Marriage

Yes, I do agree with you that partners need space to live a healthy and happy life. When one of the parteners does not allow 'space' to the other one, it becomes difficult and other one may start feeling suffocated. Each partner may have his/her likings and dislikings and tastes, so it will be in the fitness of things, if he/she is allowed to go as per his/her likings and dislikings (of course within the permissible limits). The examples of pillars and tress, which you have quoted are really excellent and sums up the whole issue of marraige and married life. You are sounding me a real professional marriage counsellor ! !

Hello my friend zandi458 Ji, I would share with you views by different persons as below :- Sacha Guitry : "After marriage husbands and wives become two sides of same coin, they just can't face each other; but they stay together" Socrat : " By all means you marry, if you get a good wife, you will be happy , but if you get bad one, you will become philospher" "Women inspires husbands to achieve great things, but prevents us acieving them' Dumas "The great question, I have not been able to solve, "what women wants" Sigmund Freud "I had some words with my wife and She had some paragraphs with me" If we understand them, there won't be any fall outs in understanding. It is bindage of belief only.

OF course as they are 2 differnt peopple and personaloties!

I dont know of any couples that feel that they own their S/O and I don't think anyone should. I have been married for almost 25 years and neither of us owns the other. We still have our own identities and our own hobbies. We make each other strong when things go wrong. Yet we are separate. Im glad that I have this kind of marriage as I would slowly hate him if he tried to own me. I am my own person and always will be.

Well of course they should keep their separate identities. However, studies have shown that they become more and more like each other as time progresses. I've been married 27 years and my husband are more alike than different now. We have also learned to agree to disagree. The test of true love is being able to stay in love even after seeing each other's faults, warts, or whatever and then longevity. I work at a retirement community and some of those folks have been married for longer than I've been alive. They still hold hands and kanoodle (if you know what I mean.)

Yeah both should have certain freedom.Marriage doesn't mean that you own the person sadly mostly here in our country its more like owning the person. Girls have less say in their choices of men. Such marriage are suffocating where only one partner has to compromise everytime. My friend was forbidden to meet her family and friends because her husband didn't liked them. That's really cruel. Every person should be treated like a individual.

[i]Hi zandi, I am still new in this marriage life and from experience, it is ideal and wonderful to have a separate identities. It's freedom as well as respect to each other. We can't make our partner's happy and vice versa when they will take it from us. SPace is very important and it helps both party to grow and enjoy life with friends and co-workers. LIke in my case, I also love to spend time with my friends and hubby respect that and vice versa![/i]

You are right. I think each other needs some private room even if they are couples. As long as they love each other and be faithful. It is jut like a kite. Although it can fly so high, but the thread is still in your hand. It is just like your attitude to your spouse. You can hold the thread so tight all the time. You have to know when to let it go and when to take it back. Give each other a space and the love will still grow much more. I love China

People always have separate identities. And, I agree with what you are saying. I have always believed that you have to love and be comfortable with yourself first before you can include someone else in your life. Not, as most people believe and tell you all of your life, that you need to find someone to "complete" you. If you have your own life and don't give up friends and hobbies you love, you will each have something to do when there is something you don't enjoy doing together. You can still stand together against things or people, and have each others' back, so to speak. You don't need to always agree, always like the same things, etc. If you believe in the same basic things, and don't change or expect someone else to change, a relationship/marriage will work far better.

I am a firm believer that each person, though in so many ways you are one, must have their own place also. That isnt to say you have to have a girls night out or a guys night out. It simply means that each has interests that are not the others. You can be interested in what each other is doing and if they want to share of course be interested. But i liked being out in my workshed and Sheila loved reading very much. We would wander to one another long enough to say hi or whatcha doing and a simple touch said I am right here should you need me. She loved to watch certain shows that I didnt. So what. We still shared our every day and we still knew the other was thinking of us even when we couldnt see them. She would bring me out a cup of coffee or tell me she and my sister or mom were going to go shopping. That was cool. I would go fishing , though she hated me notttt to have her along fishing. lol... We were so much one but we also had our own likes. Hemmingway once said it perfectly. "The truest fo0rm of love is for two people to sit on opposite sides of a room, doing opposite things, and still know they were loved and being thought of." How much more perfect does it get than that. Too much of each other causes routine and routine is never healthy for any relationship. Keep a little spark in it. ;) Darrel

Well, being married, I don't think they should lose their IDENTITY. However, being a Christian Wife, I believe what the bible says about marriage over anything else. "The wife's body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife." 1 Corinthians 7:4 This is what I believe as a wife. I cannot say my husband always agrees with it lol He likes to have a completely separate self from the marriage, but this just is not possible. When you marry, you become ONE. And although your Identity is still there, it is not combined (for good will) with another person. It's not easy, but it is what marriage is about. Being two people joining together to make a Union, and there on living their lives as a unit.

The couple still have different identities even if they became one through marriage, because it doesn't mean that they both own each other, it only means that they made a promise to be together for the rest of their lives despite differences, they will only complement each other's interest or hobby. The true owner of their identities is God alone, marriage signifies their love for each other, made a vow before the Lord and that they should respect each other throughout their lifetime.(^_^)

I couldn't agree with you more. I am very thankful that my husband and I have the relationship, that we have together. We never smother one another and we always give eachother freedome to do our own things. I never feel like he owns me (unless in the bed,LOL) and I would never treat him like an object either. I think that in order for you to have a happy healthy marriage, you still have to keep your individual interests, hobbies, whatever.

I deff. think men and women should have separate identities. Is that why you fell in love with them in the first place. You fell in love with them because of who they are, their quirks, theirs personality, their characteristics. You didn't fall in love with themto make them more like you. What fun would that be! Everyone needs their individuality. The key is to let the other share in it, and show interest in the others interests..but not lose site of who they are aswell. That way you can respect each other and grow together.

Regarding ownership, as long as it is a both-way feeling I am OK with it. The trouble really starts when one person feels ‘owned’ and the other person acts like the ‘owner’. Its in such situations where concepts like personal space and freedom and self-identity creep in and destroy the relation. If I am totally open to my hubby and accept his advise on everything, I would expect him to have similar feelings towards me.

Marriage is social,religious,legal union of individuals This union is also called matrimony,while ceremony is called marriage. Both man and women must love each other.

i believe even a married people needs privacy with each other--i agree that once married doesn't mean you are owned by your partner already..That's what makes a marriage wrong because they try to hold them up with what their partners want to do..i believe a beautiful marriage needs freedom to do what you want to do ( for as long as it doesn't harm the marriage ) like even before you married your partner they had something that they do and you must not dictate them to stop that doing simply because your reasoning out he/she is married to you...in marriage it makes two person as one but doesn't literally means that they don't have to have things that are not common...two people that has the same identities doesn't mean that they build good marriage--they have to have differences to make it better

Well that is why people get married in the first place, because the other person falls in love with the other persons identities. It should be one thing that one does not lose just because they get married. As before marriage a person needs their own time and space. I believe this to be true with marriage too. I have never been married but this is the way I think it should be, but I am not speaking from first hand experience. Well thought out discussion, kudos to you

Yes I very much agree with you. I think it is for the best so as not to lose oneself. I think each person in a relationship should be able to contribute more into it by being two distinct people with distinct things to offer.

whatever to have success human must be good. the people must be trustable & should trust each other.marriages are considered to get our better half,we should try to understandour betterhalf, its needs, its greeds everything.ultimately we have to be good human atleast to our wife or hus..