my friend entrusted to me his biggest secret

I think he actually wants her to find out. And, if you are having such a conflict within yourself it must be something that his wife has a right to know. Maybe you won't have to tell her. I had something happen very similar years ago. I wasn't sure what to do. I was put in a situation where I didn't have to tell her because she asked me if there was something going on with her husband and a waitress. And so I told her. I hope it comes to be that easy for you.

Hi there cathya, Wow! That is a tough one. If a very good friend of mine called me and told me that they had an affair and I was not friends with his wife, I would probably agree to keep his secret for him, if I do not know her I would agree to keep his secret because their relationship has nothing to do with his and my relationship. On the other hand, if, I had a relationship with his wife, as you say you do in this situation, it is going to affect my relationship. It is going to affect my relationship with him because he's going to continue to come to me for advice and support and I'm not going to be able to say anything about it to anyone. It is going to affect my relationship with his wife because a I know something that would devastate her and I've also sworn to be a conspirator of sorts in that hurt because I've agreed not to say anything. So, if I were in your situation I would not agree to keep his secret for him but, I would not tell his wife either. I would tell him that I cannot keep his secret and urge him to have a chat with his wife. I would then give him the opportunity to talk to his wife, IF in the end he chose not to, I would then let him know that I was going to tell her myself. To me, honesty and integrity are the two most important things in a relationship. If I do not have honesty in my relationships for me personally that relationship may not be worthwhile and I need to look at it. I believe that you cannot have a healthy relationship if you have secrets that are between you. That is just what I would do in this situation. I'm certainly not in a position to tell you what you should or should not do because I know nothing else about the situation other than this little snapshot that you provided. In the end, you're going to have to decide what is right for you, but, I would consider having him tell her or tell her yourself because secrecy tends to ruin a relationship anyway. I wish you all the best and good luck.

Sorry your're in this spot,Cathy. I am sure it is tough. Still, a promise is a promise. It would bother me too but still, I would not go telling his wife. It would only put you even more in the middle of THEIR mess. Sooner or later, she is bound to find out but it should not come from you.

Well, the best thing you can do is to push your guy friend to tell his wife about the terrible thing he did.. i mean, his wife has the right to know.. and yes, he should be ready to face the consequences..

WOW TOUGH BREAK DUDE.. i think u should ask him to get his mistress's baby aborted then just dump the mitreess and everthing fixed.. lesson learnt

He obviously trusts you enough to tell you. The fact that he told you shows that he feels bad and wants help but doesn't know what to do. You were the shoulder he turned to and it's a tough situation. I think you should do what you feel is correct no matter how tough it might be.

Well cathya ONLY you can make the choice to tell or not but If I were in your shoes I would push him to tell his wife and if he didn't I would find out the next time he will see his mistress and invite the wife out and just go by where he will be because his wife has a right to know and his children have a right to know they have siblings.

Well, if you know the guy well enough and believe he is not going to do it (cheating his wife)again, I think you should keep his secret a secret! Relationships break up very easily, but need a lot of efforts and sacrifices to make/rebuild. Apart from that, sharing the secret will not only affect the Guy's relationship with his wife, but also your friendship with him. But if you ever come to know that he enjoys cheating on his wife, you don't need to give a second thought, simply hatch his secret. This will be the best thing for everyone.

What your friend guy did was not right and it would not be right for you to tell his wife about it. He asked you not to tell anyone about it. Keep it to yourself.You are not in the right place to tell her about her husband's affair. Don't get confused, wrongs will be in its proper places someday, but don't get involved. Pray for their family.

Do your best to encourage the man to stop cheating if he does not want his problem to be even bigger. Now it is his decision whether to tell or not to tell his wife. Anyway there is nothing secret that shall never be revealed so sooner or later, that will get to be revealed to his wife. God has way of doing it. However, don't ever be the instrument to the revelation of the secret. It is better for you to just keep your mouth shut and don't tell the secret to the wife as the guy considered you trustworthy enough.

Nobody can really blame you for listening to your friend's problem. You were there because it's driving him insane and he's just that you were there. His wife who is also your friend will understand you for keeping it secret. Besides, she's got more problems to address like the one with his husband. Also bear in mind that the problem is not as easy as telling it to the wife because it's much more complicated than that.

well i am sorry that you are guilty about this i know how that feels my dad was like that when he cheated on my mom but thank god they were never married i suggest that you just keep it to yourself and what there problem is there problem why? because if you would bother to tell his wife his wife can hate you and also your best friend can hate you for life, you are a bestfriend you should know when to talk and not to talk keep secrets and above all just give your friend an advice, i believe you should tell your bestfriend that he either has an option to let the baby live but just keep it a secret as it it but to tell the mistress to just shut up and dont wreck the family if your friend loves his wife tell your friend to tell his wife about it like it was an accident make it look like its not affair but tell your friend that tell his wife that he loves her so much and he wants to keep his family he needs him and he does not want a broken family but will only support the mistress financially but if your friend makes a bad move then its not your problem its his after all you just are there to give advices and keep secrets that it.

Better you keep posting your updates here rather than telling his wife. Its their own problem .The time will defenitely come for the guy to be caught.Let the time take its own course. So many things happening around us in this world & we cant poke our nose into everything . Leave the way as it is as its a strange situation you are in. The friend & his wife are ya frds. You will lose both of them in this matter. Better will be to force ya friend to tell his wife himself rather you telling her.

Wow, what a tough call. If I were the wife, I'd want to know the truth. I suggest you tell the guy he needs to come clean otherwise, even if you keep the secret, the truth will come out and will be more devestating than it is already. It could turn into what I think of as a Soap Opera situation. He screwed up big time and needs to confess his sins. What if he's mistress wants him to pay child support, the wife is going to find out about that?

[i]Hi cath, This is tough but if I am in the situation, I will just tell my friend to tell the truth to his wife and that you find it hard to keep it as a secret, tell him what you feel! I hope someone who is more experienced in life will be able to share you valuable i[/i]deas!

i also think in a way your guyfriend does want the wife to know he just wants to avoid telling her and just wants to deal with the fighting or something. guys are sometimes like that. to be fair to you, and your friend, talk to your guyfriend and tellhim that you couldn't keep a secret like that. for one thing if that happened to you, you would want to know it. and as a friend also to the girl, something this huge, she has the right to know. tell your guyfriend he needs to tell his wife because you don't want the burden of this secret. ask him what he will do about it.

Well I would tell her wouldnt you want to know if your husband cheated on you? If you find you do not have the heart to tell her than maybe send a letter to the house without putting a name on it and tell her he would have not ideal who it was from you or the mistress but I feel she has a right now know this. I know I would want to know it!

hmmm.... dats a tough decision... one side is your childhood friend..and one side is your friend......maybe you should keep out of it.... because you'll be dragged into the matter... and you dont want extra head aches in your life... you probably have other problems in your life....

Hi,friend.I suggest that you'b better not to tell it to his wife.

Tell her. Aiding in the covering up of something like this makes you just as low as the person who did it.