Potty training
By CRIVAS
@CRIVAS (1815)
Canada
January 14, 2009 5:52pm CST
Okay so I have a friend that has a 6 year old that is not potty training and her other friends and family are giving her a hard time. They keep telling her that she is being lazy or inconsistant and that she isn't doing her job as a mother. She has talked to her doctor about it and his response was that he will go when he is ready. By punishing a child for not going, you can cause more harm than good. They may become even more embarassed and not want to use the potty at all. Now I am very lucky both of my children potti trained early and at the same time. Now the only time they wear their pull ups is if we are in the car for a long time or we are going to a place that we know has no washrooms. I didn't have to do much to train my girls, I just put the potti in the livingroom for a while and they starting sitting on it. The next thing I knew they were asking me to use the big toilet. So what do you think?
Should you just let the child go on their own?
Do you think my friend isn't doing her job as a parent?
I'd like to hear your thoughts so lets have it people.
5 people like this
15 responses
@AnneMarie39 (77)
• United States
15 Jan 09
My son wasn't potty trained until he was 5. I think it's wrong to punish a child for not going potty. I tried rewards and praise and everything under the sun. I finally gave up and told him that he could tell me when he was ready to go and be a big boy with big boy underpants etc. He was ready the next day. I think it was partly because he is stubborn and wanted it to be his decision/idea. My son was very immature and a little developmentally behind other children his age. It all worked out in the end.
2 people like this
@dfollin (25305)
• United States
17 Jan 09
I don't believe in punishing a child for not going to the potty,but they shouldn't be discouraged from going.Or their parents should not be consistant about encouraging them to use the potty either.
@Sissygrl (10912)
• Canada
15 Jan 09
I am potty training right now, but the problem is, I am not in my own home, and where i am living would perfer to not have any accidents on the carpet!! lol. So i have been using pullups and the potty is in the bathroom, she goes on it often, but is also still peeing int he pull ups, She only goes in the potty when i ask her and con her into it. . I dont believe in punishing her for not using it either, but i try to encourage as much as possible. . We have started to have underwear time in the kitchen, she will wear just underwear for a while in the day and we do things in the kitchen like crafts and colouring on the floor. I wish it was as easy for me as it was for you ;)
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
15 Jan 09
I think that people should mind their own business. Each child is potty trained when it is right for each individual child. The very first thing that has to happen is a child has to realize when they have pressure on their bladder it means they need to go to the bathroom and each child learns this at a different age. I allowed my son to potty train himself and all three of my grandkids my son didn't push them. He let nature take it's course. My oldest granddaughter was five and everyone was telling my son that there was something wrong. He didn't pay any attention to any of the people saying this. He just told them that she would get potty trained on her own when she was ready. That didn't mean that he didn't help with the things that would help her get potty trained. It simply meant that he didn't get excited when she wasn't potty trained when others thought she should be. You let her know she is doing just fine. She is not lazy or inconsistant and she is doing her job.
1 person likes this
@dfollin (25305)
• United States
17 Jan 09
It would be my business if my child was sitting next to them in class and smelling him,breathing in the aroma.![](/Content/images/emotes/sad.gif)
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@redhotpogo (4401)
• United States
14 Jan 09
no some people really make me wonder how they got their jobs. that is very bad advice coming from this so called doctor. just like those that say let your children cry, and ignore them. you can't just let the kid go on their own the right way whenever they feel like it. she's the parent, and she needs to teach them the right way of doing things. 6 years old and not potty trained? that is crazy. here she could have her kids taken away for neglect. too many people follow crazy advice just because it comes from someone with an important title like "doctor" people should use common sense.
1 person likes this
@redhotpogo (4401)
• United States
15 Jan 09
learn to comfort themselves? so many things wrong with that. but it explains society today.
2 people like this
@youngsweetheart (772)
• United States
15 Jan 09
Actually, it does not hurt a baby to cry for a few minutes so that Mom or Dad can calm down if they are getting too worked up or frustrated - the baby picks up on that frustration and it's not good for anyone. If a baby is picked up every single time he/she starts to whimper, it CAN start a pattern that will be hard to break, and cause unhealthy dependence on Mom and Dad that will last well into their childhood.
That said, I don't think it's right to let a baby cry for long - maybe 5 minutes at a time if necessary, certainly no more than 10, and not even that if they are screaming. Crying is one thing, screaming is something else.
1 person likes this
@youngsweetheart (772)
• United States
15 Jan 09
And just to clarify, I don't think a newborn baby should ever be left to cry - when they're that young, they haven't yet learned that crying gets them attention, only that it gets them fed or changed. It's only when a baby starts to make the connection that crying equals being picked up right away even if they don't need anything (between 6 to 9 months old, usually) that letting them cry for a few moments is sometimes all right.
1 person likes this
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@Pleiades (846)
• United States
15 Jan 09
My son is turning 3 next week and he's still in the early stages of potty training. But, he told his older sister he needed to go today while they were walking in the desert. I'm so proud of him. But, it's based on the child's readiness. However, at 6...come on. If the mother is being neglectful, then the doctor would have realized it.
*Pleiades
1 person likes this
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
15 Jan 09
For a child to be 6 years old and not potty trained unless there is a medical reason is ridiculous. There is no reason that at that age a child doesn’t know what his body is doing unless he has a developmental problem. Most kids can be potty trained by age 3. My four were trained by age 2 1/2. But back then we did have pull ups so they knew when they were wet and messy. We went from diapers to training pants. A person has to be very consistent. I also raised a grandson and had him potty trained by 2 1/2. I moved in with my son to help with the kids while he was in the military. We moved on post and there was a lovely play ground near the back yard. While we were looking at the house he went to the play ground and messed his pant. I told him if he ever messed his pants again he would not be playing on that play ground again. That was the last time he messed or wet his pants. I don't believe that the Dr told this mom that he will go when he is ready. I also don't believe the balarny about pushing or punishing a child about potty training will scare them for life. What is expected of a child they will do once they understand it. They really are smarter than we adults give them credit for.
@dfollin (25305)
• United States
16 Jan 09
Six years old! Ok,my sister and 2 of my 3 kids were bed wetters till about 11 because they were such sound sleepers they would not wake up to go to the bathroom.But,I do believe that your friends child should have wanted to go on his own by now.All my kids were potty trained during the day when they were 2 and a half or 3.My grand daughter has been started late in my opinion.She wants to go to the potty and she is 2 and 2 months. I think your friend is being lazy.![](/Content/images/emotes/sad.gif)
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@aidenofthetower (1814)
• United States
15 Jan 09
I would say that there is probably a piece of the puzzle that we don't know. There are lots of things to consider here. First of all...it is bad to punish your child when it comes to the bathroom because it can cause issues. Second, there is usually a problem if a child hasn't learned to use the toilet by then. Six is really old. It would seem that she needs to talk to other professionals and find out what she should do.
We are working on potty training right now. Our son is two and a half. While this is still in the middle (neither early nor really late) it is something that does require time and commitment. We started by me discussing it as an accomplishment and then showing him all the steps. This has worked really well and he is excited when he does the process correctly. It would seem that that would be a great way to get someone as old as six (who should understand a lot) to potty train.
My brother's ex girl friend's kids were five. He used some rather mean forms of punishment, but they are now potty trained...
What about school?
@youngsweetheart (772)
• United States
15 Jan 09
While I agree that punishing a child for not using the toilet is a bad idea and causes MUCH more harm than good...something is wrong with either your friend or her child if the child is 6 years old - school age - and is not toilet trained yet.
I'm not saying that your friend is a bad parent, because God knows potty training can be difficult, and obviously I don't know what she's tried, but it's possible that she ISN'T being consistent enough.
Barring some misstep on your friend's part, there could be something wrong with the child, either physically or developmentally. I'm surprised the doctor isn't checking into that. I mean, a normal child is completely toilet trained by the time they start school, so this is abnormal and should be checked into. Your friend should perhaps seek a second opinion.
@Fortunata (1135)
• United States
15 Jan 09
No, she isn't lazy, but she's going to cause her child a lot of embarrassment, especially at school. Even if he is using pullups, he won't smell very good, and kids are cruel to others when they're different in any way. He'll earn a nickname like 'Stinky' or something worse. Maybe somebody else can potty train him if she is reluctant or can't find the time. Poor kid.
@jessi0887 (2788)
• United States
15 Jan 09
That is ridicoulous. A child should be potty trained by four at the latest. Her doctors advice stinks. They need to enforce it now. That child is not going to have any social life. Schools want allow kids that are not potty trained. I am sorry for such a negative response but the thought of that as a parent my self is just gross.
@rkeniabanks (5)
• United States
19 Jan 09
HA HA, I have a friend with a 5 year old in the same position. YES, that parent is being really really lazy! Potty training is a PROCESS for most kids. They will pee and poop where they are most comfortable going and if that's in a diaper then that's where they'll go! She needs to force him without him knowing he's being forced! Using rewards etc. What I did with my oldest who was reluctant to poop in the potty was to just stop putting on the diaper. She hated being wet or dirty and within two weeks we were done! And a child THAT old, at 6, can easily see that the other kids his age aren't wearing diapers or pull ups and don't get their bottoms wiped. I'd also suggest letting the kid get something BIG like a sleep over with friends a trip to Disney or what have you to get it done!
@EliteUser (3964)
• Australia
15 Jan 09
Hey,
Well at 6 years old you should try and teach your kids to be toilet trained. I remember that at 5 years old I used to do it all by myself. But it isn't really a big deal, unless the child is going to school lol. Happy Lotting! ![](/Content/images/emotes/happy.gif)
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