I'm Gettin' Out
By Amber
@AmbiePam (92719)
United States
January 28, 2009 6:28pm CST
I'll try to make this a short post. It's a lot of info to cram in, but I don't want to bore you all. Many of you know about my apartment problems: the neighbor I called the cops on at 3am because she was outside my patio door threatening to kill the guy who was in her apartment and had locked her out, the blood outside my door and up the stairs, my sink and the pipes overflowing which flooded my kitchen and part of my living room. As well as the ceiling leaking water in my bathroom and closet. All in all those last two incidents cost me close to 200 dollars in what was ruined.
My sink had been backing up for years. They said they had had a plumber come twice, but there was no problem. Friday night my sink overflowed, from the sink and under the sink. Green water, food items that the neighbors above had put down their sink (we have no garbage disposals are not supposed to put food down the drain). It was 11pm so I called the office to get the recording that said the maintenance man's emergency pager's number. Guess what? He never called back. I didn't even have the money to call a plumber, even if a plumber was willing to come out near midnight. I took my dog and left, going to my parent's house. There I almost because hysterical. Yes, I'm bipolar, I have other issues, and I felt I had had enough. That night all the kept me from ending it was knowing it will kill my mom, my dog would miss me, and God will never give me more than I can handle.
I went back and Sunday night and it overflowed again. Monday I got a hold of them. They will have it fixed tomorrow. In the meantime I've been at my parent's house. I found out this had happened once before to another tenant. Only they had been placed in a different apartment in the complex, and had been compensated for their loss. I was so happy to realize at the end of March my lease will be up. So I turned in my vacate notice. I will be somewhere else April first. Being on Housing it is hard to find a place in a good neighborhood, but I have high hopes. And yes, I had gone to Housing about the problems I mentioned above.
The stress wasn't just the apartment. I'm going to have surgery on my back. A month ago I was crawling because I couldn't stand up. Today I'm using my cane. I'm only 28. I have migraines several times a month, and the TMJ I have often causes me to ice down my jaw. I won't bore you with the other health problems.
Bottom line, SOOOO many people have more problems than I. I felt like it was the end for me, and I'd like to know how many times you have felt that way. And how did you get through it. I'm taking it one day at a time, not thinking about anything but today.
I thought this would be short, but it is not. I'm sorry. 
12 people like this
26 responses
@Yestheypayme2dothis (7874)
• United States
29 Jan 09
My prayers get me through it. Realizing what I can change and what I cannot change help, God helps me with that. I think you should consider paying your parents rent and moving in with them. I see nothing wrong with that. Even the Bible says to "cling unto your parents until you get married." I remember this happening to me more than once, and I have OCD. The bath water of the people upstairs came up into our sink and vanity...and even in the kitchen cabinets....that bath water was filthy...it had public hair in it.
3 people like this
@Yestheypayme2dothis (7874)
• United States
29 Jan 09
Thank you. I guess it just depends on how much your meds work.
1 person likes this
@DonnaLawson (4032)
• United States
29 Jan 09
Sounds like you are using Mylot as therapy and that is great. There are many people who have more problems than they can handle but not everyone has a support group like Mylot and even so, that fact doesn't make your problems less real.. I believe that you will find the emotional support that you seem to desperately need from your friends on here..
You do sound as if you have more than you can handle and I will be the first to say, that I don't know how you do handle it but you seem to be doing very well.. I am so glad that you went to your parents house, I love to thnk my son would come to me for help if he needed it, it is good to have a bit of backup in situations like this one..
I am not sure if you are referring to housing as public housing but there has to be better and safer places for you to live.. If you can take a few days and research the housing situation in your area, you may find another much better place to go, somewhere nice, clean and safe.. I do know of a public housing project in my town where it was recently renovated and after I heard of what all they had done to renovate it, I thought, hey, I would love to live there.. There is a better place for you, I hope you can find it, but you must research it, don't get into another lease that you can't get out of for a year and find that it is no better than where you moved from..
I only hope that you can find some decent solutions to your problems and maybe find a therapist to talk to.. Someone who you can unload on and someone who will listen.. I will keep you in my prayers as God will not give you more than you can handle even if you feel that way sometimes.. I do know and understand how problems can overwhelm you but never give up, there is always a solution and you are smart enough to find it..
Take care of yourself and please keep us updated on your progress, I do believe you will find the solutions that you need, just never give up.. Humans have too many problems sometimes and can't face them but everyone is precious and should never be so overwhelmed as to think of ending everything.. I am sure you will get many good positive responses to this post and I hope everyone of them will give you a good boost.. You take care of yourself and always pray, God is listening and ready to help you in whatever you need.. God Bless you..
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (92719)
• United States
29 Jan 09
Thank you Donna. I appreciate all your kind words.
I don't know if it is different in each state, but Housing makes us sign a full year's lease. Now, we do have a list of apartments that are Section 8, so I do need to go look them all over. I have looked at a couple, but I just don't feel they are safe. I'm still looking, and starting March 1st, Housing will actually let me go in the complexes and talk to the manager and see the apartments. Until then I can only see what it is like on the outside. I know of one apartment place I tried to get into that I loved. But it was full. It was close to a lot of things within walking distance, and I think in a very safe place. I'm hoping when I inquire about it this time, there might be a vacancy. I'm trying to think that all this that has happened is preparing me for something. And just because I can't see it doesn't mean it won't happen and better me for it.
I had hesitated to bring this to mylot because I don't want to sound like a whiner. So many people have tremendous burdens to bear. Oh, and about a therapist? Because I am on bipolar and disability, they actually require me to see a counselor. I see her once a month, and was supposed to see her Tuesday, but the weather prevented it.
Once again, thank you. : )
2 people like this
@DonnaLawson (4032)
• United States
29 Jan 09
I will keep my fingers crossed for you and pray that you do get a better apartment.. Don't worry about what someone thinks, because there are all kinds of people and the majority of them are kind and caring, and the majority of them are on Mylot.. I belive this is a community of persons who do have troubles and problems but isn't it great to be able to sound off about something or just to get a bit of your problems off your chest and to persons who have sympathetic ears.. I have so many problems, as do most of us on here, that I could wear your ears off it I started telling them.. You are among friends on here and never forget it.. I always have an ear, so if you ever need to just vent, send me a message, I will be glad to talk to you, maybe we can compare the catastrophes in our lives.. Take care and be happy..
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
29 Jan 09
Yes I realize how hard it is to get some kind of decent apartment under Housing....here where I am there is usually a three to seven year waiting list and the apartments available are in the worse possible neighborhoods, but glad to hear you might be moving out and getting away from that nutcase apt building you've been living in--so I'm very grateful for being in the apt I'm still in since 1961. Well I don't have to tell you some of my "glorious" stressed out, freaked out periods of my life...my "crazy" year was 2006 when it was one thing after another after another...my way of thinking, is that if I could survive a year like that I and survive anything..also I just happen to be blessed with a real analytical, problem solving mind..I mean sure, when shat hits the fan I initially pace around and do a "Why is this happening to me?" kind of thing....then I get ticked off and mad...and anger seems to work for me...gets my butt moving to do something.....LOL
2 people like this
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
29 Jan 09
There has been a few times for me....one that really stands out is I was so depressed. I was single with three little kids and sometimes I don't recall how I got them dressed and fed as the money was so tight. One Sunday morning I dropped them off for Sunday school. I thought.....they would be so much better without me. If I just got in a car accident there would be plenty of money for them so they wouldn't grow up so poor. I sat in my car in front of church and suddenly started reciting the twenty third psalm....and I cried and cried.....needless to say....I drove home and somehow cried it out. Then went back an hour later to pick them up. That was probably the closest I came to ending it all....but like I said....there were other times.
2 people like this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
29 Jan 09
Well, most of us have issues and problems of our own. Yours may even sound minute as compared to the others who have more problems than you do. Anyhow, the point of the matter is, there's no way to solve problems but to face them, it's like the question 'how do you eat an elephant?'.
The answer would be.. you can eat an elephant piece by piece..
Yes, you have lots of problems but who says they won't soon be over? It does look rather huge but if you get to the bottom of it and start digging for answers, then perhaps they would eventually just disappear.
So stop looking at the larger picture this time, instead think of ways to eliminate the cause.
Let's take for example, the problems with your apartment. You already know there is a problem, but still you insisted on fixing too little things that don't really solve the problem at large.
It's good that you finally realize to vacate the building. That's an applause for you for seeing the root solution and taking it.
So, next time, look for the solution to fix the problem and not deviate from fixing smaller stuff without truly eliminating the cause.
Don't worry, I do that too. But on my good days, I soon realize that I'm just beating around the bush instead of attacking the problem head-on. That's why I now tend to be more direct. Problems are piling up, we need solutions to eliminate problems instead of just trimming it's edges.
Good luck!
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (92719)
• United States
29 Jan 09
Actually, there is more to it. I would have moved years ago, but being on disability and Housing, I did not have a choice once I signed the lease. I had to stay there. And as for my medical problems, they will be life long. I don't know how I could dig for answers when it comes to my apartment problems, but I think I know what you mean. I like to get problems solved right away. The faster I can get it fixed, and fixed right, the better off I feel! : )
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
29 Jan 09
Hi laydee
Hope you don't mind my butting in here for a minute, but I just had to say something
I happen to know AmbiePam very well and all the problems she's had in the past. She's on disability benefits and living in Public Housing, which usually sucks to begin with. People on disability live on extremely low monthly incomes and sometimes one can't just move whenever they want to, even though they would like to. I too am on SSI benefits....I've lived in this apartment since 1961...yes, that long..I was only a little girl when I first moved here. I too wouldn't mind moving but being on benefits can be very limiting...There's a whole host of problems in my apt building as well, but the only reason I stay is since I've lived here for so long my rent is relatively cheap compared to if I moved out where the average rent is over $1,200 for a studio. Also with Public Housing there can be anywhere from a three to seven year wait to get an apt and usually Public Housing is in the worse neighborhoods going..practically slums.
Like I said since I know Ambie very well, I know all the problems she's been going through that has been going on in her life for the past year...even her arrangement with Public Housing "neglected" to pay her rent for her and next thing you know was getting an eviction notice...in other words, with Ambie it's been one thing after another...it would drive anyone daft and yes panicky and maybe feeling the depths of dispair.
While I'm the type that CAN manage problems one step at a time, some can't, especially if one has been going through a snowball effect where it's one thing after another after another--in other words some can only see the whole big mess and not the smaller solutions to problems. In other words, if one is going through one thing after another after another, it may be very overwhelming to some people and maybe as in Ambie's case, can't problem solve each problem as they arise
5 people like this
@newzealtralian (3930)
• Australia
2 Mar 09
No such thing as short when you have bi-polar- well, at least it is short to you! lol. Detail and description are all part of it, which is what would make you an excellent writer. Over active imagination too. What else? Hhhmmm, too many others that I would like to deny
I hope you get a new place asap. We have similar problems here too, but because our house is rented through a community supported organisation, we are expected to be grateful for the roof over our heads. not going to be happening if that roof ends up being the floor and the floor ends up forming the floor of the non existant basement.
Often if people know you have a mental illness, they are less willing to help you out, and more likely to encourage others to ignore your concerns too. Happens here too, so I know what it feels like.
I hope you get a new place asap. We have similar problems here too, but because our house is rented through a community supported organisation, we are expected to be grateful for the roof over our heads. not going to be happening if that roof ends up being the floor and the floor ends up forming the floor of the non existant basement.
Often if people know you have a mental illness, they are less willing to help you out, and more likely to encourage others to ignore your concerns too. Happens here too, so I know what it feels like.1 person likes this
@newzealtralian (3930)
• Australia
9 Mar 09
Ah well, then they probably think you are just eccentric, and there is nothing wrong with that
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
23 Feb 09
I am sorry to hear about all the problems that has been happening. But I am glad you will be moving and I hope the next place won't be so bad. Here is a saying I found that I thought you might like.
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
29 Jan 09
Sweetie I am so glad that you are getting out as that is not right at all
I am waiting to get a new Place to as I can not spend another Winter in here it is to cold and not good for my Lungs at all
I really hope that they find you somewhere soon, I am glad that you where able to stay at your Mum's
As for giving up, never give up Sweet as you give up on Life, yes it is terrible now and will seem what is the point but in a few Days it will look different, you have to be strong and yes I know what I am talking about I have had my fair share in Life I am 47 and it is only just starting to calm down
Many a time I wanted to give in to the feeling I do not want to be here any more but then I talked myself out of it and that has been since the age of 5 I am still here because I always said no way will it grind me down, my Illness nearly did, when I was Diagnosed, then being bullied out of job, then being told that I am not able to work any more, I thought well why live but I did so strong Sweetie
Hugs and Thoughts to you
@AmbiePam (92719)
• United States
30 Jan 09
It is thinking about people like you who make me rethink these thoughts I have. If so many people go on with life and they have been through so much, then I should be able to go through my problems as well. It wouldn't be right for me to give up.
1 person likes this
@KarenO52 (2950)
• United States
4 Feb 09
Good luck on your back surgery and your apartment hunting. When my boys moved out to go to school, I went with them on their apartment search. The first place we looked at, which was right near the school at first looked like a good pick. The rent was reasonable, and the woman who showed us the model apartment was nice and polite. She told us that she had been living there for 5 years, and was happy there. The apartment was nice and clean looking, though small. We drove around checking out other apartment complexes nearby, when we found ourselves on a road bordering the back of the the first place we checked out. The back of the place showed overflowing trash bins, an unkempt building exterior, and unsavory looking characters lurking about. It was nothing like the part of the complex that we were shown. After that, every place that we looked at, we drove or walked around the building to see the parts that were not so visible, or not likely to be shown. We spent the rest of the day looking, but the boys finally found a place they liked, though it was further from school and cost a little more.
I just saw something on the Today Show a few days ago, about how you might be able to negotiate your rent, since these days so many people are having a hard time financially. They said that landlords would rather have a good tenant paying less rent than to have an empty apartment. I don't know how this would work with your housing assistance, but I hope this idea can help you a little bit.
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11915)
• United States
29 Jan 09
Oh, sweety, I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to come here and share this with us. I'm sure it is because you know many, many of us are pulling for you around here.
Yes, I've been to the point that I thought was the end for me. I can also relate to worrying about sounding like a whiner. Sometimes it is hard, very hard to turn to others for strength when you can't muster it up yourself. As you can see, you have people here who care about you. Thanks for the update... please let us walk through this with you and hold you up when you don't feel you can stand on your own.
Please keep the updates coming. We care, dear.
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
29 Jan 09
OMG Amber! Why didn't you tell me all this stuff? I have
alot of the same problems! Between the neighbor stuff, the
backing up of sinks, the tmj, the back issues! I am in the
process of trying to get my disability too! You poor thing!
I knew stuff was going on but, you never said what! I will
talk to you offline in more detail! I will send you an email
in a little while to your regular addy!
1 person likes this
@my2boys (821)
• United States
4 Feb 09
I have had a lot of problems living in apartments too. I hope to buy my own house soon. AT least I will have more control over it. I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes life just gets too tough to handle. I suffered from severe depression for almost three years after I had my first child. I was on all kinds of medication and nothing was working. One day while my son was at my moms house i decided I couldnt take it anymore and just took a whole bottle of the sleeping pills that I was prescribed. Luckily my mom stopped by with my son only a few minutes after I tool them. I am not sure why because he was supposed to stay with her the whole weekend. It must have been divine intervention because as soon as I saw him I realized what I had done. I told my mom and she took me to the ER. I dont really remember much after telling my mother. I kind of blacked out. All I know is what my mom and the docotors told me. They pumped my stomach and I had tubes in my body everywhere. I flatlined and the doctors told my mom and husband that they needed to call my family and friends. But somehow they brought me back and I am so grateful. I would never try anything like that again. I got a second chance at life and I love living everyday now. God saved me for a reason and I am so glad that he did.
1 person likes this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
29 Jan 09
You have a full cup girlfriend! With the general lack of social services available in this state, it's sure easy to feel the way you do. I agree that God won't give you more than you can handle...but sometimes it feels like He comes awefully close to the edge, doesn't it? There have been more than a few times when it's my dog that keeps me going. Somehow, if just one issue can be resolved, the rest become easier to handle. Finding a new place to live sounds like the biggie at the moment, at least to me. Emotional pain and stress it harder to deal with than physical. Does the housing authority help with the search? God bless on the search...maybe we'll end up being neighbors! Now there's a scarey thought...
1 person likes this
@messageme (2821)
• United States
29 Jan 09
I have been there! I had to move away from my problems for about 6 months and then when I moved back things seemed to be better. Then I got pregnant and had something to live for so I have never even thought about coming close to the end again. I want to be here for my kids! Life can be touch, but no matter what there is always good around the corner. Your time will come for complete happiness, just wait and see. It may not be in a week or a month, could even be years, but hang in there!
1 person likes this
@cripfemme (7698)
• United States
30 Jan 09
Good for you! I'm hoping to get out soon to and move to a new apartment on a better bus route. My new landlord is dragging her feet though and not communicating with me if I need to do anything else to move there. Up to this point, I have been very nice but I'm about to run out of nice. Trust me this women does not want me to run out of nice. I'm very annoying when I have to be. Not that I enjoy it but it's just a fact.
1 person likes this
@terri0824 (4991)
• United States
30 Jan 09
Things to seem to be overwhelming for a lot of people these days. My daughters go through the same type of things as well. And what you said at the end is something that I always tell my daughters to take it one day at a time, and don't look at the big picture. Your also right that God doesn't give us anymore than we can handle, it is during these times that he is growing us. Praying things get better for you.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
9 Feb 09
I've had some tough times too. Looking back, I don't know how I got thru some of the situations i have been in but i did and i'm here. I would not want to go back and do them again. I've learned a lot of survival skills along the way and for that I am grateful. I got tougher and smarter from all the hard times. I know the of thinking that you can't live through another minute of this crap and really wishing that you wouldn't....then you do. I have always managed to find reasons to smile even in the worst of times. My goal is always to pull out from feeling bad and I work at it when I get real down. I guess I don't know what it is like to be depressed and unable to find something to pull me out of it. It has to be horrible. I've been there enough to know it is a horrible feeling...painful really and I am blessed, I guess that I've always been able to pick myself up, brush off and move on rather quickly. Sounds like your're going thru a terrible time there. I hope things start looking up for you real soon, ambiepam!
1 person likes this
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
29 Jan 09
You know our homes are our sanctuaries and if you can't have peace and serenity in your own home where can you have it? I am very sorry this is happening to you but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and just hang in there and keep reaching for that light and pretty soon you will be in a better place.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (180703)
• United States
30 Jan 09
I am sorry about your situation sometimes problems like that can really be aggravating. i have felt hopeless myself at times becasue of family problems, but you are right people would miss you too much if something happened to you. I guess getting a new apartment will help you stay feeling more positive.
1 person likes this
