Fishing for compliments.

so just don't answer her, tell her you told her all you had to say before and if she can't believe it herself you can't help it. no I don't have people like that in my life, but they are people that really do not say anything good about themselves, they have very low self esteem.

I think that she is just insecure about herself and the important thing to remember is that she makes your son happy. I know that you might not like her too much but for the sake of your relationship with your son, I would definately keep making the effort. I think that once this girl gets used to being in your family, she'll change a little more. I also think that it might be nice if the two of you try to get to know eachother a little more. Do something that both of you enjoy, maybe some girls bonding time would be just what you need.

Yeah it happens to me. I have a friend and I love her a lot. She doesnt love me, but she knows i love her. So at times to maintain our friendship i have to lie her saying that her idea is good or something like that. But actually her ideas are not something on which we can trust.

When people make fishing comments, I nod and smile. i just don't respond. This cuts down on the quite a bit. This way, people know that I am sincere when I make a compliment.

well i was one of those people when i was a kid, because i was very depressive,don't know why, but with time i realized that was stupid and stopped and actually did something,i grew up...basically.I also had this kind of people around me, sometimes i complimented them,but most of the times i ignored them, because that kind of behavior can be only cured by them and i talk for self-experience. Now i don't find those kind of people so often, i think that's more common in your teens...at least i don't know of anyone anymore who does that, so those type of people have disappeared from my life...

i like fishing

It sounds as though your future daughter-in-law has an issues with self confidence or lack of it perhaps it more to the point. It can be very wearing on others and if she says the same thing to your son as she does to you, it must be hard for him to be continually reassuring her. In the past, one of my daughters was like that because her mother continually criticised her for everything, from what she wore, her friends, what she said and did etc. It was true that she did do and say some strange things at times but mostly it was just for attention. The same with some of the people she used to hang out with as they were not really friends, but simply people she knew. She also knew that her mother would object to them which is why she would spend time with these people and generally in places where she knew her mother would see her. That is why at one stage we had her living with us, rather than with her mother as we could see trouble ahead. It took a lot of time to restore her self-confidence and yes we also found it tiring too, so you are not alone bunnybon. Mostly if we thought she just wanted a reaction from us, we would ignore her and soon enough we stopped having as much trouble. The other thing my partner and I did when she was in one of her "woe is me" moods, was to find something else to do. It worked as she found there was no use or reason to act as she did when we wouldn't react.

That's a tricky situation. I used to have a student who would try to be too humble and cover up for his lack of hardwork by stressing on his inabilities. But I had the freedom to give him a piece of my mind. In your case, it is too tricky to deal that way. May be, you can just ignore her the next time, so that she will get the message.

She sounds terribly insecure..she sounds like a real pain and definitely all wrong for anyone's son. Why on earth is he with her? I think you should give up trying to be friendly to her and keeping the peace. Friendship is a two way street. Have a chat to her and put some pressure on her to face up to reality. You owe it to yourself and your son and she owes it to herself and your son.

You can get your point across without saying anything. When she says something like that just look at her and say nothing. If she continues to say it, go to another room, pick up a book, turn up the tv or do something. Don't give into it and don't let her do it to you. Eventually she'll get tired of it and quit asking you. The other alternative is to be honest and up front with her. When she says I'm too old for him, say well, I think so but evidently he doesn't. Good luck with it. [b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]

It would be hard to say if it is insecurity or fishing for compliments...they kind of go together. She is obviously really not confident in her looks or the fact that she is older than your son. I think she is probably looking for approval that deep down she doesn't feel worthy of. Not knowing the lady, it would be hard to say. If I were you I'd just tell her that she either needs to accept that your son loves her as she is or the relationship won't work. this is true because if she continues to harp about these things eventually he will get as tired as you are of consoling her and building her up. I imagine she probably is really insecure and just looking for confirmation. If she cant find it within...all your kind words will fall on deaf ears.

During my age between 30-40, I got many of them where am always to sweep broom and be their "yes" man. Maintain my generosity by complimenting them even sometimes they did wrong things and am their scape goat. In anyways, I had learned and gained many good knowledge from my being "low" justly like a water bucket, must rest under the tap if I want to fill up water. All about how to reach a quality leadership. After 40, I leg off from their group and build up my own business group. From this point, my previous experience really helps me much to implement great mutual respect among members in building up strong teamwork and share the common interests. By doing this way, every member feeling honored and they sincerely contribute more productive energy in creating gargantuan faculty of power. So, they do produce good ideas and I'm on decision making. OK ~ back to your point of story about you and your family members. I think you like to edify others in your life circle rather than go and running against the strong wind. Actually, good attitude seems like the burning candles give lights and will never ask for rewards. But, in your case and let say I am in your shoes I'll react differently. I need my beautiful finger nails, bunnybon7; but if they are too long and pri*cked my own skin, so sorry as I have to cut parts of them.

the way she treats u i couldn't be that nice to her. i'd probably agree w.her & start world war 3. i don't mind u talking to me anytime. feel free.

Hi bunnybon7, I certainly won't put up with all that sh*t and tell her what I really think of her as she has put you through hell, you can only take so much from a person. Hugs. Tamara

I just avoid them. I needed to get past my client the other day. She was standing in a door way, with a little space and kind of was "waiting" for me to move past her. I told her that she was going to have to move. Then I said "I may be thinner than you are, but I'm too fat to fit thru there."

That's not always the case. Everybody is different and you have to take it all with a grain of salt. Some people actually do have such low self esteem that they cut themselves down a lot which is really sad because everybody has something good in them regardless of how they look or feel and it takes us, outsiders, to point out the good qualities to make them feel better BUT, there is a point where it has to stop because it is a case of enough already! lol So if it's constantly repeated, something needs to be said to let her know how she's coming off to you and others because she may not see it.

I do not believe that all people who do that are fishing for compliments. Believe me, I know many who really feel that way about themselves. Not to say some are not fishing but really most people who do that feel that way. I just say one thing. God does not make junk, you are perfect in my eyes.

I know a few people like this. Are you she she is not just insecure and have low self esteem? Maybe she is trying to get a feel for what you think of her? Don't you wish you could pick a mate for your son. Well in my experience it is best to keep your mouth shut on how you feel about her. You dont want your son to resent that you do not care for this woman. So smile and grit your teeth and compliment the woman if it kills you.

I am sorry this agra is getting under your skin so to speak. It seems as though she is fishing for compliments. If she keeps on doing this pull one of your senior moments on her that is what I do to my family and friends. I will them them what the don't want to hear in a sweet way. For instance a weight problems. I would say I have these exercise videos at home and I do them often why don't you come over sometime and we can do them together (meaning yes you are over weight). We were at a family gathering a little while back and my family love to do the Cha Cha slide and the Electric slide I don't care how much room it is in the place they will find some room to do these dances, they are more of a workout than a dance. So a couple of them was on the floor just cha chaing and hopping away. I was sitting there looking at them and there was three of them on the floor that was real big and heavy. I had one of my Senior Moments and I told them that they were taking up all the room. They looked at me smiled and sit down. That was the end of the hopping and sliding all over that little area.