What is wrong with my kids??
@MichellinaGem (164)
United States
January 25, 2009 9:57pm CST
The title might not sound great but it is a real question for me. I am the mother of three children. The oldest is a two and a half year old boy, the middle one is a one and a half year old girl and my youngest is a three month old boy. As far as we can tell the youngest is fine, thus far. My question is in regards to my two oldest. They neither one have spoken a word. They can make sounds and sometimes make the sounds like DADA, MAMA and BABA, but they do not have a meaning when they do. My son went to an evaluation for speech therapy a while back, still waiting on insurance to go through to start therapy, and she said that for one thing he has an extremely short attention span. He rarely spends even one minute doing anything. If I actively engage him in playing with his blocks he will play with them with me for about 90 seconds. My daughter appears to be about the same way. My question however really regards behavior issues. They can both hear fine. However they will often completely ignore us when we speak to them. When they are misbehaving if we correct them they will usually stop what they are doing, but only for like 30 seconds. For example my son loves to play with trash cans. Obviously that is not a really safe thing for him to do so I tell him no. He stops and then goes right back to it. I tell him no. He stops and goes right back to it. At that point I usually swat his hand. He stops and goes right back to it. Repeat about a dozen times. Then I swat his behind. Repeat a dozen times. I need to know how to stop this kind of cycle. And no moving him and giving him something else to do does NOT work. This cycle is repeated by both children many, many times a day. I am really at a loss as to why they are like this and how to deal with it. Any ideas???
1 person likes this
14 responses
@AmandaBarnhart (671)
• Canada
26 Jan 09
Question. When you disrupt the cycles does it make either of them extremely aggitated, make them have fits? I know some would see this as regular child behavior but to me it sounds a tad like autism. Now I know this may not be so but repetitious cycles and the need to want to do everything the same way could play a part. However this may be an extreme diagnosis it's not one that's totally off the charts either. The other one that I feel is waaaayyyy to heavily used is ADD or ADHD.
I work with mentally and physically challenged individuals so their brain could not be fully developed or they're just growing up at a slower pace. Autism is also characterized by little to no speech. Some however do end up getting I think around the third grade level. Call it a feeling but perhaps ask about this ? or do a bit of further research and see if any other symptoms match. I'm not meaning to worry you just want to be sure everything is looked at. Is there any family history in either your husbands or your side to do with slow learning or any other disabilities? You don't need to tell me but it's just something to think long and hard about.
Best of luck wish I could be of more help. With autistic children it's keeping them in their regular routine that allows them to function properly oso taking them out of it would only fuel the behavior and cause some times huge outbursts
2 people like this
@MichellinaGem (164)
• United States
26 Jan 09
Thank you. I have been trying to find out more about the lower levels of autism. I do not think he is fully autistic, but am trying to find out about slightly less drastic forms of autism. I am glad to know I am not overreacting to consider that possibility. His doctor knows nothing about it.
1 person likes this
@PixieMischief (218)
• Canada
26 Jan 09
the milder form of autism incase your looking for it is called aspergers.... but its realy mild.. they sound much more sever then that...
again like I posted... seek a specialist.... this could be alot of things and it sounds genetic.
1 person likes this
@MichellinaGem (164)
• United States
26 Jan 09
Thank you I had only recently heard that there was more than one type at all. I was actually in the hospital havign my youngest when there was a show about a family with children with Aspergers. I just could not remember the name.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
26 Jan 09
Hi, I have two girls. One is 4 years old and one is 10 months old. 2 years old is ok to wait. he will talks but it takes times tho, how many language do you speak?. let me tell you my story.
When I have my first daughter, she knows how to talk when she is 3 years old. I speak two languages. she understands everything I said and told her but she just can't respond back. Back then, she was baring to eat or to speak but it turns out to be talkative. hehehhehe...
Dont worry, he will talk. it just take a little more time for him. Try to say one word at the time, and use it many ways. if in the whole day he is still not remember then say it again tomorrow until he gets it. If he understands you, then he will talk someday. About behavior, you need to take that trash can away from him (invisible the trash can, for example hide it), distract him from playing with trash can. My a little love to play with my dish washer, she would open it up and climb on it and pull all spoons out or something that close to her hands. And my other daughter love to turn the dish washer switch to wash or heat the dishes; so I just took that tuner out, problem solved. Kids will never stop on what they want to do or play, but you have to ignore them and put those thing away. Once they dont see it, then they will turn to something else.
I hope everything will be fine!
@MichellinaGem (164)
• United States
26 Jan 09
We only speak one language. I have had mild sucess teaching them sign language. As for the trash can it would work to hide it except it is ont just at home. it is everywhere. He just won't leave them alone anywhere he can reach one.
1 person likes this
@PixieMischief (218)
• Canada
27 Jan 09
QUESTION does your lil boy keep eye contact? or can he???
like many said it sounds like autism.... its not that hes ignoring you when you speak to him its that autistic people are in their own little world and kinda block out everyone...
let me know if he can keep eye contact... thats a huge autistic sign...
1 person likes this
@MichellinaGem (164)
• United States
29 Jan 09
He can make eye contact without being forced to. He doesn't keep it for long because something else will get his attention. His doctor seemed to think that he made eye contact well enough for it to not relly be autism. I still think there is a chance though. I have not heard of another problem that has similar signs and he meets several signs of autism
@PixieMischief (218)
• Canada
30 Jan 09
hmmmm sounds more like adhd, hard to say im not a specialist but I do know if he couldnt keep eye contact id say autism for sure.
I do have a lil story though not excatly like your son but I was abit simular at that age.
I had a thing about the stove. mom would tell me no and id still do it. shed pick me up and pull me away. it didnt seem to get threw to me to not touch it. I kept going back to it. although not right away after like your son. it took my burning my lil hand on stove for me to actually stop and understand that touching the stove is a no no.
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@MichellinaGem (164)
• United States
31 Jan 09
I have actually found some info here at Mylot that may help. There is a thing called fragile X syndrome. From what I have been able to find it actually sounds like that is the most likely diagnosis. It can lead to autism like behaviours and symptoms, but the affected ones are usually frriendly and able to have eye contact normally. I am setting an appointment for them to discuss testing fo rthis on Monday.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
26 Jan 09
Part of it is typical child behavior. My youngest 2 are 2 and half and 1 years old, and they both act like this. I have a gate up to the kitchen, but they get past it and play in there when I don't want them to. I'll tell them to get out numerous times and they ignore me until I go get them and bring them to another part of the house, and typically they'll just go right back. That's totally normal for a child that age, they're testing their limits and seeing how far they can get before they're punished, not to mention they don't completely understand what's being asked of them.
As far as the speech goes, that's a definite problem that hopefully you can get help with. It almost sounds to me like they have ADD (attention deficit disorder), but I am no doctor so don't take my word for it. My brother had it, he certainly was a handful. Hopefully the insurance goes through so you can get some help while they're still young.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
27 Jan 09
My oldest is 11 and still doesn't listen even after punishment. He's had his video games taken away, his sports taken away, nothing works on him. It is very typical!
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@MichellinaGem (164)
• United States
27 Jan 09
I guess I have always believed that typical children would stop what they were doing if they were punished for it. That is what most of the experts say anyway. Then again the way they put it just telling them no and taking their attention to something else is supposed to stop it. I do believe that most likely they will all end up diagnosed as ADHD as my husband and I both have mild forms of it.
@nigenh (167)
• India
26 Jan 09
children do differ from one to the other. Let me judge something more about your children dunno how far its gonna be true. Your children doesn't go to others very easily right. Like even if you ask them to they won't go & mingle with others. If this is the case then let me just tell my experience. My cousin was also the same, he spoke very lately. When consulted with the doc he asked us to put him in a play school so that he get to spend sometime with other kids & would start learning from seeing kids from his own age and we did the same & now he is speaking good & goin with people also well. So I would also ask you to do the same first & then go for a speech therapy. I am sure they will learn to speak soon, just wait & watch for few months.
@MichellinaGem (164)
• United States
27 Jan 09
Thank you. I had decided that some interaction with children their age might help. I am now babysitting a little girl that just turned two. She talks reasonably well and I am hoping that that will influence them as they have never been around a child their age much and the few they have been around a little even did not speak hardly at all.
@nympha687 (940)
• United States
26 Jan 09
I think you need to see a specialist. I am not a doctor nor do I have exposure to special education but based on your story, your children might have ADHD(Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). In this case, you can ask them for proper diagnosis and training. Speech can be improved by talking to them more frequently or teaching them the words they often see or play with.
2 people like this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
26 Jan 09
i don't have a child yet at this moment... so i can't help you much... may be you can bring your children to a children specialist or therapist and ask for help... that's all i can suggest... they can help you better and give you suggestions on how to handle your children... good luck... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@PixieMischief (218)
• Canada
26 Jan 09
Hm well I didnt start to speak till I was 2 years old. NOT a single word before that. and once I started to talk...... couldnt shush lol
I would seriously see a specialist in child development. Sounds like there is something genetic going on, and MeDICALY. and its not something YOUVE done. in other words its not lack of punishments ect. Or anything like that. from the sounds of it it sounds very much a medical issue and genetic since both children have very simular issues. Please seek doctors..
@MichellinaGem (164)
• United States
26 Jan 09
Have been searching for info before. Based on these comments I am beginning to think I might be able to find a doctor the same way i lookup the info, internet. I am hoping to get the info soon so I will know better what to look for younger with my littlest boy.
@dropofrain (1167)
• India
26 Jan 09
I am really worried about the kids but you need to take special extra care of teh kids.
@MichellinaGem (164)
• United States
26 Jan 09
I am trying to give them the extra attention and love that they need. It seems impossible at times with all three needing so much. The youngest just due to age and the others due to age and temprament.
@shinymood (405)
• China
26 Jan 09
Hi, Michell. I told my mom about your problem and she said that it's OK and natural. Don't worry too much about it. She has a friend whose daughter starts to speak when she's four year old. She didn't like to respond back to adults' words but she understood everything said by them just like that of your kids. Once she started to talk, she's almost as good as anyone else. As for the trash can, it seems every kid likes to play with it or some sort. Some say that trash can even nutures kids' imaginative powers too. I hope everything goes fine. Best luck and happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
@MichellinaGem (164)
• United States
26 Jan 09
I am hoping he begins to one day. So far we know he can hear, and my husband and I know he understands most of what is said to him. He is really quite intelligent which is why this seems so odd to me. Thank you for such an encouraging comment.
@nchap36 (556)
• United States
2 Feb 09
Are you a stay home mom? If you are maybe, you need to see about putting them in a good daycare. Your children know how far to take you. If they were around other people it might be different. Children act different around new people. This doesn't have to be all day thing. You put them in there for a half a day or 2 or 3 days out of the week. Have you ever heard the saying children learn from children. Give it a try if you can to see if that helps a little.
@forslahiri (1042)
• India
26 Jan 09
Hi,
Ur description has made me worried.Is there any history of UR/Husband's side of Late Learning Episodes?
I suggest U:-
1)Have Patience & Enough Patience.
2)Always have close watch on them and go on teaching-trying(any method, that works).
3) Take suggestions from EXPERT in this field, his/her experience will be handy for U.
Remember, many GREATs had this signs in their Childhood.So, don't loose heart !
=Lahiri,Kolkata,India.
@MichellinaGem (164)
• United States
26 Jan 09
My husband himself did not talk until about 18 months. Otherwise as far as I can tell there is no other signs of problems on either side. Other than a cousin of mine that was autistic. I try to have patience, though at times it can wear thin awfully early in the day. I am concentrating on teaching them to try and at leats make a sound when they want something and on sign language so they can at least communicate. It is the one area that is actually encouraging me now. My son is making progress using it. I am trying to get in touch with an expert now to see if I can get advice.
@jodi32196 (6)
• United States
26 Jan 09
You might possibly be experiencing behaviors linked to all the births of the siblings. For example, your two and a half year old may be reacting to the one and a half year olds arrival into the family; while your one and a half year old may be doing the same to the 3 month old. My second daughter is a middle child and is showing quite difficult behaviors. She is constantly into things she is not supposed to be in and returns to them also when I try to correct her. However, I know the age of two and a half is an innocent curiosity stage all to learn about the world around them. I also know she returns to the unwanted behavior for attention. She feels jealous when her big brother is paid attention to for his school work and for when her baby sister needs attention and needs to be fed and soothed, as she is helpless at the age of two months. I hope this helps. Feel free to ask as needed as I have three children myself and run a family childcare in my home. Good Luck and keep us up to date!
@MichellinaGem (164)
• United States
26 Jan 09
Thank you. I really had not considered that possibility. I know it must be hard on my children, in a way, having to compete for attention so much with siblings so close in age. I do my best to give each individual, though admittedly never uninterrupted, attention. I will keep everyone as up to date as I can.
@bangingsim (69)
• United States
26 Jan 09
I believe that your kids are fine. At the age their at now they are normal to have short attention spans and speech problems. If this progresses through age 4 then i believe you should see some sort of specialist and reslolve the problem.
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