't work, get some sweet-looking, woohoo does to have those reindeer feelings astir and they zoom in to where you are and you get your Santa.
As much as I don't like the guy (yes, I fear him), I don't believe in violence, James, even if it's mild. Especially during the holiday season. But it makes sense. The receipt you should wasn't for the date with the panda, huh?
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@James72 (26790)
• Australia
24 Dec 08
Oh wow. This is pretty funny actually..... I was just saying to my wife the other night that I don't think I had ever seen you make a typing mistake in any of your posts; and then BAM! You set the record straight on that one with your showed/should mix-up! The perfection streak is over SaintAnne and I shall never look at you the same again.
If I use the Batman signal to blind Santa, doesn't that mean that there is a chance that Batman will turn up too?? What if they get all firendly with each other and then collaborate to take me down? Hmmm. I will have to think on this one I feel. Using does is a good angle though as I could use them to stop the sleigh reindeer in their tracks long enough to nab Santa. I know you don't like him too, so if I get 'im, I'll give him a couple of extra jabs in the belly just for you! Thanks for the ideas and the receipt was a pre-date checklist of sorts, yes.
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
24 Dec 08
STOP talking about me behind my back, James. Is that why I've been tripping on nothing lately? I knew I bit my tongue real hard the other day.
Where Batman goes, so does the Joker, the Penguin... and maybe a cameo from Catwoman who was once played by Eartha Kitt who once sang "Santa Baby" in such a sultry style that maybe you could get Santa hurrying down the chimney that way, James.
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
23 Dec 08
HI James, your discussion is on a humorous note. How many Christians are there in Egypt? Are they allowed to celebrate christmas? How Christians celebrate Christmas in Egypt which I believe is a Muslim country?
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@James72 (26790)
• Australia
23 Dec 08
Heya ronaldinu, long time no see! Egypt is around 70% Muslim and the main Christian faith here is Coptic Christianity. There are no issues at all in celebrating Christmas, no. But the Coptic's view January the 7th as Christmas Day and not December the 25th. There are many similar traditions followed as with the western ways for Christians here at Christmas, but they of course also have their own traditions as well such as fasting and things like that. Some retailers also embrace the Christmas spirit with decorations and such but this is not a common thing. I am not sure of the number of Christians here though. Maybe 8 million or so? Either way, it is not celebrated in a way I am used to so I pretty much let it pass on by and will catch up with my usual ways when I eventually get back home.
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
23 Dec 08
hmmm trapping the fat man. I have to hand it to ya when you think about felony you go big don't ya. Well I would make sure to have a lot of holiday lights that spell out free milk and cookies and reindeer food and then catch him. LOL!! But that would take alot of lights in order to do so. So I hope your up for it and hopefully he'll stop at your all night milk and cookie stop shop.
1 person likes this
@wanderer086 (759)
•
22 Dec 08
I have got it from a very good source that Sant likes panda spanking. All you have to do is put our a big sign saying PANDA SPANKING. FREE TO SANTA. He will be down in a flash. Then all you have to do is shout ho ho ho a lot so everyone in the neighbour hood can hear him and they will all ocme out to see what is happening and you can have a party. Mind you you will have to let him spank your panda a bit just as an insentive.
@wanderer086 (759)
•
22 Dec 08
The furniture is in the post James. Have you got plenty of glue. I had to chop it up a bit to get it in the envelope. I think it is a bit selfish not to share Santa with some of your neighbours. You could get them interested in celebrating christmas every year.
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