My best friend is always neglecting me. Should I end the friendship?
By Im4real79
@Im4real79 (58)
United States
December 30, 2008 5:59pm CST
A long time friend of mine "Emily" has been neglecting me. She would rather spend most of her time with her partner and her many other friends. I haven't seen her in months and it bothers me. She could care less. I understand she is in a relationship, but they are together all the time. Matter of fact, they live in separate states but see each other every weekend. My friend will absolutely go out of her way to make sure of that. I am not jealous, but it isn't right the way she treats me. I have been asking to see her and she comes up with lame excuses. Is it really so hard that she can't even set aside one day every few months to spend some time with me? We live only less than 1 hour away from each other. So what is the problem? I don't have a car right now, but I am working on it. Then I could go up and see her. She has a car, but evidently I am not worth the gas. I could take the bus up to see her, but it will cost $60.00 round trip. I can't afford it. Besides why should I spend that much money on someone who doesn't seem to care. About 2 months ago, she said she was coming up to see me. She never showed up and didn't call until 3 days later. No apology, just said she had her period. I stayed home all day waiting for her and my weekend was ruined. I am starting to think she is taking me for granted. Why does she treat everyone else like gold, and I am just dirt on a shoe? I am a good friend to her and she has said so, but why can't she do the same? I can't rely upon her as a friend at all. She didn't even call me for the holidays. I called her a few times, but as usual she doesn't answer the phone. The saying goes "in order to have a friend, you first must be one." I have done that. I am not sure if she even really likes me at all. She just keeps me around just in case she gets bored or she has no one else at the moment. I am tired of being hurt and can't take any more disappointment from her.I have talked to her about this before, but she got defensive. Maybe I won't officially end the friendship, but just stop communication all together and not answer when she calls on occasion. What should I do?
5 people like this
23 responses
@Tweenis (30)
• United States
31 Dec 08
Im4real79 I would suggest you find other things to do and make new friends, and when your friend sees that you have other friends or more interesting things to do than to wait around for her to act like a real true friend, she will either not care, and continue acting the way she does, or she will feel compelled to care about your feelings and contact you. I would not let her get to you, even though that is hard, you may have to ignore her for a change. Have you tried talking to her about the situation? Maybe telling this friend she hurts you and leaving you with the assumption that she don't care about your feelings. I hope this help. Best of luck to you
Tweenis
2 people like this
@healer (1779)
• India
31 Dec 08
Sometimes this happens when one is in a relationship and i should say that you must not make any decision of breaking your friendship with her. Just leave it like that and one day she will realize the vale of your absence at that time you can tell her that she was not fair to you but don't break the relationship with her, its just that she is too much into her boyfriend and this is a common situation that we all faces with some of our own friends its just that we give her space and have our own beautiful life. Anyway wishing you a very happy new year.
@chenxiaoyue_713 (2165)
• China
31 Dec 08
Sorry to heart that, Im4real. As a bystander, I do understand your feeling. I just want to tell you that she isn't the kind of friend worth cherishing. Though I agree with the idea that friends do not need to be with each other together all the time, I don't think a person should neglect his/her friends. The reason that two persons are friends is that they have something in common and they understand each other. But I see nothing of this in your friend's behaviour. This reminds me of the old saying: we'll never know the importance of cherishing something until we lose it. What your friend is doing at the time is a reflection.
Don't be hesistated to neglect her, just as she's doing to you. Try to keep much more in touch with your other friends, and forget about her. If she calls you, then answer the phone. But remember not to show any signs of enthusiasm or pleasure, just answer her phone as if you are not friends. This may help her to realize the importance of you.
Hope my words will of help. good luck!
1 person likes this
@firefox0100 (47)
• United States
31 Dec 08
I am really sorry about this. It does seem like she doesn't care, she is taking you for granted. You should continue to leave your life. Try not to let it bother you. And yes if you are the one who goes out of your way every time, and she won't move a finger, you should cut all communications with her until she gets it. 'Do onto others as they do unto you'.
2 people like this
@internalsoul (159)
• India
31 Dec 08
trying to know the problem first.trying to know why he/she is neglecting you.there must be some reason.nothing happens like that..Coming to a decision is easy but taking the right one is a bit tough..so go for the solution.Dont try to escape from the problem...best of luck..and happy new year:)
1 person likes this
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
31 Dec 08
I think you should play it cool. Don't "end the friendship" and still answer if she calls.
I have friends that I see very rarely. We're still good friends, we just don't see each other very often. One of them lives very close to where I do but is never available if I suggest we get together. But when I do see her at parties and things, we're still friendly and we still enjoy each other's company. Sometimes this happens with friendships.
@Ithink (9980)
• United States
31 Dec 08
I wouldn't say this person is much of a friend in all honesty. I know I can suck at calling even my best friend but I just know we are both so busy. However I always answer when she calls and will sit and talk to her and when she wants to go somewhere I'm usually YAY! I think what you should do is either write her or leaving a message just saying something like, Miss you. Leave it at that. If she calls great, if not well let it go.
Find some new interests and as hard as it is try and make a few other friends. I was thinking too, as horrible as it sounds sometimes you just outgrow people. You end up going your own ways and someone is left hurt.
@bamakelly (5191)
• United States
31 Dec 08
You are going to meet people and have friends that will disappoint you. Believe me. I have been through some things with people over the years. Some things might make you upset but then you must go on.
I certainly wouldn't end a friendship over all of this. Just accept things and move on. Things will probably work out in the end. Good luck.
@sunil_008 (1269)
• India
31 Dec 08
if your best friend is neglecting you then how can she be your best friend at all. friendship is something that should be ignited from both the sides. not just one person can dominate the relationship.if she is not giving you much importance that you deserve then ask her why shes doing that. if shes having any other problem for sheis not able to respond to you then thats a different issue. but, knowingly if someone is doing something like that then its far more serious issue for you to think about. and since you cant go to meet her up as you cant afford it ,then better talk to her over phone. as talking and dialouges can resolve the most complex relationship in the world.i'm sure you are not in love with her. r u? if not then go and talk to her as straight as you can...
@jambi462 (4576)
• United States
31 Dec 08
I don't think that you should end a friendship that is with your best friend because you have to remember that you were best friends at some point in time. I know that it hurts when your friends neglect you and being a human being we all desire human contact for some reason. Perhaps your friend is just going through a rough time or something or perhaps she feels that you are neglecting her. I would call her up and see if she wants to hang out or something. Never give up on your friends and they most likely will never give up on you.
@dhaksha80 (143)
• Singapore
31 Dec 08
From your discussion i came to know that you did not open up with all your feelings to your friend.Just one day sit with her.Tell her that you feel like she is avoiding you.Open up guys.Still she could not understand otherwise not willing to understand means.......there is a saying If you love something set it free if it comes back its yours otherwise not
@yoursonlyurs (394)
• India
31 Dec 08
Im sure U will not Neglect that friendship....it is that person who really missing Ur love n care......dear im4real have patience in friendship ...al the loved ones will return to ur nest.....they just out for a fly to warm their wings....dont worry....
@ProlificDude (47)
• Pakistan
31 Dec 08
I suggest you try and find out the reason for her neglecting you. If you guys were such good friends, I don't think Emily is neglecting you for no reason. If it turns out she doesn't want to be friends with you anymore - just for the heck of it, you do the same.
I am sure there are friends waiting for you round the corner. Cheers
@arkansos (545)
• India
31 Dec 08
Hey comon, these things are bound to happen. When they find that "Special Someone" they always want to have more of them. You should forget about your friend for the time being. Ignore her the way she ignores you. I don't care if you don't. You don't breakup with friends(generally). That's why we have the expression "Friends are Forever". SO just let things lie. If the friendship fades away, you can't do anything about it. Its ur friends choice...Let it be. Let it fade away.
If she comes running to you someday, then it will be your choice whether or not to talk to her or help her. For now, take the back seat
@jesbellaine (4139)
• Philippines
31 Dec 08
Hi there!
I will never end a friendship for just like that. I have a best friend for over 10 years now and to be honest with you, when we started working after college, we lost communication for 6 months.. yes, six months... We text each other after that and always make a plan to see each other but our schedule never allow us to meet... once I went to her home, and she was sleeping, I had a little chat with her mom t hen left since I don't want to wake her up... We saw each other after 7 months of not being able to talk or see each other...
When I got into a relationship, I really didn't see her a lot as well... but she understands me. I need time for myself with my man. And as we grow older, there are lots of priorities that will come in our way... We met new friends but still we manage to send messages to each other...
Maybe you need to give her time and space to do what she wants and to meet other friends... do it with yourself too.. After a long run, if you are really best of friends, you will find a way to have time for each other... maybe not now.. but in the long run...
DOn't just throw the friendship for something like that... it is hard to find a friend who will really be there for you when you need her. Let her fly, she will come back... that is why we have "old friends"
Take care. Thanks for the discussion! Happy New Year and Happy HOlidays! Cheers!
@Zanetti (71)
• China
31 Dec 08
how could you be the best friend?
If you remember it,issue turns easy.
If I was you,I would not to end this freindship.
as we known,everyone living with a lot kinds of friends,in different ages.nobody can keep all of the friendship as well as he can.I prefer you only keep touch with her in normal.
@rmehta (32)
• India
31 Dec 08
pls understand the that i am going to say
u should stop talking with him and not even call him and start neglecting him for some days
if he stop neglecting u then u don't need to broke the friend ship
if he don't thats means he does not want your friendship
pls try
