I had a meeting with my daughter's teacher this morning
By Mamakavi
@Mamakavi (63)
Kenya
February 3, 2009 2:19am CST
I'm really distressed today. This morning I had a meeting eith my daughter's class teacher. apparently my 11 year old has been caught twice copying homework answers. Now my daughter is really bright, but she just moved toa new class (in Kenya the school year begins in January) and I know she's had a little trouble adjusting but not the kind of trouble that would lead her to copy answers.
After the meeting with the teacher (my daughter was present) I got in my car and cried all the way to work. I'm a single mother and I've been taking care of her on my own ever since she was 5. She's a pleasant child, fun, full of love. I went through the motions in the car: what have I done wrong? She's grounded! I'm not paying for satelite tv this month...but that didn't help. For the first time in her 11 ears, I really don't know what to do. and that's because, we've never been in a situation like this. She's an A student.
Am I over reacting? What is she going through? How do I talk to her when school's out today? Do I punish her?
I feel bad because my child's day didn't start out nice and my day didn't start out nice
What's your teacher experience? I need to know what to say to her without making her feel worse.
2 people like this
15 responses
@Ephraim123 (274)
• Philippines
3 Feb 09
I feel bad for what happened. I think your daughter also needs to have some encouragement especially coming from her mother. Make her understand that she's an above-average student and that she doesn't need to copy homework answers. I guess most students do this because they're so afraid to fail or to be scolded by their teachers for not working on their assignments. I guess it's best if you can make her understand that you'd prefer a zero score than a perfect score that was obtained from cheating. I also agree with the post above, this is your perfect time to have a mother-daughter bonding. Why don't you cook your sweetie's favorite food then talk about things that you'll work on in order to be prepared with school assignments? Just a piece of advise here. I hope this works.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
3 Feb 09
Oh I guess this is the best time for you to reconnect your relationship with each other. There might be trouble brewing inside of her that you have not been able to look after. I think the best way to deal with it is to have more time with her to know what is really happening with her in her own world as an 11 year old daughter. Understanding her own point of view might give you some insights why she did the copying of assignments from other. As a single mom I know it is difficult for you to look at her all the time but please give her the time she needs.
1 person likes this
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
4 Feb 09
she is at that critical age when the hormones play havoc and if not handled gently, she may well become the rebel without a cause. She’s experiencing the world in newer ways and finding things that would excite her more than her mommy does. Naturally, there’s every chance of her now slipping her grades. First and foremost don’t punish her or take away anything that she enjoys, it will only make her more resentful. Secondly, impress upon her the fact that her day is intertwined with yours…she having a bad day makes it bad for her too. thirdly, tell her how much you both are a team…you both are interdependent on each other for success and failure. While you do your part, her part is to take her studies seriously and not do anything which would make momma lose. Fourthly, be with her as much as you can…forget your personal life and try to understand her’s.
@elmolovesu (814)
• Philippines
3 Feb 09
I feel sorry for what happened to you today.As you mentioned,your daughter's still adjusting to her new class.I know this is not an excuse for what she did.I think what you need to do is to have a serious talk with her,ask her what made her do this and explain to her that it's wrong.Since it's the first time she's done this,I think it's a bit harsh for her to get a lot of punishment.Just make her realize her mistake and make her promise not to do it again...just my opinion,hope it helps.
1 person likes this
@chance2691 (566)
• Philippines
9 Feb 09
My mom's had a pretty nasty confrontation with my little sister's teacher because she's eleven, ranks top of her class and receives those certificates on campus; 91++ average. But then her teacher once saw her cutting her wrists, and that shook our entire house from the bottom up. My mom was disappointed that someone as smart as my little sister could do that, and she was disappointed as a parent since she let that happen to her. I can't blame my sister though, she's into so much pressure as it is. My mom just kept her mouth shut about it and paid attention to my sister more. She needs it a lot.
@Mamakavi (63)
• Kenya
10 Feb 09
I talked to my daughter and she says she hadn't finished her homework and didn't want to get into trouble with either me or the teacher. Needless to say she was very remorseful,and I ensure, inspite of my heavy schedule, that I have checked her homework. She's back to her happy old loving beautiful self again...
@trendyclothes (294)
• Philippines
3 Feb 09
hmm you just need to talk to her.. and ask why? and why she dint ask help from you with her homework.. as a mom.. its also your duty to see if shes done with her homework.. :) you take care..
1 person likes this
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
4 Feb 09
My dear your child needs your support. You need not punish her.As you said she is having hard time adjusting to her new class. I know she does not intend to copy but she is just helpless and has no recourse but to copy. Just understand her and be very patient with her. Tell her she has to put more time in studying her lesson so she will understand and would not need to copy from her classmate. Show her you are there to support her all the way. Help your child to adjust. You help her with her homework and tutor her. Devote more time to her and let her feel she is not alone.
@yunzhige (311)
• China
3 Feb 09
Mamakavi,as a daughter who once experienced the same thing as your daughter,I think the situation was not so bad as you think.As you have said,your daughter was bright and full of love,I think it won't difficult for you to communicate with her and share secret with her.The most important thing you should do is tell her to do an honest man,just as my parents once told me.They never doubt that I was a good child and a good student.But,they also told me that honest was more important than the result of study.So I never copy other student's work from then on.
I believe your daughter will change later.Just take it easy and believe your daughter.
Happy mylotter!~
@momforwork (161)
• Philippines
5 Feb 09
Hi there mamakavi...
I know how frustrating it feels to have teachers meet you and say what you know your child isn't. I would take whatever they have to say with a grain of salt as no one would know your child better than you. Mistakes are only there to learn from. Your child's age embarks on different things with her peers and hopefully whatever they may be it will not be something that harms anyone or herself. It is best to keep them open with you...a friend and yet a mother. At this age, I know it is sometimes hard to have them talk with you...share their day's experience or "what-nots" as they would rather talk to their friends or peers...but as long as she knows you are always there for her (to listen and not judge), I believe she will sooner or later come to you more often.
I have a boy and that comes a bit more awkward for him to do...but I know that if he fumbles in school he will tell me first-hand before his teacher seeks my presence. It somehow gives matters a better perspective and ultimately a better leverage when explaining oneself to the teacher.
This is my 2 cents worth...happy mylotting...
@gracie04 (4549)
• Philippines
3 Feb 09
Well, the best thing you can do is to have a heart to heart talk with your daughter.. Give her words of wisdom and encouragement. She's smart and she doesn't need to copy homework from her classmates.. it's also nice if you build better relationship with your daughter, it's time that you know more about her,ask her some questions(if she has problems in school or what).. you know, my mom and i weren't that close and i can't confide to her my real feelings, my problems and my other personal issues in life.. i know i am not perfect but i'm hoping that my mom would understand..
@MichellinaGem (164)
• United States
3 Feb 09
I think it is important to talk to her and truly listen to what she says. I wa always an A student to until we moved to a new big city then the schools and everything changed so much that my grades dropped a little. I never cheated, but then My grades might not have been A's but htey were still some of the highest in the class. Also twice at about the age your daughter is My grandmother was told I was cheating. What the teacher did not tell her and she would not have known if she did not talk to me was that my cheating had involved copying my work down for someone else. My best friends were not as good in school and I wanted to help them. So I cheated for them and was accused of cheating from them.
@chestla (39)
• United States
4 Feb 09
I feel bad for what happened but i think you did over react a little. or at least the teacher over reacted.was it like a test or was it home work because there is a real difference. if it was homework like math than the teacher over reacted because my teachers let use copy each others homework as long as we had a good reason. but if it was a test then you and the teacher did not over react at all. if you are copy a test it is called academic disonicey and in my school they can give you a 2 day out of school suspension with a 2 day in school suspension(that is only in my school district others with vary). a in school suspension is were you sit in a room and you do class work the whole day and out of school is staying at home.
@Sammy_pink (163)
•
3 Feb 09
My daughter is 12 and I am a teacher at another school with younger children. I would get hot drinks cosy up on the sofa and tell your daughter what you know but tell her you are not mad at her just confussed as to what really happened. She may just fess up all her problems or clam up and not want to tell you. If this happens I would take the oppertunity to tell her how much she means to you, and all you want is for her to be happy and to get the best possible start in life, and you hope she understands how much you guys need to share problems to make life easier. There may be an underlying problem that once shared will seem like no problem attal and you guys can fix it together and move on to a closer life together. I hope this helps a little, keep up the good work MamaKarvi :)x
@alharra (507)
• United States
3 Feb 09
My daughter is 12 so I kinda get the age thing The one complaint I hear most from my daughter is that I don't spend enough time with her. So that would be the first thing you should do-just spend time with her talking abut stuff. And help her with her homework if she will let you and if she won't get a tutor.
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
3 Feb 09
Mamakavi,
As you have mentioned that there is some problem with your daughter's adjusting and adapting to the the new class, then the best advocate will be letting have a chance to talk it out with you.
Just don't go about assuming, second guessing and judgmental. Be open minded and approachable for at this age you should try to be a friend to her than as an authoritative parent. Leave the teacher's comments aside for a moment and really make an effort to listen and motivate her. It could be some new curriculum or extra tuition classes that may be affecting her (I am guessing here). Do be patient.
Take care and have a nice day.
