A question for parent's who DON'T believe in hitting their children...

We only spanked our sons once. We did take away privileges, grounded them, and I would tell them firmly no. I do not know about the cursing bit but I believe Fels Napta is quite good. It is made the old fashioned way, and smells like it did. Uhh!@ Sounds like a good choice as well as grounding, but it would have to be for something he really really wanted. I suppose what I would do is to bereate him in a loud voice "you must never never use those words again!" in other words, in such a way that it makes him feel extremely guilty.

What are your sons favorite things to do? What are his prized possessions and favorite activities? That worked with my son, he was ADHD and we had all kinds of problems. Let us know more about your son and maybe we can help. Also follow through is important..if you say you are grounded for a week and the next day you let him go out...no he won't listen...ever.

Hi ...before you do anything...can you figure out where your son is getting this cursing at you influence from? Does anyone you live with or visit speak to you that way? Where does he get the idea that it's ok to speak to you that way? If it's the TV or games or movies I would not allow him to have them or watch them. If it's someone who lives with you I would make them stop speaking to you like that as its setting a bad example. I would tell your son that you don't like him speaking to you that way. Put him in time out for several minutes and then tell him to apologise for saying those things or for speaking to you that way when the time out is done. Keep doing this till he gives it up. You have to be firm and consistent and don't allow that language in your home from anyone. Good luck.

Where is your son learning - picking up these curse words? I would immediately lose the influences that I could - friends ~ tv ~ people in the home? The punishment depends on the age of your son. And you don't say how old he is - it could be some medicine (bad tasting stuff you put together) - making him do something to honor you since he has disrespected you (lotion on your feet - clearing your plate - making you a card - brushing your hair) ~ It could be spending time with you on a Friday night instead of going out if the child is older. The cursing at you is a bigger issue than what is coming out of his mouth ~ it is what is coming out of his heart.

I don't know, i mean sometimes all it takes is to sit down and talk with your son. Make some time for the both of you, to sit down and talk. Maybe hang out, with no distractions. Make sure that night is just devoted to you and your son. It may be things that are happening at school, maybe its bullying, or your son is worried about how bad his school work is. Maybe he's just scared of disappointing you, and he feels that if he fails he's disappointing you in some way. Sometimes all you really have to do is be willing to listen, also how old is he? I may not be a parent but my mother was a single mother. And being the oldest of three i had to start taking care of my brother and sister at an early age. I've also worked with children. Also it may just be the fact that your child feels neglected in some way. Try offering to help him with his homework, or just tell him that you don't know whats bothering him but if he'd like to talk your door is always open. But make sure you set your boundaries, if you don't have boundaries your son may feel like he can push you around and do what he wants. And yes if worst comes to worst use soap, and since taking away some of his priviledges didn't work. Try doing an alternate thing, try signing him up for charity events or volunteer activities. Or try limiting his free time, if he as a ten o'clock curfew try bringing it down to eight o'clock etc. If he's old enough to drive and he doesn't have his own car. Tell him your not going to let him use your car until he learns to respect you. Etc

in todays world , beating , washing mouth out with soap , is called child abuse , punishable by what laws apply in your state , there fore be gentle , patient and keep taking those privaledges away . sooner or later it will go away

I don't know whether what I have to say is of any help...but looking back, on my son...and oh boy, did I have a "snakes & snails & puppydog's tails" little renegade that went thru all the possible phases! And swearing was a big one...AND hard as it was....I IGNORED it...(it was hard)....but when he finally figured out that he was getting NO reaction from me, it faded away! But each child is so different...and that was just an application I used for anything that was untoward behaviour...it worked for me...time-outs didn't! The behaviour seemed to diminish when I showed no reaction! Cheers!

First off, don't blame the child. Children are born innocent, Its the adults who teach the profanity, who need the punishment. Why would you take away a privilege from a child who is only repeating what he/she has heard? Hitting a child who is blameless is a much bigger crime than the words he/she is repeating. Believe me- children know when they are being abused! They know, and they won't forget any time soon. So make up your mind! What do you want? An abused child who will grow to Hate You, or an Innocent Child who is just repeating what he/ she is hearing every day at Home?

I don't believe in hitting any of my children (we're raising five), so I can see where you're having issues. In the past, when my children didn't respond to discipline, I figured they must be experiencing anger issues that are rooting from somewhere that is beyond my understanding. So, I brought them in to see a therapist and it worked like a charm. They were able to resolve what they were going through (without medication), and we were able to end the sessions with a clean bill of health. It really helped. I was able to get a good referral through their guidence councilor at school.

Dear friend, I hitting is just a forcing punishment that hurts and even damages the child's physical health. Hence I feel much of verbal use of rectifying the child is much better. I hope this curse comes from his attitude or the way of thinking of that child hence it the attitude or way of thinking of child that is to be concentrated and rectified rather giving any physical pain.

I wouldn't freak out and make a huge deal out of it because when you do that kids will just think it's really cool what their doing because it makes you mad. So what I would do is just sit him down and tell him it is unacceptable behavior and make a chart put it on the fridge and all the times he doesn't cuss give him a star and when he gets 7 stars in a row for not cussing that day he gets a treat of some kind. If you give him an incentive and then reward him when he does it good then he will actually stop cussing in time it won't happen over night. Now if he does slip up and cuss then he doesn't get a star and he doesn't get a reward at the end of the week. You can adjust it to what you think he is actually capable of doing you don't want to set him up to fail. Good luck, I know cussing is a part of raising children they hear it from a lot of people around them but they will learn self control over time.

miamilady, I am in the same boat as you. How old is your son? My son is 15 and is constantly swearing. I don't spank either, and you cant really spank a 15 year old. What I do is take away his favorite things. But it dosent work very well. I do know that washing mouth out with soap is considered child abuse now days. Boy do I remember my dad doing that to me so many times! I am a single mom to, so I think he thinks he can get away with it since his dad isn't under our roof. If you find a sulution please let me know!!

I had a similar issue with our son. His nana in a jokingly way would be cuddling with him and I'd walk in the room and he'd run for me, and she'd say " You don't love me, anymore" After a while, if we got after our son for something he'd say... " You dont love me anymore" We explained that his Nana was joking about things and he shouldn't say it... this continued for weeks and weeks til it got to the point one day we were eating out at Kentucky Fried Chicken, and he said that, I warned him, he said it again... i warned him, yet again... and finally he yelled it at me for not letting him have the Kids meal.. I took him to the bathroom and asked if if he thought he was as big as his words? He said yes... and yelled it yet again... So i told him, you think your big enough to say it again, he puffed up his chest and said yes... I said well if your gonna have such an additude with me, your gonna me Mr. Soap... and he said what ever... and So he will tell anyone that asks, Soap tastes like poop... because that's what he got was the Hand Soap from the dispenser.... he spit it out at me, and i put more in there.... He's never once said that again, and if he does slip up and say something else that's not acceptable, I remind him how good soap tastes, and he backs down and appologizes... I would try the soap, and if that don't work... Tell him, now listen, this can't be happening, it's not acceptable and until you learn to talk with respect, then you are grounded, you will not have anything EXTRA which includes his allowance, going anywhere, other to to school and home, no TV, nothing... and see how he likes living that life for a while, if that's age appropriate. I wish you luck, disciplining a child is a job inside it's self.

I agree with the post that said you're not taking away the right things. My teenage daughters didn't respond when I took away certain things I thought were important to them. A little closer observation may reveal it's entirely different things. On the other hand one of said daughters has a myriad of mental health issues and nothing was going to work beyond therapy and medication. I notice you said that you had missed a few weeks of counseling, maybe that's why he's acting out? My 8 year old is a real bear when he hasn't had enough sleep. He curses, mouths off, is mean to his 4 yr old brother, says "I don't care" to everything. Sleep is always the answer in that case. I too tried the packing up all the belongings, beyond what's necessary and having to earn them back. It works for a bit until the child forgets about 3/4 of the stuff he or she owned.:) Good luck to you!!!

I never cursed at my mom. One I knew it disrespectful to do so, and 2nd I didn't have the guts to do it. Maybe sit down with him and ask him how does he think it makes you feel when he does this to you. My oldest is at the age now where she's testing me again. Funny how they test at the age of 2 and again at 12. I bet, he's seen his friends doing this to their parents and he thinks that he can to. So, just sit down with him and just talk with him. Spanking over a foul mouth is kinda dumb, because it's not life threatening. At this age, the child should know better without having mom/dad spank them across their bottoms.

I think a lot of problems these days are caused by lack of discipline in the young. All children need to be given rules which must be obeyed. When I was at school, we got 'the strap' for misbehaving, and teachers were respected, later some misguided liberals decided that 'Corporal Punishment' should be banned, this sounds much worse than it was, and now, there is absolutely no discipline, children do what THEY want. You still need to be firm but fair, and this gets increasingly difficult these days.

With CJ he very seldom uses any bad words. He had said one the other day and we asked him where he'd learned it; with him saying, "At school." He had said it at school as well and his aide sat him down - they made a list of most of the words that weren't appropriate to say. We talked to him about it and he was sad about it for awhile but he didn't say the word again or any since. I don't believe that you should use soap. I remember my mom doing that to me and it really made me lose some respect for her; I was physically sick for days afterward as well. There's got to be something your son dearly loves and would hate not to be able to do or have that you could take from him for awhile. But first I would try to have a discussion with him and explain that it's very hurtful to you when you hear words coming out of his mouth like that. That he's such a wonderful person and how much you love him. That you just want him to be the best that he can be in life and feel good about himself.

There comes a time when a parent has to learn what is important to the child. Find that one thing they can't loose...When one of my daughters was a teen she pissed me off about the over usage of her phone that I took her phone away and left her answering machine so she heard all her calls but could not talk. She still talks about that and she is now 30.

How old is your son? I don't personally hit, although my husband has spanked our daughter a couple times. She gets pretty bent out of shape, hollering that she's sorry, that we don't hit people, that DADDY wasn't supposed to hit her. It's kind of funny in a way but it does seem to curb her behavior in those times. She is only five, so she would never curse. Now my son... he's 17. He does that sometimes and usually what I do is just let him know that I'll be talking to his dad. I get angry but I TRY to stay calm. He is my step son, I've only raised him and his older sister since he has been 11. The biggest problem with both my (step) kids is that for some odd reason, they both have this idea that as teens, they are somehow 'equal' to adults. Teens talk back anyway more than any other age group, but it's also hard when they honestly think they can negotiate, or talk to you the way they'd talk to a friend if they got angry with them. I have tried to tell them that they can get angry with me but they don't have the right (or privelage either) of talking to me the way they would talk to a friend they are pissed at. I do and always have taken away privelages, and I am harsh. Not only do I take away what they value most, which for my older daughter has always been the phone, but in turn each time they keep talking back, cursing, or otherwise displaying behavior that gets more childish by the minute, I take away more. For my son I take away the xbox 360, the tv, his computer, the house phone, and his cell phone, and then I tell him that no friends can come over. If he continues his bad behavior, then he has to go to bed earlier. Let me tell you, it doesn' STOP the backtalk entirely. I am content with not having to hear it and knowing he is not whining to his friends, so I have told him that if he wants to complain about me to himself where nobody else can hear it, I don't care. The outright issue is that I do not want him cussing AT ME or telling his friends that I am an assortment of (insert bad words here). If he can gripe in private or control his behavior if not his thoughts, then that is pretty mature of him and I cannot tell him what to think, especially if he is angry. There HAS to be something that he'd get up in arms about, just think about things he likes. I used to hate being grounded from the phone when I was a teen, I also read books like some people play video games. Sometimes my mom would punish me by not letting me read... that was pretty harsh. I usually get a funny look on my face when someone around me will make a comment like 'that kid needs a good whooping' because I just always believe there is a better way. Kids need to learn how to make good choices because they are good choices, NOT because they live in fear of being punished. That's one reason I'm not into spanking, and it doesn't always have the desired effect either. Even *I* cannot see how I could link getting a spanking with 'you do not EVER curse at your mother'. I would just be angry that my parent, someone who was supposed to love me - had HIT me and was angry. It would make me want to hurt them back somehow, likely cursing at them again since I couldn't hit them back lol. There are times when it might be appropriate, like your toddler hauling off across the parking lot in the path of a car or reaching for a hot burner, but these days it is so easy for a moment of discipline to turn into 'perceived abuse', physical punishment just doesn't make me feel very comfortable. I suppose I have seen too many bad public examples and that has left a bad taste for me. I also came from a generation where teachers were allowed to spank kids and they DID, and it was not only hurtful but embarrassing. Just keep trying different solutions, something is bound to work if you keep looking. I always assure a friend of mine that if she is diligent and open to trying new things, she will eventually find a few things that work. Her kids have different personalities and what works for one does not work for the others, and even the same thing does not work every time. I am familiar with that, you just have to juggle your disciplines and take stock of the situation to judge which one will work best in each situation lol. I know it sounds like a huge pain in the butt, but it's the best way I've learned. You could also tell your son he is free to 'hate' you as long as you are out of view and earshot and he is alone. It probably won't be as fun for him in that case, as my own son discovered.

Hitting your child is not the best way to try to tell the child that he is doing wrong. If I was you I would in a nice but not over powering voice talk to your kid in a room that has no distrations so that the child can understand that what you are saying is import and not just words.