parents have favoritism among their childrens
By grd2_rg4ever
@grd2_rg4ever (2)
Philippines
January 30, 2009 7:08am CST
Would you agree that parents have favoritism among their children? Of course, lucky for those who are lone child. I can attet to it because I had experience that kind of delimma. I have two children, the boy is the eldest (10 years old), my youngest is a baby girl (3 yaers old). I became a father when I was only 19 years old, maybe I'm not that ready to become a dad. I have even the same birthday with my son, but I don't really feel a real father towards him. When my baby girl came, she become my everything. And I really feel guilty about it. I love both of them, but I just can't control it. I wanted to be fair but I can't. What do you think will be the consequence? Am I a bad father?
1 person likes this
10 responses
@achinthya (1216)
• India
30 Jan 09
In my view you are not the bad father at all because you have realise your mistake before it becomes too late boy or a girl both should be given equal love and treatment,but it is natural too to get more attachment towards daughther if it's a father and mother to a son.Don't feel guilty time is still there you can shower all your love to him now and give him good life.
1 person likes this
@grd2_rg4ever (2)
• Philippines
30 Jan 09
thank you for your comments achinthya, I try my best to spend my time equally to both my children. Thanks friend...
@achinthya (1216)
• India
11 Feb 09
hi, Thanks for giving my post the best response. Happy Mylotting!
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
30 Jan 09
You are not a bad parent, you're normal.
Here's the thing to ask yourself... Do you allow the kids to know that one is your favorite? If so, change that. That can be harmful on many levels.
If you are able to spend more time with baby girl then find a way to do something with the boy that is JUST you two. Even if it's just a half hour. If it's about just the two of you, he gets his time to be special and you show him that he's important to you.
Because of my life, I can't go do alone things with each of my kids (there are 6 total between step, adopted, and our own) But I try to do things one on one. Like the 9 year old and I read a chapter of a book together each night. It also encouraged her to read on her own. The 16 year old and I sit around talking about his girl of the week over cups of tea late into the night. The what isn't as important as the doing.
You may find that you even find yourself growing closer to him. It'll be good for you both.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
30 Jan 09
I agree very much with what TLChimes is saying so I just wanted to add a comment here, rather than repeating anything in a post of my own :)
You mentioned that you became a father at a young age and you were not ready for that. I think that's definitely understandable in terms of how you relate to your son. There is also much to be said about the relationship between daddies and their daughters. It's a different type of bond, I think. In any case, no matter what the start was with your son, you have an opportunity now to raise a young man who might not find himself in the position that you were in. You can be a good role model, based on your life experience. You have things to share and an impact to make on a young man and, even if you feel favoritism to your baby girl, it doesn't preclude you from being a positive influence on your son's life. Your favoritism can be held in check, on the inside. As TLChimes said, it would be harmful to show that favoritism in front of the children.
@miccant (154)
• United States
11 Feb 09
I come from a family of six and in our case it was very oviouse that my father took to the girls more than the boys. When he was asked about it in our adult ages he stated that he always felt that the girls need more taken care of then boys. My brother is now doing the same thing with his kids. Even though they love all the kids its just girls will always have a special place with dad.
@sahmof2 (274)
• United States
31 Jan 09
I think you would be a bad father if you allowed your son to see that you clearly favored his sister over him. Although you cannot control your heart you should make an attempt to become more connected with your son, he is your son and you being a father to him can't be replaced by anyone and you probably don't understand how he looks up to you just for being his dad. I look at my son and how his dad is his everything and I think that their relationships is so cute because of that. You being so young and immature at the time of his birth seems as though it plays a big role but just try to make yourself not show the favortisim because children really seems to pick up on those sort of things.
@lokiblitz (169)
• Philippines
30 Jan 09
That really happens in a lot of family.Specially if theres someone who really is above the others.What i mean is academically,looks,and just being a perfect child.My siblings do feel that way.But i think theres no favoritism among us everybodys equal.
@gracepcheng (5)
• Philippines
11 Feb 09
Hello! I am a mother of 2 boys, 5 and 3 years old. At some point in time I also wonder about this question. When I had my first baby in 2004, I was enjoying my baby so much, I am loving him so much I couldn;t imagine loving another being. I wasn't sure if there could still be a space in my heart for another baby. And even when I was pregnant with my second, I still wonder about it. Now that they are at this age (5 & 3) I have a feeling that i like my eldest more.. well i hope it doesnt mean i love the other one less....
@jazthinz1383 (3)
• Philippines
31 Jan 09
since you said you cant control it,its the same thing saying you dont intend to do it, and you're not a bad father at all... usually father is closer to their daughter than son.. and mother is closer to their son than their daughter but it doesn't mean you dont love your other children (yeah, Im saying its normal..) but you're getting concious about it thats why you felt guilty, give you mind a break try to spend equal time to your two kids, and you'll see your self how good father you are, you can even treat him as one of your buddy...just like the way you talk to your friend in a friendly way..
@jd107nette (1454)
• Philippines
31 Jan 09
hello!
they say that when you have noticed what is wrong, you can always find a solution to solve it.
Also, with that, I second what the others said that you are not a bad father.
Hoping and praying for you to become a better dad for your family!
Good luck!
@86steelers43 (167)
• United States
30 Jan 09
I am 34 years old and I have a brother who is 30. I was always daddy's little girl. My brother got under my father's skin and they fought like cats and dogs. My father passed away and I still miss him like it happened yesterday. My brother is a bad a**~he is currently in jail for dui's. He is mommy's boy. Even though he is where he is, he is her favorite and my mother and I do not get along.
I can say, I understand where you are coming from because of the relationship I had with my dad. He was my best friend. There is just a bond between a father and his little girl. My soon to be ex-husband is the same way w/ his daughter and son. His daughter can do no wrong in his eyes...
No need to worry...it seems to be a very common thing for dad's and daughter's to be very close!
