should you actively look for love?
@doc_alma_jones (822)
Philippines
February 3, 2009 8:16am CST
people do their best to look for a great job, the perfect apartment, the perfect pair of jeans. it seems that people are actively seeking out their good luck; after all, you do your best and God will do the rest.
this is why i'm wondering about how people behave differently when it comes to matters of the heart. it seems that when it comes to relationships, people prefer to "let it happen" or they believe that "it will come."
do you also believe that love will come when it wants to? or do you believe that you have to seek love with all the fervor you can muster, just as you do with all the other aspects of your life?
should one actively look for love?
2 people like this
16 responses
@iansheila (175)
• Philippines
3 Feb 09
i have been in a 3 long year relationship but about 2 years ago it ended, maybe it just beacause love fades, or boredom. we both just decided it and both agreed to move in with our lives in separate ways.
and for about a year and a half, i waited for love to come. i dont want me to look for love. but during that time, i dated and dated, but i dont feel like they are the one for me.
last august, a friend gave my num to her high school classmate cause ashe say, he is looking for someone. we txted and call for 1bout a month, then we decided to meet. even during our 1st meeting i can really feel that he is the one, and he felt it too.
there, i just waited, so i comes... its our really fate to meet and become lovers and hoping to be married soon..
@anjalisharma_iipm (805)
• India
3 Feb 09
i am really very happy for you dear you finally got the one to whome you are going to marry
@doc_alma_jones (822)
• Philippines
4 Feb 09
so you never actively looked for love?
how about happiness, should we actively look for happiness? isn't that exactly the same thing? :D just something to think about.
@doc_alma_jones (822)
• Philippines
3 Feb 09
kind of like looking for the perfect white shirt, huh? you go looking and looking to no avail, then you see it one day when you least expect it (hopefully not on some other woman)? :D
1 person likes this
@bournecaindelta (2477)
• India
4 Feb 09
I think we should wait for it. I have noticed that the more and more you chase, the more doubtful you become about it. But if it hits you when you are least expecting it, you will always be with it. dating is fine, but people get desperate to find their loved one and end up making horrible mistakes in their life.
bourne
1 person likes this
@bournecaindelta (2477)
• India
4 Feb 09
I too understand from your point of view, but since you mentioned God, I would also like to quote something
"God helps those who help themselves"
It all boils down to a person's personal choice. I never said we should not chase, but I said that dating is fine. I mean to imply that we should try to find, but not be desperate. You can live your life alone, but you cant really live without work or money. I don't mean to say that we can live without love, but love is something that can be usually found. Jobs, we have to fight for it. coming to happiness, the meaning differs from person to person. What gives me happiness, might not be the same for the next person.
bourne
@doc_alma_jones (822)
• Philippines
4 Feb 09
i see your point. :D but i do have a follow up question:
if it is alright to leave love to God, if it is alright to have faith that love will come, why don't we practice the same restraint in our jobs? following this train of thought, shouldn't we also have faith that the right job will come, and that we don't need to chase after it?
how about happiness? should we actively pursue happiness? if your answer is yes, then it will be in conflict with your choice to not actively pursue love. and if your answer is no, then i have to ask... is it really good to NOT actively pursue happiness?
@doc_alma_jones (822)
• Philippines
4 Feb 09
wow, love is something that you usually find? good for you!
not everyone is as lucky. most people don'teven realize they're looking for love.
just to clarify: when i say "pursue love," i don't mean "chase after someone." the idea is, you chase after the ideal (which is love, in this case), not the object.
so, after that has been given clarification, i'd like to hear what you have to say. yes, it may be silly to chase after one person, but is it silly to pursue the ideal which is love?
i'd love to hear your thoughts. thanks!
@modstar (9605)
• Philippines
4 Feb 09
Sometimes love is already in front of us but we still can't see him/her. That's why we need to actively look for love. I'm already 29 and i am still single. I guess i have to start actively look for love so i can have a partner in life. I'm not getting younger anymore so my options are getting slimmer. Although we may look for love, it is still a very complicated task because of the intangible factors involved.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
13 Feb 09
...especially if the girls keep playing hide and seek.
Or! If the girls you keep digging here at mylot are either taken or married. (U..S...for example) LOL
1 person likes this
@doc_alma_jones (822)
• Philippines
13 Feb 09
hehehe. perhaps it's hard to get to know girls here because it's sometimes hard to tell at first glance (from the avatars) who are female and who are not. hehe. like when an avatar shows a dog or a vague picture... how do you tell? hehe
kidding aside, good luck! i hope you have more luck in relationships this year. it's valentines tomorrow! :)
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
5 Feb 09
No, I don't go out seeking for love. Well maybe because I'm at a point where I don't have to be very desperate. Actually I'm with someone but before that, I really didn't have to go look actively for love. I didn't even notice love coming towards me. It just hit me and that was it.
Maybe I'll reflect upon this question again when I'm 40 something and still single.
1 person likes this
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
10 Feb 09
hi doc, when it comes to happiness, I think we should actively seek it. Love, as in romantic love, isn't the only thing that makes me happy. Sometimes, it's better to wait. But like I said, when my MAGIC age comes, I guess I had to be changing my mind.
@doc_alma_jones (822)
• Philippines
11 Feb 09
hehe. thanks for sharing. :)
good luck with the love life! hope you find mr.perfect way before 40. i'm sure all you need is to meet a lot of people, and i'm also sure a lot fo them will aprreciate you for your tact and many other great traits.
happy myLotting! when you reach 40, don't forget to post a discussion regarding active/passive attitudes on love. hehe
@doc_alma_jones (822)
• Philippines
5 Feb 09
ah, so 40 is your magic number?
a lot of people have a magic number, so to speak. :D
just to make things clear, looking for love isn't the same as chasing after a boyfriend. it's simply looking for the ideal called love. like when we look for happiness, there is no one person who we should look for. it's an expression of a quest for one ideal.
yes, sometimes love does hit you on the head like a stray bullet. comes out of nowhere. hehe.
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
3 Feb 09
I would love to think that true love just ends up in your life. But I think that you should keep your eyes open or you'll miss it.
I guess you could go shopping for it but at what store? The bars kind of give me the creeps, you never know what you'll get from on-line places, and faith places don't always carry the brand you want or need.
Maybe if people would keep their eyes open while living their life, AND took the time to meet and greet people (not just those that may be loves)then Love could both fall into their lives and they would be there to catch it.
2 people like this
@doc_alma_jones (822)
• Philippines
3 Feb 09
yes, i get you there. it seems we have to fight the fight to find what we deserve.
people usually close their eyes to make the wish and oops, there it goes, and they just about miss it.
1 person likes this
@rmuxagirl (7548)
• United States
3 Feb 09
I didn't actively looking for love. My boyfriend came into my kiosk and started talking to me and I went to talk to him. I let it happen naturally and it kind of is more fun that way. You don't get depressed or hurt easily when you let it happen naturally.
1 person likes this
@mayhem23 (185)
• Canada
3 Feb 09
I think there is a time and place for when everything should happen. Whether it be career or love. I think there is no harm in actively pursuing love, maybe through getting out on more dates or placing it on the to-do list. However, when the the time is right, you will know when the right one has come along. There is no harm with putting a little effort, because you might regret it later.
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15395)
• United States
4 Feb 09
I believe when it's time, it will appear. I think it would be a little waste of time to actively look for somebody, like if you don't like the 1st one,then you will meet the 2 nd one and so on. It won't be any good for a really permanent relationship in the future.
@doc_alma_jones (822)
• Philippines
4 Feb 09
i'd like to clarify that when i said "look for love," i didn't mean "chase after someone."
:)
oh, i have one question:
if you pray to god,
and you ask him to give you the one true love you deserve,
then he actually ANSWERS you!
and he says-
"seek and you shall find..."
what will you do then? :D
would love to hear your opinions! thanks for sharing! :D
@haydeecorbilla (242)
• Philippines
4 Feb 09
I do not think so.. because sometimes when you search for love you find the wrong one.. I would prefer to wait and let GOD lead the way...
@doc_alma_jones (822)
• Philippines
4 Feb 09
but doesn't GOD also lead the way when we are praying for a perfect job? so why behave differently when god leads the way with love?
just a thought. :D
@forslahiri (1042)
• India
4 Feb 09
Hi,
In case of LOVE too the same proverb holds TRUE-"God helps those who help themselves".U must be sensitive in understanding the wave-length,the under-current where Ur inner soul's bell atarts RINGING.If U call this "active looking",I' ve NO OBJECTION !
=Lahiri,Kolkata,India.
1 person likes this
@doc_alma_jones (822)
• Philippines
4 Feb 09
yes, that i understand.
so many people say you should not look actively for love. but when i ask them if they should look actively for happiness, they say yes. isn't that a conflict of answers? after all, looking for love is looking for happiness.
@Sammy_pink (163)
•
3 Feb 09
I think that all the time you search for love it just hides then when you stop looking it appears and cupid does his job, ok so I am an old romantic :)x
@doc_alma_jones (822)
• Philippines
4 Feb 09
there's nothing wrong with that at all :D
to each his own, right?
in your experience, in your friends' lives for example, has love been actively sought after, or does love just drop by? i am just wondering how many people have found a partner by being active, and how many have by being passive.
@jollyrogers (10)
• United States
4 Feb 09
i believe that u should just live your life and do what u want and eventually your soulmate will find you or you will find her but you cant look for her you will just know when its the one,and u might not even know at first you might actually know them or be there friend first
1 person likes this
@doc_alma_jones (822)
• Philippines
4 Feb 09
so you're saying that we shouldn't actively look for love.:D
how about happiness? should we actively look for happiness?
@bombshell (11256)
• Germany
3 Feb 09
i found my real love or soulmate. i am happy and satisfied for it.today i tried to buy jeans but did not successful.so better luck next time
@anjalisharma_iipm (805)
• India
3 Feb 09
according to me i found this discussion very interesting and feel like answering to the discussion. first of all thanks for raising this topic. i think we should look for love activly as we look for job and cloths and perfumes for us. it is the best think i guess to live life according to what we want and with whome we want to love and go further in life
@doc_alma_jones (822)
• Philippines
3 Feb 09
live with reason, love with purpose. that's the way to go. :D
