Don't they know how to use the phone?
By katsmeow1213
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
United States
January 3, 2009 12:27pm CST
Get ready for a rant!
I was just sitting here having a little break and doing a little Mylot after a busy morning of cleaning and running around, when suddenly I hear the front door open and my Mother in law's voice talking to my kids. OMG!
Now let me tell you, this whole idea of them just stopping by without notice has been an issue for years, and it's been addressed about a zillion times, they just apparently don't get it!
So she asks if she can take the kids today. It's already after 1 in the afternoon, and my oldest has a basketball game in a couple hours, so I say no. Then I walk out of the room. She stands there for a few minutes (probably upset that I'm not being hospitible... she always ends up complaining to my husband that I'm never hospitable when ever they show up uninvited... like duh!!!! You're not invited, why should I be hospitable?) Then she finally says, "Okay, we'll try another time" and she leaves.
I'm beginning to wish they didn't know where I live. I absolutely hate when they just stop over completely uninvited, and what's worse is she just let's herself in. Anyone else would at least stand at the door and wait for an invitation to be let in, not her. She waltzes right in. That just kills me. I mean she has no idea what could be going on in here. I could be wandering around naked for all she knows (I don't, but I could in the privacy of my own home).
There was a time years ago that I completely blew up on them for just stopping by without notice. But now I tell hubby to handle it, because if I do, it's going to get ugly.
One of these days though I'm not going to bite my tongue anymore, and I'm just going to let them have it. I'm so sick of them never listening! Blowing up on them probably won't work anyways, but I am at my wits end with them! I'm going to move and not give them my new address!!
Okay, rant is over, thanks for listening. Does it get on your nerves if someone comes over uninvited and unannounced? Do you know someone who does this all the time, even after you've asked them not to?
6 people like this
18 responses
@Sissygrl (10912)
• Canada
4 Jan 09
Well my MIL lives about an hour drive awway now, and up untill about 3 motnths ago it was a 22 hour drive, so i've not had to deal with this too much. However.. we are staying with my mom since we moved and whenever my husbands parents come to pick us up to take us to their house they do not knock, its not even MY HOUSE! they just open the door and come right on in. AS IF they owned the place. then if they want to go to the bathroom they ask to use it, but dont bother to take their dirty shoes off. and i have mentioned many times that we take our shoes off at the door. and still no. .. She just rubs me the wrong way a lot of times. .
When i was there last time. she asks if she can take my daughter for a walk to the end of the driveway, then didn't wait for an answer. and then took her down the road out of sight. I dont trust her with my kids!! She also tried to give my 2 year old a glass of pop when we were there. WTF two year olds dont need pop.
And she knows we dont give our kids a lot of junk food or chocolate and she tries to feed them chocolate puffs and sh1t for breakfast!!
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
4 Jan 09
My in laws do similar things, although not as bad. I do feel like I'm not able to say no, and if I do say no I have to have a good reason, even if it is a good reason they keep on me.
Like when she came by yesterday for the kids, I said no, she asks why, I told her my son had a game, she asks what time. Like geez, why can't you just take no for an answer and leave it be?
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10912)
• Canada
5 Jan 09
at that point i would not think twice about telling her because i am their mom and i said no. you had your chance to raise your children and you did. not its my turn so turn your @ss around and get out my house!! haha I dont mind being rude when its deserved. . like when mil tried to give her pop. . i looked at her and said NO, She's TWO she dont drink pop. THE WOMAN IS A NURSE!! SHOULDNT SHE KNOW THIS ALREADY??! oh i think my blood boils the same way yours does just talking about it.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
5 Jan 09
Well my MIL must be a complete moron not to have picked up on the annoyance that was written all over my face and voice.
I guess woman must just lose their minds when their sons get married. You've heard those stories about how once married, a man will completely change into some weird monster who's abusive or controlling. Well I think it's true for mother in laws too, they're perfectly sweet old ladies until you say I do and they become monsters!
1 person likes this
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
3 Jan 09
I would be annoyed if she was coming over uninvited and letting herself in too even after she has been asked not too. My grandfather's house is like that though. He never locks the door and people come by unannounced and let themselves right in. It has always been that way. He does not mind. You however do mind, so it is a completely different story.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
3 Jan 09
I've known people like that. My mom was like, I could go over whenever I wanted, and so long as it was a weekday, anyone could just let themselves in.
I also had a friend who's house was always full of people. I'd go over there almost daily, and even if she wasn't home, there'd be a bunch of people just hanging out. Nobody knew where she was or when she'd be back because she wasn't there when they got there. They'd just hang out, help themselves to her food and watch TV or whatever. Sometimes they'd leave without waiting for her to show up. That was just her place, she never cared at all.
I think the reason this bothers me so much is because it's them. Anyone else I probably wouldn't mind as much, but as you know, I just can't stand my in laws at all. So we told them probably early in our relationship that they can't just do that, but they haven't stopped yet.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
4 Jan 09
Of course they don't, I've always known that. But I'm done biting my tongue. The next time I see them they will be getting a piece of my mind.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
4 Jan 09
The kids get to the door before I do, they're usually right in the living room while I'm off in the dining room or kitchen. Even if it were locked they'd open it. I'd rather the in laws just listen and stop coming over!! I don't even want to see them anymore, I'm so irritated.
1 person likes this
@bethyboo (399)
• United States
3 Jan 09
I absolutely hate when someone comes to my house unannounced. My grandmother is the only one that will do that though. I always keep my door locked but if she knows I am home she will bang on the door and windows until I open up. There are plenty of times where I just can't come to the door like when I am giving my little guy a bath but she won't give up. I understand completely how you feel. I try to talk to her but she doesn't listen. She just does what she wants.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
3 Jan 09
Must be an old lady thing, they have very thick skulls! But if it were my own family I probably woulnd't mind as much. But I can't stand my in laws, never could.
1 person likes this
@roberten (3128)
• United States
4 Jan 09
kats, you have a problem! Lock and deadbolt your door ALWAYS so she will have to ring the bell. If you have a storm door, always keep it locked as well. You may need some professional intervention to alter her behavior. And if all else fails you might want to try giving her a bit of her own medicine while you kill her with kindness. She is use to certain responses from you, give her what she doesn't expect.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
4 Jan 09
Giving her a dose of her own medicine will never work, I won't go within 20 feet of their house, I won't even get into why... let's just say, it's a bit stinky.
1 person likes this
@ethansmommy06 (401)
• United States
3 Jan 09
thought i was the only one! my inlaws live across the road like yelling distance. my husbands parents gave him part of their land for us to live on. no prob at first but then his gma started comming over and planting stuff in my yard and pulling stuff up and she watches every move i make. if someone comes over to visit even my mom she comes over after they leave to see who it was. my mil and fil i cant stand they make comments about my sons little preschool say that he picks up bad habbits from there and they always want to know what is goin on. i believe that they used to come in my house when i was not home and go through my things. they act like my husband is supposed to drop everything when they need something. I visit with my parents alot,i mean like everyday just to get away. my parents wont come by unless they call they say they dont wanna interfere, so why cant my inlaws do that? i feel your frustration and im about ready to let mine have it too!!!!!
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
3 Jan 09
So we're in a very similar situation. My in laws also own the house we live in. We didn't ask for it, they just bought it, and stupidly we took it for various reasons. That's part of why I can't just lay into them because they very well may tell us to move out, we'd rather do that on our terms. We do plan on getting our own place soon, but the further they push me, the faster I'll be determined to get the heck out of here.
1 person likes this
@ethansmommy06 (401)
• United States
4 Jan 09
yea my inlaws gave my husband the down payment for our house befor we were married. i did not know this until a couple years ago. they remind him of it and therfore he feels obligated to do things for them whenever they want. i mean its okay to do stuff for your family but not because they make you feel guilty about not doing things. if i could move, you can bet i could be packed in a hour! ha. i just try to deal with it, but a person can only take so much meds!!!!!!!
@creativedreamweaver (7297)
• United States
4 Jan 09
Oh boy do I know how you feel. My "EX" mother in-law did the same thing. Hubby had even given her a key in case we weren't home. I would come home and find her cleaning..."I didn't do a good enough job" according to her. It drove me bannanas. It did no good expressing myself to my hubby or to her. I got more and more hostile until I finally gave up. We got divorced eventually and I was glad I didn't have to put up with her anymore. Even now though, I hate it when anyone shows up unannounced. It is common curteousy to call first or let someone know you will be by at "so and so" time. It's just rude not to in my opinion.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
4 Jan 09
My in laws do not have a key, but we don't usually lock our doors. For the longest time we never even had a key to the house. We still don't have a key to the side door, only the front one since we changed the locks.
@Darkwing (21583)
•
4 Jan 09
I guess if my voice wasn't listened to, then my first reaction would be to change the locks, so that she can't just walk into your house uninvited. You've given her previous warnings and aired your views as to uninvited guests, so there are only two ways left to handle this. Mind you, you have to make it clear to your husband not to pass her a new key. I think it's particularly devious that she comes around when the kids come home. You have to let your kids in, but then, I guess you don't have to let her in with them, if you wish not to.
You're right... you need more privacy in your own home, so if all else fails, then you either have to keep your doors locked, which makes you somewhat of a prisoner in your own home, or change the locks. I know what I'd be doing, anyway! lol.
Brightest Blessings and good luck with this.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
4 Jan 09
Locking the doors will do no good, because the kids will always open the door for the grandparents. The only one who won't is my oldest son, he's old enough to know how I feel about them, even if I've never came out and told him, he can just tell. The others though are overly crazy about them and will press their face to the window when they see the car pull up.
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
4 Jan 09
I hate that! I didn't have in-laws like that, thank the Lord, and my parents weren't that way, either. But, when my daughter and her first husband were married and had their first baby, they were living with us for awhile. One Sunday, I was gone to church and my daughter had a girlfriend here. They were cooking lunch, and the baby was in her room asleep. Her X-husband's family came in the back door without knocking, didn't say one thing to them in the kitchen, walked right through to the bedroom. When I got home and found out about it, I blew up! I told them to knock the next time they came in. His Mother tried that one other time and never came around anymore. Then, when they got a double wide mobile home when their son was 1, his parents would show up at ANY time, and she never had any privacy whether their son was home or not! One night I was over there (this was after we found out he was running around on her) and we were sort of in the dark. His parents showed up and knocked on the door. We just stayed quiet and acted as if we'd gone off together, since their car was gone (only mine was in the driveway). They finally left. It made her sick to see them coming. His Mother was a loud mouth and she just took over. The grandkids don't even go around them. And they sure hated when they turned up at their graduation or a ball game once in awhile. They were the kind of people you just didn't want to be associated with. You'd just have to have known them! I even try to avoid them when I see them out anywhere, and his brothers, too.
I definitely would not appreciate his mother just coming up, opening the door and walking right in. My own kids don't even do that! They have a key and have never used it! They don't want us walking in their house unannounced and know we would not like it, either. Now, if we are expecting them, and the door is open, the grandkids will walk in- nothing wrong with that. But just to come by unannounced and come right in is disrespectful!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
4 Jan 09
They do it most often when he's not home. They've done it once or twice when he is home, but that would usually be his father looking for money. His mother's excuse is always that she wants to see the kids, and she always uses the excuse "We were in the neighborhood" Well they live 5 minutes away, so they're always in the dang neighborhood.
The one time that ticked me off the most was while my husband was away for a week training for his job. One of the days while he was out of town his mother stops over, she did knock on the door, I opened it slightly, with no intentions of letting her in, and she pushed right past me and let herself in, and then proceeded to sit down on my sofa as if she were going to visit for awhile. The whole time she's making comments about my cleaning etc. I ended up walking to the other side of the house and not returning. She later complained to hubby how I was "unhospitable".
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
4 Jan 09
When she starts complaining about your house keeping the next time, just pick up a broom or dusting cloth, etc, and hand it to her and tell her to have at it! That might shut her mouth! People like that can't find anything else to do, so they make fun of you and tell you how bad you are. Very judgmental.
@hotsummer (13837)
• Philippines
4 Jan 09
well it just seems to okay to come over uninvited as long as i have good relationship with them. and if i like them dearly. but if not, i of course would like to be notified first. but i don't have in-laws yet and i don't know how it feels to have one. and what i would feel if i do get unnoticed visits many from in-laws. guess it is really terrible to have inlaws who often come for a visit.
1 person likes this
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
4 Jan 09
I don't really have any family that lives around here but I do have friends that stop by occasionally. Most don't come unless they are invited, but when people do show up then I expect them to atleast knock on the door. That is being respectful of the person living there. Like you said, you could be walking around naked or something. I'm sorry that they won't listen to your requests for them to call. It is very disrespectful of them and you would think they would respect you as their son's wife.
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
4 Jan 09
Hey kats! Yes, I agree with you! That is very rude! It is nice
that she wants to take the kids though! It would give you a
nice break. But, it is up to you to decide when you want to
have them over and I don't blame you for being annoyed. I don't
like for anyone to come over without asking or calling first.
And I do have some friends that I have told this to over and
over and they still don't listen! It is really very annoying
and I am also not hospitable when someone does this to me
either! Why should I be? I am in the middle of doing something
and why should I have to stop or explain? But, then again it
should be your husband that takes care of this since it is
his parents and he should make them understand that it isn't
right to just come over without calling and asking if it is
a good time or not!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
4 Jan 09
They take the older 3 kids every so often. I've never let them take the little 2, I'm not comfortable with that, it's sort of a long story.
But even when they take the older ones, they do too many things I don't agree with. They give the kids soda, let them watch the news, and the kids spend most of the time playing outside without supervision! They're 11 and 6, my in laws expect the 11 year old to keep an eye on the 6 year old twins while they're outdoors.
They don't actually spend any time with the kids, and I can send them outside unsupervised here, so what's the difference? At least here I can hear everything that's going on outside and I'm never far from the window, plus all the neighbor kids are out all the time.
@EliteUser (3964)
• Australia
4 Jan 09
Hey,
Just recently that happened to my Mum. All of a sudden, my Mums friends came along one day. The house was upside down, it was a mess, food on the table, dirty dishes on the table, and these people decided to rockup. Even though they came along with flowers and cakes/biscuits it still ANNOYED me SO much.
Goodness! As the title says "Don't they know how to use the phone?" That is darn true. It isn't THAT hard to pick up the phone and press a few random numbers on the kaypad...is it?
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
5 Jan 09
YES! YES! YES! I hate it so much when people do that! Not even a warning phone call saying they are on their way! It makes me so mad that, like you, when they arrive it is difficult to be polite. My sister in-law got so fed up with her in-laws dropping in for lunch (these ones expected to be fed as well!) that one day she said, "I don't have any food but there's some frozen dim sims in the freezer, help yourself, I'm on my way to the shops" and turned on her heels and went out! Needless to say the unannounced visits ceased immediately. I applaude her. I don't think I would be able to do that but I wish I could!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
5 Jan 09
This issue with my in laws used to be much worse, they were doing it on a regular occasion, and they would just come in and sit on the sofa and expect to be entertained.
I have blown up on them a few times, that didn't make it stop. There was once my MIL came over and sat down and I messaged my best friend and told her to call me, so she did and I stayed on the other side of the house on the phone the whole time until MIL left.
They still haven't gotten the darn message!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
5 Jan 09
If I were to do it to them, it would drive them insane. I've never once stepped foot in their house when they weren't expecting me. Hubby does now and then, even if they're not home, but they're his parents, he can do that.
But they hate to be inconvenienced. I remember a time when my twins were little babies and I was having such a hard time with them and hubby was working 2 jobs. I was begging everyone I knew for some help. We asked my MIL about a dozen times and she kept saying "Yeah, maybe I'll come around sometime" but she never did. So one day hubby called her and said he needed her to come by that day to help me out and she said she was busy cleaning her house! We never asked her again after that.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
5 Jan 09
That's pretty dense on their part! You poor thing! It's not like you haven't told them! Maybe you should do it to them and see how they like it. The scary part is that it probably wouldn't worry them. Good luck to you dear, let us know what happens.
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
5 Jan 09
Gosh!I hate people like that.Reminds me of my monster-in-law.She calls people to my partner's birthday even if my guy didn't invite them.They eat more than what they can take in and they would throw away the food if they didn't finish it.It really annoed me because first of all,they were being rude coming in without my guy inviting them.They have no gift for him and this is what they're gonna do and my crazy monster-in-law is so fond of them and here she is rubbing it in my face that I have an attitude problem.WTF?!Perhaps birds of the same feather flock togeher.
@Fortunata (1135)
• United States
4 Jan 09
Heh, I had an aunt that used to do that, she'd just open the door and come into your house. She did it to me once when I was sick, and I almost had a heart attack, I was laying in bed, and the bedroom door suddenly opened, and she said, "Oh, there you are." Well, she kept doing this until she did it to her married daughter, and she walked all the way back to the bedroom, and uh, caught her daughter and son in law doing you know what. After that, she wasn't so eager to open doors, lol.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
4 Jan 09
My friend's mother in law did that to her once too. Luckily my in laws will never catch us doing that... they only come by during the day when all the kids are awake, and of course we don't do that while the kids are around.
@fasttalker (2796)
• United States
3 Jan 09
I would lock my door if I were you. At least then you would get a knock before they entered. I can't stand people coming in my house unannounced whoever they are. Have some decency about you and let me know you're coming! LOL
And if they inquire as to why the door is locked tell them "to prevent people from coming in unannouced!" I mean who knows the kids may be sleeping, I may be in the shower or whatever I want some notice of visitors!LOL
Good Luck
@Paula1966 (1102)
• United States
4 Jan 09
We live next door to my mother-in-law. She used to just walk in... which was "mood" stifling when my husband and I were first married, if you get my meaning. So we started locking the door. Right after we started doing this, she once came to the back door near our bedroom at another "inopportune" time and started banging on the door!!! I got a "little" irrate with my husband. I'm not sure what he said to her after that point, but she hasn't done either thing since.
