Do you ever get the birthday blues?
By snoopy04
@snoopy04 (718)
United States
January 12, 2009 12:15pm CST
Have you ever gotton the birthday blues before. Today I turned 37 and I have never really been sad on my birthday but today has been really hard for me. My parents are deceased and my brother lives in Houston but we no longer talk. I really miss having my family around me but this year it seems really tough for me. I went next door to my fathers-in-laws for his birthday and when they started singing happy birthday to him I started crying and came back home. My husband came home later and couldnt understand why I was so upset. I tried to explain to him that it brought back alot of memories and it made me realize how much I missed my own family at special occasions like this one. He thought I was overreacting and said I embarassed him. He will never understand because he has his parents and grandparents where I dont. So today is a hard day for me but I look back on all the fond memories I have of past birthdays and it puts a smile on my face.
So my question is do you ever get the birthday blues?
Would you have been embarassed by my reaction or isnt it just part of human emotions to react that way? Now I feel embarrassed as well.
3 people like this
13 responses
@keelymcilwain (797)
• Canada
13 Jan 09
Well happy birthday to you!! Don't have the blues on your birthday. On my 18th and 19th birthday I was in the hospital for a week each time. I got to spend with my 21st bday with my 2 best friends at a pizza shop. My 21st and 22, and coming 23 I will be 8 hours away from my family and maybe just get a few cards in the mail. I don't mind being alone on holidays.
@anne12d (676)
• Philippines
13 Jan 09
My last year birthday was the saddest one because:
1. I didn't spent my day with my boyfriend because he was in abroad to work that we yearly do.
2. My parents didn't greeted me even for a simple happy birthday the whole day although there are lots of ways to greet me like texting me or calling me on my mobile phone or when they arrived home that night.
3. I felt sick! I had head ache that I vomitted just to ease the pain I'm experiencing inside my head.
But, even those things happened to me my friends who I seldom see and be with greeted me and I know I have reason to smile because I know there are people who cares for me even when at times like that happens to me.
In your case, there is no reason to be embarrased when you felt sad like that because you are longing for people who are closed to you. They are not just ordinary but they are your family. I just hope your husband understands you and he is the only person you can rely to when you felt sad and longing to your family.
You shouldn't be embarrased because having that feeling is natural especially when it was a fact that they are too far from you.
1 person likes this
@Reesers (1387)
• United States
12 Jan 09
First of all - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
As I get older, it seems the blues hit harder each year. My best friend went through it last year. Both her parents have passed away, as well as her grandmother. We live in different states and all I could do was call. Apparently it was the biggest gesture one of her friends did. No one took her out. One of her closest friends didn't even bother to call. In the end, she ended up buying her own birthday cake.
I have a theory that people don't mind getting older. Well, some do! But as we get older, people don't make a big deal out of our birthdays like they did when we were younger. We all like to feel special, especially on our birthdays, and when it feels like we've been forgotten by friends or no longer have loved ones to wish Happy Birthday, it hurts. We just want to feel loved and cared for.
I don't think you were overreacting. It's normal, so don't feel embarassed.
@snoopy04 (718)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Thank you for your rsponse. I have had time to reflect and I realize that it was a normal reponse and there isnt anything to be embarrassed about. I know that its hard to understand when you still have your family. But I am starting to feel better and I intend to have a great birthday. Thanks so much for your birthday wishes.
@rantingqueen (495)
• United States
12 Jan 09
There really isn't a wrong or right way to react when we are feeling blue. You have nothing to be embarrassed by, as you removed yourself from a situation where you were upset, and you could have potentially upset everyone at the party as well.
We all mourn the days that have gone, and the memories that will never be repeated. It just means that it is time to move on and create new memories, new traditions and new ways to celebrate the days that are important to us.
Remember the good times, smile and start a new birthday tradition. Perhaps a night away with your husband or a quiet evening at home with a candle lit dinner will bring the magic back to your birthday for you!
@snoopy04 (718)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Thank you for responding. You are right about starting a new tradition and it is something that I am going to start on today. I will always have my past memories but it will be fun to make new memories and a new tradition with my husband and kids. Thank you for your response, it put a smile on my face.
@Lydiali20008 (41)
• China
13 Jan 09
Yes,so many times to me...on my last birthday i wanted to have a birthday party but i didnt have enough money and my boyfriend said "dont mind the birthday party too much and i dont like so many people coming to makke noise".Then i didnt say anything and kept my tears to keep a little peace for my birthday.that my 20-year-old birthday
@tooincome (345)
• United States
13 Jan 09
at least you *wanted* to have a birthday party. for my 23 birthday, it didn't really matter to me. people were wishing me happy birthday and i just took it as they were just saying "hi." also, my relatives were asking me what i want for my birthday.. i didn't want anything lol. usually i have a list of things i want and i just tell them, but for some reason last year i didn't have anything on my mind.. hope you're next bday goes will lydia :)
@andrea_20 (1)
• Philippines
13 Jan 09
yes ive experience birthday blues last year, ive felt very sad,as if they have forgotten my 18 birthday, and i felt really dissappointed, but anyway i got over with that kind of circumstances and who knows something better would come along and that circumstances will be worth waiting..... But i never felt embarrassed regarding on that situation cause ive been looking on the positive side
1 person likes this
@creativedreamweaver (7297)
• United States
13 Jan 09
You should not feel embarrassed at all. It is quite normal to feel like you do. Your hubby was being insensitive and rude. I get depressed every year on my birthday. I too have no parent or real relatives that live close. I miss them terribly when there is a holiday or special event. I especially miss my kids as they live miles away from me now that they are grown. It is a very sad day for me and has been for many years. My hubby understands and tries to make the day full of things to do, as does a friend of mine that understands. It is your emotions and all completely normal and understandable. Don't let hubby drag you down further.
@robert19ph (4577)
• Philippines
13 Jan 09
hello snoopy04,
There are times in our life that suddenly especially when our family is not around that we felt so sad and miss the days being with them. And that will make us cry and acting like nobody is around us.
In that case, the people around will be bothered why you acted that way but eventually if they find out the real reason why, then they'll understand. You have explained it to your hubby about it, and for sure he'll understand you. Good for him for his family is there with you. Though you can make a call to your brother often to relieve the pain. For sure he miss you so much also. Or better yet arrange a date so you can meet and be together even in a short period of time with your family.
What you have done was just normal. Don't bother too much.
@agrant10 (1476)
• United States
13 Jan 09
I went thru this when I 35th birthday. It was for other reasons. I cried and cried because I was not happy with the way my life was going. I must say that every year has been better and better. I see your blues were for other reasons.
I don't think that I would have been embarassed by your reaction. There is no need to feel embarrassed you could not help it if you miss your family.
@artaucan (97)
• United States
13 Jan 09
Oh my gosh, I always get those blues, well, actually the first one was when I turned 25 but it gets better eventually, I´m 43 now and either I don´t get them anymore or they have turned into a feeling that is no longer sad, so don´t be so hard on yourself and just go with the flow, the fact that your parents are no longer with you is a reason to feel sad not only on birthdays but also on holidays, I know that because I lost my father too and that does get better as well, the pain will always be there but it´s not overwhelming anymore.
@sophia1984 (278)
• China
13 Jan 09
To be honest, for me, several times, if on my birthday I get something wrong, I will feel unhappy about some months after my birthday.
I remembered the first time when I got the birthday blue was in my middle school, on that day, my teacher gave me a huge lesson, but in fact, it was not my fault, I felt really really unhappy. After school, when I got home that, I just stayed in my room myself, I cried on that day, so sad.
That was the first time, but last year was more worse, my father forgot my birthday, and before I told him, he just shouted at me about another thing. :(
Well, those things were all gone.
The Sun is new everyday, remember!:)
@Nisha_Verghese (551)
• India
13 Jan 09
hey nothing to be embarassed about.. husbands are always like that,.. they do not know how it is for us women to leave our family behind and stay with a stranger and his family. Its your life and you can feel bad if you want to and if your husband doesnt understand you then i guess you will feel even worse. Am i right? Well yeah i do get birthday blues. Its just because i keep thinking that i am one year older and more closer to the marriageable age and that i havent found my "Prince Charming" yet and stuff like that.
So dont feel bad.. Just dont stay in the mood for long because it doesnt solve anything!!
@uicbear (1900)
• United States
12 Jan 09
I go through this every year in some degree. My mom passed away when I was 15 and the rest of my family never really made a big deal out of my birthday. My oldest sister would when she moved back in the area, but she passed 5 years ago. So now it's the way it was. So, anyway, when I was in my late 20's I realized that I couldn't/shouldn't depend on anyone else for my happiness. So I started planning trips for around my birthday. Usually I go with a friend or 2, out of town somewhere. We've done Vegas several times, as well as Disneyworld/Florida. Since I've been doing that, birthdays have been easier, and when I'm away, even enjoyable. So I agree with a previous poster, start your own tradition. Make your own plans. Get a friend and go for a spa day. Take your hubby and go away for a weekend. Missing loved ones on special occasions is inevitable and understandable, but try not to let it consume you. Good luck to you and have a great year.
