I'm not allowed to have my family or friends over any more.

That's the stuff girlfriend, stand strong because if you give in you're so done like last nights dinner!!! Good Luck Dear Friend. Love Ya Lots.

Yes, he is the one with the problem and I'm going to do just that... carry on the way we've always done it. He's jealous of the love and caring my sons and I have between us. His ego has been hurt. Being the 'macho' man he thinks he is, he feels that no one BUT him should be doing these things for me, but... one excuse after another as to why they don't get done. I've even told him I understand why they don't get done. He works hard! But, he's also very lazy on the weekends. I've never condemned him for that. He deserves a break. I've tried to tell him that my sons WANT to help but that makes no difference to him. He would rather have me suffer than have his ego hurt because something I need done right away doesn't get done because he has some excuse or another. He was married before and raised a step-daughter from the age of five. You know what? She calls him once a year, on Father's Day, and those calls are somewhat strained. Apparently, she didn't like his idea of "family" either. She's very close to her mother and the rest of her family, just not my husband. Well, he can be miserable if he wants. I've had enough time to realize that I'm NOT going to let him make ME miserable, too. I'll be okay, Thoroughrob. Thank you for caring! It means a lot to me.

You go GIRL! Sounds like he really needs you more than you need him (tho you might need him just a bit right now.)

actully, i dont see what you need him for? sounds kind of abusive to me.

Well when you decide to move out of your family's that means that you are starting a new family. maybe your husband wants privacy you know is hard when you get used to live alone and then family comes to your house for more then a week i know about it i been trying to get my wife sister out for month please talk about it out of the house the two of you alone.i almost got a divorce don't let this happen to you. Jose r Marte

Thanks, Barb. Your daughter's ex-husband DOES sound like my husband. I can't remember how many times we've had something going on like a birthday party or something (even Christmas!) when my husband just sat, watched TV and ate, then said he didn't feel good and went and laid down! The funny thing is, my husband and my boys have always gotten along! My sons will always be respectful until a person gives them a reason not to be. So, this little episode has destroyed whatever respect they had for my husband. To be honest, it's destroyed any respect I had left for him, too. My husband seems to think that you have to be mean to a person if you want them to grow. I should have seen something in the way his cat acts! I know that sounds weird, but he has the meanest, most vicious cat I've ever met! He raised this cat from a tiny kitten, found in a box. He had to feed it from a bottle; that's how little it was. He plays mean and HARD with his cat. He'll pester her until she hisses and runs, sometimes scratching him in the process. He just laughs. He's definitely got a sadistic side to him! He hates my cat because my cat was a stray who wandered into our lives when we moved here... even this stray is a sweet, loving cat! I think I'm beginning to see a picture forming here. He was raised by mean parents. He is associating that with love! The thing that confuses me is that, until recently, he's always been very good to me... antisocial, but good. I believe that he thinks he is the man he is today because of the way he was raised. Well, in one respect, he is, but not the part about being a man! He was determined to make something of himself because of his parents and he did. In his mind, that's the ONLY way a person will get the determination to be somebody. He can't see that love can accomplish the same determination as well as a kind heart. He knows how this is tearing me up. He keeps asking me how I am. I don't think I've ever had such an incredulous look on my face so often in my entire life! Like, HUH??? HOW am I??? I'm hurt, I'm pissed, I'm confused, I've just had the rug pulled out from under me. How SHOULD I be??? I'm sure he's worried about what I've been thinking about because I haven't been communicating with him. I HAVE been writing in a journal. He's asked me once what I'm writing about. I just said, "Stuff." It's funny... I've become the antisocial one in the house... at least between the two of us! LOL HE'S doing more talking than I am, for a change! I don't care how he feels anymore about my family or friends coming over. I don't care if he feels the need to go run and hide. I don't care how it upsets his plans. He's feeling that, too. I've always cared about his feelings, until he did this. He made the comment, during our 'discussion', that I've never helped him. I saw RED when he said that! I just called him something I NEVER thought I'd ever call him, and said, "How DARE you say that?!?" After listing a few of the more major things I've done for him, I told him that, since he thinks I never do anything to help him, then I'll just stop helping him. It won't be long before he notices just how much I've been doing for him! I'm sorry. Guess I still have stuff to get off my chest. I don't mean to rant, but it is helping! I'm able to get a clearer picture of who he is and why he's acting this way. I don't know if this marriage will be able to continue now that his true self has been pushed into my face, where I can't avoid his shortcomings, but I'm able to feel better about myself, anyway. It's funny, but with my husband forbiding me to have family and friends over, it's forcing us (my family and friends and me) to have a closer bond! Funny how things can backfire on a person, huh?

Hold on to your convictions! You children will always be your children, but relationships change. He must be blind if he can't see what he is stirring up by not wanting your children or friends to come over to visit you. As you said, he should interact with them when they come over - be friendly and enjoy himself. But my daughter's EX husband was sort of anti-social, too. He didn't forbid her to have anyone over and he came to our house with her. But, we've been there when he refused to do anything but sit and eat and watch TV, and one time was during a birthday party when some of their friends were there. I thought it was so disrespectful of him to ignore those people! And here, he would eat and then say he didn't feel good and go in the bedroom and lay down. It used to make her SO mad! I don't know why some men are like they are! I wish everyone was like my husband. He never meets a stranger and is very gracious even when someone we don't like is around! He used to really upset me when he was so friendly with my daughter's first husband. That guy treated her like a dog, but he'd come around and my husband would serve him up SUGAR like it was going out of style! My daughter would get angry when she found out how her Daddy treated him. But my husband has always said you can get more information out of them when you treat them nicely. It wasn't that he approved of him, but he needed to learn some things and he usually did. Glad to see your sons are still coming over this week. I hope they never get the idea that they don't need to come. You need their support. Just hang in there because it will work out in the end, one way or another. Maybe we need to pray for his attitude to change, and his heart with it.

what im wondering is was his parents this way? wife being house wife and his father working ect maybe this is how he was raised? not an excuse mind you.... one can learn from the mistakes of others ect just a whild guess that this has to do with how he was raised.