4 year old is functioning more like a two year old, what can you do?

@dvmurphy (326)
United States
February 4, 2009 11:08am CST
I have been raising my granddaughter for a month now. She just turned four in November and has a hearing loss but can hear. She knows her ABC's, can count to 30 and knows her colors. She dresses herself and is a bright child but has been neglected a lot by her parents. I have her back attending speech thereapy two times a week and I'm getting her enrolled in preschool/headstart. I was told my her teacher that she is at the level of about a two year old possibly younger. She told me that she needs work on opposites, identifying objects, differences and understanding what is said. I have bought preschool/prekindergarden books to work with her, flash cards and memory games plus some story books. We bought her color books and crayons to. My kids are 28 and 25 so I feel a little out of touch. I would appreciate some ideas to help my granddaughter. She was basically put in front of tv and forgot about.
21 responses
@emarie (5442)
• United States
5 Feb 09
well, i have a son in Kindergarten who just turned 5 and a nephew who 3 and in preschool. what the teacher said about what they need to know sounds more like what they need to know here in Kindergarten now preschool. in preschool that's where they START to learn. i don't know the standards where you are but that's how it is here. my kids watched a lot of TV, especially early on. they new the basics like some counting and everything but a year before my eldest son went to kindergarden (my kids didn't attend preschool because i was with them) i started them with basic work books and everything. it does sound like the things that you are doing now are great. just get her practicing and hopefully getting your kids to help out too since they're her parents right? well, i'm around the same age as your children so they should be able to deal with it...hopefully lol... limit TV time and and maybe if you can get her one of those educational computer games or one those play systems. i have a vsmile and a smart cycle. they love it and it's educational as well. if you have the money then i say its a good investment, especially the cycle since they can get exercise as well.
@emarie (5442)
• United States
6 Feb 09
yeah, that seems to be the norm now for kindergarten. the requirements for my kids were count to 10, basic colors and write name but if they didn't know they still taught them. but with your granddaughter it might be she does need a some what of a 'special needs' class that helps with her disabilities since it can be considered one. see if they have any classes or even schools that can cater to her needs.
@dvmurphy (326)
• United States
5 Feb 09
I am in Iowa. My granddaughter is only been speaking for about six months. Before that it was all sign language as the hearing problem and what ever else we are dealing with. She has been seen by a brain specialist and he said that she is a selective mute combined with a hearing loss. She was refusing to speak for her various reasons. He said she was incredibly bright and that we may be dealing with many issues going on with her and only time would tell if she had learning disabilities. I was told today that she is speaking in the third person in regards to herself. I already knew this but had never really thought about it as we were so excited because she was finally speaking. I thought they were expecting an awful lot for a four year old but in Iowa they expect your child to be able to write their name when starting kindergarden now.
@cripfemme (7698)
• United States
6 Feb 09
If I were you, I would talk to your kids about leaving the child in front of the T.V. for hours and hours on end with no interaction. No child is going to develop properly if that's what happens. If that doesn't work (which is may well not but it's worth a shot), I would say you should offer to babysit her more because you know she won't be stuck in front of the T.V. at your house. I would also talk to a teacher and see if there's anything you can do that you are not already doing that would be especially helpful.
@dvmurphy (326)
• United States
6 Feb 09
The granddaughter lives with me now. Her Father has nothing to do with her and her mom just signed her over to me. I do limit her tv. I have her going to EDI early development interaction twice a week and I now have two hme school teachers who will come to my house to help her. Next is getting her enrolled in a preschool prekindergarden.
• United States
5 Feb 09
Anything can be turned into a learning lesson when it comes to young children. When you're driving your car you can point out shapes of signs or buildings or anything. You can use cooking projects for numbers and math. You can ask her during play about the objects she's playing with. Are they the same? Why are they different? Are the colors different? This one is blue and this one is black. Are those the same thing? The possibilities are endless.
• United States
5 Feb 09
Me and my children use to go down the road calling out the colors of the road signs, and mailboxes. They loved it so much. It was learning but great fun to them.
4 Feb 09
Goodness. They seem to expect alot from her at such an early age. My youngest is also 4 and she can only count to twenty. She is almost there with her ABC's but I couldn't say she knows them yet. So in that respect she seems ahead of my daughter and mine is considered to be top of her class at nursery! I'm not sure if that is a reflection on the difference in schooling or not. It sounds like with love and attention she will progress. All her problems seem related to the hearing loss. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. She will pick things up in her own time. You can only do so much with a child. They all develop at their own pace. The speech therapy should improve things no end. Perhaps it might be worth looking in to some form of hearing aid for her. I don't really know anything about that sort of thing. I wish you all the best x
@dvmurphy (326)
• United States
5 Feb 09
I have been thinking of having her hearing re-evaluated to see if a hearing aid would benefit her hearing. Her Mother, my daughter, had fought against having anything done with her hearing and still says her hearing was never an issue but tubes helped her hearing hugely and allowed her to finally hear sound. I think the tubes made it possible for her to finally try to speak.
• United States
5 Feb 09
My son does not speak as clear as most kids his age and we have been using a website www.starfall.com It sounds everything out and they can dress turkeys and snowmen and stuff like that . It is used in the schools and can be used at home. It is really simple but helps children so much and they enjoy it while they learn. I hope that this helps some.
@dvmurphy (326)
• United States
5 Feb 09
Thank you for the site and I will check it out.
• United States
5 Feb 09
dvmurphy I just found this resource that may help you. I immediately thought of you when I seen it! It's an e-book http://parentingaspergersbookstore.com/free-e-books/Interview.pdf
@mikeysmom (2088)
• United States
5 Feb 09
bless you for caring for her. i think with your help and love she will thrive. i think you are doing the right thing by buying the books and flash cards and all. i think the one thing you need to remember is that too much emphathis will overwhelm her and making it fun will make her want to do it. if she is behind work with her only on the things she is behind on first. once she catches up work with her for about 15 minutes per day on one thing. once she gets that down then move to the next thing. i know this because i had to work with my son like that for awhile. also, and please do not take this the wrong way, have her evaluated to make sure she does not have autism or any other learning disability. it is best to know so you can rule it out or get her extra help if she needs it. best of luck to you.
• Italy
5 Feb 09
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh noooooooooooo..poor boy
@jakill (835)
5 Feb 09
What a very sad story. I really admire you for taking this on. Children often come on in leaps and bounds, rather than just gradually. Setting up a regular routine will help her no end. She needs to learn what to do when she gets up in the morning and so on, and she will develop pride in what she achieves if you give her lot of praise when it's due. The bedtime story every night develops an interest in books. Making things together in the kitchen is great as well, though of course she will need lots of supervision, especially if you are baking and using heat. She can also learn about cleaning up like this. Jigsaw puzzles help with coordination, and lots of conversation about whatever you are doing should help with understanding. She just needs lots of attention, but you will also need some 'me' time and you need to tell her about that and build it into her routine. If the teacher has told you what she needs, she can also tell you about the resources that would help, perhaps even loan you some. Good luck.
• China
5 Feb 09
I believe that as long as your have enough love,patience,and certain skills or ways,you should help the child to improve her learning ability.The most important is,she will feel very happy.
• Malaysia
5 Feb 09
my parents said i had this problem too. some kind. i had my first word when i was 2. and that was 'papa'. i was the only child back then. and they said they realized that i have to socialize more. they brought me to my cousin's place, or enrolled me in any clubs for kids so i get to socialize more. i was very timid and kept everything to myself and kind of slow to catch up in school but as years goes by and i get to know different kinds of kids, my teachers who have helped me to make education as fun as possible i was okay later. anyways, now i'm in my final year in university. and i hope that your granddaughter will excel with flying colours!
@itsmine (104)
• United States
5 Feb 09
One of the solution to this is, just let your grand daughter to go with the same aged children. She will be impressed with same aged friends. She will start to speak quickly. Children are learning from other children only. This surely will help.
• United States
5 Feb 09
It's awesome when a child already knows their ABC's, can count to a specific number, knows their colors etc but more importantly what they really need are good listening skills, a good attention span, and fine motor skills. Even more important than academic skills children need to know they are loved unconditionally all the time. It's ok to make mistakes. We all make them, after all we are all humans, and humans are famous for making mistakes. It's ok to act silly. It's ok to draw a picture anyway you want. It's ok to make mud pies or run in the rain on a warm summer day. There are many ways to incorporate identifying objects on a daily basis or understanding the difference between two objects. Example: Ask her to set the table for dinner. Ask her to get forks, spoons, and butter knives out of the drawer. If she can't identify each item to get them out help her. Tell her these are forks and point to them in the drawer. Show her how many you will need and count them with her. Specifically say to her we need one for you (point to her), one for me (point to yourself), one for such and such (if they are not in the room tell her that person is not in the room with you). Do the same with spoons, knives, plates, cups etc. Let her help you cook supper and name each ingredient. Let her pour ingredients into the bowl whenever you can. I know this takes loads of extra time but it's time spent well. Limit her hours in front of the tv and engage her in play. Again, this will take extra time, so when it comes to cleaning let her help you do that too! Give her age appropriate tasks to do, and show her how to do each task. You may find yourself showing her over and over. Don't get frustrated though. This may be part of her learning process. Contact your physician or your local child protective unit and ask them about early intervention services. Here is a link that explains early intervention services. http://www.kidsource.com/kidsource/content/early.intervention.html Academically I suggest that you contact your local school system and ask to speak to a kindergarten teacher. Ask him/her exactly what your granddaughter needs to know as far as academics. Ask them for a list. This link should give you an idea even before you can ask though. http://www.worldbook.com/wb/Students?curriculum Something else you should consider is that due to the fact she is having speech problems and academic type problems she may fall into the Autism Spectrum. http://www.viaschool.org/AutismFAQ.aspx http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/autism-spectrum-disorders--pervasive-developmental-disorders/index.shtml A book you might want to read and I highly recommend is:Elijah's Cup by Valarie Paradiz check your local library for a copy or ask the librarian if they might be able to access other libraries to get you a copy. If you want to purchase a copy I found it on Amazon. http://www.amazon.com/Elijahs-Cup-Community-High-Functioning-Aspergers/dp/074320445X
@myfb2009 (8296)
• Malaysia
5 Feb 09
Sorry to hear about it. Wel, for this kind of exceptional kid, you must try to be very close to her, like always get her involve with whatever you do for her. Much better don't let her watch too much tv as it brings gap between what you want her to upgrade. Try always do things that can touch her feeling, so she can concentrate with her studies. Good luck..
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
4 Feb 09
It sounds like you are doing everything right for her. It will take her time to get to the functioning level that she should be, but you have to realize it won't happen over night. I watch a 4 yr old who cant count to 30 and he is in preschool right now. Just continue to work with her. Expose her to different things. Work on motor skills by gluing cherrios on different letters drawn on paper. Keep reading to her and playing games and she will mature before you know it.
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
4 Feb 09
Just give her some time. Time is all she needs with loving grandparents like you she will flourish in no time. She is behind because she was not doing very much interaction with her parents now that she is with you she will bloom in no time.
@tinkerick (1257)
• United States
4 Feb 09
It sounds like you are already doing all the right things. Just keep it up! It really amazes me what they expect the kids to know by the time they start kindergarten. Back when I was in elementary school, you were WAY AHEAD if you knew how to read. Now they EXPECT them to read before they get to school! 2 of my kids were given speech therapy at school because although they talked (alot) they were difficult to understand. Unfortunately my kids got more TV time than reading time at home so they learned alot of their ABC's and 123's from TV. All of them started out below the standards for reading, but with a little extra help at school they made tremendous improvements. My oldest still receives extra help but she is wonderfully responsible with her homework and is working hard to keep good grades. My middle daughter only needed help for a short while and then she started to excel. She is in advanced literature now and is a potential straight A student, but needs a little "pushing" to keep up on homework. (Quite frankly - that's exactly how I was ) My youngest son is getting extra help with reading but excels in math. So my point is, that with the extra help you are giving her, she should be just fine. Her school will hopefully have a program to assist her IF she needs it by that time. Then, depending on her potential, she'll find her direction. Since she is bright, she may absorb what you give her and excel. Or it may turn out that she's more of a numbers person. Only time will tell.
@bmorehouse1 (1028)
• United States
4 Feb 09
It sounds like you have done the right thing by taking over raising of your granddaughter. I think as long as you give her love and attention - a lot of hugs, tell her you love her, etc, etc. that she will be fine. I bet she will be caught up in no time with all that you are doing with her. God bless you and best wishes for the future for you and your granddaughter.
@dropofrain (1167)
• India
5 Feb 09
It is really good that you are taking such steps to work around for your pretty grandaughter. She is really lucky I must say this. As you are doing almost everything right only, I would suggest you to interact more and more with the other kids of similar age. This will help her learn faster and smoother.
@alharra (507)
• United States
4 Feb 09
Chances are as soon as your granddaughter starts school she will catch up- quick. Just social interaction with kids her own age will do alot.