Please help me be a better mom

I want to add, don't make too many or too complicated rules, because it will be difficult both for her and you. Save your fights for the most necessary. And enjoy the good moments.

You still have time. Your key has to be make up your mind and stick to it. She will through some tantums but once she learns that you mean business, she will get over it. You must learn to say what you mean and mean what you say. When she learns she can't play you, she make "hate you" or even say ugly things to you. But this too will pass. Hang in there and law down the law.

She is 4 years old and old enough to understand that you need rules. Sit down and explain to her that from now on there are going to be rules and there are consequences to breaking the rules. Explain the rules and the consequences but be prepared to stick to them. Don't argue with her, don't raise your voice or lose your cool. Just enforce the rules. You don't have to explain why you are starting this, it is what it is. A child psychologist would probably help, are those Nanny shows still on...they would have some ideas. It will be tough the first few weeks but it will be worth it. Just make sure she knows what is expected in every situation, at bed time, at home, at Grandmas or the mall, explain to her what you expect and will happen if she does not comply, remind her every time.