Marriage counseling a waste of time?

I think that a couple would go for marriage counseling if they have any wish and hope that they can save their marriage. Sometimes they may be so distracted by other things in their lives, that they would need a third person to make them aware that they are losing each other's love. Personally, I definitely don't think of it as a waste of time at all. I see it more as an opportunity where the couple can re-think of why they chose to be together and bring back that passion again.

It didn't help in my case. Probably because there was nothing left to fix. I feel that if a marriage gets to that stage a flame has gone out and it's difficult to get it lit again. I (we) probably waited too long before having counselling but the problem was the same and could not be removed with or without it. I feel that if two people WANT to stay together and keep things going they will find their own ways to do so without external help which could only prolong the end.

Hi dawnald. I think it depends on the will of bothsides. If the couple are determined to make their marriage work than yes marriage counselling is precious and it is not a waste of time. However if both are hard headed nothing can make them reconcile together. All that marriage counsellors do is giving an opportunity to the couple to express their anger and frustration in a civil manner and try to reach a compromise but it is the couple themselves that have to strive hard to reach an agreement.

It does sound like the marriage is in trouble but I think it is always worth trying marriage counselling to see if it can be saved. Both parties need to attend and if they cannot do it together then at least do it separately at first and then try to do it together. The communication problem is a huge problem that is hard to solve without help and both parties need to want to try and solve it because if they don't then it is doomed to failure. As to whether the marriage can be saved or not. It depends if both people were really in love at the start. I know they said the were in love or thought they were but many young people think lust is love and when it wears off there is nothing there. If they have never really loved each other as people then it is probably doomed.

Haven't ever been exactly in that position (had counseling but situation was totally different) but I would say that you can only help someone who wants to be helped and is willing to change or compromise. Maybe in this situation, the marriage is just a sign of some general problems with either one or both of the couple as individuals. In otherwords, maybe the marriage can only improve when each individuals has worked out their own problems with interacting with others in general. Maybe it's not just about the marriage but about poor communication skills or interaction skills across the board. Then they could come back together in counselling to work on the marriage. ...maybe.....

YES, how else are men and woman going to find out that they think differently - AND it is ok. My wife and I have been married for 28 years. It would have been a lot shorter time without counseling.

sometimes marraige can turn for the worse due to frivulous topics like(snoringthat is where marraige counselling can help.

the only way is they get god in that marriage so each one know what is expected of each other.they need god blessing on this marriage maybe they,re trying to hold something together that god is trying to break apart.marriage is what you make of it.they have to learn how to respect,listen to each other.they have a lack of communcation.they keep trying to hurt each other back and forth.if they want ti to work they going to have to deal with each other in mild and temper.screamimg and yelling will not help only hurt.

hi dawnald,,, i think it only depends on both parties if they agree for marriage counseling,,,for me..if they really want to save their marriage,they can do that without any help of other people, its really up to their decision...why do you need a counseling if their mind and heart are already close and don't want to listen to any kind of opinions... yes,they just wasting their time not only their time but the one who's willing to help them fix their problem... keep smiling ^__^ "that's only my opinion"...

Hi there! In my opinion, the only person or couple who could answer that question is the couple who are in that current situation. And I guess nothing is impossible if both party is willing to mend the relationship. I also wouldn't call it a waste of time cause I've known some couples who have gone in a marriage counseling and they still ended together. I also know a couple who had gone into counseling but still got separated. The difference between the two couple is the love and the willingness. Ciao!

Well, Dawn let me start off, by making two things very clear, as I am not one to mince words. First, the only person we can change is ourselves. We have no control over another human being and what they do or do not do. We can only control our own thoughts, behaviors, and actions. Second, any relationship by definition is a two way street. Because there is two people in any relationship, we cannot do it all by ourselves, nor, are we solely responsible for the success or failure of any given relationship. With those two basic assumptions let me continue on to respond to your question. Basically, it comes down to what one defines as success or failure. If one sees the failure of a relationship, as a failure of therapy and therefore as a waste of time, then it will indeed be a waste of time. If on the other hand, a person goes into the therapy with an open mind, an attitude of let's just wait and see what happens, then the potential for personal growth is much greater. In the end, just like everything else, going to counseling and receiving therapy, you get out of it what you put in. Yes, your compatibility with a therapist is a factor, but, if you had a personality conflict with your therapist you would know that in the beginning and could find another therapist with which you had a better rapport. Ihe success or failure of the relationship may have been the original reason that you started counseling but that does not mean that you cannot take the opportunity to learn more about yourself and if one does that, counseling can never be a waste of time, regardless of what got you in that counseling situation to begin with, you can always come out of it, with more of a sense of who you are as an individual. By taking what you've learned and applying it to the future, we can only move forward, and hopefully avoid making some of the same mistakes we made in the past. In my opinion that is what life is all about, learning as we go along. I believe that there are no mistakes in our lives and that everything happens for a reason. It is up to us to decide if we will use those opportunities to grow or not. That's just my experiece and my not so humble opinion. Happy Mylotting!

I had a divorce without a marriage counselor. I did think about it but I figured if he didn't want to talk to me anymore, why would he want to talk to anyone else. So I decided to just call it quits. If he doesn't have the guts to communicate with me after I've made many many many opportunities for him to do so, it's not worth spending money on a third person. But that was the situation for me. I know who he was as a person and I think this is the best for all of us. I may have tried it if he showed me any hint that things may work, but I am sure that he didn't want it since, we are done now.

Great discussion. I would have to agree with a few other responders. If there was any hope at all that things could be worked out, I would think that the married couple would want to take it. My relationship with my husband has not always been perfect and in some cases we needed outside help to fix the problems. I would like to think that if a couple has bad communication, they can fix it together by working together. If however one of said people knows that they are no longer in love, it may be more difficult to fix the situation. Overall though, I would have to say that wether the marriage would be fixable, would depend upon the couples willingness to try to fix the situation and make an honest effort.

well there's a sayithere's a will, there's a way". so if you still wants to work things out then marriage counseling would be a great help. its all in the mind, if you think marriage counseling is such a waste of time then your time will be wasted, but if you think it may help you then you are in good path. life is full of ups and downs and that makes our life worth living. Its just about how you handle things. well all i can say is marriage counseling's help is in the hands of those people who go for counseling..

I actually think if both parties agree to go to marriage counseling and want to save the marriage then it can work. But if one person is being dragged along or guilted into or whatever then it is a waste of time. The fact that a couple would consider and go to marriage counseling means that they want to save the marriage. It works sometimes and sometimes it doesn't.

For me it was a waste of time. My now ex insisted we get separate counseling at one point. I went trough all kinds of stuff that really had no effect. Then my counselor suggested that their should be joint sessions, me, my ex, my counselor and her counselor. We had one and reached the agreement to have more. The next thing I know, my ex and her counselor have canceled this. Later I learned that her counselor was divorced and apparently had the opinion that just about all her clients should get divorced; at least that was her track record. She didn't work to help couples stay together but did just the opposite.