Simple Good Manners
By zandi458
@zandi458 (28102)
Malaysia
January 8, 2009 9:27pm CST
Lately I've noticed how certain people execute their thoughts and words in a very degrading manner towards others. "How dare he called me stupid" even if he disagreed to my discussion. Certainly mylot is not a place to show how smart you are or how ill-mannered you can be on topics you disagree. Each of us has our own strength of thinking and ability to string words together to make up for our own piece of work. There are certainly are times to hold our tongues, to agree to disagree, to avoid criticism and conflict. Even Thumper knew that and shared his knowledge with Bambi: "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"
Don't think you are in this virtual world you can hide in the world of secrecy and that your identity is well protected. This does not give you the license to go rumbling without taking into consideration the feelings of others. Mylot is not a place for people who are out to humiliate others. As human and people with brains, it is only appropriate that decencies prevail here.
I think politeness really makes life a bit easier for everybody. It's cheap and it keeps everyone's blood pressure down. My usual policy is to be polite to everybody regardless where you are from. Let mylot remain a good place with a world class community for a long time to come. Happy mylotting!
11 people like this
28 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
9 Jan 09
Hi Zandi,
Well, you expressed yourself here very intelligently. You are not stupid. Don't let the comments of one rude person get you down. Most of the people on here are not as rude as that. You are right tho, people ought to choose their words carefully when posting.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
9 Jan 09
I've seen you there Sid, in that discussion and have not gone back there to reply to the responses. I have got this phobia now for fear that I might have gone against the grain in my approach to that topic. Let it rest for a while before I pick up my strength to reply to all the responses there. Actually I am not one who leaves my responders unanswered. Being here for quite sometime I am aware that people here are good nature and not rude but only a small number of sick minded people whose passion are to strike the imbalances which has become torn in the flesh to the otherwise peace loving people here.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
9 Jan 09
I would not worry if I were you. You reacted to the rudeness in a very tactful and gracious manner. Far better than I probably would have. I haven't seen that person on here much. Maybe he was just having a really bad day and acting out...who knows? Please don't take it to heart or let it get you. Maybe he will see himself here and realize that he could have been more sensitive in his choice of words when responding and be more careful in the future.
1 person likes this
@Llonorra22 (1150)
• Philippines
9 Jan 09
I agree with you Zandi, the ultimate reason why I stay here in mylot are the nice people that I met and still meeting here. I hope that it will stay this way... Happy posting!
1 person likes this
@vanities (11395)
• Davao, Philippines
9 Jan 09
hello Zandi...nice thoughts and opinion on this..have you ever been a victim of this kind of people..or just read some responses and felt something for it..? and of course i agree with you all the way on being polite and everything actually we can never buy politeness and having a good manners ..its kind of what we are or who we are..that cannot be change of course..
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
9 Jan 09
Huh...I was the latest victim to my latest post where I was labeled 'crazy' short of calling me stupid but reading his whole response he indirectly meant it. Maybe he is still a greenhorn here so let him pick up from the seniors what it meant to be polite being a mylot citizen. I welcome healthy debates but not name calling. It is uncalled for.
1 person likes this
@aisaellis22 (6445)
• United States
9 Jan 09
Hello zandi458! So far no one called me stupid here yet, but I someone called me that filipina (I am a filipina too) are gold diggers. I have also seen some members here who responded bad words to some of the discussions which is not good enough for this kind of community. I never said those words to anyone. Even in real life situation. Just like you, I tried to be polite and humble as much as I can. It's just that everywhere you are, you will really encountered different people including rude people so just ignore them and stay as polite as you are.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
9 Jan 09
Sorry to hear that the filipinas are being labeled gold diggers. That is according to the mindset of shallow minded people. Even if you are the vice president of a large international merchant bank but if you're a Filipna, you are being rudely fit into this degrading profile. Try as you can to erase this stigma on what people think of the Filipinas.
@pujagupta (102)
• India
10 Jan 09
I agree, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". One should not disgrace others. Actually nobody disgraces others. By his or her act or saying he disgraces himself or herself. It is better to keep quit and behave like an idiot, then open your mouth and clear all doubts.
1 person likes this
@riyasam (16556)
• India
9 Jan 09
how right you are,zandi.i do follow the dictum,if you you dont have something nice to say,dont atleast criticise.but over a period of time ,some words(like stupid,etc)maybe spoken in jest.(to our friend mylotters)but never seriously but it is always to speak and hear good words
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
9 Jan 09
I don't mind if it is spoken by people who are regulars in my discussions. I know them and are my partners in thick and thin but for someone who has been here only a month and has not even rooted in mylot yet is very discriminating. As if he has just spring out from barbaric surroundings.
@Mitraa (3184)
• India
9 Jan 09
You see, good manners are the very delecate elements in human relationship! It needs certain amount of stupidity in the person, to call the other as a stupid! So the person is certainly a stupid! 
We all must remember that honesty and politeness through thoughts, words as well as actions are the best policy for any person of any age group. Thanks for this nice topic and have a good day!
@myskina (182)
• China
9 Jan 09
well,you have a big living circle.do not always stay a little circle in your lives.return smile to the stranger who were helped you.i think that's the base courtesy around us.all of laugh for you.i hop it will take away the unpleasant in your life friend.
1 person likes this
@pauie0104 (28)
• Philippines
9 Jan 09
Sometimes it is just the way they are. There are a lot of factors why people do what they do. I don't intend to defend them but culture and upbringing play a very big role in how they interact with other people. What maybe ok for them, may not be to you.
1 person likes this
@sins1984 (32)
• Sweden
9 Jan 09
hey zandi, i respect your thoughts, n of course its a point which everybody will have an agreement for.
adding something.. its not just a matter of being on mylot, one should be polite to others in real life as well, n i think u also meant that but i m just writing it in words... afer all everybody likes cheaper things and above all a normal blood pressure... :-)
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
9 Jan 09
i can't agree more with you and you actually had worded it in a perfect way... i myself always try to be polite and courteous towards other people... i don't want to hurt other people's feelings unless if the person do that to me first... hopefully people here can be more mannered to make this place a better place to interact with one another... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
9 Jan 09
How wonderfully you put this...BRAVO!!
Unfortunately zandi, the real main problem with the virtual cyber world, is that for some reason it can bring out the worse in people. People who normally have a low self-esteem and would never dream of being abusive, derogatory or obnoxious in their "real" life suddenly get rather brazen thinking that because they are not dealing with people on a one to one physical real level that it gives them license to say whatever they want. Some people become "bullies" here and stalk others just to post something vicious and attacking...believe me I know..I've had my share of those here whose life mission it seems it to come to a few of my discussions and be really obnoxious to me...I've been called among other things, stupid, lazy, and a failure...oh, and that's some of the "nicer" things said to me.
Unfortunately zandi, the real main problem with the virtual cyber world, is that for some reason it can bring out the worse in people. People who normally have a low self-esteem and would never dream of being abusive, derogatory or obnoxious in their "real" life suddenly get rather brazen thinking that because they are not dealing with people on a one to one physical real level that it gives them license to say whatever they want. Some people become "bullies" here and stalk others just to post something vicious and attacking...believe me I know..I've had my share of those here whose life mission it seems it to come to a few of my discussions and be really obnoxious to me...I've been called among other things, stupid, lazy, and a failure...oh, and that's some of the "nicer" things said to me.1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
9 Jan 09
Thank you pye.....for coming to my aid when I was 'under-siege' You are what I call a true friend, you 'bombed' me when I am in the wrong but come quickly when someone try to belittle me. Maybe because I can't put my words in right sequence and I have confused a good number of readers as I am not a polished writer, I may only seek shelter in people like you who are seasoned writers. But again I don't deserve to be treated like an unschooled adult. I realized how much of a premium I put on simple good manners. Unfortunately it warrants a premium because it is in such a short supply. We read more and more these days about bad mannered people taking over presidency in mylot.
But again I don't deserve to be treated like an unschooled adult. I realized how much of a premium I put on simple good manners. Unfortunately it warrants a premium because it is in such a short supply. We read more and more these days about bad mannered people taking over presidency in mylot.
@youless (112496)
• Guangzhou, China
9 Jan 09
I totally agree with you. It's too rude that this one called you stupid. Everybody is different, so it's quite common we have different opinions. You can't abuse to another one just because he/she disagrees with you. I think our society keeps improving because of the difference. Just forget about that stupid guy because he has no rights to say it to you.
I love China
@dodo19 (47317)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
10 Jan 09
You raise some nice thoughts. Thoughts that agree with, though I haven't been called anything like "stupid" or anything like that, yet. Having people who are ill-mannered doesn't make anything pleasant. I really know how it feels. I have a relative, who is extremely ill-mannered and simply doesn't care for many people. People like that take the pleasure out of things that others take great enjoyment in doing.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
9 Jan 09
A person is known by the way he/she talks. Here in the cyberworld, we could easily know by the way someone writes. I don't think the word stupid should ever be use at all. We all have to respect each others opinion here. I mean we are not here to degrade or curse anyone but we are here to exchange opinions to learn from each other and make friends with each other. However, as I also noticed, mylot has been invaded by a lot of trolls with dirty mouths. Well, whenever I encounter one, of course I don't go down to their level, but I also do not take the matter sitting down. I never really imagine that there are people here with terrible dirty mouth which exactly reflect their dirty inner mind and self. I was wrong when I thought mylot is a place of good and peace loving people only. While there are indeed a lot of lovable folks around, there are also some dirty folks (young and old alike) hanging around. Nevertheless, despite these unwanted trolls, myLot remains a good place to stay. Hurray!
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
9 Jan 09
Unfortunately mylot has become a breeding ground to some of these unscrupulous people with sick mind and have nothing else better to do but to stir emotional turmoil, to create havoc and to be on the constant check on others who are slowly climbing the ladders of success in their involvement here. There is nothing much we can do but hopefully the admin weed out these people before they run down mylot and before many mylotters feel the heat and quit.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
9 Jan 09
Hey zandi! I agree with you 100%! I wish that people would
realize that this is a place that they can voice their
opinion without resorting to name calling and vial language
and cutting people apart! There is no reason not to remain
civil. You can say what you want and get your point across,
but still remain civil and decent. There is no reason to
resort to being rude. Everyone has the right to voice their
opinion, but try to do it with some class and be mindful of
the next person!
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
9 Jan 09
Yes, with class that is. We practice our democratic rights to release our thoughts but in manner well controlled so as not to leave a trail of emotional disturbances in others. No matter how the words are jumbled up in a post, at least we view it on our own understanding and not try to outsmart the poster by calling names. This is something very childish and uncalled for.
